


Anchors in a Storm

by emilylove



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 04:29:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 98,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilylove/pseuds/emilylove
Summary: Mikayla Lawson lived a hectic life. As a teenager, she was wild and out of control and as a young adult she wasn't much better. Her best friend, Penelope Garcia, had always been there to see her through any trouble she got into, but after crossing a line she wasn't sure she could come back from, Mikayla ran away to Europe to clear her mind. Now she's back and desperate to prove she's changed especially when she crosses paths with the intriguing Dr. Spencer Reid.Starts at the start of Season 2!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this last night and already have the first three chapters written. I've been rewatching Criminal Minds and I'm super excited about this, but not sure if anyone will be interested in reading. I figure I'll post the first chapter to gauge the response so let me know if you like it! :)

"Well, well, well if it isn't Ms. Penelope Garcia," I announced as I walked into my old friend's office. Her back was towards the door as she faced an abundance of computer screens on her desk and several mounted on the walls causing her to jump when she heard my voice. "You haven't changed a bit since I've been gone, have you?"  
She spun around so fast that her chair almost wobbled over, her eyes as wide and her face bewildered.  
"Mikayla? What are you doing here? I thought you didn't get back from Europe until next month?"  
"I decided to come back early," I shrugged with a smirk. "I'm surprised you didn't know that working for the FBI. I thought you folks knew where we all were at all times?"  
"That's the CIA," She informed me with a smile. "I can only access that information if I hack the system and I was recently informed that I'm 'on a list' so I'm trying to behave myself these days."  
"Only you could end up on a CIA list while working for the FBI," I smiled, shaking my head at my old friend causing her to scoff and raise an eyebrow.  
"Well little miss, if the stories I've heard are true then you're probably on quite a few lists yourself after your European escapades."  
I rolled my eyes as I moved into the room to lean against her desk.  
"I'm not on any lists," I assured her. "I didn't even get myself arrested, not even once."  
"You've truly matured," Penelope told me, her words dripping with sarcasm, but I nodded my head.  
"I have!" I insisted. "I went to Europe to find myself and I truly believe I'm a better person because of it."  
"I'm glad to hear that," Penelope smiled, but it wasn't her usual bright, beaming smile. It was tight and reserved.  
"I'm sensing a 'but'?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest.  
Penelope opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again quickly as she avoided making eye contact with me. There was a tense moment of silence before she spoke.  
"It's just...I'll believe it when I see it. That's all."  
My heart sunk a bit at her words. Penelope and I had grown up together. She was four years older than me, but our mother's were best friends so we quickly became best friends as well. At least, until we got older that is. Penelope had more personality in her little finger than most people had in their whole body, but her love of computers and video games earned her the label of 'nerd' in our school where as my natural flirtatiousness and interest in boys earned me the label of prom queen.  
I was popular and everyone wanted to be my friend, but at the end of the day the only opinion that I cared about was Penelope's. I'd let her down plenty over the years, but she was like a sister to me, I figured that came with the territory and that she'd always forgive me. I'd been right about that too until just before I left for my trip when I crossed a line that I did worry we'd never be able to come back from.  
"That's fair," I said quietly, trying and failing to hide my disappointment. "But I won't let you down again, Penny. I promise."  
Never one to want to see someone feeling down, Penelope bounced up from her chair forcing a more genuine smile onto her face as she pulled me into a hug.  
"I believe you, Mickey," She assured me. "Even if I am curious about how you managed to get into such a secure building with no escort or identification on you."  
I laughed and pushed her away, swatting her on the shoulder.  
"Just by pure charm and my winning smile," I informed her. "The security guard on duty is far too easy to win over, you might want to talk to someone about that."  
"I'll get right on it," Penelope smiled. "Anyway, what're your plans for tonight? When did you get back? Do you have somewhere to stay?"  
"I just got back yesterday actually and I do have somewhere to stay. The magic of the internet made it easy to find somewhere before I left France," I explained earning a giggle from Penelope. "As for plans for tonight, I was hoping you'd maybe like to grab some dinner?"  
"No can do, little miss," Penelope informed me. "The team just finished a big case and we're heading out for drinks as soon as they get back. I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you tagged along though, they're really the best people."  
"Oh, sure!" I smiled. "If you don't think they'd mind, I'd love to meet your team."  
"They won't mind at all," Penelope assured me as she logged off her computer before turning to face me with a stern look on her face. "But I'm warning you now, keep your paws off Derek Morgan. I know he's your type, but he's not up for grabs."  
I held my hands up in defense as the look in Penelope's eyes could probably kill someone.  
"Alright, Penny, I won't go near the guy, I promise," I told her sincerely. "But you never told me you had a boyfriend."  
"I don't," She said firmly. "But he's a really good friend and I know you'll like him and I just really don't want you to mess up what we have."  
I gave her a suspicious look, but knowing my history I could understand her concerns.  
"I won't do anything inappropriate," I assured her. "But I am intrigued to meet him now."  
Almost as if we'd summoned them, a door opened and several voices filled the room outside Penelope's office.  
"Baby girl! Where's my baby girl at?" A sultry voice shouted making Penelope's cheeks go a tad pink.  
"Is that him?" I whispered to her, a grin on my face. "He calls you baby girl?"  
"Shut up," She scolded. "You promised to behave!"  
I giggled and nodded before following her out to meet her team.  
-  
As Penelope promised, her team were nothing short of wonderful. They were all very welcoming and happy to have me to tag along. As Penelope also promised Derek Morgan was absolutely my type or he would have been at least if we'd met three years ago. But over the last few years I'd started to realized it might be more interesting to go for someone who isn't a confident ladies man with a bit of a cocky attitude.  
Don't get me wrong, Derek was a lovely guy, but it became instantly clear that he was just as flirty as me and my gut told me he wouldn't be the wonderful, committed boyfriend type of guy I was ready to find.  
There was however, someone else on her team that caught my attention. Dr. Spencer Reid. There was something about his awkward way and his inability to look me in the eye without blushing that intrigued me. He was absolutely adorable and I found myself struggling to take my eyes off him. But Penelope had asked me to behave so I was trying to reign myself in.  
"So do you guys celebrate after every case with a few drinks?" I asked as we all stood around a tall table at a bar close to their offices, sipping our second drinks of the night.  
"Not all of them," The blonde woman I remembered being introduced as JJ answered me. "Just ones that are particularly tough to handle and if we're not flying in from somewhere and exhausted."  
"So today was particularly tough?" I asked. "What happened?"  
"We're not really supposed to give out details about federal investigations," The leader of the team informed me. I felt like an idiot because of course they wouldn't be allowed to talk about it with just anyone, but he gave me a reassuring smile. "But it was connected to child sex trafficking. Anything with children makes it hard, but sex crimes add a whole new element to it."  
I cringed at his explanation, wishing I hadn't asked in the first place.  
"That must be tough," I sympathized. "No wonder you need a drink, I'm surprised you guys didn't go straight for the tequila."  
"We try not to medicate too much with alcohol," Penelope said sending me a pointed glance. "It's a slippery slope if you use it to cope with trauma and I personally have seen how it can bring out the worst in people."  
I flinched slightly, knowing exactly who her words were aimed at, suddenly feeling less interested in finishing my drink. But her annoyance was well deserved so I bit my tongue.  
"Of course, that's very sensible," I smiled. "You all must be very strong people to cope with what you do."  
"It helps having such a sturdy team," Derek said, raising his glass for everyone to cheers.  
I joined in, clinking my glass against everyone elses to toast their success, but then everyone fell into their own conversations. Penelope, Derek and a woman named Elle were chatting and so were Hotch, Gideon and JJ. That only left Spencer and I so I decided to take advantage of the situation and get to know him. Without drawing any attention from the rest of his team, I slipped to the other side of the table and leaned in next to him.  
"I hope I don't sound rude," I started to draw his attention. His face snapped in my direction, but he quickly averted his gaze once again. "But you look awfully young to be a doctor."  
"I'm twenty-five," He confessed. "But I have three PhDs hence the doctor qualification."  
"Holy crap," I blurted out before I could stop myself. "Uh, I mean, wow. That's seriously impressive. You must be some kind of genius to do that and land a job for the FBI by twenty five."  
"I actually did all that by the time I was twenty two," He corrected, still avoiding eye contact at all costs causing me to smile at his awkwardness. "But I don't really like to use the genius label even if that's what most people call me. I do however have an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory."  
"Is that like a photographic memory?"  
"Kinda," He nodded, sipping his drink.  
"Well that's very impressive, Dr. Reid."  
"Oh, uh, you can call me Spencer or even just Reid, whichever you'd prefer, but you don't need to include the doctor part."  
"Alright, Spencer, I can do that," I smiled, catching his eye for the first time since we'd started chatting. "You can call me Mickey if you'd like."  
"Mickey? I would've thought the more common nickname for Mikayla is Kayla?"  
"Probably," I shrugged with a smirk. "But I'm not one for doing things the common way."  
"I've gotten that impression," He smiled. "But neither is your friend Penelope so I'm not surprised. How long have you two known each other?"  
I glanced in her direction and caught her staring at me suspiciously. Knowing that I wasn't doing anything wrong or going against any promise I'd made her, I simply chose to ignore her looks and turned my attention back to Spencer.  
"Since I was born," I informed him. "She's a few years older than me so she's been there since I was a few hours old."  
"Wow, that's a long friendship," Reid raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Is there any particular reason why there seems to be so much tension between you two tonight?"  
I frowned slightly at the fact that he'd noticed, but quickly replaced it with one of my perfected flirtatious smiles.  
"Don't you go profiling me, Dr. Reid," I teased. "But let's just say, I've not always been the best friend. I just spent a few years travelling though and, I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel like I've found myself and worked through some things. So I'm back and hoping to show Penny that I've changed."  
Spencer nodded before quirking his head in a questioning way that made him look like a puppy.  
"Penny?"  
I laughed at how adorable he was, silently thanking him for not pressing any further on how I'd upset his obviously close friend.  
"Yeah, that's what I've always called Penelope," I explained. "What do you guys call her? Penelope is a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?"  
"Uh, we usually go with Garcia," Spencer said as he finished the last of his drink. "So where abouts were you travelling?"  
I grinned, happy to fill Spencer in on my time away now he seemed less likely to pass out from the attention I was giving him. I told him how I moved to England three years ago when I was twenty three to distance myself from the group I'd been hanging out with. They weren't bad people really, but they were partying and drinking to excess every day and dragging me down a bad slope. Old habits die hard though and the Brits know how to drink better than anyone so at first it wasn't quite the detox I had planned, but after I'd been living there for just over a year I got tired of it. I found some hobbies that were much more satisfying and then moved to France where I worked on becoming a certified yoga instructor before setting up a small studio and teaching classes three times a week.  
It was refreshing telling Spencer my tale. He hung on my every word, but was actually listening intently unlike the boys I usually spoke too who paid just enough attention to charm their way into my bed without actually caring about anything I was saying.  
"So what made you want to move back?" He asked once I was done giving him a brief rundown on my life.  
"I missed home," I shrugged. "And to be honest, I missed Penny. I've got some grovelling to do and it's hard to get your sincerity across from the other side of the world."  
"That's understandable," Spencer nodded, but before he could speak again, Hotch interrupted.  
"Well folks, I should get home to Hayley and the baby," He announced. "And I would recommend you all follow suit soon, I know how things get once you get started and I expect you all present and bright eyed for the briefing at 9am."  
There were a few playful groans amongst the group, but for the most part everyone looked tired and ready for bed anyway. I may not have had an emotionally draining day like the people surrounding me, but I was feeling the jetlag and pretty ready to get some sleep myself.  
As people finished their drinks they began to slip away until it was just Spencer, Penelope, Derek and myself left at the table.  
"Where abouts is your apartment, Mickey?" Penelope asked as she gathered her things.  
"Not too far from here actually, just up by Dupont circle," I told her, grabbing my bag as well. "I was going to take the subway home, but I think I'll treat myself and take a taxi instead. This jetlags killing me all of a sudden."  
Spencer perked up as I spoke and jumped in as soon as I'd finished.  
"I'm heading up that way too!" He blurted out. "I live in Adams Morgan. We, uh, w-we could share a taxi if you'd like? Split the fare?"  
A cackle fell from Derek's lips as he tossed his head back laughing, but Penelope's pursed lips were telling me she didn't find this funny at all. Unfortunately for her, I was too tired to turn down the offer.  
"Slow down there, Romeo," Derek teased. "Don't wanna come off too eager now, do we?"  
Spencer's cheeks instantly went deep red so, in an attempt to reassure him, I linked my arm with his and flashed him a smile.  
"Eager is a good thing if you ask me," I told him. "Playing it cool is overrated and I would love to split a taxi with you."  
Penelope went to say something, probably in protest, but Derek threw his arm around her, stopping her before she could speak.  
"Don't worry, baby girl, I'll make sure you get home safely."  
"That's not-"  
"C'mon," Derek cut Penelope short as he led her away, but I knew there would be a conversation to be had in the morning.  
We watched them walk away in silence, Spencer tucking his hair behind his ear nervously.  
"I, uh, wasn't trying to come off as eager," He informed me after a few moments, just as Penelope and Derek disappeared from view. "I just thought it was the logical thing to offer."  
I smiled at his endearing awkwardness and started walking towards the door, dragging him with me as our arms were still linked.  
"It's fine really," I assured him. "It didn't seem eager to me, it was nice thing to suggest. Now. Shall you call the taxi or shall I?"  
-  
The taxi ride was fairly quiet, but not in a particularly awkward way. The tiredness had caught up to both of us and we were happy to sit in comfortable silence. I perked up a bit though as we turned onto my street.  
"Just up there, the first corner on the left, thanks," I told the driver, alerting Spencer to the fact that we were close as I turned my attention towards him. "Can I give you my number? That way you can let me know how much the ride was and I can transfer you the money."  
Spencer looked a little caught off guard, but nodded his head and pulled out his phone. I rattled off the number as his fingers quickly flitted across the screen to add it to his contacts.  
"Got it," He smiled as the driver pulled to a stop outside my apartment building. "Well, Mickey, it was a pleasure meeting you."  
"You too, Spence," I said, returning his smile and holding my out for him to shake. "You're a really cool guy."  
His cheeks twinged pink at my compliment as he stared nervously at my hand.  
"Uh, did you know a staggering number of pathogens are exchanged in a single handshake?" He informed me causing me to slowly lower my hand. "It's actually much safer to kiss."  
I smiled at his words, an idea instantly popping into my head replacing the slight twinge of rejection I had felt moments before.  
"Well then," I smirked. "I guess that's what we'll have to do."  
Before Spencer could protest or even process my words, I leaned across the empty middle seat between us and pressed my lips against his. At first he was frozen, but as I pressed against him with just a little more insistence, he relaxed. His lips moved gently against mine in a very soft, caring way before I reluctantly pulled back.  
He stared at me in a shock for a moment before a gentle smile slid onto his face. Happy that he had obviously enjoyed the kiss as much as I had, I moved back to my side of the car, quickly opening the door.  
"Goodnight, Spence," I said, snapping him out of his daze. "Let me know when you get home."  
Without waiting to hear his response, I slipped out of the car and closed the door before walking off to my apartment with a grin on my face that I just couldn't wipe away.


	2. Chapter Two

Spencer walked into the office the next morning with a bit more pep in his step than usual. Something that Derek noticed instantly.  
"Someone's looking happy this morning," He teased as Spencer walked past his desk. "Care to share how the rest of your evening went?"  
Spencer's cheeks went bright red, a dead giveaway he did have something to share, but he simply shrugged.  
"We just shared a taxi and said goodnight."  
"I've never seen someone look so cheerful after a goodnight that didn't have a happy ending to it," Derek informed him. "There anything else you'd like to tell us?"  
Spencer sighed, feeling a bit torn. Out of awkwardness and respect for Mikayla, he didn't want to blab to his whole team about what had happened, but he was out of his depth here and not sure what to think about it all. Some advice could be handy.  
"Alright," He said, his voice much lower than before as he noticed that every member of the team seemed to have one ear turned to their conversation. "We kissed."  
"A kiss!" Derek hollered, leaping out of his chair to pull Spencer into a 'bro hug'. "My man, tell me how you managed to swing that one!"  
"Shh, keep your voice down!" Spencer hissed, his cheeks darkening even more as he glanced around the room. His eyes landed on Penelope peering out of her office and he felt a twinge of guilt, knowing how close her and Mikayla were. Was it bad form to kiss a coworker's estranged best friend? Spencer didn't know, but he had a feeling it was and this was why he needed advice.  
"Sorry, man, but c'mon. You gotta give me some details."  
"I didn't 'swing' it," Spencer confessed. "She kissed me. She went to shake my hand and you know I don't like that, so I told her how kissing is actually less likely to spread germs than shaking hands and so she kissed me."  
Derek tossed his head back laughing at his clueless friend.  
"What a line," He chuckled, patting Spencer on the back. "You're charming without even trying to be."  
"I didn't mean for it to be a line," Spencer insisted. "I say that to a lot of people and no one else has ever wanted to test the theory. But I, uh, I'm not really sure what to do now. Do I text her or are you supposed to wait a certain amount of time? Should I tell Garcia?"  
"Did you get her number?" Spencer nodded. "Then text her. Tell her you had a good time, that you enjoyed her company, anything to keep the connection there before she has time to lose interest. Waiting around and playing games is pointless, doesn't get you anywhere. As for Garcia, I think she may have heard some of this conversation, but I'll handle her for you. You just enjoy your sudden luck with the ladies."  
Spencer nodded again before glancing at Penelope one more time. She didn't look impressed, but as much as he didn't want this to come between them, he wanted to see where it would go. Derek was right, he didn't usually have much "luck with the ladies" so if one was finally willing to give him a chance, he wasn't going to give up that easily.  
So, trusting that Derek would keep his word and talk to Garcia, he pulled out his phone and opened a message to his newest contact.

-

I received two messages at almost exactly the same time.  
The first, from Spencer, read " **Hello, Mickey. It was really nice chatting with you last night and lovely to meet you. Don't worry about the taxi fare, this ones on me - Spencer Reid** "  
And the second, much less pleasant one was from Penelope. " **Mikayla, are you serious? I gave you one rule and you couldn't even follow it? So much for being changed by your time in Europe...** "  
I'd been expecting the message all morning, but it didn't make it any less stressful when it arrived. I had followed her rule, I didn't hit on or even flirt with Derek Morgan. She hadn't mentioned anything at all about Spencer and my actions were in no way intended to be malicious.  
" **I stayed away from Derek, that was your rule. Can we get lunch so I can explain myself at least?** "  
The reply took her a lot longer, probably as she tried to think of some excuse why she couldn't meet me, but after a tense few minutes she answered.  
" **Fine. Meet me at DNV Rooftop in an hour.** "  
It was short and to the point, but it was better than her straight up refusing so I counted it as a win before turning my attention back to the message from Spencer.  
" **Are you sure? That's very sweet of you Spencer :) Maybe we could grab a drink some time soon? My treat to make up for the fare** "  
My phone buzzed again almost before I even had time to put it down.  
" **You don't have to make up for anything, but a drink sounds great. It can be tricky making plans in advance with my job, but how about we aim for tomorrow night?** "  
" **That sounds perfect!** "  
I smiled to myself at his eagerness, enjoying the fact that there was no waiting hours for a response to try and seem like you weren't that bothered or putting off a date in case something better came up. He was a nice boy who perhaps didn't have much experience or confidence with women, but he was charming in his own wonderful way.  
When my phone didn't buzz again, I assumed he'd gotten busy with work and decided I should face the music and busy myself getting ready for my haranguing from Penelope.

-

Not wanting to upset Penelope even more by being late, I made sure I was early for our lunch date. I got us a nice table and ordered her favourite drink and prayed she would give me a chance before she got too angry with me.  
But the look on her face as she marched across the restaurant towards me made it clear she came with very little patience.  
"Look, Penny," I sighed. "Can we at least order our food before you tear a strip off me?"  
Penelope sat down in a huff, but nodded her head.  
"I guess so," She mumbled. "I just don't understand what game you're playing now."  
So much for ordering food first...  
"I'm not playing a game," I insisted. "I'm not toying with anyone, I'm not trying to make you mad or do something just because you told me not to."  
"Then why are you messing with Reid?" Penelope asked, avoiding eye contact as she always did when forced to have a confrontation she would rather not have. "He's not your type. He's not some confident, strong willed asshole gym rat who needs to be to be taken down a peg. He's a sweet, shy, polite young man who is way out of his depth when it comes to women."  
"That's what I like about him," I confessed. "He's not my usual type. He's so sweet, he actually listens when I talk to him. And he's so smart! When we were chatting last night, I felt like I could listen to him forever. I find him so intriguing."  
"He's not like your normal men," Penelope repeated, her voice firm. "He doesn't have much experience with women and what experience he does have is overshadowed by his lack of confidence."  
I scoffed a tad at her concerns as I sipped my drink.  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," I informed her. "You should've heard the line he used last night to get me to kiss him!"  
Penelope looked at me with confusion in her eyes for a moment before it dawned on her what I meant.  
"That wasn't a line! He tells everyone that fact because he doesn't like shaking hands. And the kissing he was referring to is the double cheek kiss they use in Europe instead of a handshake! I would've thought you would know that since you're supposedly so well travelled!"  
Another dig at me. Penelope had gotten feistier since I left which was nice to see, but made things harder for me.  
"Okay, so I misread the situation or maybe I just wanted to kiss him and was looking for an opportunity," I confessed. "But I'm not messing with him. I have changed, Penny. I don't want another jerk boyfriend who does coke every weekend and treats me like crap. I want someone I can connect with, someone I can see a future with. Maybe that won't be Spencer, we haven't even been on a date yet so it's hard to judge, but he's different and adorable and I would like to at least get a drink and see where it might go. But if you don't want me to then I won't and I won't hold it against you."  
Penelope watched me suspiciously as I concluded my little rant.  
"He was so excited about it all this morning," Penelope admitted. "He was terrified and embarrassed, but he was so excited that a girl had actually taken an interest in him. I don't want to ruin that, but I don't want him to get hurt."  
I smiled at the thought of Spencer being nervously excited about our kiss.  
"I don't want to hurt him," I insisted. "It might not go anywhere, but I'm not out looking to string him along or break his heart. Besides, I'm always the one who gets shit on in all my relationships so I don't know why you're so convinced I'll be the one doing the damage."  
"Because," Penelope started, a soft smile finally appearing on her face. "You're like a hurricane, Mickey and Reid is like the warmest sunny day with clear blue skies, but just enough of a breeze to make the heat enjoyable."  
"What the hell does that mean?" I laughed.  
"You don't realize it, but you whirl into people's lives and toss everything upside down then dart off before you can see the damage you've done. But Reid just wants what's best for everyone around him. He struggles to put himself first and will do anything for the people he loves."  
"I'm trying not to be that person anymore," I repeated for what felt like the millionth time. "I know I've done wrong in the past, I know I've been a horrible friend to you and don't deserve for you to even be here talking to me now, but I've grown up a lot the last couple of years. I know how I was living and coping with things was toxic and I don't want to be like that anymore."  
"Alright," Penelope nodded after a moment of thought. "I believe you. But I swear to god I will hunt you down and tear you limb from limb if you do so much as make him frown. And trust me, I've learnt exactly how to do that over the years dealing with all these psychopaths we chase."  
"I don't doubt you would," I smiled. "It's nice that you guys are such a close little family."  
"We are and Reid's the baby so we're all very protective."  
"Good to know," I winced, thinking back to the size of Derek's muscles and how much I would hate to be on the wrong side of them. "Now can we please just have a nice lunch and catch up? I want to hear all about your life over the last three years!"  
Penelope smiled and nodded before holding up her glass.  
"To fresh starts?" She suggested as I held up my own drink and gently clinked it against hers.  
"Absolutely." 


	3. Chapter Three

After getting Penelope's blessing I was even more excited about my date with Spencer, knowing that it wouldn't be ruining my chances of fixing our friendship or get in the way of her work family dynamic. However, I was a bit more apprehensive too. She'd really stressed how unconfident and inexperienced he was with women and even though he seemed nothing more than a bit nervous the other night, I was concerned I was in for an awkward evening.

I did want someone different from my previous kind of man though so it was a risk I was willing to take.

Spencer had suggested that I pick the place so I chose a cute, quiet little bar called Left Door. It was a lovely place, but the only other time I'd had the chance of going had been ruined by my date getting absolutely hammered and knocking over a table. I figured Spencer was unlikely to act that way so I thought it would be nice to experience it a second time with someone who would appreciate it's quaint atmosphere as well.

I got there a few minutes early to get us a table and found myself staring at the door as I waited for Spencer to show up. I was surprised by how eager I was to see him again. I'd never felt this way about a first date, usually I had low expectations and was rather blasé about the whole thing. But even though I didn't want to get ahead of myself, I had a good feeling about Spencer.

When he walked through the door, his nerves were written all over his face. He had obviously just come from work, wearing an outfit that made him look like a professor and carrying a bulging bag probably stuffed with case files. I waved, catching his attention as a smile slid on to his face and he came over.

"Hi," He greeted me as he pulled out his chair. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I grinned. "You look very handsome yourself."

Spencer's cheeks tinged pink at my words, making me grin even wider. He was too cute.

"So," He cleared his throat. "This is a nice place."

"It is!" I agreed. "It's really cute and they do great cocktails."

"Have you ordered?" He asked, picking up a menu from the table as I shook my head. "Any recommendations?"

"I haven't been here in years," I told him, not wanting to explain how my last time here ended. "I think they've changed the whole menu since then. But I had a quick glance and the   
'son of a bee-sting' one sounded nice, it has gin and sparkling wine in it."

"It does," Spencer nodded. "I think I'll get the Sláinte Mule."

I raised my eyebrow at his quick decision.

"You read that whole menu that quickly?"

"I can read 20,000 words a minute," He confessed, looking a tad sheepish despite my obvious state of awe. "The average person can only read 200-300."

Before I could comment, the waitress came over and took our orders, but as soon as she was gone I turned my attention back to Spencer.

"That's insane!" I said, referring to the talent he revealed moments before. "It must really help with your job especially since some things must be super time sensitive."

"It does have it's benefits," He admitted as a silence fell between us.

I wasn't used to being on dates with people who weren't great at small talk, but I was determined.

"So how long have you worked for the BUA?"

My question drew a chuckle from Spencer and the sound made little butterflies appear in my stomach.

"It's the BAU," He corrected. "Behavioural analysis unit. And I've been there for almost three years now."

"That's really cool, you must be really passionate about it," I assumed. "Doesn't it get really exhausting though? Emotionally, I mean. Seeing, like, the worst of humanity all the time?"

"It's tough," He nodded. "But it helps that we have such a good team. We're always there for each other when someone has a bad day. We also try to think of the positive side instead of the negative. Instead of focusing on how twisted the unsubs are, we focus on the people we save and the good that we're doing."

"What's an unsub?"

"Sorry," Spencer frowned. "It's the unidentified subject, the suspect. Sometimes I forget not everyone knows the FBI language."

"It's fine," I assured him with a smile before thanking the waitress who had placed our drinks in front of us. We quickly cheers'd before taking a sip. "It smart that you guys focus more on the good that you're doing though. I'm sure you've saved hundreds of people over the years."

"Absolutely," He agreed. "What about you? Do you have a job?"

I giggled at his bluntness about a topic that some people would maybe be more polite about asking about.

"Not yet," I confessed. "I do have a trial class at a yoga studio near my apartment tomorrow though."

"So that's what you'll be doing? Teaching yoga?"

"I hope so!" I smiled. "It's the only thing I'm qualified for and I really love doing it. Hopefully I can find a studio in the city that will have me."

"I'm sure they'll be fighting each other to hire you," Spencer assured me. "I don't know much about yoga, but training in France sounds pretty prestigious."

I was touched that he'd remembered me mentioning that I'd studied yoga while I was in Europe, most men I'd dated could hardly remember my name. 

"I think my training was fairly standard," I admitted. "But I am hoping most places will see my European training as an asset. If not, maybe I'll see if the FBI will hire me. I think it sounds like you could all use some zen and meditation."

"No offense, but I don't think any of us have the patience for that," Spencer informed me with a smile. "Plus Morgan's too proud of his muscles to do any exercise that doesn't involve lifting weights that probably weigh more than me."

I laughed and shook my head.

"No one ever believes in the power of yoga until they try it!" I insisted. "I was sceptical too, but it changed my life once I started it."

"Changed your life how?" He asked, his disbelief written on his face. "Isn't it just a different way to exercise?"

"It can be," I nodded. "For people who just want a gentle way to build some strength, it can be just an exercise, but it can also be a lifestyle and a mindset. If you just hit the poses and go through the motions, it's just exercise, but if you use your time on the mat to explore the movement and yourself, it can help you work through a lot of issues."

I hoped my explanation had made sense, but I could see he still looked unconvinced so I continued.

"For me the biggest thing was how much it helped me cut down on my drinking. It's harder than you may think to hold downward dog for more than a few seconds if you're so hungover your brain feels like it's about to explode. I got to the point where I found myself wanting to be fresh for a morning yoga class more than I wanted to be out until two AM doing tequila shots."

"Were you an alcoholic?" 

Spencer eyed my drink nervously as he asked the question. He was probably wondering if I would be the one knocking over tables at the end of the evening, but I shook my head finding his bluntness endearing once again.

"I don't think so," I assured him. "If I'm being honest, I was probably close to it, but I never found it to be a compulsion. It wasn't that I had to do it, I just wanted to."

"How did you end up that way? Garcia likes a good time, but as far as I know she wasn't a wild child when she was younger so if she was your best friend how did you end up on such different paths?"

"We made different friends," I explained, feeling like our conversation was starting to seem more like an interrogation. "Penny bonded with the computer nerds and I bonded with the cheerleaders and football team. We always stayed close, but the other people in my life weren't always the most responsible. I ended up in a bad situation in my junior year and I coped by giving in to their bad influence and self medicating and then as I got older I just didn't have anything better to do with my time, I guess."

"Well I'm glad you found a reason to get away from it all," Spencer smiled. "And I'm glad you came back to patch things up with Garcia."

"Me too," I said, returning his smile before changing the subject to focus on him for a while. "So Dr. Spencer Reid, what does a man with what? Five degrees? Like to do in his spare time?"

-

Our date was going incredibly well. It was hands down the best first date I'd ever been on. We were halfway through our second drinks and it felt so easy and natural. There was the occasional awkward silence and Spencer wouldn't always know what to say, but his sweetness and genuine interest in my life made up for it. And considering how Garcia had stressed his lack of confidence with women, he was doing just fine with me. Which was why I was surprised when he broke one of silences with a bold question.

"Why did you choose me?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning at his unsure tone.

"Why did you choose me to talk to? To kiss?" He repeated. "I'm not charming, I'm socially awkward and horrible at flirting and I would assume you could find someone much more on your level physically."

My heart panged at his words and his obvious insecurity.

"And I'm sure you could have found someone much more on your level mentally," I pointed out. "I chose you because you're different. You're smart, kind, interesting and very handsome. It's been nice going on a date with someone who seems present and engaged and isn't just hoping I'll suck him off in the bathroom."

Spencer blushed up to the tips of his ears at my comment, just as I expected he would.

"I-I-I s-suppose that makes sense," He stuttered out, very flustered all of a sudden earning a giggle from me.

"Why did you accept my invitation?" I asked, flipping the question on him.

"I think you're really pretty," Spencer answered honestly. "Not many women pay any attention to me, especially not in a romantic way so when someone as beautiful as you was willing to give me a shot, I wasn't going to pass up the chance."

I chose to ignore the fact that he'd basically just told me I was his only option and focus more on the fact he'd just called me pretty and beautiful and pressed him even more.

"Well are you glad you took the chance?"

"Absolutely," He nodded frantically. "You're so much more than I expected. You're fun, you make me laugh and you're smarter than you give yourself credit for. I've had a lovely time this evening and I'm hoping you'd like to go out again sometime."

"I would love to!" I smiled as I finished the last of my drink. "I should probably be heading out now though. I have my yoga trial in the morning and I want to be rested and ready for it."

"I should probably head out too," Spencer nodded. "Have to be at the office bright and early as usual. How are you getting home?"

"I was going to walk," I said with a shrug. "Should only take me about twenty minutes or so, not much point in taking the subway."

"I'll walk with you," Spencer informed me, finishing the last of his drink. "Just let me settle the bill first."

"Spencer, no!" I protested with a smile, touched that he would even offer. "You don't need to walk me home or pay for the drinks. In fact, I believe I'm supposed to pay to make up for the taxi fare."

"Don't worry about it," He insisted. "I've seen enough horrible things to know better than to let you walk home alone at night and a gentleman always pays for the first date."

I sighed, shaking my head with a smile. I could sense this was one argument I was going to win.

"As long as you let me pay on the second date!"

"We'll see," Spencer smirked before scurrying over to the bar to settle our tab, leaving me at our table watching the adorable new geek in my life with a wonderful feeling in my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I noticed the last few chapters were a little cramped and it kinda hurt my eyes to read when I looked back so I figured I'd space this one out a bit better haha  
> I'm quite busy with work at the moment so I haven't been writing as fast as I was over the weekend and updates might be a little slower, but I have loads of ideas and I'm excited to get them all out!  
> Also, it's been quite a long time since I watched Criminal Minds and even though I'm rewatching at the moment to refresh my memory (hence the inspiration for the story) some facts and timelines may not be exact. I am doing my best to keep it in line with the show though so if anything stands out as being really wrong and making no sense, please let me know!


	4. Chapter Four

My date with Spencer had been delightful all the way through. He walked me home and we talked about all our favourite places in Washington, him pointing out places along the way (bookstores, coffee shops, restaurants) and me reminiscing about places I used to love throughout the city. He promised to check which ones were still around and take me to every one that was still open. 

About halfway home, he nervously grabbed my hand and my heart felt it was about to burst at how sweet and innocent he was. I was tempted to inform him of how many pathogens are exchanged by touching someone else's hand, but obviously he'd assumed it was risk he was willing to take and I was pleased that he had. Once we'd made it to my apartment building, I invited him up for a nightcap, but he politely declined and I was secretly glad. I knew my ways and I was sure I would have made a move had he accepted and there was something about Spencer that made me not want to move that fast for the first time in my entire life. I couldn't resist stealing another little kiss before he hailed a taxi though and just like last time it was soft and gentle and perfect.

It was safe to say I was smitten.

However, Spencer had yet to get a chance to make good on his promise to take me to all my favourite places in Washington (and I hadn't had chance to make good on my promise to pay for our second date) because the day after our first date he was whisked off to Jacksonville on a case. Then as soon as they were back he was off somewhere else and immediately after that, you guessed it, he was off somewhere else.

We did talk on the phone a lot though which in some ways was a good thing. Even though Spencer relaxed and didn't spend our entire date scared to look me in the eye, he seemed more confident over the phone. He was more at ease and open and our phone calls while he was away quickly became the best part of my day. 

We spoke about everything. He told me as many details of the cases as he was allowed to share, how annoying the local police were and how they were more of a hindrance than a help, how Morgan had to kick down a door and how Spencer totally could if he needed to, but he let Morgan have the glory so he wouldn't bruise his ego (a fact that I definitely didn't believe, but of course went along with anyway). He told me how his father had left when he was young and how they didn't have much of a relationship, but that he was okay with that most of the time. He told me about his struggles growing up being so much smarter than kids his own age and going to school with kids much older than he was. And he told me that he worried some times that his inability to relate to others and lack of social skills would cause him to end up alone.

I told him that his social skills weren't nearly as bad as he thought and that I didn't think he had anything to worry about. I also told him how my job was going at the yoga studio, how good it felt to be back in Washington and how different I was finding it now I had different goals and an actual purpose in life. I told him how I'd followed Penelope here when she moved, but how she'd been busy with her new job leaving me with nothing to do, but turn to my old ways again and how I regretted that now that I was taking the time to see what a nice place it was if you were sober. I told him how my parents never really believed I'd ever change and how, even after I'd gotten myself back on my feet, they still assumed that whenever I called I was just looking for a handout. I told him how determined I was to prove to everyone that I could be a responsible adult and make something of my life. And I told him that I missed him and couldn't wait for our second date.

By the time Spencer was back in town for long enough for us to actually make plans it was almost a month after our first date, but it felt like I had known him for years.

-

"I come bearing gifts!" I announced as I waltzed into Penelope's office, a coffee in each hand. Things between us had been getting progressively better over the last few weeks. I could tell she was still apprehensive as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she was giving me a shot and that's all I could ask for.

She turned in her chair and smiled at me with a roll of her eyes.

"As much as I appreciate the coffee, don't think I'm not aware of your ulterior motives," She warned me as she took one of the drinks. "And your lover boy is not back just yet. They should be here any time though."

"I know," I shrugged. "Came a few minutes early to say hello to you."

"How sweet," Penelope said, her tone sarcastic, but in a teasing way. "What are you two doing tonight anyway?"

"I'm not sure," I smiled. "I picked the place for our last date so Spencer asked if he could choose tonight."

"Ooh, a surprise, how romantic!"

I stuck out my tongue at her teasing.

"He's really sweet," I told her. "I hope people haven't been teasing him too much. I don't want it to scare him off."

"I never in a million years would have thought Mikayla Lawson would be worried about Dr. Spencer Reid being scared away from dating her," She said, shaking her head. "Sometimes I feel like I'm in the twilight zone when I think about it."

"We're not that different really," I insisted. "Okay, I might not be able to read a million words a second like he can and I'm practically scared of my own shadow so I'd be no contest for psycho murderers, but he has a really great sense of humour and I can tell he just wants to be appreciated and taken seriously and that's what I want too."

"I told you he was a sweetheart," Penelope nodded. "I still never would have picked you two though."

I hoisted myself up so I was sitting on her desk, next to one of her many computers earning myself a disapproving look which I promptly ignored.

"We'll see how it goes," I said with a soft smile on my face. "But what about you? Any lovely men on the horizon other than everyone's favourite hunk, Derek Morgan?"

"Haven't had any time," Penelope admitted. "It's been chaos here the last few weeks as I'm sure you've noticed. Derek Morgan is still currently my only love."

"Don't you ever get tired?" I frowned. "Of putting the entire country before yourself? You've all barely had a moment to breathe for almost a month now."

"Of course," Penelope nodded. "There's days when I want to walk out of here and never come back, but I love my job and the work we do. It's worth the sacrifice."

"Well we should have a night out soon," I suggested. "JJ and that new woman can come too. We'll be your wing women and find you someone to take your mind of your work for a night."

I winked, causing Penelope's cheeks to go pink, but she agreed just as the rest of the team poured out of the elevator.

"Do I look okay?" I frantically asked my friend, suddenly feeling incredibly anxious about seeing Spencer again.

"Mickey, are you nervous?" She giggled, enjoying my suffering just a little too much. "You look lovely, Spencer will be absolutely blown away."

I smiled, sliding off of the desk before smoothing down my shirt.

"It was hard to dress, not knowing where we're going, but I'm hoping this will do."

"It'll be fine," She insisted. "You look great. Now, let's not keep Romeo waiting any longer."

I giggled quietly before following her out of the room.

"Well look who's here," Derek's voice boomed out once he spotted me. "If it isn't everyone's favourite yoga instructor."

Spencer's head snapped over in my direction as he piled up files up on his desk.

"Mickey," He smiled. "You're early."

"She ain't here to see you, sweetheart," Penelope informed him. "She came to see her first true love, AKA moi."

I rolled my eyes as Penelope draped her arm around my shoulder, watching as Spencer's cheeks went pink no doubt from being called out on his assumption.

"Of course I'm here to see you, Spencer," I assured him. "I just came a bit early to bug Penelope. She's been neglecting me with all this work you've been doing."

"I'm saving the world, little miss," Penelope smirked. "That comes before you, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, yeah, I understand," I rolled my eyes. "Are you ready to go, Spence?"

I was painfully aware that all eyes were on us and from the red tinge to Spencer's cheeks I assumed he was as well. Penelope had told me a dozen times how odd it was for them that he was 'seeing someone', but I didn't particularly enjoy having an audience.

"Yeah, let's get going," He smiled, checking his watch.

We quickly said our goodbyes to the rest of the team and heading out the door.

-

Spencer wouldn't tell me where we were going the entire drive back to the city and when he'd parked I was still completely confused.

"You're taking me to the Washington Monument?" I asked, taking a shot in the dark based on our surroundings.

Spencer laughed and shook his head.

"Just be patient, you'll see soon enough."

"Patience is not one of my virtues," I whined, taking the opportunity to slip my hand into his. He froze for a moment before squeezing it gently, a small smile on his face.

"I can see that," He informed me. "But you waited patiently for this date so I think you can wait a few more minutes."

I sighed dramatically, but stopped my complaining as I followed him quietly down the street. That is until he turned and started leading me up some stairs.

"The library of congress?" I questioned. "Are they even open at this time?"

"They are for FBI agents," Spencer smirked as he opened the door and flashed the security guard his badge.

"Even if they're just taking a girl on a date?" I asked, keeping my voice low so we wouldn't get caught if he was breaking the rules.

Spencer laughed and shook his head as he led me through the empty library to a staircase at the back.

"Would you just trust me?" He pleaded. "It'll be worth it and I promise we won't get in trouble for being here."

With another dramatic sigh, I did as I was told and followed Spencer silently up several flights of stairs until we reached a door at the top. He quickly typed in a code to unlock it and led me out onto the roof.

"Wow," I breathed out, looking at the incredible view we had over the city. None of the surrounding buildings were very high so we could see a good ways in every direction and it was dead silent. The noise from the hustle and bustle down below didn't reach this high. It felt very peaceful and I was blown away. "Spencer, this is amazing."

The grin on his face was better than everything else. He looked so proud and relieved that I was enjoying what he'd planned as he lead me further onto the roof.

"I stumbled on this place accidentally," He confessed. "I was looking for a book in the library and I got lost. The door was open so I came out here and it was so peaceful. It's become kind of a refuge for me when I'm overwhelmed by a case. It clears my mind, helps me think about things in a different way."

As he spoke, I noticed there was a table just up ahead of us with a candle and a bottle of champagne on top of it.

"Spencer, how did you arrange all this?" I asked, knowing he'd been at work all day.

"I'm quite friendly with one of the librarians. I told her I was trying to impress a beautiful woman and she set this up for us."

"No one's ever gone to this much trouble for me," I smiled as he pulled out my chair. That was when I noticed the box on the table. Buttercream Bakeshop. One of the places on my list of favourites from before I moved to Europe. "Wow, you have outdone yourself! Let me guess...Cookie cream pie?"

Spencer nodded, the proud grin still on his face.

"I figured I had to come up with something good to make up for putting this date off for so long," He admitted as he popped the cork on the champagne. "Morgan said that women don't tend to stick around for men who don't follow through with plans."

"That's probably true," I nodded. "But you had a good reason so I didn't mind. The people of America need you!"

"Well sometimes," Spencer started as he poured the champagne while I placed a cookie cream pie on each of our plates. "I wish the people of America could look after themselves."

I snorted at his comment, finding it a very out of character thing for him to say. It was nice though, chatting with him again after all our phone conversations. The nervous barrier that had been up before seemed to have dropped drastically, he seemed more free to be himself.

"If that ever happens, Dr. Reid, you will be out of a job so hopefully they'll need looking after for a little while longer."

"That's true," He smiled. "So how's your job going? Are you getting enough classes?"

"I am! Luckily for me, it's cold season so there's been at least one teacher off at least two or three times a week since you left."

"And that gives you enough money?"

"For now," I shrugged. "Ideally I'd like to open my own studio like I did in France, but spaces like that are more expensive here so I need to build up a client base first so I know I'll have guaranteed students."

"Sounds ambitious," Spencer commented.

"Not quite as ambitious as having five degrees, but I do my best."

Spencer rolled his eyes at my comment, having grown used to my teasing about his overachieving especially in comparison with my underachieving ways. Usually he'd argue back, but this time he let the comment slide and changed the subject.

-

Conversation between Spencer and I flowed so smoothly that we barely even noticed how late it had gotten or that we'd finished all the champagne until a sharp gust of wind made me shiver which set me off with the hiccups. It was November after all and even though it was quite a warm evening for the season, the temperature was dropping quickly as the evening progressed.

I giggled as another hiccup burst through my lips.

"I'm sorry," I said, covering my mouth. "I'm not that drunk, I promise. I think it's just the cold."

"I'm feeling it a bit myself," Spencer admitted. "The cold and the champagne. I didn't even realize we'd finished the whole bottle."

"Finishing a bottle of champagne is my speciality," I joked. "Or at least it used to be. Champagne does have a tendency to go to my head though."

"I don't drink it very often so I would have to say I'm in the same boat," Spencer nodded as my teeth started chattering gently from the cold. He noticed almost immediately and a frown slid onto his face. "Here, take my coat."

I protested, but he'd already taken it off by the time I'd opened my mouth.

"Thanks," I smiled sheepishly, enjoying his scent being wrapped around me, but embarrassed that I was putting a damper on our evening. "I get cold pretty easily, it's kind of annoying."

"Don't worry about it," Spencer assured me. "How do you feel about getting out of here? I didn't really think this far ahead, but we, uh, we could go back to my place? Just to order some take out and watch a movie, nothing, uh, nothing more than that. Unless of course-"

"That sounds perfect," I interrupted sensing that Spencer felt nervous about inviting me back to his apartment and was spiralling into a ramble. He'd done it a few times over the phone when he'd made a comment that could be taken the wrong way and I'd learnt quickly it was best not to let him spiral too far. "I could use some real food to soak up some of this wine."

"Great," He smiled, standing from his chair as I did the same. I realized once I stood up that I was more tipsy than I thought and was very grateful for the arm that Spencer offered me to hold. "Just take what's left of the cookies so the birds don't get it and I'll clean up the rest tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling bad for leaving our mess on top of a government building, but when Spencer nodded, I didn't argue as I was ready to get inside and out of the cold as soon as possible.

-

Being the responsible adults that we are we decided that Spencer was probably a bit too tipsy to drive us home so we once again found ourselves taking a taxi home, one that I insisted I was paying for this time.

About halfway back, Spencer demanded the driver pull over. I was momentarily confused until I realized we were outside Thaiphoon.

"You said thai takeaway was your favourite and this was the top of your list," He reminded me of our conversation on our first date. "I figured we could have this for dinner?"

"How did you remember that?" I asked, genuinely touched by his ability to recall every little comment I'd made.

"Eidetic memory," He smirked. He was about to speak again when tipsy giggles fell from my mouth.

"Oh yeah, Dumbo, I forgot about that," I teased. 

His brow furrowed in the cute little way he did when I referenced something he was unfamiliar with.

"Dumbo?"

"Yeah, the elephant. Because an elephant never forgets," I smiled, enjoying the look of concentration on his face as he was probably racking his brain trying to understand. "It's a Disney movie, it was my favourite one when I was a kid."

"Alright," Spencer smiled with a shrug. "I can be your Dumbo then."

It was an innocent comment, no doubt brought on by the half a bottle of champagne he'd consumed, but it made my heart swell that he would want to be my anything. He made me feel special, he made me feel appreciated, he made me feel like I'd found the only genuine, nice man left in the world and I was falling for him fast. 

The cab driver soon got tired of our conversation in the back seat, demanding we either pick up some takeaway and continue the trip or find another cab prompting Spencer to quickly run inside and get us our food. I, of course, protested that it was my turn to pay, but he was faster out the door than me and insisted that one of us had to stay in the taxi.

Once we got back to his apartment Spencer dashed off to find plates and cutlery for the food, giving me time to look around his place. It was pretty much exactly how you would picture it, but for some reason it felt much more comforting than I anticipated. It was like being inside the cosiest library you could imagine. There were books everywhere, shelves on every wall that were wedged full of books and stacks of them on the floor where he couldn't fit them. The colour scheme was dark, but in a warming way not a depressing, dingy one and his furniture was nice, but nothing overly expensive looking which made sense as Spencer didn't seem like the type to waste copious amounts of money on something like a couch. 

Almost as if he read my mind, Spencer appeared with two bowls filled with our curries and rice.

"Sorry, I, uh, don't have a dining table," He admitted. "It's usually just me and it seems silly to spend money on a table for one person."

"It's fine," I assured him, taking one bowl and following him to the living room. "I don't mind eating at the coffee table."

We found some cheesy comedy movie on the television and watched it as we ate silently. I hadn't realized until we started eating just how hungry I was, but I wolfed down my food until I was absolutely stuffed and from the look on Spencer's face when he set his bowl down on the table shortly after me, he had done the same thing.

I sat back on the couch, shifting slightly to curl my legs underneath me as I suddenly felt awkward for the first time that evening. Usually if I was in this situation on a second date, I would make a move. Sit as close to my date as possible, maybe lay my head in his lap 'just to get comfortable', maybe pull my shirt down a bit as I cuddled into his side so that he had a good view if he looked down, any little trick to entice him into starting something. But I didn't want to do that with Spencer which left me entirely unsure of how to act. Was I sitting too far away from him by sitting on the opposite end of the couch? Did it make me seem cold and uninterested? He was a profiler so I knew my body language would tell him how I was feeling, but what body language would convey what I wanted to say?

I was curled into a ball, leaning on the opposite arm of the couch to him when he snapped me out of my thoughts.  
"Are you still cold?" He asked, prompting me to realize it was a bit chilly in his apartment. "You have goosebumps on your arms."

"Oh yeah," I smiled. "I guess I am a bit."

Spencer nodded and stood from the couch, momentarily disappearing from the room. When he came back he had a blanket in his arms. 

"It's the only one I have that isn't a duvet," He explained. "But it's a bit small, we might have to share."

"That's alright," I assured him, moving over until I was in the middle of the couch.

Once he was settled in next to me, he draped the blanket over both of us and I cautiously leaned against him. He felt tense and unsure about the situation as well so I rested my head on his shoulder in what I hoped was an act of reassurance. It seemed to work and we both turned our attention back to the movie in front of us. That is until Spencer broke the silence again.

"Mickey?" He asked, getting my attention with his soft, apprehensive tone. "C-can I kiss you?"

"Of course," I beamed, tilting my head just slightly to give him easier access.

He quickly took advantage and leaned down until our lips were connected. It was the same, slow gentle kind of kiss we'd shared before, but Spencer obviously had other plans as he moved his hand to tangle it in my hair, increasing the pressure just slightly. Taking the hint, I parted my lips and allowed his tongue to slowly slide inside my mouth.

For someone supposedly so inexperienced with women, he was a wonderful kisser and I felt my heart rate increase with the feel of his tongue against mine, his strong arm around me and the overwhelming scent of him surrounding me. I slid my hand across his chest as our tongues fought for dominance and toyed with the buttons on his shirt as my earlier intentions of behaving seemed almost absolutely insane. It had been a long time since I'd even been kissed like this by a man and all the signs from my body were telling me it wanted more.

Not giving in to temptation was a skill I'd practised though so reluctantly I pulled away leaving both of us a tad breathless as we stared at each other.

"Spencer," I breathed out, my heart wanting nothing more than to continue our previous activity. "I really like you, but can we, um, can we take it slow?"

I cringed at my own words. I sounded like a high school girl trying to convince her boyfriend that they shouldn't have sex on prom night. Spencer nodded, but stayed silent, his eyes on mine the whole time until I started to get concerned.

"I can practically hear the sound of your big brain thinking," I told him, biting my lip nervously. "Are you annoyed?"

"No!" He frantically shook his head. "Sorry, no, taking it slow is fine. I was just still trying to figure out why someone like you is interested in me..."

I reached up to gently stroke his cheek before placing another short, gentle kiss on his lips.

"I feel the same way, Spencer," I admitted. "But I'm glad we're giving each other a chance."

Spencer smiled and nodded, squeezing me in closer to him as we settled into a comfortable silence.

-

I hadn't even realized we'd fallen asleep until Spencer's phone vibrated violently on the table, waking us both up. I quickly moved from on top of him where I'd somehow ended up laying so he could get up to answer it.

Whatever the phone call was about, it obviously wasn't good. A quick glance at the clock told me it was barely 6:30 in the morning which was earlier than his normal office hours and despite his sleepy, dishevelled appearance he looked concerned. Very concerned, perhaps even frightened.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep over," I apologized once he'd hung up. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really," He admitted. "There's a big problem, I have to get to Quantico immediately."

I nodded, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I reached for my shoes that had ended up next to the couch. We got ready to leave in silence, both tired from our late night and early awakening, but when we got to the door, Spencer froze.

"My car," He groaned. "It's still parked downtown."

"The subway's probably faster anyway," I pointed out. 

"It is," He agreed. "I usually take it, but if I leave my car there as long as we're away, I'll get a ticket."

"I don't mind picking up your car and driving it down to Quantico later if you have a spare key," I said with a shrug causing Spencer to bite his lip, weighing up the pros and cons before he pulled his car key off his key chain.

"Would you mind?"

"Of course not," I smiled. "I think I'm meeting Penelope for dinner tonight anyway."

"I wouldn't count on that depending how this case goes," He grimaced. "Also, uh, stay away from parks or places where lots of people tend to gather, alright?"

"Why?" I asked, feeling a bit nervous about what he was implying as we stepped into the hallway and he turned to lock his door. 

"I can't say, just be careful. Sorry, I really have to run. I'm already going to be late," He apologized as he turned back to face me. "But I had a really nice time last night, I'll call you when we're done with the case?"

I smiled and nodded before stretching up to steal one last quick kiss before Spencer sped off down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer which hopefully makes up for the fact that I won't be home much over the next few days and probably won't be able to update until at least Monday :(  
> Thanks for all the feedback so far!


	5. Chapter Five

Checking your phone after being away from it for a long time only to find you have several missed calls is always a tad panic inducing. Especially when most of the people currently in your life have a job that is sometimes very dangerous. Which is why, when I came out of a yoga class to see I had three missed calls from Penelope, I got a bit nervous.

I quickly called her back, relieved when she answered on the first ring.

"Where have you been, Mickey?" She asked, sounding frazzled. "I called you like seventeen times!"

"Three actually," I corrected. "Is everything and everyone okay?"

"Yes, well mostly," She assured me. "But I think boy wonder could use some attention from his special lady friend."

"What makes you think that?" I asked, my cheeks growing warm from her little nickname for me.

"He's having a tough time with a case."

"Ah yes, and my crime fighting expertise will be just what he needs," I said sarcastically. "How am I supposed to help with a tough case?"

"Not tough like difficult, you goof," She sighed. "Tough emotionally. I think he could use someone to take his mind off it for a while."

"Are they in Washington?" 

"Of course," Penelope groaned, getting tired of my hesitation. "I wouldn't have asked if they weren't. We may have a jet, but the FBI doesn't fly out girlfriends just because an agent is having a bad day."

"I'm not his girlfriend," I said firmly. "And I figured that, hence why I asked. I just don't know if we're at that point."

I hadn't seen Spencer in the week and a half since our last date, his job being the biggest asset in my desire to take things slow, and even though we still talked on the phone every day if he had the time, I wasn't sure he was invested enough that hearing from me or seeing me would be able to perk him up from a bad case.

"Would seeing him make you feel better if you were having a bad day?" She asked, causing me to ponder her question for a minute before admitted that yes it would. "Then I think it's worth a shot. He really likes you, Mickey. I think you'll be able to cheer him up more than you think."

I sighed, still unconvinced, but agreed to give it a try just before Penelope got a work related call on the other line and had to go. True to my word, I called Spencer as soon as I hung up. He did sound a bit more subdued than his usual self, but perhaps I was just reading into things since Penelope had said that he was down. Either way, he happened to be in the city quite close to the studio following up on a lead and agreed to take a break to get some lunch.

-

As soon as I saw Spencer sitting at a table in the cafe we'd agreed to meet at, I could tell Penelope was right. He looked withdrawn and troubled, but I still wasn't convinced I would be able to help if something was bothering him about a case.

He stood up from his seat to greet me, pulling me in for a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"How're you?" He asked as we sat down again.

"I'm alright," I smiled. "I was teaching all morning so I'm a bit tired, but it feels good to be getting back into it. How're you? Is it nice to be working a case here instead of being shipped around the country?"

"Nice isn't the word I'd use when it comes to potential serial killers in my own city." 

Spencer's retort made me feel like an idiot because of course he'd prefer murderers to not live next door to him even if it meant he didn't have to travel, but I didn't know what to say. He seemed distant and distracted and since Penelope had tipped me off, I knew that something was bothering him, but I wasn't sure if it was my place to bring that up.

The waitress came to take our orders giving me a minute to gather my thoughts and decide my course of action.

"Sorry," I apologized after she'd left. "That was stupid, of course you wouldn't prefer to work in DC. I'll be honest with you, I was chatting with Penelope this morning and she said you were having a tough time with a case? I was hoping maybe this lunch would distract you or if you want to talk about it then feel free. I'm a pretty good listener these days."

"It's not so much the case," He confessed. "There's just this kid who stopped me at the station the other day, he got himself involved and I wish we could help him. But I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind."

There was more, there was definitely more, but I wasn't going to push him. Penelope said he could use cheering up and forcing him to talk about his feelings probably wouldn't do that.

"Of course I don't mind," I smiled. "I was just glad Penelope gave me an excuse to call you."

"You don't need an excuse to call me," He assured me, finally cracking a smile. "I was actually going to call you yesterday myself, but then this case happened and I got distracted."

"That's alright," I assured him. "If it's this close to home then I'd rather you take care of the crazy people first."

He flinched slightly at my use of the word crazy, his smile disappearing and I wished for a moment that I was the profiler so I could figure out what was going on inside his head. 

Another awkward silence fell on us and I cursed myself for my word choice and for being so unable to pull Spencer out of his head even just for an hour.

It wasn't until after our food arrived that Spencer spoke again.

"Can I ask you something?" He queried. I nodded. "What happened with you and Penelope? You've hinted at it, but never actually mentioned what exactly you did before you left that upset her so badly."

Now it was my turn to sigh as I looked down at my plate, twirling pasta on to my fork, pondering how best to answer the question. It wasn't something I was proud of and definitely not something I wanted to talk about, but relationships are give and take right? If I give an explanation then maybe he'll open up and we can shake off the awkwardness surrounding our little date.

"It was a lot of little things over the years," I admitted after a few moments of thought. "I was drinking and partying with no regard for anyone's feelings and Penelope was always there trying to help me out of whatever mess I'd gotten in to. Instead of being grateful for that, I took advantage. I knew she wouldn't push me away no matter how many important events in her life I missed or times I hurt her feelings so I didn't think I ever really had to take her feelings in to consideration."

Spencer's eyebrows drew together in a scowl and my cheeks heated up.

"I know, it's horrible. You don't have to tell me. Looking back, I can't believe I was so mean to the only person who was actually looking out for me, but at the time I couldn't see it that clearly." I explained. "Anyway, when we moved here, I lived with Penelope and by 'lived with' I mean I slept on her couch and paid no rent. We barely saw each other because she was busy at work and I was out all night and sleeping all day, but I knew that she'd bought herself this computer after her first few paycheques from the FBI. It was something she'd wanted for years and she was so proud of herself for finally being able to afford it. But then she went away for a case or something and wasn't home one night so I had a some people over for drinks and things got wild and the next thing I know, I'm waking up to Penelope screaming for everyone to get out. Turns out that someone had spilt a drink on her computer at some point and I hadn't noticed. It had been soaking in it all night by the time Penny got home and there was no way to save it."

"You must be the reason Garcia doesn't like anyone bringing coffee cups into her office," He mused, his lips pressed into a tight line as he was obviously unimpressed by what I'd shared.

"Probably," I nodded. "I moved out shortly after that and when she wouldn't answer my calls I moved to Europe a few months later. Once I got myself together in France, I sent her a cheque for the months of rent I owed her and the computer and it was the first time we'd talked since it happened. She sent me a picture back of the ripped up cheque saying she didn't want my money, but she was happy to hear I was back on my feet. We reconnected, but it was strained which is why I wanted to come back and patch things up for real."

"I can see why thing were so tense between you when you came home now," he said, his expression doing little to tell me what he was thinking.

"It's why I'm so determined to prove to her I'm not that person anymore," I insisted. "Does it make you think differently of me?"

"No," Spencer shook his head. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me or irritate me that you would treat Garcia that way because she's someone I care very much about, but I didn't know that Mikayla and the Mikayla that I do know wouldn't do that."

"I wouldn't!" I agreed. "I almost lost the best friend I ever had because I was selfish and reckless and I don't want to live like that ever again."

"Good," Spencer forced a smile.

Another silence settled us as we ate until this time I was the one who broke it.

"Now that I've shared probably the thing I'm most ashamed about in my entire life, perhaps you'd like to tell me what's wrong?" I asked, reaching out and putting my hand on his, germs be damned. "You seem so down, Spencer. I know there's something on your mind."

He looked at me for a moment and I felt certain he was about to tell me to mind my own business and not expect him to open up about open investigations, but to my surprised the opposite happened and the floodgates opened.

"The boy on this case, he gets really bad thoughts. He hasn't acted on them yet, at least I don't think he has, but he knows it's not normal and he's scared. It's why he found me, he wants to get help," Spencer explained, talking a lot faster than his usual pace. "I can just see myself in him so much. He's smarter than kids his own age, he's awkward and shy, doesn't have many friends and he wants to understand what's going on in his head like that will make it all go away."

I nodded as he talked, but when he paused I bit my lips anxiously, worried I wouldn't be able to help like I'd told him I wanted to.

"I'm sorry, Spence, but I don't understand," I admitted. "You don't have bad thoughts, do you? Just because this boy maybe has some similar traits to you doesn't make you anything like him."

"No, no, it's not that," Spencer said. "I want to help him, I feel like it's my responsibility because I understand what he's going through. I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind."

"Afraid?" I asked softly, not wanting him to shut down again. "Why would you be afraid of your mind?"

Spencer swallowed hard and the grip he had on his fork was so tight that his knuckles were turning white. It didn't take a profiler to know this wasn't a topic that was easy for him to talk about.

"My mother has schizophrenia," He finally blurted out after a tense moment. "She lives in Bennington Sanitarium in Las Vegas where I grew up. It's genetic so I have a much higher chance of developing it than the average person and even though signs are usually there by the time you're twenty-five, I'm not out of the woods yet. I worry every day that I'll wake up and my worst fears will come true."

"Oh my gosh," I said quietly, completely floundering for anything useful or reassuring to say after the bombshell he'd just dropped on me. "I'm so sorry to hear that. But if the chances drop after twenty-five, statistically you're probably going to be okay, right?"

"Probably," He nodded despite the clear tension still in his body. "But I saw how it ruined my mom's life, how it stole her from me and drove away my dad. He left because he couldn't handle her and he didn't want to be a single parent so he didn't take me with him. But she was so smart, you know? She was a university literature professor and now she's just paranoid and scared. It took everything from her and I don't want that to happen to me."

"I think you're doing fine," I assured him knowing that my lack of medical degree would make my thoughts on the matter fairly unimportant. "I know how scary that must be, but if you have no signs then you can't live your life worrying about something you can't change. And your dad sounds like a shithead by the way."

Spencer snorted out a laugh at my last comment and I smiled, hoping I'd cheered him up just a tiny bit.

"He is," He agreed. "And I do try, it just gets on top of me sometimes and I can't stop thinking about it. I know all the statistics point to me being alright and I know I have none of the signs, but the possibility of losing everything I've worked for and everyone I love terrifies me."

"From what I've seen of those people you love it would take much more than schizophrenia to drive them away. Especially Garcia, she doesn't give up on people without a damn good reason as I just told you," I reminded him. "Now tell me about your mom, what's she like? Are you close?"

He smiled and nodded as a look of fondness overtook the anxiety that had been on his face all day.

"We are, or we were. She was all I had and I knew she wasn't well, but we made it work. She read to me a lot and took care of me in the best way she knew how. She didn't leave me like my dad even though she had more reason to not feel capable of being a parent. She loves me a lot and putting her in the sanitarium was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I knew she wasn't well and wasn't taking care of herself and I was away too much to give her the proper care she needed. She was so upset though, she was begging me not to send her away as they took her out the door."

"You were just looking out of her," I insisted. "I'm sure on some level she does know that. Do you visit her often?"

"No," He admitted sheepishly. "I write to her every day. I tell her everything about my life and our cases or 'adventures' as she calls them, I even told her about you. She does worry about me being alone so I thought she'd like to know I met someone who seems to enjoy my company. But I don't visit. It's selfish, I know, but it's hard to see her like that especially if she's having a bad day."

"That's understandable, Spencer. I'm sure letters are much more than some patients in her hospital get from their families. You're allowed to be a little bit selfish sometimes if it helps you cope," I assured him. "I like that you told her about me though."

Spencer's eyes met mine for more than a brief moment for one of the first times since I'd sat down across from him. His cheeks were twinged pink, but there was a soft smile on his face.

"Really? You don't think it was weird?"

"No, I think it's really sweet," I told him with a smile of my own. "And I'd like to be involved in many more of your letter worthy adventures in the future."

My hand was still gently laying on top of Spencer's on the table until he flipped his over to gently hold onto mine.

"I'd like that too."

And as he slowly lifted our hands up to place a soft kiss on the back of mine, I felt my heart swell realizing that we'd crossed another barrier in this little relationship of ours with our confessions. We were heading into uncharted territory, for me at least, but it felt right and it felt natural and I couldn't have been more excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up so late last night finishing this chapter! Hope you enjoy it. Big things on the horizon for our little couple.  
> I hope it's flowing well for everyone, I usually don't post a story until I've written all of it, but I was too excited about this one not to post it as I go so I hope it's all working well :)


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some mature stuff at the end of this chapter just a heads up!

Christmas came and went in a fairly uneventful fashion. I left DC in mid december to fly back to California to see my parents, something I was not looking forward to as my bad behaviour had left our relationship fairly soured over the years. 

My mom and I had been close when I was younger. She was a bit of a hippie, very free spirited hence why she got along so well with Penelope's mom, but my father had always been the opposite. He was serious and unaffectionate and expected a lot from me. I knew they both loved me though so the balance was good. My mother was there to let me explore who I was and my creative side, but my dad was there to focus us and make sure I was properly disciplined if I misbehaved.

Things changed after the accident that took Penelope's parents away though. My mom was devastated. Barbara was her best friend, practically a sister, in the same way that Penelope was for me. They'd known each other almost their whole lives and she didn't know how to cope with such a tremendous loss. She was never properly diagnosed, but she fell into a pretty severe depression for a while that maybe she never came out of it, but if she did she was a changed woman. Her positive outlook had been massively dampened and instead of debating with my father to soften his strict ways, she went along with him, fearing that the world was much more dangerous than she'd ever thought.

I obviously fought back against that belief, wanting my own freedom and then when I got myself into a situation where I really needed their support, I felt like they'd just given up on me as a lost cause.

We hadn't spoken much since I moved to Europe. I still called my mom every few months to check in, but my relationship with my father was pretty much broken beyond repair. I hadn't seen them in years though so I felt it was my daughterly duty to spend Christmas with them now I was home.

Penelope did offer to come with my as a buffer since my parents still loved her and admired the fairly prestigious job she had and the success she'd made of herself, but I declined. I knew she'd much rather spend Christmas in Washington with her little found family because even in the short time I'd known them I would have preferred that as well. 

Spencer and I exchanged our gifts just before I left. I bought him a copy of Dumbo, a reference to our date when I'd compared him to the little elephant, and a gift card to his favourite secondhand bookstore. I was stumped about what to get him for a long time, but I knew he would appreciate anything. I still felt a bit silly though when I saw that he'd bought me a high end yoga mat that I'd mentioned I was planning to buy myself as soon as I had enough money. It wasn't a cheap gift and made mine look quite pathetic in comparison, but Spencer seemed quite pleased with the movie and assured me he would make great use of the gift card so I figured I'd done alright.

I saw Spencer the day I got back, but January turned out to be a very busy month in the yoga studio. That whole thing of everyone decided this is going to be the year they get healthy or enlightened was driving people to us full force. It was good though because it meant I was no longer just filling in for other teachers, but actually given a few classes of my own. But it did mean I didn't get to see Spencer very often especially with his job being so busy as well.

Which is why when he invited me to a big night out with the BAU crowd, I couldn't resist. I didn't have classes to teach the next morning anyway so I had nothing holding me back.

I did have one late class at five pm though so by the time I'd gone home to chance for the evening, I was the last one to arrive. I looked around the bar, but it was a popular after work place so I couldn't see anyone until my eyes landed on Spencer standing by the bar.

"Hey handsome," I purred in his ear as I slid next to him at the bar. "Can I buy you a drink?"

His head snapped in my direction, anxiety on his face until he realized it was me and he smiled.

"Hey," He said softly as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. "How was your class?"

"Good," I nodded. "It was a good workout so I've definitely earned myself a drink."

"It's my round," He smiled. "What can I get you?"'

"Just a gin and tonic, thanks," I told the bartender as he poured the drinks for Spencer's coworkers. "Am I far behind?"

"Just a couple rounds," Spencer assured me as we gathered the drinks and headed back to the table. I handed them out as per Spencer's instructions before he pulled out a stool for me. "So obviously you know Penelope and I think you've met Aaron Hotchner before, but this is Emily Prentiss and Hotch's wife Haley. Everyone, this is Mikayla, my, uh, girlfriend."

Everyone's eyes, including my own, widened at his announcement.

"Girlfriend, wow," Penelope said after a moment of silence. "I didn't know you were at that point yet."

Spencer's cheeks were pink and I knew that due to his lack of experience in this area he was probably feeling uncomfortable discussing it with everyone. It wasn't what I was expecting to be introduced as, but it was probably the best way to describe our relationship now so I grabbed his hand and flashed him a smile to put him out of his misery.

"Well neither of us have been seeing anyone else for a while now," I explained. "So it just makes sense."

"Well I'm happy for you both," Penelope decided. "But I will still kill you if you hurt him."

"Please don't," Hotch butted in. "Then we'd have to arrest you and we'd lose our best technical analyst."

I stuck my tongue out at Penelope, glad that someone was on my side before I looked around and realized not everyone was present.

"Where's Derek and JJ?"

"JJ is off schooling some guys at darts," Emily informed me. "And Derek is over there dancing up a storm with some ladies."

We all turned our attention to the dance floor where Derek was currently entertaining at least three women. 

"Look at him move," Penelope groaned. "He's like a cat."

We all chuckled as Emily shook her head.

"More like a dog!"

"He did not ask them to dance," Penelope defended him. "They asked him."

"Why aren't you out there?" I asked her as I took a gulp of my drink, trying to catch up.

"You know I don't dance, Mickey. I would just embarrass myself. I prefer to watch."

"I bet Derek could teach you," Hayley smirked causing a mischievous glint to appear in Hotch's eye.

"Or we could," He told her before grabbing her hand and standing up from the table. "C'mon Haley, let's show them how it's done."

"Are you much of a dancer?" Emily asked me as we watched the Hotcher's join the dance floor.

A cheeky smile slid on to my face.

"I am actually," I admitted, glancing at Spencer. "I love to dance."

"Oh great," Spencer said sarcastically. "Well Morgan's right over there and it looks like he could use a new partner."

The women he'd been dancing with were heading over to the bar leaving Derek to toss back what was left of his drink on a nearby table before twirling Haley away from his boss.

"I don't want to dance with Morgan," I pouted. "I want to dance with you."

"I don't dance."

His tone was firm, but I wasn't going to give up that easily. 

"Please, Spencer," I whined, batting my eyelashes and giving my best puppy dog eyes. "Not even one dance?"

Spencer sighed and took a swig from his beer.

"Alright," He relented, sounding far less than enthused. "Just for a bit!"

"Wow," Emily laughed. "That was easy."

I flashed her a smile before kissing Spencer's cheek and grabbing his hand with the one that wasn't holding my drink.

"Well if it isn't little miss yoga!" Derek shouted as we placed our drinks on a table close to the dance floor. "Glad you could finally make it!"

"She's Spencer's girlfriend now," Hotch informed him with a smirk causing a loud, bellowing laugh to come from Derek.

"Good on ya, bud," He patted Spencer's back. "It's about time."

Spencer's cheeks were pink again so, ignoring his tipsy colleges teasing, I pulled him a little bit farther away from the group so he wouldn't feel as self conscious as we danced. They were playing good music so I slowly moved my hips to the beat, but Spencer just stood still in front of me, bobbing his head slightly like an old man chaperoning a school dance. I giggled and moved towards him.

"You gotta relax, Spence," I told him, draping my arms over his shoulders. "Just feel the beat and move with it."

"I don't know how to do that," He insisted. "That's why I said I don't dance."

"Just don't overthink it."

I moved my hips again, this time moving my hands down to his hips to help demonstrate how he should be moving them. He was stiff at first, but eventually loosened up even though as soon as I moved my hands away he stopped. I looked up at him with a pout on my face, but he simply shrugged his shoulders. I was about to let him have his way and go back to the table when an idea hit me.

I turned around so my back was to his chest and slowly began moving my hips again. He froze, but I persisted.

"Just put your hands on my waist," I said, tipping my head back so it was leaning on his shoulder. "And move your hips with mine."

Spencer swallowed hard, but did as I instructed. Again, his movements were awkward at first, but as he got into the rhythm his bumping and grinding could give even Morgan a run for his money. 

Almost as if my thoughts drew his attention, Derek turned and saw our dancing.

"Woohoo," He cheered over the music. "Look at you go, pretty boy!"

I felt Spencer chuckle before he moved his hand from my hip to grab my own and spun me around so we were chest to chest. We were as close as we could possibly be, our faces just inches apart. There was tension, so much it felt like I was drowning in it so I did all I could think of doing and stretched up just slightly to press my lips against his. Unlike many of the kisses we'd shared (and there had been plenty over the last few months), it didn't start of gentle and delicate. It was a hard, passionate kiss that I'd hoped conveyed just the effect that the feel of his hips against mine had on me. 

It wasn't until I pulled away few moments later that we noticed the entire BAU staring in what seemed like shock at our actions. It must've been strange for them to see Spencer making out with a girl on the dance floor of a bar and I could tell by the way he gripped my hips in a more anxious way than he had been a moment before that it was strange for him to be seen that way too. After forcing us to wallow in the awkwardness for a few moments, Derek slowly began clapping his hands together, picking up speed as everyone joined in causing the other patrons of the bar to look over suspiciously.

This time I felt my cheeks go red too so I slipped my hand into Spencer's and led him back to our drinks before we rejoined Penelope, Emily and now JJ at the table.

-

By the end of the night it was safe to say we were all quite drunk, well most of the team was. Spencer was just a bit more tipsy than I'd ever seen him before and I was probably one drink further gone than he was. But the rest of his team was wasted. Even the Hotchner's had really let their hair down.

"We should get home," Haley announced, looking at her watch. "Jack has no sympathy for hangovers and he'll be awake in about five hours."

Hotch nodded and gathered their things, helping Haley into her coat.

"I should go home because I can barely see straight," JJ giggled, holding onto the table to stop herself from swaying.

"You can stay at my place?" Emily offered. "It's closer than yours."

JJ nodded and the pair of them headed out the door as well after waving their goodbye leaving just the four of us once again.

"I'm gonna be feeling this tomorrow," Derek groaned as Penelope cooed something about 'her poor baby' and rubbed his neck.

My attention however was on Spencer.

"Do I have to pretend I can't see straight to get an invitation to stay at your place?" I asked, playing innocent as I fiddled with my straw in the drink in front of me.

I heard Derek snort at my comment, but I ignored him as Spencer's cheeks flushed.

"Uh, no, no, of course not," He stammered. "You're welcome at my place any time."

"Well would you like me to stay at your place?"

He nodded and I took that as our cue to leave as well. We quickly said goodbye to the two at the table, ignoring Derek's hollers and singing of 'bow chicka bow wow' and rushed outside to get ourselves a taxi.

-

The taxi ride home was quiet as if we were both deep in thought. I was sitting in the middle seat, tucked into Spencer's side, my hand resting on his thigh and his arm around my shoulder, but no words were exchanged.

I was ready, I'd decided. We'd taken it slow, been seeing each other for a while without going past kissing, it was time to move things along. At least I hoped it was. Obviously Spencer had some say in the matter too, but I was starting to get more and more worked up every time he kissed me and I knew I couldn't last much longer.

Once we got to his apartment building, he paid the driver and we went inside. He seemed nervous as he mumbled something about getting us some water so I followed him into the kitchen and hopped up onto one of his counters.

"Come here," I said softly, reaching out for him.

He hesitated, but put down the glasses before doing as I'd asked and standing in front of me, my seat on the counter bringing us eye to eye for once. I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear before cupping his cheek slightly.

"We don't have to do anything, but sleep tonight if you're not comfortable with more," I assured him. "I'll be perfectly content with a good cuddle."

"It's not that," He insisted, spreading my legs slowly as he moved between them. "I just don't want to let you down."

I felt my heart rate increase as he leaned in until his lips were inches away from my own.

"You won't, I promise, you won't."

And with that Spencer closed the gap between us and pressed his lips against mine.

Again, it wasn't a gentle, sweet kiss, it was passionate and filled with longing. My hand tangled in his hair as he pressed as close against me as he could while I hooked one leg over his hip to keep him in place and our tongues battled.

I was ready, I was so ready and it seemed like Spencer was as well so I was disappointed when he pulled back a bit.

"Shall we, uh, move this to the bedroom?" He asked, causing relief to flood over me as I nodded frantically. He reluctantly moved away from me and I hopped off the counter. "I'll meet you there in a moment, I'm just going to use the bathroom first."

I nodded again, not trusting my voice to speak in my frazzled state and placed a kiss on his cheek before going to wait for him in the bedroom.

I took the opportunity to make myself a little more seductive, slipping my dress off my shoulders and silently thanking God that I'd thought to wear some sexy underwear. I wasn't expecting this at all when I'd gotten ready earlier, but obviously it was meant to be. I tousled my hair as I sat on his bed before laying down and facing the door.

I'd been in Spencer's room a few times since we'd started seeing each other, but I hadn't spent the night since that one time we shared the couch so I'd never been lucky enough to experience how comfortable his bed was. I was almost ready to just give in to it's soft, inviting pillows when Spencer came back into the room, his pants draped over his arm leaving him in just an untucked shirt and his boxers and I perked right up again.

"Wow," He breathed out as I batted my eyelashes and shot him what I hoped was an inviting glance. "You look amazing."

"So do you," I purred as he put his pants on a chair. 

I sat myself up slightly as I watched him. He seemed nervous and as endearing as it was, I didn't want him to be uncomfortable at all tonight.

"Not as good as you," He insisted. "I-I don't have the muscle tone you get from your yoga and I'm too skinny, my mom says it's because I drink too much coffee, but I've always just had a fast metabolism. I'm not underweight though, this is just my natural body type. I-"

"Spencer," I started, cutting off his self conscious ramble with a smile. "I think you're incredibly handsome and have a wonderful body. One that I would really like to be on top of mine right now."

Spencer blushed a dark red, but obliged my request and crawled on top of me as I moved up the bed until I was resting my head on his pillows.

He hovered over me for a moment before connecting our lips again. My hands roamed over his shirt and up to his hair, teasing the base of his neck with my fingers, earning a little groan from Spencer that made my stomach clench in anticipation. After a few minutes I got bolder and slipped my hands underneath his shirt, sliding it up slowly until it was over his head before tossing it on the floor.

"Perfect," I mumbled, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his chest.

"Hmm, but now we're not even," He pointed out as he looked at me, his eyes wide with arousal, the evidence of which I could also feel pressed against my thigh.

I leaned up on my elbows so my back wasn't pressed against the bed.

"Then I think you should do something about that," I suggested.

Spencer nodded and reached behind me to carefully, but with surprising ease, unhook my bra allowing me to quickly slip it off and toss it next to his shirt. His eyes roamed my chest with such a look of adoration that I felt tingles all over my body.

"You're incredibly beautiful," He told me causing a blush to colour my cheeks.

I wasn't used to this kind of care and appreciation during sex and as much as I did enjoy it, I wasn't sure how to respond so I simply pulled him back in for another kiss. It was different this time though, more needy and full of want. The sensation of my now bare nipples rubbing on his chest as his hips rocked against me was almost too much to handle and I felt a soft moan slip past my lips.

Spencer pulled back for a moment, flashing me a smile before moving his lips down my neck. His hands stayed at my side as he used them to support himself and I was almost ready to beg him to touch me with them when his mouth met my nipple and all other thoughts left me head. 

I felt like a work of art being worshipped the way Spencer was paying attention to my body. He caught my cues quickly, what made me arch my chest up towards his mouth vs what earned little to no reaction and within minutes of his sucking and nipping, I was writhing beneath him.

"Your heart is racing," He informed me as he rested his chin between my breasts. "Are you alright?"

"Mhmm," I nodded, trying to catch my breath. "But you're not the only one who's nervous tonight, Spence."

He frowned at that confession.

"Why're you nervous?"

"It's been a while for me," I admitted. "I haven't really had much, uh, action since I turned over my new leaf."

"It's been a while for me too," Spencer smiled. "And I guarantee you it's been longer, but just say the word and I'll stop, alright?"

I shook my head frantically.

"Don't stop, please. I'm so ready."

Spencer finally moved one of his hands from next to my shoulder and slid it down my stomach and into my panties. I shivered at the sensation before gasping as he finally made contact with the area I'd been dying for him to touch all night.

"Hmm, you really are ready, aren't you?"

"Please, Spencer," I groaned as he slid one finger inside of me. "I need you."

He pouted slightly, his head still resting on my chest.

"But I wanted to take my time," He told me as another finger joined his first causing me to moan and press up against him. "I wanted to taste you."

I tossed my head back as he curled his fingers against just the right spot causing me to wonder how he found it so quickly. It wasn't surprising though that a genius who's read probably every book in existence had a great understand of anatomy.

"Later," I panted. "Or tomorrow, or every day forever, but please. I want you inside me, I need to feel you."

Spencer sighed, slipping his fingers out of me causing me to whimper with disappointment.

"Alright," He relented. "If you insist."

I lifted my hips quickly so he could slide my panties down my legs then watched as he rid himself of his boxers, finally seeing all of him for the first time. And I was not disappointed. It would seem Spencer was gifted in more areas than his brain.

He stroked himself absentmindedly as he crawled back on top of me, a sight that almost finished me off right there, but as he lined himself up, my nerves came back.

"Just go slow, okay?" I asked quietly, sliding my arms around his neck to pull him close to me.

He nodded, swallowing hard before gently pressing into me. I gasped with pleasure, causing him to check that I was alright, but as I nodded, he continued. It felt like heaven. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire and my brain felt like it had stopped functioning all together. All I could think about was the man on top of me and how good he was making me feel.

He let out a groan as he slowly pushed in and out of me, shifting slightly each time until he hit the spot that made me see stars. I moaned and dug my nails into his back, bucking my hips up against his.

"Do you like that?" He asked, even though the smirk on his face gave away the fact that he already knew the answer.

"Yes," I moaned. "Faster, Spencer, please."

He obliged my request and began moving his hips with more urgency. I could feel already that my release wouldn't be long, no doubt thanks to his earlier actions and I pulled him in for a kiss, wanting us to be as close as possible. That is until he moved his hand down to rub against that little bundle of nerves and I tossed my head back with pleasure.

"Fuck, Spencer, I'm so close. Please, keep going."

"M'not gonna stop, Mick, promise," He groaned, through clenched teeth. 

His whole body was tense with concentration and with one more flick of his wrist and thrust of his hips, I felt my body tense as well as my release washed over me. I let out a guttural moan, gripping him so tightly I wouldn't be surprised if my nails broke the skin as I felt myself twitch and pulse around him. He kept going all the way through, his head buried in my neck, whispering encouragements until he finally stilled his hips inside me and let out a moan of his own against my ear.

We laid there for a moment, chests heaving as we fought to catch our breath, a thin shine of sweat covering us. I felt like I was on cloud nine and as Spencer rolled off of me onto the bed, I could tell he felt the same.

"That was amazing," I told him, pressing a kiss against his shoulder as I curled into his side. 

"It was," He nodded. "Sorry I, uh, sorry I didn't last long."

He looked over at me sheepishly, but I silenced his worries with a gentle kiss.

"We all got there in the end and that's what matters," I assured him. "I think we were both pretty speedy."

He chuckled and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to his chest. We laid in silence as our bodies cooled down and it wasn't long before I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep feeling content, relaxed and happier than I'd been in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to update, I've been so busy at work and and didn't want to rush this chapter! I hope it's alright, writing those kinds of scenes isn't my forte, but I did my best!  
> Also, I know their little BAU night out in season 2 episode 14 got interrupted half way through, but for these purposes they didn't get the call until after.


	7. Chapter Seven

"Mickey," I heard Spencer say softly, sounding like he was very far away. "Mickey...Mikayla, wake up."

He shook my shoulder gently so I reluctantly opened my eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked, noticing he was fully dressed.

"Yeah, I'm fine," He smiled. "But we got a case, a bad one by the sounds of it. I have to go to work."

"What time is it?"

"Only six," He informed me. "The rest of the team are probably going to be in rough shape."

"I was hoping for round two this morning," I pouted, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, causing Spencer to blush from the memories.

"Sorry, Mickey, I wish we could, but I really have to go. You can stay though," He assured me. "I left my spare key on the nightstand, just lock the door when you leave."

"Are you sure?" I asked, despite how grateful I was that I didn't have to leap out of bed and get ready. Luckily, Spencer nodded.

"Of course," He smiled, leaning down to place a soft kiss on my lips. "I trust you. I'll message you later when I get the chance, alright?"

I nodded as he reluctantly headed towards the door.

"Be safe!" I shouted after him before rolling over and burying my face back into the pillows.

-

I was grateful not to be teaching that day due to my head and other parts of my body being a bit sore from the night's activities, but I also got bored easily and didn't do too well with an abundance of free time. Since I was also in need of a serious gossip session with Penelope, I invited her over for dinner. Considering she was in worse shape than I was the night before and she probably had to be up at the same time as Spencer, I figured a nice greasy pizza would do the trick. Which was convenient since I wasn't much of a cook.

It was about seven o'clock when Penelope burst into my apartment.

"You should really lock that door," She informed me, placing a box of cupcakes on my counter. "But I'm sorry I'm late. This case is a doozy and it's been keeping us really busy."

"I thought it must be," I wrinkled my nose in displeasure. "I messaged Spencer this morning and he hasn't answered which is unusual for him even if they're busy."

"I'll spare you the details, but it's bad."

I cringed slightly, not allowing my mind to wander to what horrible monster they were dealing with now.

"I'm surprised you have the evening off then," I pointed out, knowing their job kept them far later than the usual five pm finish.

"Well I've done all I can for now and a girl's gotta eat!" She grinned. "But my phone is on so I'm sorry in advance if I have to skedaddle."

"Don't worry about it," I said as I pulled the pizza out of the oven.

"But anyway, enough about all that," Penelope started and I knew what was coming. "Tell me everything! I'm not sure I can handle the gory details involving our little genius, but I'm so curious!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm, my cheeks bursting from how hard I was smiling.

"It was really great," I admitted. "I felt really appreciate and cared for the whole time, it was rushed because we both wanted it so bad not because he didn't care for my feelings like most guys I've been with."

"Awwe, little Reid!" Penelope giggled. "Always treats a lady right."

"Not so little actually," I smirked.

Penelope looked puzzled for a moment before she realized what I was talking about.

"Oh my god! Mikayla! Those are the kind of details I don't need to hear!" She squealed as I laughed.

"I had to tell someone!" I giggled. "I wasn't really expecting it from him."

"Can't say I've ever thought about it until now," Penelope groaned. "I also can't believe you waited this long to have sex with your boyfriend."

"Well he was only officially my boyfriend as of last night," I admitted through a mouthful of pizza. "But I know, it's been like three months? That's proof right there that I'm a changed woman."

"Three or four," Penelope nodded. "So things are getting serious?"

"I guess so," I shrugged. "I'm really happy with him, we have a lot of fun together. I care about him a lot and would be really sad if he wanted to stop seeing me. Is that serious? I've never done this before."

"I'd say that's pretty serious."

"He told me about his mom too," I told her. "And her schizophrenia so I feel like if he's willing to confide in me about something like that, he must think we're pretty serious too."

"I'd say so," Penelope agreed before a darker look appeared on her face. "Did you tell him about-"

Before she could finish her sentence her phone started ringing on the table.

" _Saved by the bell_ ," I thought to myself as she answered the call.

My relief was short lived though as a look of horror flashed on her face and it almost looked like she was about to cry.

"Everything okay?" I asked, knowing it wasn't as she stood up so fast she almost knocked her chair over.

"No, no, not at all!" She panicked, trying to find her purse. "I need to go to Georgia right now."

"Take a breath, Penny," I instructed, knowing she wouldn't get anywhere fast in a panic. "What's going on?"

"It's Reid," She started, causing my heart to drop and knots to form in my stomach. "He's been kidnapped."

"What?!" I shrieked. "Are you serious? Is he okay?"

"I-I don't know," Penelope stuttered out. "I have to go to Atlanta, the guy's a tech geek or something, they want me to look through his computers."

"I'm coming with you"

My words stopped her in her tracks.

"You can't," She said firmly. "What I said about the FBI not flying out loved ones when their agents have a bad day also applies to when they've been kidnapped I'm afraid."

"Then I'll pay my own way," I insisted. "I can't just sit here twiddling my thumbs while he's in danger!"

"And what good will you be in the field?" She asked, her patience with me obviously wearing thin. "You'll be a distraction, you'll be just another thing for the team to worry about and that's the last thing Spencer needs right now. He needs us all focused."

"But-"

"No, buts!" Penelope snapped at me. "We'll bring him home safe to you, Mickey. I promise."

Before I even had chance to protest again, Penelope turned and ran out the door, leaving me shocked, sad, scared and completely alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little one setting them up for big things!


	8. Chapter Eight

I didn't sleep at all that night. I attempted to do some calming yoga and meditation, but it just ended in tears so I resorted to stressed out pacing around my apartment.

I was scared. I knew Spencer was a trained FBI agent and I'm sure they would have prepared him for these kinds of situations, but at the end of the day he wasn't the most physically fit person, he wouldn't be able to fight his way out. Anyway, the psychos they dealt with could overpower even strong, imposing men.

As the sun came up that morning I found myself staring at my phone on the table willing it to ring, for Spencer to call me and tell me it was alright, it was just a misunderstanding. But the call never came.

I wanted to cry, scream, hit something, break something, anything to get the feelings I was feeling out. I felt anxious and unsettled and I couldn't focus on anything for more than ten minutes.

The months we'd spent together had been wonderful. I felt supported, trusted, believed in, all the things that I'd been trying to find for the last few years. Spencer didn't see me as some drunk kid with no regard for anyone's feelings, he saw me for who I was today. He didn't hold my past against me, he gave me a fair shot and I really did think we had a bright future ahead of us. So of course some insane murderer would kidnap him. Just my fucking luck.

And he didn't deserve it. Penelope was right when she described him as a warm sunny day. He was the most kind hearted person I'd probably ever met even though the world hadn't always been kind to him. He was fiercely loyal to his friends and would do anything he could to help anyone. It wasn't fair.

By lunch time and after my third unanswered call to Penelope, I was driving myself insane. I needed something, anything to take the edge off and distract me which is how I found myself cracking open a bottle of rum at three in the afternoon.

I knew I shouldn't have. I knew that drinking to cope with stress was a slippery slope that I'd tried very hard to pull myself out of before, but I needed something to stop my brain from spinning and maybe help me sleep. All the 'what ifs' running through my brain had my stomach in knots. I suddenly was thinking about our relationship on a different level and all the things we hadn't had chance to do yet. Like waking up curled up in each other's arms without Spencer's phone disturbing us, making love slowly without the frenzied desperation we'd had our first time, introducing him to my parents and showing them that some people don't see me as a waste of space like they do, meeting his mom and assuring her that her little genius is in good hands, spending a weekend together with nothing but junk food, movies and Spencer's endless list of facts about everything the movies got wrong. We'd never get to have a fight and I'd never get to tell him how absolutely wonderful I think he is.

The first sip of alcohol sliding down my throat felt like heaven. I instantly felt my shoulders relax as if my body knew that I wouldn't be feeling this stress and pain for much longer. I told myself just one or two to take the edge off, but when yet another call to Penelope went unanswered, I lost any sense of self control I'd gained over the last few years and before I knew it the afternoon had flown by and almost the entire bottle was gone. 

The room was spinning and my head was pounding from the alcohol and lack of sleep, but everything seemed brighter. Spencer would be fine. He had to be. And with that thought I drifted into an unsettled sleep on my couch.

-

_I blinked my eyes open as the sound of my door slamming shut woke me._

_"Spencer?" I called out. "Is that you?"_

_Nothing, but silence answered me and as I sat up from the couch, I noticed the window was open, the curtain fluttering softly._

_"Must just have been the wind," I thought to myself, not wondering in my half asleep state why the window was open at the end of January._

_Something felt odd though, like I wasn't alone, but just as I was about to lay down and close my eyes again I heard it. Faintly in the distance. Spencer calling my name, whimpering it almost like he barely had the strength._

_"Spencer!" I shouted again. "Spencer, where are you?"_

_The same, soft moan of my name was all that replied. I pushed myself up off the couch, cautiously moving towards the hallway, but as I turned from my living room suddenly I wasn't in my apartment anymore. Well, I was or I felt like I was, but the hallway that had previously only had my bedroom and a bathroom in it was now long, stretching out with enough space for the ten mysterious doors that had suddenly appeared._

_Spencer's voice floated towards me once again, sounding closer than it had before so hesitantly, I opened the door closest to me. Nothing. It was empty and dark. The voice was still there though so I moved to the next one. Again, there was nothing._

_I'd gotten through almost four doors when Spencer's voice changed. Suddenly it wasn't weak and quiet, it was loud and fearful, screaming my name in desperation. My heart was pounding as I picked up the pace, flinging open doors until finally there was only one left. And of course, it was locked. He was in there though. His voice was now clear and strong, he was right on the other side of the door._

_With all my strength I slammed my shoulder against it, forcing it open just as the voice went quiet. And there, to my horror, I found Spencer. Covered head to toe in blood, beaten so badly he was barely recognisable._

_I screamed and fell to my knees next to his body, but it was too late. He was gone._

-

I sat up so fast that I almost fell off the couch. My heart was racing as I fought to catch my breath and my head was throbbing from the fast movement I'd just made, reminding me of the large amount of alcohol I'd consumed the night before. It was just a dream. Spencer was fine. He wasn't beaten to death in some mysterious room in my apartment. His team would find him and he would be okay.

I glanced at the clocking seeing that it was almost nine am meaning I'd slept for almost 13 hours. It was then that I realized my phone was ringing.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice rough and scratchy from the alcohol.

"Mickey?" Penelope's voice asked me. "Are you okay? You don't sound well."

"Other than my boyfriend being kidnapped by a psycho, I'm just great," I said sarcastically as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, feeling the familiar post-night out puffiness on my cheeks. "Have you found him yet?"

"No, we haven't. That's what I called to tell you." My heart sank at her words, but her tone seemed harder than before. "Mickey, have you been drinking?"

Damn, she was perceptive, but I knew there was no point in denying it. She'd been working with profilers long enough to learn a few things.

"I had a few drinks last night," I admitted. "Maybe more than a few."

"Seriously, Mikayla?!" Penelope snapped at me. "Now is not the time for you to be acting like this! Drinking yourself stupid isn't going to help anyone! I don't have time to babysit you and Spencer doesn't need to be greeted by a thoughtless alcoholic when we finally get him home."

I knew tensions were high and everyone was worried, but as she scolded me, I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Penny," I whimpered, cutting her off before she could continue her rant. "I'm just so scared."

"What?" She asked, her voice softer again as her concern trumped her annoyance as it always did with Penelope.

"I'm scared," I repeated as one tear slid down my cheek. "I really care about him, I feel helpless. It sounds so silly, I know I've only known him for a few months, but I can't imagine not having him around anymore and it's so frustrating that I can't do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. I had a dream that he was here, but someone hurt him and I couldn't get to him in time. I just want him to come home."

By the time I was done, tears were flowing steadily down my cheeks and my words ended with a sob.

"Oh, Mickey," Penelope sighed. "He's going to be okay. We're going to find him. We're getting closer and we know he's still alive and doing alright. But what won't help him and what he wouldn't want is for you to make a mess of yourself again over this. He'd never want to be the reason you started using alcohol as a crutch again."

"I know," I sniffled. "I just didn't know what else to do. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus and you weren't answering your phone."

"I know, hun, but cell service is pretty spotty out here," She informed me. "Dump out whatever is left in that bottle, go take a nice long shower, do some of your yoga or whatever will help you relax and I promise you I will call you later, okay?"

I reluctantly agreed before letting Penelope get back to work.

I took her advice as far as dumping the tiny bit left in the bottle and taking a long hot shower, but I still was far too restless to do yoga. Instead, I stress cleaned my entire apartment. I scrubbed all the floors, counters, cupboards, the shower, the toilet, washed my sheets, dusted everywhere and didn't even stop to eat until that evening when I got the message I'd been waiting for.

" ** _We've got him. He's safe._** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I'm not super happy with how this one turned out, but some massive family drama kicked off on Monday just as I started writing it and it completely derailed my focus :(  
> I'm still quite distracted, but I'll try to get it together soon haha


	9. Chapter Nine

Spencer had been injured. I didn't know how badly, but when Penelope called me later that night after they'd rescued him, she said that Spencer was with a doctor, but would hopefully be released in the morning and cleared for travel. 

It was hard, once again, not to book myself a ticket and fly down to Atlanta to support him, but I did make damn sure I was waiting by the doors of the BAU the second he arrived home. I was perched on his desk, nervously biting my nails as I stared at the elevator doors almost scared to blink in case I missed him.

Never in my life had I felt this way about a man. Never had I let someone I was seeing get so under my skin that I would spend an entire three days doing absolutely nothing, but stress because there was something (albeit it a pretty massive something) going on in their life. I was in way over my head, but the thought of losing Spencer had really made it clear to me just how much he meant to me. I was definitely moving on from smitten and edging my way towards a word beginning with 'L' and that scared the crap out of me.

As soon as the elevator doors cracked open, I lept off the desk and bolted towards it. Spencer had barely taken one step out before I wrapped my arms around him. He felt skinny and frail, but he smelt like my Spencer as I buried my face in his chest.

"Careful, Mickey!" Peneleope giggled. "He just survived being kidnapped, we don't need you squeezing him to death now."

I turned my head to face the crowd around us as Spencer pulled me close, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"I have spent the last three days wondering if I would ever see him again," I reminded everyone. "I'm allowed as much squeezing as I please."

"We were always going to bring him home," Gideon assured me, clapping a hand on Spencer's shoulder as he walked past.

"How'd you get in here anyway?" Derek asked, an amused look on his face.

"I can answer that," Penelope volunteered sheepishly. "I printed her an ID card. It just says visitor, but most people don't look closely enough for it to even matter what it says. I just didn't want her to get arrested if she kept waltzing past security!"

The look on Hotch's face at Penelope's confession was priceless.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," He informed us before shaking his head and following Gideon in the direction of their offices as I unwrapped myself from Spencer.

"Are you alright?" I asked him, tucking his hair behind his ears so I could get a good look at him.

He had a few scratches and bruises and the way he was standing with most of his weight on one leg led me to believe the other was injured, but he seemed a lot better off that I'd imagined and certainly much better off than he had in my dream.

"I'm fine," He smiled softly, his voice making my heart fill with relief. "Happy to be home. I've missed you."

"I missed you too, you have no idea," I sighed before stretching up to gently place a kiss on his lips. 

There was a teasing chorus of 'awwwe' from the team and I pulled away to stick my tongue out in their direction.

"I was all set to take pretty boy here home, but is it safe to assume you can handle it?" Derek asked, smirking as I nodded enthusiastically.

"That's why I'm here," I explained. "If you don't mind of course, Spencer?"

"Of course not," He smiled, squeezing my hand.  
"Perfect," Penelope chimed in. "But could I talk to you for a sec, Mickey?"

I nodded and reluctantly let go of Spencer's hand, following my old friend over to a quiet corner of the room.

"What's up?" I asked, my gaze still focused on Spencer as JJ fussed over him a bit in my absence.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice serious, but caring. "You know, with that whole getting drunk by yourself the other day thing?"

I felt my cheeks go a touch pink as I felt ashamed of how I chose to deal with the situation.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I assured her. "It was stupid, I shouldn't have done it, but it was a one time thing. I was really scared, Pen. I just wanted something to take the edge off and help me sleep, but I won't do it again. I don't drink with the sole purpose of getting drunk anymore, I barely even get more than tipsy when I go out for drinks."

"I know," Penelope nodded. "I know you're trying, but I know it's hard at times like this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you to talk to, but if you need anything let me know, alright?"

"Of course, you've always been my go to," I smiled. "But I'm fine, I promise."

"Alright, then I'll let you get your sweet thing home to get some rest."

We rejoined the group for a few moments for me thank them again and for us to say goodbye before I dragged Spencer to the elevator, eager for us to have some time alone. 

I'd taken public transit to Quantico, knowing he'd driven himself to work when the team left for the case and after a short argument about whether or not he was fit to drive, I drove him home.

-

"Are you hungry? I could make us some food." I suggested as I swung open the door to Spencer's apartment. 

I dropped his bag on the floor before stretching out my shoulder slightly when he wasn't paying attention. We'd had another argument about whether or not he was strong enough to carry it himself and he wouldn't listen to my insistence that it wasn't that I doubted him, it was that I wanted to take care of him and help take on some of his strain. However, I'd massively underestimated the weight of his 'go-bag' as they called it and regretted my childish decision to simply run up the stairs with it knowing he wouldn't be able to catch up properly in his current state.

"Do you cook?" Spencer asked causing me to realize that we spent most of our meals together at a restaurant or with take away.

"Not really," I admitted sheepishly. "But I'm sure I could throw something together if you don't mind something a bit less than gourmet."

Spencer chuckled at my answer, but shook his head.

"Don't worry about it," He assured me. "I'm not really hungry."

I frowned knowing his body would need sustenance after it's ordeal.

"Well I am," I lied. "Mind if I raid your fridge?"

"Sure," Spencer shrugged, following me into the kitchen. "But I doubt there will be much of use in there. I have been gone for almost four days."

I ignored his pessimism and opened the fridge. Leaning inside I could see he was right, but I did find one useful ingredient that would have to suffice.

"Do you have bread?"I asked as I stood up, taking the eggs with me. "Eggs on toast is my speciality."

Spencer looked around briefly before his eyes landed on a clear plastic bag on the counter next to him. He picked it up and inspected it before shaking his head.

"It's mouldy."

"Let me see," I insisted, holding out my hand for him to pass it to me. He reluctantly did and I opened the bag. Sure, there was a touch of mould on the first slice, but the second was alright and the third and fourth were even better. "It's fine. A little mould exposure never hurt anyone, it's good for your immune system."

"Actually," Spencer started, his tone conveying that he was about to prove me wrong and not too pleased with my decision, but I cut him off.

"Sorry, Spencer, but I don't want to hear your mould death statistics right now," I smiled at him, popping the bread in his toaster before moving to find a bowl to whisk the eggs in. "I do this all the time and it's not killed me yet."

I could have sworn I heard him mutter something under his breath about me being reckless with my health, but he didn't stop me and ten minutes later I placed a lovely looking plate of eggs and toast on the table between us. As I suspected, Spencer licked his lips as he looked at the food.

"Would you like some?" I asked after taking a bite of the eggs. He hesitated for a moment then nodded.

"Just a bite, if you don't mind."

I shook my head and handed him the fork. He took a small bite at first, but then went back for another bigger one before taking a bite of the toast as well. I watched quietly with a smile as he devoured the entire meal like he hadn't eaten in weeks.

"Sorry," He mumbled sheepishly once the plate was clean. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought."

"That's okay," I assured him, taking the plate and putting in the sink with the dishes I'd use to cook. "I wasn't hungry anyway."

"But you said..."

"I was being sneaky," I admitted. "I knew you'd want to eat if there was food in front of you."

Spencer chuckled, shaking his head at my game.

"I guess I'm just so tired my profiling skills aren't what they should be," He sighed. "Care to take this to the bedroom?"

"Of course," I smirked. "But you better not try anything. I've been dying for round two, but I want you in top form first."

"That's not what I meant!" He insisted, his cheeks going bright pink at my teasing. "I just want to lay down and be close to you."

My heart melted at his words and I grabbed his hand off the table, linking our fingers together to lead him to his room.

-

Spencer began unbuttoning his shirt as soon as we stepped through the door to his bedroom.

"Feel free to raid my closet to find something to sleep in," He told me before freezing as he realized he'd been presumptuous. "That, uh, that is if you...you want to stay here tonight?"

I smiled at his ever endearing nervousness before stretching up to gently kiss his lips.

"I've spent the last three days praying I would get to see you again," I confessed. "You wouldn't be able to kick me out tonight if you wanted to."

Spencer wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against his chest, his face buried in my hair.

"Thank you," He mumbled quietly.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other until I reluctantly pulled away to find something more comfortable to wear.

Spencer lounged on the bed after stripping himself down to his boxers and undershirt as I rifled through his closet. I was about to just wrap myself in one of his dress shirts when a t-shirt caught my eye. I giggled as I quickly stripped down to my underwear before pulling it over my head.

"Freeze! FBI!" I shouted, leaping around to face Spencer with my fingers together as if they were a gun, the letters FBI across my chest.  
Spencer chuckled at my antics, but his shook his head.

"I don't think you're supposed to wear that," He teased me. "Impersonating a federal agent is a serious crime."

I giggled and cocked my head to the side as my hands moved to my hips.

"Does it count as impersonating a federal agent if I'm not wearing any pants?"

"Mhmm, still counts," He nodded lazily, the exhaustion of his ordeal written all over his face. "Come over here so I can arrest you."

"Kinky," I giggled as I pranced over towards him, enjoying the way his cheeks flamed every time I made any kind of sexual reference.

I crawled across his bed until I could curl up by his side. Feeling a wave of absolute gratitude wash over me that he was safe and here next to me. It would seem he was feeling the same way as he draped an arm over my shoulder and squeezed me as close to his side as possible.

"I missed you, Kayla."

I raised an eyebrow at his words.

"Kayla?"

"Everyone calls you Mickey," He shrugged. "I want to call you something else, I was just testing it. I won't use it if you don't like it."

"Well then what do I get to call you?" I pouted as he absentmindedly stroked my hair and I traced shapes on his forearm. "What's your middle name?

"Walter," He informed me as his eyes drifted shut. "What's yours?"

"It doesn't matter," I brushed him off, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "Just get some rest."

"I'm fine," He assured me. "Just tell me."

I hesitated slightly before finally blurting it out.

"Betsy."

At that, Spencer's eyes snapped open.

"Betsy?" He clarified before bursting out laughing when I nodded. "Oh my god, that's awful."

"It was my grandmother's name!" I protested, unable to hold back a giggle of my own at his amusement. "You can't tell anyone! You'll ruin my street cred!"

Spencer only proceeded to laugh even harder as his exhaustion had clearly turned to hysteria.

"Street cred? Did you join a gang while I was away?"

I slapped his chest playfully before burying my head in his neck to hide my giggles.

"Maybe I did," I mumbled against his skin. "But the first rule of fight club is that we don't talk about fight club."

"What?"

I could almost feel his muscles move as his brows furrowed in confusion and I moved back slightly so I could see his adorable face.

"It's from a movie. Well, from a book. It's good, we can watch it some time," I suggested, moving my hand to cup his cheek. "It's so good to hear you laugh. I was so worried I'd never get to hear that sound again."

A sad look crossed his face as he leaned into my hand.

"I'll always come back to you, Mick," He assured me, kissing my palm softly. "Don't tell the team, but the thought of leaving you behind, not even getting to say goodbye, helped keep me focus while he had me. I've never had someone to come home to before and I couldn't bare the thought of hurting you like that."

I felt tears well up in my eyes at his confession, but I blinked them back. I was speechless, the only word filling my mind was that little, but oh so important 'L' word, but I just couldn't bring myself to say. It was too soon. I didn't even know what it felt like to feel that way. Surely, I was just getting ahead of myself because we'd faced a horrible situation that most couples are never put in. 

Realizing I was just staring adoringly at Spencer and not saying a word, I pressed my lips against his, hoping to convey my feelings whatever they might be.

"I'm so glad you're home," I whispered as I pulled away. "But you looked wrecked, let's get some sleep."

Spencer nodded, placing another kiss to the tip of my nose before wiggling the blankets out from underneath us and pulling them over us. I turned onto my side, pulling Spencer's arm around my waist and his front against my back. Once we were settled in, I whispered a 'goodnight', but when it went unanswered, I peered over my shoulder and saw that he was already very deeply asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if Spencer has an official middle name on the show, but Walter is the closest thing I could find in my research, but correct me if he has an actual one!  
> Hope you all enjoy. I've had a shit week, but I'm much more confident with this chapter than the last :)


	10. Chapter Ten

I stayed with Spencer that night and the next morning until I had to leave to teach a class. I didn't want to go, but Spencer seemed in fairly good spirits for someone who'd just been kidnapped and I had missed a lot of classes while I was busy worrying about him so when he pushed me to go, I did.

I practically skipped all the way to class that afternoon, feeling on top of the world. My man was home, safe and recovering and everything seemed right in the world again. But as usual with a feeling like that, it didn't last.

I ended up teaching my class that day then covering two others afterwards so I was exhausted by the end of it and just wanted to go home and sleep. I checked in with Spencer and everything seemed fine, but when I tried to make plans to see him the following day, he brushed me off. He said he didn't think he'd be up to much and just wanted to rest so he'd be in top form when another case came in. I resisted the urge to point out that he should probably skip out on at least the next case, but I knew any argument would be futile. His job was his life and I doubted that anything would keep him away from it.

Which is why when he didn't answer my calls for a few days and eventually just messaged me to inform me he was in New York with the team on a case I didn't jump to any conclusions. But there was a nagging feeling in my heart. Even when Spencer was on a case, it usually never took more than a couple of hours for him to respond to me unless they were somewhere with bad cell service which I very much doubted was the case in New York. I made myself stay calm though. He had just been through something pretty massive and if he needed some space, I wasn't going to force my company on him.

But as the days passed with little to no word from him, I did start to worry. He ignored almost all of my calls even when he wasn't on a case and when he messaged me he was blunt and snappy. I told myself that I was just reading too much into it, worrying over nothing and that he would get back to his normal self soon, but as one week turned into two and then two turned into three, I missed him and I'd never been a particularly patient person who could just sit around and wait for things to figure themselves out.

So when I woke up one morning just after three am to my phone vibrating and a message from Spencer saying " **Are you awake? I need you badly...** " I couldn't resist telling him to come over even though my spiteful side was begging me to ignore him like he'd been doing to me.

As soon as I opened the door he was on me. His hands on my hips, pulling me towards him so fast I had to wrap my arms around his neck to steady myself. His lips were on my jaw, trailing kisses up until they reached mine. My body was reacting, I felt a wave of heat and arousal flush through me at his actions, but my heart was warning me to stop. Something wasn't right.

I pulled back slightly, my fingers playing softly with his hair as I took in his appearance. He looked horrible. His eyes were sunken in and bloodshot, like he hadn't slept in days, he was pale and jittery, he looked worse now than he had when he first came home.

"Are you alright?" I asked quietly, my voice rough from the deep sleep I'd been in before Spencer's message woke me up. "I haven't heard from you in days, we've barely talked in weeks and now you show up here in the middle of the night and kiss me like that?"

"Did you not like it?" He asked, his tone harsh and not like the Spencer I knew. "I can leave if I'm bothering you so much."

"I don't want you to leave," I assured him, keeping my voice calm as I hoped it would help him be the same. "I've missed you, I'm glad you're here."

His face softened at my words and a tiny half of a smile appeared on his face.

"I've missed you too, Mickey," He assured me. "Let me show you how much...Please, I need you."

When I read his message I'd assumed, knowing Spencer, that his need was emotional, but I could tell now, especially as he pressed his hips against mine, that he needed me in a difference sense of the word. Again, my heart was warning me against it. There was obviously something bothering him, something that couldn't be fixed by a physical release. But I'd missed him so much. I wanted to be close to him again, to feel that connection. So, convincing myself that maybe I could snap him out of whatever dark place he seemed to be in if I showed him physically how much I cared, I let him lead the way to my bedroom.

What followed was not how I'd pictured our second time together to be. Spencer was still caring, making sure I was okay and happy every step of the way, but it wasn't romantic and passionate. It was dirty and tense, rough and almost angry. It felt like the kind of sex you have after a fight when tensions are still high. It was still really good and left my entire body buzzing with satisfaction, but the warning in my heart still told me that something about this situation wasn't right.

And that warning proved to be correct when I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. For a minute I actually thought perhaps I'd dreamt the whole thing, but the text from Spencer in my phone and the ache in my thighs told me it was real.

I felt tears prick my eyes as I sat up in my bed, stunned with a sickeningly familiar feeling in my stomach. This was what I was used to. The two am booty calls, the dirty emotionless sex and the loneliness in the morning. Feeling satisfied, but used and empty. And the fact it was Spencer who had caused these feelings of doubt in my mind made my heart crack open slightly as I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried.

Things had been going so well for us. I was in a happy, supportive, caring relationship for the first time in my life and yet, here I was in the same place I always ended up. Was it me? Was I unlovable? Was there something about me that screamed I wasn't good for anything, but sex? Maybe I just wasn't relationship material because if someone like Spencer, who put sex very close to the bottom of his list of priorities, only wanted to see me for that purpose then I felt like that said a lot.

I let myself wallow for almost an hour until my tears turned to sniffles and I had to rally myself to teach a class. I was so distracted the whole day that I'm not sure how I made it through my classes, but by the time I was done I was dying for a drink. So much so that my mouth was practically watering at the thought, but Penelope's words were in my head so I got in my car and found myself driving towards Quantico and my best friend.

-

Once I'd used my handy fake visitor ID to get past security (which was fairly low given that it was five pm and most people were on their way home for the day), I headed straight for Penelope's office. I looked around the bullpen realizing I'd gone completely unnoticed as everyone stared straight at their screens, typing furiously, probably eager to finish up for the day so they could go home. Relieved that I would be able to talk to Penelope without an audience, I turned my focus back to my task, reaching for the handle to her lair just as it suddenly swung open.

"Mickey?" She asked, obviously as started as I was. "What're you doing here?"

I shushed her and quickly pushed her back into the office, the door drifting halfway shut behind us.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked, feeling the nerves bubble up in my stomach. "I'm desperately fighting the urge to drown myself in vodka right now."

"Oh, my Mickey mouse," She sighed, a frown sliding onto her face. "Of course you can. What's going on?"

"I think Spencer is done with me," I admitted, the tears I'd held back all day filling my eyes as Penelope's frown grew even deeper.

"Why on earth would you think that?" 

Her tone made my heart drop and suspicions grow. She was saddened by my confession, but there wasn't much surprise.

"He's been so distant since he came back from Atlanta," I explained. "And I know he went through something horrible, but it's been weeks since he answered my calls or we had a proper conversation. He's always either away on a case or busy with paperwork, he finds any excuse to avoid my company or talk about anything important."

"I know it's hard, but he did go through a big trauma," Penelope reminded me, but her lack of eye contact told me there was more going on. "Sometimes people react to that in ways we don't expect, maybe he just needs some time to work through what happened before he can come to you for comfort."

"That's what I thought," I insisted. "But then last night, at three in the morning, he came over to my house. He looked rough so I didn't want to press him for answers, but we ended up having sex and it just felt different. The connection we had wasn't there, it didn't feel like my Spencer at all. Then he was gone when I woke up and I just have this feeling that it was his way of showing me what he wants, that he only wants me for meaningless sex."

Penelope opened her mouth, probably to deny everything I'd said and assure me I was wrong, but the door swung open before she could speak. Standing on the other side was Spencer, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"What're you doing here, Mikayla?" He practically snarled at me.

I noticed behind him, he'd drawn the attention of most of the BAU bullpen and my cheeks grew pink. 

"I just came to talk to Penelope," I assured him. "That's all."

"Well I don't think it's appropriate for you to just show up at my place of work whenever you please," He informed me, crossing his arms as Derek stood up and walked towards our group.

"Spencer, hey," He started. "Calm down, man. She's just here to see her friend."

The whole tone of this conversation made my heart sink. He was talking as if I was an ex that he didn't want around, not his current girlfriend and the way Derek was so quick to cut in before things escalated just furthered my belief that I was missing something big here.

"I don't need to calm down," Spencer snapped at his friend. "I find it highly inappropriate that the woman I'm sleeping with constantly shows up at my place of work especially if she's come to discuss the nature of our relationship with one of my co-workers."

_The woman I'm sleeping with_. His words echoed in my head. A month ago he was introducing me as his girlfriend and now that was all I was to him. I was right. Something had changed. He'd figured out that I wasn't relationship material.

"That co-worker was her best friend long before she was sleeping with you!"

Penelope's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, her mama bear tone reminding me of when we were kids and she stood up for me at school. I always hated when she fought my battles for me, but I felt so lost and full of questions that I didn't even know where to start.

"Well if our business is everyone's business then let's have it out, shall we?" Spencer turned his attention to me, ignoring another warning from Derek. "Did you actually think we were compatible for anything more than sex? I have an IQ of 187 and you barely graduated high school. What could we possible have in common?"

I stared at him in shock, my heart shattering in my chest as Penelope and Derek both jumped to my defence, scolding Spencer for his harsh words. 

I knew it wasn't true. We'd been seeing each other for months and only slept together twice. We had plenty to talk about and plenty in common and the way his team, his friends, were reacting I knew there was more to this than I understood, but his words were like a knife in my heart. He saw me like everyone else. I was just a failure, a loser, a girl who partied away her youth and had no direction in life. The kind of girl you spend the weekend with, but never introduce to your parents. He got what he wanted from me and now, he was done.

We stared at each other for a moment and as a tear slid down my cheek, I could've sworn the scowl on his face weakened a bit, but it hardened again as I shook my head before looking over at Penelope.

"And you thought I was the one who would be doing the hurting," I reminded her, my voice hoarse with emotion. She gave me an apologetic look, but I didn't wait for her to comment before pushing my way past Spencer and storming out of her office.

I heard several people calling after me as Derek once again let Spencer know what an jerk he had been, but I didn't turn around until the elevator doors were completely shut behind me so that none of them would see just how hard I was crying.


	11. Chapter Eleven

As I drove back towards the city, I was a mess. I was crying so hard I could barely see the road in front of me, but I kept driving for hours. You can't drink while you're driving and you also can't answer your phone and since mine was ringing every thirty seconds with Penelope's name flashing on the screen, I figured it was safer to keep going rather than head back to my apartment. But eventually I was getting low on gas and I didn't want to get stranded so I was forced to head home and face my demons.

I already had a headache forming from the tears and the stress so, much to my surprise, I didn't even feel like drowning my sorrows when I got home, but I still definitely didn't feel like talking. I sent a brief message to Penelope telling her I was fine and sober, but exhausted and not up for a conversation before I took myself off to bed.

I felt like I was in a fog for the next few days. I went about my daily routine and taught my classes, but I felt like a robot, just going through the motions. Every time I checked my phone, I hoped there would be a message from Spencer and every time there wasn't, I couldn't figure out why I was disappointed. I wasn't ready to talk to him anyway. I was hurt and even if he apologized and assured me he didn't mean it, he'd planted a seed in my mind with his words and I knew it would take me a long time to shake my doubts.

I soon realized that it would take me a lot longer to shake Penelope though. We had one brief phone call the day after Spencer had snapped at me where I assured her that I was alright and not going to drink myself silly so she left me to my thoughts the following day, but today, three days after Spencer blew up at me, I was back to ignoring her calls. I knew she meant well. She'd always been there for me through things like this, she'd always been my shoulder to cry on so I could understand her concern at my self-imposed isolation, but I didn't want to talk. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to fix things with Spencer because I didn't know what changed between us and I didn't know how to get passed what he'd said.

A knock at my door pulled my from my thoughts and on autopilot I went to answer, not even pausing to think who it might be. So I was shocked when I saw Penelope on the other side looking at me like I might break any minute.

"Hey, Pen," I said quietly. "What're you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" She asked, pushing by me without waiting for an answer. "We need to have a chat."

"I don't want to chat," I sighed, closing the door behind her. "I don't even know what to say."

"I know that, but you're not going to figure it out here, moping around all by yourself are you, Princess?" She argued. "You need to talk to Spencer."

"I think he just needs some time..." 

My voice was weak and I felt small. I wasn't this person. I didn't sulk over mean boys, but I couldn't stop the aching in my chest whenever his words filled my head or I closed my eyes and saw the look on his face when he spoke to me. Penelope's hands rested on her hips and I could tell I was in for a stern talking to.

"Uh, uh. No way. This is not the Mikayla I know," She started. "The Mikayla I know, storms into people's lives whether she's wanted there or not and demands they listen to her."

"But I wouldn't even know what to say," I insisted. "I don't understand where all this resentment has come from. Things were fine, great actually, until he came back from Atlanta and now suddenly he thinks we're not compatible for anything, but sex? It doesn't make sense to me."

My voice broke as I spoke and Penelope frowned, looking conflicted. 

"It might make sense if you spoke to him about it," She insisted, but with a sigh she continued, mumbling under her breath like she was speaking more to herself than to me. "But I'm not even sure he'd tell you himself at this point."

"Tell me what?" I asked, my suspicions about there being much more to the story growing even more.

"I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, it's not my place and it's not my business and I don't know anything for sure," She prefaced her story. "But I think, and some of the team think, that Spencer's using drugs."

"Seriously?" I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "Spencer the genius hardly seems like the type to self medicate with drugs. He barely even drinks."

"Right you are, Mickey mouse," Penelope nodded. "Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't. But his kidnapper was forcing him to take a narcotic called Dilaudid. It's highly addictive and one of the signs is mood swings and a general snippy attitude. It's not just you he's lashed out at lately."

I was stunned. The thought never even crossed my mind, but I also couldn't believe no one thought that was an important detail to let me know.

"Has anyone confronted him?" I asked, bewildered. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Penelope shrugged.

"I think he's had words with Gideon, maybe Hotch, but we all thought that if he would tell anyone it would be you."

"We haven't talked much since he got back," I pointed out. "That first night he didn't want to talk and he was so tired that I didn't want to push him."

"Well nothing's confirmed, but he's not himself. Something is going on and that's the only logical conclusion I can think of," She informed me. "So will you talk to him now?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, a million new thoughts running through my head.

"I still think I should give him some time."

My answer drew a groan from Penelope as she dramatically threw her hands up in the air.

"He needs you. He didn't mean what he said. He was trying to push you away, but I can't believe it worked," She ranted. "If there's one thing I know about you, its that the more someone tells you to do something, the less likely you are to do it. So why are you letting him tell you to leave him alone?"

"Because he hurt me, Penny!" I reminded her, feeling myself getting annoyed. "I thought he cared about me and saw me in a different way to other guys I've been with and now I don't know what to think."

"You hurt me, Mickey," Penelope pointed out, her voice softer than it had been before. "But I gave you a second chance."

I opened my mouth to answer, but quickly closed it as I didn't have an argument for that one. Frustrated that she had a good point, I crossed my arms in a huff.

"I honestly really wouldn't know what to say to him. I don't know how to fix people who are abusing substances to deal with their problems. I only have experience being that person, I'd probably make things worse."

Penelope gave me a look that I knew meant I wouldn't like what she was about to say.

"I think you should tell him, Mickey," She said softly as if her low tone would stop me from flying into a panic at her words. It didn't. "I think you should tell him what happened to you and why you started drinking so much."

-

It took some convincing, but just over an hour later I found myself outside Spencer's door. I almost walked away, but after a few moments of internal debate, I knocked. It took a few minutes, but finally he opened it. He looked awful even though I would hazard a guess that I looked just as bad.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed past him and into his apartment without waiting to be invited in, but he didn't protest. He simply closed the door before turning to face me.

"Are you on drugs?"

I'd planned a million ways to start this conversation, but that definitely wasn't the one I'd decided to go with. From the look on his face, it wasn't what he expected either.

"What are you talking about, Mikayla?"

His voice was flat, void of emotion as he hid his shock, but the anger and disgust for me that I'd seen in his face a few days ago was thankfully also gone.

"I heard from a trusted source that you were given drugs while you were kidnapped and are potentially still using them now," I explained. "Which would help me understand just a bit why you've been treating me the way that you have this last month."

Spencer sighed, crossing his arms so his hands were covering the crooks of his elbows and it didn't take a profiler to assume that maybe he was subconsciously trying to cover something up.

"I'm sorry for how I spoke to you the other day and what I said," Spencer admitted. "It was uncalled for and mean, but what is going on in my life is none of your business."

_It was a month ago_ , I thought to myself, but kept my gaze strong on his.

"Answer my question, Spencer."

"Yes."

His answer, even though it was the one I'd been expecting, shocked me. I'd been ready for more of a fight and really was hoping for a different result. How could Spencer, with his big genius brain, do something so reckless and risky?

"Why?" I asked quietly, my tone shifting from aggressive and annoyed to much calmer as my concern won out over my anger.

"It's not my fault," He snapped. "Tobias forced me to take them when I was with him. I was tied to a chair, I couldn't fight back. He gave me high doses to 'ease the pain' and Dilaudid is highly addictive."

"But you were only with him for a few days," I argued even though I knew realistically that was more than enough time for an addiction to settle in. "You could have talked to me. Why didn't you tell me what was going on instead of shutting me out?"

"I wasn't thinking clearly," He admitted, shaking his head softly. "That first night I was home was wonderful, but it wasn't real. I was happy to be with you and pretend everything was fine, but it wasn't."

"So why didn't you tell me?" I repeated. "I never expected you to be fine, I knew you'd been through something traumatic. I could've helped you, I know what it's like to feel like numbing yourself to the pain is the only option."

Spencer rolled his eyes as his snippy attitude returned.

"Of course you do," He said sarcastically. "Just because you partied too hard as a teenager and ruined your relationships with everyone you love because of it doesn't mean you understand what I'm going through. You made bad choices, Mikayla. I didn't have a choice."

My jaw tightened and I felt angry tears prick my eyes, but I held strong. I was determined to say what I came to say even though I wasn't as convinced as Penelope that it would be more of a help than a hindrance to Spencer.

"Don't stand there and pretend that you have no idea that something happened to me before I started drinking. I've alluded to it several times and I appreciate that you never forced me to talk about it, but you're a profiler for God's sake. I know you know there's something I didn't tell you," I reprimanded him. "I was raped when I was sixteen, Spencer. That's why I started drinking so much."

His jaw dropped and his hands fell to his side. He looked stunned as he stuttered out a reply.

"W-wh-what?"

I took a deep breath, hoping that this would be beneficial to him like Penelope hoped and not just add more stress to his plate as I expected.

"When I was sixteen I started hanging out with a new group of people and became quite close with one girl in the group. Her brother was older and in university so one night we decided to sneak out and go to a frat party that he'd mentioned," I began, my voice shaky with nerves as I hadn't told anyone this story in years. "It was fun at first. We had a few drinks, all the older guys were looking at us. I remember feeling so cool and grown up, but then one guy started talking to me. I was a bit tipsy so I flirted and enjoyed the attention. My friend had gone off to play beer pong at that point so when the guy asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter to talk, I agreed. I didn't have any experience with guys and I wasn't looking to hook up or anything, but as soon as we got into one of the bedrooms, he started kissing me. I went along with it at first, but then when he started trying to get my shirt off I said no and tried to push him away. He ignored me and continued ignoring me as I said no the entire time until he was done."

A few tears were sliding down my cheeks by the time I was finished my tale, but I wiped them away as Spencer stared at me in shock.

"Wow, Mickey," He started, all the anger gone from his voice. "I'm so sorry. I-I didn't know."

"I know," I nodded. "I didn't want to tell you. I've moved on, I don't want it to be part of who I am anymore. But I do understand what you're going through, Spencer. You think that the drugs will make it all go away, make you forget the fear and the pain and it might for a while, but it all comes back eventually. And then you need more and more and it's just never enough."

Spencer chewed his lip nervously as he took in everything I'd just said to him.

"It's not just that," He insisted. "It's passed that point. I need it, I crave it. I think about it all the time."

"Are you still taking it?"

"Not today," He admitted. "I missed a plane. We were in New Orleans the last few days and they needed me and I didn't answer my phone. That combined with the way I've treated you. I realize I need help."

His words were so soft I could barely hear them, but they broke my heart. I was hurt and angry about what he'd said, but the Spencer standing in front of me was a shell of the Spencer I knew. I moved cautiously towards him, the way he'd looked at me just days before still fresh in my brain, but when he didn't move or snap at me again I gently wrapped my arms around him. Much to my relief, he returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around my waist as I rested my head on his chest.

"You're gonna get through this," I whispered to him, squeezing his thin body against mine. "I can help you."

Suddenly I felt Spencer stiffen so I reluctantly stepped back.

"I, uh, don't think that's a good idea," He said softly. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop the tears that instantly filled my eyes as I realized I'd made the assumption that his words to me were just a result of the drugs. He'd said he was sorry for how he treated me, but just because he's sorry for how he handled things doesn't necessarily mean he wishes the end result was different. He must've seen my face fall because a worried look took over his as he reached for my hands. "It's not you, I promise. I just think this is something I should do by myself."

"Keeping it to yourself hasn't gotten you anywhere so far," I mumbled, feeling the sadness bubbling in my chest as I realized that while his reasons for ending things might not be so severe, the end was still in sight.

"I know," He nodded. "But I need to try. It'll be messy and unpleasant and I don't want you to be the one I take it out on anymore than you already have been."

"But what if I don't mind? Don't I get any say?"

"I need to do this on my own," He said firmly. "I just need some time."

I slid my hands from his, letting them fall at my side. My chest felt tight and it was taking almost all my concentration to keep my tears from falling, but I nodded my head.

"Alright," I choked out. "Well good luck, Spencer. I'm glad you're going to get help. I guess I'll...see you later?"

Spencer nodded and I stretched up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek before I walked by him and towards the door. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to be home, I wanted to be by myself so I could cry and scream and get out all of my sadness and disappointed. But Spencer's voice stopped me just as I opened the door.

"Mickey, wait," He said causing me to stop in my tracks, but I didn't turn around so he wouldn't see the tears that were sliding down my cheeks. He had to do what was best for him and my emotions shouldn't sway him. "I really am sorry. For what happened to you when you were young and for how I've hurt you."

I opened my mouth to respond, but a whimper was all that came out and I couldn't bare to turn around and face him so I simply closed the door behind me and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to get up so early for work, but I got into the zone and couldn't resist posting this before I go to bed. 
> 
> Thanks for all the love and comments by the way :)


	12. Chapter Twelve

Six months. Half a year. One month longer than I'd even known Spencer had passed since we last spoke, but I still found myself thinking about him almost every day. It didn't help that Penelope made sure to mention him every time I spoke to her, but the way my heart tugged whenever he was brought up told me that I probably would've still been thinking about him anyway.

I'd given him some time, like he'd asked. I didn't call or message him, I waited patiently for him to come back to me when he was clean. It did feel like a break up when we last spoke, but at first I really felt like it was just temporary. He had too much on his plate and his lack of relationship experience meant that it took more energy and effort for him to figure us out so he needed to take me out of the picture to get himself better. I understood that, but I assumed that once he'd kicked his drug habit he would come running back. Two months passed with no word from him though and when we made it to three without a single text being exchanged, I caved and asked Penelope how he was doing. Until that point, we generally avoided any conversations about him so when she told me that from what she knew he'd been clean and sober for about a month and seem basically back to his normal self, I was disheartened.  
Of course, I was relieved and proud of him for getting himself sober, but my theory that he just needed space until he was healthy again was shot. He obviously had no intentions of us picking up where we left off and I was crushed. Realizing how upset her news had made me, Penelope urged me to talk to him, but it just didn't feel right. I'd left it too long without reaching out, it felt awkward and out of line to do it now. Besides, if he'd wanted us to give it another try, he would have called me himself when he was clean.

I did my best to get over it though. I focused a lot on my yoga, building my strength even more, mastering poses that I'd been struggling with and getting myself a solid contract teaching with the yoga company I'd joined when I moved back to DC. I now had a set schedule of classes ranging from early morning for those on their way to work, mid-morning gentle yoga for the elderly, a lunch time class for those wanting to fit in a workout on their break and evening classes for those who preferred to practice at the end of their day. It all depended on what day of the week it was, but having a schedule was nice. My name and bio was on the website, I had students who came to the studio to see me specifically and I really was starting to feel like I had a career.

I'd dipped my toe back in the dating pool as well, but it didn't last long. None of the guys could hold my attention or even much of a decent conversation and not once did any of them whip out statistics to prove their point. They just seemed so  _boring_. After five or six unsuccessful dates I began to realize that my type had changed and the men I had dated in the past really did nothing for me anymore.

I was in no rush though. I'd had my fill of one night stands and shitty relationships over the years. I wasn't going to settle for anything that didn't come naturally. I wouldn't have to force it when I found the right guy and I just had to stop my brain from insisting that I'd already found him.

-

The weather in September was always unpredictable. As fall crept in and summer slowly faded away, it seemed almost impossible to know what to wear. Which is how I found myself running down the sidewalk towards the metro on a Saturday afternoon in the pouring rain wearing nothing, but my yoga pants and a loose tank top over my sports bra. It had been sunny and warm when I left my apartment before my class, but the clouds had rolled in while I was teaching and I was stuck without a coat. 

My head was down to shield my face from the rain that seemed to be coming down harder by the second so I didn't see the man coming towards me until I smashed right into him so hard that I had to grab onto him to stop myself from falling over.

"Shit, fuck, shit," I gasped out, shocked by the collision. "Sorry, I wasn-"

My sentence died in my mouth as I looked up and saw that I was in fact clinging to Spencer Reid, his umbrella hiding us from the rain.

"Mickey," He breathed out, seemingly as shocked as I was. "I, uh, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Me neither," I croaked out, a million thoughts and emotions running through my head. "I just finished a class and as you can see I, uh, don't have a coat so I was rushing and not paying attention."

My explanation rushed out unnecessarily, but the awkward tension between us was making my stomach turn and I had to say something. Realistically, I shouldn't have been that surprised to run into Spencer. The studio wasn't far from his apartment and the nearest metro stop was just one block over, but usually I just walked home after class so I'd managed to avoid him.

As his scent filled my nose, I was snapped out of my thoughts and jumped backwards, realizing I was still practically wrapped around him.

"I should get going," I mumbled. "Before I catch a cold standing here in the rain."

"Actually, the theory that you can get sick from being in the rain or being physically cold is a myth. It's a virus, you won't get sick unless you come in contact with it," He informed me, holding my gaze and stopping me from fleeing as quickly as my brain was telling me to. "But it's not very comfortable being in wet clothes and my place is just down the street from here. Would you like to come up and get dry?"

I stared at him for a moment wondering if I was dreaming and had some how ended up in some strange romantic comedy. We hadn't spoken in months, he'd made no attempt to contact me and now he wanted me to hang out at his apartment like we were old pals? My brain was sufficiently muddled.

"I dunno, Spencer. I should probably be getting home."

"I've been meaning to call you," He blurted out as I started to move past him. "If you have other plans, that's fine, but the rain isn't supposed to let up for another hour at least. It might be a good chance for us to talk."

 _How convenient_ , I thought to myself, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.  _You've been meaning to call me now that you've run into me at a time when the rain has made my shirt almost completely see-through_.

I was about to voice my protests when the wind shifted and I was once again being pelted by rain despite Spencer's rather large umbrella. I sighed and wiped the water that was dripping from my brow before relenting.

"Fine. Lead the way."

Spencer nodded and offered me his umbrella as we began walking in the direction of his apartment, but I shook my head, trailing stubbornly behind him to purposely avoid any protection he could offer me.

-

Without saying a word, Spencer disappeared into his bedroom once we'd made it back to his apartment. I'd assumed he was going to get changed and stood awkwardly in his living room not wanting to get his couch wet, but he surprised me when he came back with the FBI t-shirt I'd worn months ago and a towel.

"If you hang your clothes on the towel rack in the bathroom, they should be dry by the time you leave."

I nodded and headed to the bathroom to change.

Once the door was closed, I leaned against the sink with a sigh. It was awkward, uncomfortable and confusing being here. He said we should talk, but apparently six months wasn't enough time to gather my thoughts. I was hurt that he'd pushed me away at a time when he needed support and that he hadn't called me when he was clean. I was sad that he had ended our relationship just as we were hitting our stride and I was confused as to why he was so quick to invite me here after running into me on the street. And at the end of the day, the words he'd said when I went visiting Peneleope at the BAU were still in my head. Whether he meant them or not, it was a massive knock to my confidence to hear him say that he saw me just like everyone else did.

After taking my time to change into the familiar t-shirt and to towel dry my hair a bit, I hung my clothes on the rail as Spencer suggested and headed out to face the music.

I walked into the living room to see Spencer sitting on the couch. He was perched right on the edge and the tension in his body was clear.

"So, uh, how are you?" He asked as I sat on the far end of the couch, curling my legs up underneath me.

"I'm alright," I nodded. "Things have been going well for me lately actually. Works been good, I have set classes now, I'm officially a full time teacher."

"Good," Spencer smiled, looking down at his hands. "I'm glad to hear that."

"How're you?" I flipped the question on him. "I hear you got clean? I'm really proud of you, Spence. That couldn't have been easy."

"I did," He confirmed. "And it wasn't easy. Still isn't if I'm being honest. But I've been going to meetings and as with any twelve step process, we're supposed to make amends. That's why I've been meaning to call you..."

My heart sank slightly at his words. It wasn't a gesture of love or him begging for forgiveness. I was just part of a twelve step addiction process.

"You don't need to make amends, Spencer," I sighed. "I always understood. I was hurt and disappointed, but I just wanted you to get better and if you couldn't do that with me in your life then I wouldn't have wanted to stay."

"I do need to make amends," He insisted, tilting his head to look at me for the first time in our conversation. "I made a mistake. I couldn't stand the shame of being an addict even if I knew all the statistics proved that not getting addicted would have been almost impossible after what I went through. I made the choice to take the drugs from Tobias' pocket, I made the choice to keep using them and I hurt you because of that. I put the drugs above you and that wasn't right."

"You didn't have much choice," I said quietly, all the mean, snotty comments I'd rehearsed in my head while imagining this conversation suddenly disappearing. "As you said, it would have been hard for you to avoid an addiction with the doses Tobias was giving you. I'm not going to sit here and say that you didn't hurt me very badly in all of this, but I'm the queen of being thoughtless while intoxicated so I do understand."

He chuckled slightly at my comment and I felt my heart flutter at the sound.

"I never wanted to hurt you," He assured me. "I just felt guilty for how I was behaving and when I came over that night and used you like that, I was so disgusted with myself. I knew I didn't deserve you so when I saw you with Garcia in the office and heard how sad you sounded because of something I'd done, I had to say something to try to keep you away."

"What you said did really bother me," I admitted, looking down at my hands and nervously picking at my nails. "I really felt like we had a connection, a deeper one than just fucking around or whatever. I felt like you got me, you know? You didn't see me for all the stupid shit I'd done in the past, you saw me for who I am now and who I'm trying to be. But when you pointed out our intelligence difference and pretty much said I'd only ever be good for sex, it stung. Because I know that's how a lot of people see me and I thought you were different."

I lifted my eyes once again to meet his despite the tears I could feel filling them and could see the regret written all over his face.

"I didn't mean it. Really. I would never think that. Intelligence can't even be accurately quantified. You might not have any Phds, but you certainly have more street smarts and worldly life experience than I do," He insisted. "And I could never see you as someone who's only good for sex. Sex isn't even important to me. I cared about you because you're funny, uplifting, kindhearted, interesting and you gave me a shot when most women won't even look my way. A shot that I obviously blew completely."

I wrinkled my brows together in confusion.

"You didn't blow it. I waited months for you to call me when you were sober," I confessed, my cheeks twinging pink at the vulnerability of admitting I'd been pining for him. "When Penny finally told me that you were clean and you'd never been in touch I assumed you just weren't interested anymore."

Spencer looked shocked as he frantically shook his head.

"No! Absolutely not. I was embarrassed. By my drug use and how I treated you, I didn't have the courage to call you up and expect you to want anything to do with me."

"Spencer," I said softly as I cautiously shifted to the middle of the couch so I could take his hand in mine. "I never judged you for your drug use. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed of it, it was forced on you and you got through it. You shouldn't be anything, but proud of yourself. I'd never hold it against you."

Spencer laced his fingers with mine, but body language was still tense and unsure as he looked at me like a confused child.

"But I hurt you..."

His voice was quiet and I got the impression that if he spoke any louder it might break.

"And I hurt a lot of people a long the way too," I reminded him. "But all I've ever wanted is for people to give me a second chance so what kind of person would I be if I didn't extend that courtesy to you?"

"What are you trying to say?" 

His brows furrowing as he tried to work out what I was suggesting while my stomach was in knots. From our conversation I was assuming we were on the same page and this whole mess seemed to come from lack of communication and too much pride, but I wasn't sure I could handle being rejected again.

"I'm trying to say that I'd be willing to give us a second chance," I said quietly, looking down at where our hands were joined. "If you even wanted to that is or, oh god, as long as you're not seeing someone else. I didn't even ask that."

Spencer smiled and shook his head.

"It took me years to find someone willing to put up with my rambling and statistics, there's no way I'd be able to find another one so soon," He assured me. "Besides, I didn't want to. I thought about you all the time, Mickey."

"I thought about you a lot too," I admitted. "So would you want to give this another shot?"

Spencer swallowed hard as he nodded, looking nervous.

"If you'll have me...?"

I couldn't fight the grin that burst onto my face as I scrambled to climb into his lap, straddling his thighs as my arms draped over this shoulders. I wanted to squeal with glee, cry, shout from the rooftops that everything was right in the world again, but I settled for simply pressing my lips against his to answer his question.

He seemed surprised at first, but as he relaxed, it felt like coming home. His familiar scent surrounded me as our lips moved together so perfectly it was like no time between us has passed at all. I pulled away a few moments later to catch my breath, resting my forehead against his.

"And for the record, I've missed your statistics and facts," I smiled at him, as I slid to the side slightly so I was squished between his body and the arm of the couch with my legs draping over his. 

"Well I'm glad someone appreciates them," He chuckled and finally leaned back against the couch looking more relaxed than he had all day. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of us pondering how we got to where we are from a chance run in on the street before Spencer spoke up again. "So, did you, uh, meet anyone else while we were apart?" 

He sounded nervous, like he wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he relaxed a bit when I shrugged.

"No one interesting," I assured him. "I went on a few dates, but they were all just so boring. One guy spent a good half an hour describing to me the organisational system of his golf trophies."

"Okay, even I'm not that bad on a first date," Spencer laughed as I cringed at the memory.

"You were wonderful on our first date!" I insisted as I tucked a stray stand of hair behind his ear. It was longer than it had been the last time I'd seen him, but it suited him. "So how have things been? I know works been busy because Penny keeps ditching me, but anything else interesting happen in the last six months?"

Spencer started to shake his head, but stopped as a sad look crossed his eyes.

"Giddeon left," He confessed. "There was this unsub who'd gotten away before and he came back in May. He murdered a friend of Giddeon's and he hasn't been the same since then. After our case last week, he left. He didn't even say goodbye, just left me a letter trying to explain himself."

"Oh, Spencer, I'm sorry," I frowned, knowing how close he was to his mentor. "But he's been doing the job for a long time now, I'm not surprised it finally got to him. You guys see a lot of horrible things every day, it has to wear you down eventually especially if it gets personal."

"I know," Spencer nodded, his jaw tight once again. "But he didn't have to do it like that. It feels like my dad leaving all over again."

"I'm sorry," I murmured again, completely at a loss for what to say. "You do deserve more than a letter."

"Hotch has been suspended too and might be transferring," He continued. "Everything's a mess."

"You guys will figure it out. You're a great team, you always do," I assured him with a sympathetic smile. "Just promise me you won't cut me out again, okay? When things get tough with work or with your cravings or anything at all, I don't want to be worried all the time that you're going to ghost on me again."

"I promise," Spencer nodded. "Can we also, uh, talk about what you told me the last time I saw you? About why you started drinking..."

Now it was my turn to tense up as I remembered what I'd confessed to try and get him to confide in me. I'm sure he saw the terror in my eyes at his suggestion, but thankfully he didn't push it when I shook my head.

"Another time, I promise," I assured him. "But today I just want to be happy and enjoy having you back in my life."

Spencer agreed, somewhat reluctantly, and I leaned over to place a soft kiss on his lips, still amazed by the fact that I was able to do that again before we spent the rest of the afternoon catching up, laughing together and watching movies as the rain continued to pour outside until well into the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work has been absolute madness this last week so my writing time has been slim to none. I wanted to get this part up though so hopefully it's still up to standard!  
> I finally have a day off tomorrow and I have no plans except writing and brainstorming :)


	13. Chapter Thirteen

The weeks after Spencer and I made up seemed so much brighter. I felt happier and lighter than I had all summer and it felt good. Considering how reluctant Penelope had been when I first pursued Spencer, she was overjoyed when we got back together. However, it was Spencer this time who got the warning not to hurt me if he didn't want to be murdered in what was sure to be a very unpleasant way.

We spent that whole weekend together, with me leaving briefly on Sunday to teach my one class that day, but after that we were back to our normal routines. Spencer was flying off around the country saving the day which limited our time together and, despite Spencer's fact that you can't catch a cold from simply being cold, I did come down with a nasty bug shortly after we reconnected so the time we had together was mostly filled with him doting on me as I whined on my couch, feeling sorry for myself.

As Spencer and his team were away for a case in Portand for a few days though, I made a full recovery with just enough time to plan his birthday party for when they all came back.

"Why won't you tell me where we're going?" He whined as he buttoned up his shirt while I commandeered his bedroom mirror to do my make up.

"Because it's fun this way," I teased, looking at his reflection in the mirror. "It's supposed to be a surprise."

"Are we going to Lupo Verde?"

His question caused my jaw to drop before my lips pressed into a pout.

"How'd you know?" I glared at him. "There's no way you profiled that one out of me."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"I mentioned a few days ago that I was craving Italian food and I know you know Lupo is my favourite," He explained. "I also caught Morgan looking at the menu the other day which would lead me to believe that you invited the entire team as well."

A scowl crossed my face as he hit the nail on the head.

"That's it," I sulked. "I'm cancelling the whole evening. You're too smart for your own good."

Spencer chuckled again before walking over and wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder as I put the finishing touches on my lipstick.

"It will still be fun even though I figured it out," He insisted. "Plus you look too nice for us not to go."

"Alright," I sighed. "We can still go, but next time just humour me and pretend my plan was too clever for you to figure out, okay?"

Spencer nodded and kissed my cheek before stepping back slightly so I could grab my purse before we headed out to meet the gang.

-

"Surprise!" The entire team from the BAU shouted as we walked over to the table. Spencer feigned shock and awe, but I just rolled my eyes.

"He figured it out," I pouted again. "Apparently someone was looking at the menu on their phone earlier."

I gave Derek a very pointed look as he held his hands up in defense.

"I didn't think he'd make the connection," Derek defended himself. "I look at restaurant menus all the time and it doesn't mean I'm going there to surprise Reid."

His point was valid and I couldn't really argue so I settled for sticking out my tongue as Spencer pulled out my chair.

"Awwe," Penelope cooed. "Such a gentleman. I'm so glad you two love muffins are back to normal."

"Me too," I smiled as Spencer's cheeks grew pink from the attention.

We quickly told the waitress our drink orders as she brought over everyone else's before Penelope continued.

"Seriously though, who would've thought that boy genius would be such a good boyfriend?" She smiled at us. "I'm jealous."

JJ and Emily nodded as Spencer shifted in his seat uncomfortably. I reached over to grab his hand reassuringly.

"Well all you ladies had your shot before I even met him so don't go trying to steal him now."

"Actually, you two were together by the time I started," Emily smirked. "So technically I didn't have a chance at all."

Everyone laughed at her joke, Spencer more nervously than the rest of us and Hotch patted his shoulder.

"Alright guys, that's enough," He told his team. "Let's not make the birthday boy too uncomfortable on his special day."

"It's true though," Penelope insisted. "I'm not trying to steal your man, Mickey Mouse, but it's hard finding good men these days. They're all losers or taken."

"Or gay," JJ piped up.

"Well maybe you ladies just need to lower your standards," Derek teased. "If you expect the impossible then no one will ever measure up."

"Oooh, I disagree," I argued. "Never lower your standards. It might take you longer to find someone, but I've learned from experience that it's better to be alone than with some asshole who thinks he's god's gift to women with nothing, but air where his brain should be. Besides, if you're wasting your time with someone who doesn't meet your standards, the person who you're meant to be with might pass you by."

Spencer squeezed my hand as I spoke while Emily raised a glass.

"Very well put," She smiled. "Cheers to that!"

We all clinked our glasses together before the conversation was changed.

The evening passed quickly as it always did when we were out with the team. It had been months since I'd seen everyone as I avoided going to the BAU while things were tense with Spencer and I. Penelope was my friend, but I was aware there was a boundary. It was his place of work and I wasn't going to barge in every day and make him uncomfortable especially when things could go very badly for many people if he wasn't focused.

So it was nice to have us all back together as a group even if Giddeon's presence was missing. He didn't usually come out for wild team party nights, but he did come if it was just a dinner especially if it was someone's birthday. I could tell that Spencer felt his absence. The rest of us made it a good night for him though and had a great time celebrating him especially when we got to serenade him with Happy Birthday as the waitress brought over a complimentary cake. He was bright red the entire time, but I could tell he loved having us all around him even if we embarrassed him.

-

Neither of us had more than one glass of wine at dinner so it was nice that when we got back to Spencer's place we weren't feeling drowsy despite it being quite late.

"I don't want to get up for work in the morning," Spencer groaned flopping on his bed.

I giggled and grabbed the present I'd left on his dresser before joining him.

"I can't help you with that," I told him. "But hopefully this will cheer you up a bit."

"You really didn't have to get me anything," He repeated what he'd said when I'd appeared with it earlier that evening. "But thank you very much."

He stretched over to kiss me before pulling the tissue paper out of the bag. His hand dipped in again, this time coming up with a framed picture of the two of us that Penelope had taken the night we'd all gone out before he was kidnapped. The frame was plain silver on the sides and the bottom, but the top side was made up of the symbol of a chemical molecule.

"It's Oxytocin," I explained as Spencer stared at it in silence for a moment. "It's the chemical re-"

"Released by the pituitary gland, responsible for bonding in humans."

Spencer's interruption hadn't quiet covered what I was about to say so taking a deep breath, I continued.

"And for love."

"What?"

Spencer's head spun to face me so fast that I wouldn't have been surprised if he gave himself whiplash. The shock on his face made me a bit more nervous than I had been, but I  
stayed strong.

"I love you, Spencer," I confessed, not waiting for him to respond before I continued. "I don't want you to think I'm naive or being silly because I know that even though we've known each other for a year, we weren't speaking for six months of that and I know that we've only just reconnected, but I honestly can't think of any other way to describe how I feel for you. Every time I'm around you, my heart just feels so full and when we were apart I felt like I was in a daze all the time. I didn't feel right, I didn't feel whole. You've slipped into my life so perfectly and even if you don't feel the same, I just needed to say it. I love you."

"No one's ever said that to me before," He mumbled, almost as if he was talking to himself more than to me.

"Then the world is full of people who don't know what they're missing," I smiled softly, moving so I was sat behind him and could wrap my arms around his shoulders. "You're the whole package. Smart, caring, thoughtful, loyal, funny and, of course, incredibly handsome. What's not to love?"

He stayed quiet for another moment, staring down at the picture in his lap and I started to wonder if I'd done the wrong thing by confessing my love. I didn't mind if he didn't say it back, but I didn't want it to ruin what we had by him overthinking it.

"I love you too," He finally breathed out so quietly that I almost didn't hear it.

"You don't have to say it back if you don't mean it."

My words were meant to be reassuring, but Spencer stiffened and his head shot up.

"I do mean it," He insisted. "Of course I love you. You're the best thing that's happened to me in years. I'm just shocked that you would feel the same especially after what I said you to."

"Forgive and forget," I assured him. "You've brought more light into my life than a few harsh words could erase."

"I don't deserve you," Spencer mumbled, turning his head slightly to press his lips against mine.

It was a gentle kiss at first, but the emotion of what we'd just shared soon came through and it turned more passionate and filled with want. It had been months since either of us had sex, but I was determined to make this encounter special. I wanted to take my time, savour every moment and every touch.

Breaking away from Spencer, our breathing heavy, I moved backwards across his bed to make space for him to join me. Sensing my intentions, he placed his gift on his nightstand and slowly unbuttoned his shirt. I watched, enthralled as if it was my own private strip show before pulling him towards me as soon as crawled back onto the bed, his shirt discarded.

"Someone's eager," He chuckled as he landed on top of me, forced to catch himself as I'd flopped backwards, my arms around his neck.

"Not tonight," I shook my head causing his brow to furrow with confusion. As I realized how my words could be taken, I corrected myself. "I'm not eager tonight. I want you close to me, but I want to enjoy this, take our time. I've missed you."

"I missed you too," Spencer murmured against my neck, his breath making goosebumps appear before he slowly kissed them away.

My hands roamed on his bare back, revelling in the feel of his skin under my hands and the feel of his lips as they traced kisses down the neckline of my somewhat low cut dress. 

As he sucked particularly forcefully on a spot right in the middle, I couldn't help, but wonder why I'd worn anything at all as it was now just getting in the way.

"Mmm," I moaned, tugging his hair slightly to pull his head back. "Take it off, Spencer."

"Your dress?" He clarified, his voice low and his pupils blown.

I nodded, my breath catching as he slid his hands under my dress and stretched his neck up to reconnect our lips. His hands settled on my hips, stroking lightly just at the top of my panties and I felt the heat pool between my legs as the anticipation started to build. A soft moan fell from my lips as Spencer smiled against them.

Continuing to slid his hands upwards, he dragged my dress with them until we parted our lips to pull it over my head. I hadn't been wearing a bra so my breasts were now free and Spencer let out a groan of his own as he looked down between us.

"You're so beautiful," He told me, his hand reaching back to gently cup my chest.

I went to answer, but all that came out was a moan as he carefully pinched my nipple between his fingers. He smiled at the sound before pressing his lips back to mine. His hand continued it's exploration of my breasts and just like the first time, I felt like a work of art. He pinched and pulled, rubbed and stroked, learning every little thing that made me squirm and learning just how hard to squeeze before pleasure turned into pain. By the time he moved his hand lower, I was writhing beneath him.

"Spencer," I gasped. "Take your pants off, please."

"Hmm, we'll get to that," Spencer informed as he moved lower, his eyes fixated between my legs. "But for now I think that these need to get out of our way."

My brain was too clouded for me to argue so I simply lifted my hips so he could slide my panties down my legs. Once they'd been tossed aside, he settled on his stomach, his face inches away from my most intimate area.

"You're so wet," He mumbled, his breath causing me to press my hips up towards him.

"S'all because of you," I reminded him, looking down to see him grinning up at me.

Waiting until I was just about to beg, Spencer finally moved forward to place a gentle kiss on the sensitive bundle of nerves that was begging for his attention. I tossed my head back against the pillow as my hands went to his hair. He continued licking and sucking until I could feel the pressure building slowly. Sensing I was getting close, Spencer pulled back just slightly before slowly licking all the way from the bottom of my center to the top. I gasped, feeling my legs tremble slightly as Spencer chuckled at my reaction.

"You taste amazing."

He purposely enunciated his words to make sure I felt his breath against me again and I was almost ready to wrap my legs around him to force him to continue.

"Feels so good, Spencer," I practically whimpered. "Please, keep going."

He swallowed hard at my pleading before nodding slightly and reattaching his lips to me. His profiling skills seemed to come into play as he found the perfect level of pressure to apply without being too hard on the sensitive nub and within minutes, my fingers tightened in his hair as I thrust my hips up and my legs twitched around his head.

As I came down moments later, my breathing was heavy and my heart was racing.

"Wow," I breathed out as Spencer slowly slid back up my body licking his lips. "You are seriously good at that."

His cheeks twinged pink at my compliment, the confident tease that had been between my legs a minute ago apparently gone.

"Really?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested. "Books about anatomy and romance novels can be a handy guide when you have an eidetic memory, but I wasn't sure how theory would work out in practice."

My brow furrowed in confusion until I realized what he was saying and my jaw dropped slightly.

"That was your first time doing that?" His blush deepened as he nodded. "Well if I wasn't impressed before I sure as hell am now. You're a natural."

"Thanks," He smiled before pressing his lips to mine again.

I could taste myself on his lips and felt another tingle between my legs. I also felt something very hard, pressing against me through the confines of some far too tight pants. I  
reluctantly parted our lips again, pressing kisses along his jaw until I reached his ear.

"Will you take those pants off now?" I purred. "I'm dying to feel you inside me again."

Spencer groaned and nodded, moving his body just far enough away from mine that he could unbuckle his belt and wiggle out of his pants. The sight of his hard bulge bursting free and popping up against his stomach drew another moan from my mouth. It looked just as nice as I remembered and I couldn't resist reaching out to take it in my hand. Spencer's eyes drooped shut as I slowly stroke him from base to tip, savouring the feel of his hardness and pulsing veins. I continued my movements for a few moments, until Spencer grabbed my wrist.

"Stop," He choked out. "I won't last if you keep that up."

I nodded, too aroused and full of anticipation to speak. Letting my hand fall back to the bed, Spencer crawled back on top of me, lining himself up carefully before slowly sinking inside me. Both of us moaned at the sensation as he settled as deep as he could.

"You feel so good," I whispered, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. "Go slow, okay? I want to feel you."

I felt Spencer nod from where his face was buried in my neck before he slowly began moving his hips.Every thrust was long and deliberate, catching the sensitive spots inside me and outside as well every time his hips met mine. He ghosted barely there kisses on my neck as the hand that wasn't supporting him reached up to once again fondle my chest. I gasped and arched my back up against him before lifting my legs and wrapping them around his waist, pulling him even closer to me. I couldn't tell where he ended and I began, I'd never felt this appreciated, this close or this loved by anyone I'd ever had sex with before and the intense intimacy I was feeling made the heat inside me grow even faster.  
Pulling Spencer's hair gently as he slid into me once again, I moved his head from my neck.

"I wanna look at you," I breathed out, contradicting myself slightly as my eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he ground his hips against me.

Spencer smiled and rested his forehead against mine as he moved his hips again, his pace slightly faster as I'm sure he could tell from my deep breathing and rapid heart rate that my second release was building fast. I could tell he was getting closer as well due to the strain and sudden tightness I could feel in the muscles in his back.

It felt vulnerable and exposing holding eye contact with our faces so close together, but it felt right, it felt perfect. His pace increased again causing a whimper to fall from my lips as my hands gripped his back for dear life. I was right on the edge and with one final thrust I felt myself falling over as I pressed my chest up against him, my legs pressing him to me so tightly that he barely had enough space for the last few thrusts he needed before he pressed as far into me as he could and stilled, his body shivering and twitching like my own.

He stayed on top of me for a moment to catch his breath before, much to my disappointment, he rolled off and laid next to me. Not done being close to him, I wiggled over to lay my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"I love you, Mikayla," He sighed into my hair causing a smile to burst onto my face.

It felt strange hearing someone say those words to me when for so long I'd thought I would never get the chance to experience such a thing, but it made my heart soar.

"I love you too, Spencer," I told him, placing a kiss on his sweaty chest.

"You, uh, weren't exactly right though," He informed me causing me to roll back just slightly so I was leaning on my arm to look at him. Seeing the confusion on my face, he elaborated. "Oxytocin isn't really responsible for love. If you bond socially with anyone, whether that's cuddling or sex and even if it's a stranger, it will still be released. It's more like a fake sensation of love than actually making you love someone."

He smirked as my jaw dropped and I playfully smacked his chest.

"You ruined it!" I scolded him. "I was being so clever and romantic and you have to spoil it with all your technicalities!"

"I didn't spoil it," He chucked. "I'm just clarifying for you so you have the right information."

"Well sometimes you should keep that information to yourself," I sulked. "I was proud of myself for coming up with that one."

"Awwe," Spencer cooed, stretching his neck to place a kiss on my pouting lips. "You should be proud, it was a very sweet gesture even if it was factually incorrect."

I rolled my eyes at his backwards compliment and put my head back on his chest.

"You ruined it," I mumbled again, only half teasing him. "None of that romantic, passionate sex even counts anymore."

"Oh no, we can't have that," Spencer smiled, his hand moving down to squeeze my bottom. "We'll just have to do it again then."

I giggled against his skin and reached behind me to swat his hand away.

"Maybe in the morning if you're lucky," I teased. "But you need to get some sleep, I don't really want you explaining to Hotch why you're so tired in the morning."

His chest moved as he chuckled, but he simply placed another kiss on my hair before mumbling a goodnight leaving us both to drift into a very well earned sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for all the love :) I have quite a bit of time off at the end of this week to make up for my insane schedule the last little while so cross your fingers that I can be productive and keep your eyes peeled for new chapters!  
> Also, if it's hard to understand what I was trying to describe for the picture frame, let me know and I'll try to draw it or something haha


	14. Chapter Fourteen

The weeks after Spencer and I confessed our love were magical. Of course, he was still off on cases every few days, but when people say that being in love is the best feeling in the world, they are right. Our bond felt stronger, like we'd reached another threshold and the world just seemed like a happier place. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, it felt like nothing in the world could dampen my mood. So I was disappointed when Spencer decided to do just that.

Throwing my yoga may strap over my shoulder as I left the studio one day, I waved goodbye the receptionist before turning to the door just in time to see Spencer open it.

"Hey!" I grinned. "What are you doing here? I thought you guys weren't coming home until the morning?"

"That's the luxury of having our own jet," He informed me, pulling me into a hug and kissing the top of my head. "We can leave whenever we want for the most part and we were all ready to be home so we bumped up the flight."

"And you came straight here?" I asked, leading him outside into the chilly November air.

"Of course, I wanted to see you. Thought maybe you'd like to come over? I can cook us some dinner."

"Cook?" I raised an eyebrow as he grabbed my hand and we headed to his apartment. "Can't we just order takeout? I think it'll be safer."

"Ha ha," He rolled his eyes. "By cook, I meant heating up a frozen pizza, but we can have takeout if you don't trust my abilities."

"Pizza sounds fine," I smiled.

Once we got to Spencer's I went to take a quick shower while he prepared the food and changed into the pyjamas that I'd started leaving at his place. I seemed to sleep over at least a couple nights a week so it made sense for me to have something to wear on the occasions that we weren't sleeping naked and wrapped up in each other. When I was done, I took my hair out of the bun I'd thrown it into and went back out to the living room where Spencer was waiting with our dinner.

I immediately noticed something was off though. He seemed nervous and was perched on the edge of the couch like he had been the day we'd been caught in the rain and despite the delicious smell coming from the table, I suddenly didn't feel like eating.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting next to him on the couch.

"Nothing," He mumbled, but the way he was chewing on his lip gave him away. "Let's just eat and talk after, alright?"

"Talk about what?" I asked, racking my brain for any reason why he'd be this anxious. Everything was going well between us, there were no serious conversations to be had. Well, except for....That's when it hit me. "You want to talk about what happened to me, don't you?"

He nodded meekly, looking at me like a child asking for a second dessert knowing his mother would be unimpressed by the request.

"I feel like we need to discuss it."

"Why?" I groaned, running a hand through my hair, feeling my stress levels rise instantly at the thought. "It was hard enough to talk about it the first time and it doesn't matter anyway. I'm not that person any more, I'm not some victim you need to council."

"I don't council victims," Spencer corrected me. "And I don't think of you that way, but it's a big thing that you went through and I was detoxing from narcotics when you first brought it up. I don't feel like I was in the right head space to be supportive."

"It's sweet that you want to support me," I admitted, picking at my nails nervously. "But I don't need it. Honestly, it was a long time ago. I'm over it."

"Then why are you so afraid to discuss it with me?"

I shot him an incredulous look, assuming the answer would be quite obvious, but I could see genuine curiosity behind his eyes.

"Because it was a big deal at the time and led me to a lot of things that I'm not proud of," I told him with a sigh, realizing I wasn't going to be able to avoid this conversation much longer without causing a rift between us. "It doesn't affect me in my day to day life, but that doesn't mean that it's not upsetting to discuss the details."

"Of course," He nodded, understanding my hesitation. "Do you have, uh, triggers? Like when we...we have sex? Does it bring back memories?"

I shook my head frantically at his question, horrified he would think that.

"No, absolutely not!" I insisted. "I've had enough meaningless sex in my life that I got over that kind of reaction long ago. Anyway, what we do together is so different from what happened that night. Even the time when you showed up in the middle of the night, there was still a tenderness between us that could never make me think of him."

Spencer let out a breath that I hadn't realized he'd been holding and relief flooded his face.

"I worried about that night," He admitted. "When you told me what happened to you, I was so scared that I could've made you feel like he did. I was selfish and fuelled by my own desire. It seemed like you enjoyed it too, but I wasn't self involved enough to think I wasn't using you."

It suddenly became clear why he was so eager to talk about it and I placed my hand on his knee, my heart cracking at the thought of him ever thinking that way.

"Spencer, no, not at all," I said firmly. "I was hurt that you left in the morning, but it wasn't the same thing at all. We had a consensual encounter that we both probably knew we shouldn't have had and maybe both had regrets about, but that's nothing at all like what happened to me."

He nodded and offered me a small smile as he placed his hand over mine on his leg.

"So what happened after? Did you press charges?"

"No, I didn't," I admitted quietly. "I should've, I wish I had, but I was really young and I was scared. I got on a bus, went straight to Penelope's apartment and spent the whole night crying so hard I couldn't even tell her what was wrong. When I did the next day, she obviously wanted to take me straight to the police station. Well, actually, she wanted to, I believe her words were, 'chop the bastard's penis off'," I corrected with a small smile, earning a soft chuckle from Spencer. "But I wanted to go home and tell my parents first. We were close back then and I thought they would help me through it..."

I trailed off and Spencer squeezed my hand.

"But?"

"They didn't. My mom was still so wrapped up in her grief over losing Penny's mom, she was depressed and like a zombie and my dad reacted just like most people do. He demanded to know why I was even at a university party and said he didn't know what I expected to happen if I was willing to get drunk with a bunch of frat boys wearing a short dress."

I saw a flash of anger cross Spencer's face that I'd never seen before, not even when he was on drugs and trying to push me away. He looked absolutely furious, but almost as fast as it appeared, it vanished and his concern returned.

"That's not true," He insisted, his voice pleading as if he was desperate for me to believe him. "You didn't bring it on to yourself. Men like that don't care what you're wearing or how much you've had to drink, they'll find a way to get what they want no matter what."

"I know that now," I nodded, my voice sincere. "I think I knew it back then too, but at the time it was almost easier to believe that it was my fault. That way I had the control back. If I believed that he hadn't really forced me into it because I'd made the choice to go to the party and have a few drinks then I was responsible for what happened and could stop it from happening again. Which is why I became so promiscuous."

My cheeks grew hot at my confession, my past sexual history not being one of my proudest moments, but Spencer squeezed my hand again to reassure me.

"I understand," He said quietly. "If you're open to any and every sexual encounter then you'll never find yourself in a situation where your wish to not have sex isn't respected. It's not an uncommon practice among rape victims."

I cringed slightly at the term 'victim', but nodded.

"Exactly. Even though I don't think I realized that's why I was doing it at the time," I admitted. "I knew I was drinking myself stupid almost every night to ease the pain I was feeling and to help me sleep without the nightmares, but it took a lot of meditation and self reflection to see how badly the trauma had affected me in other ways."

"Did you have therapy?" He asked, eyes widening as I shook my head. "Well it's impressive you managed to get to that conclusion all on your own."

"I've always been pretty self aware," I smiled at him. "But I really don't see myself as the girl who got raped anymore, Spencer, and I'm not just saying that naively because I want to pretend it didn't happen. It happened, it hurt and probably almost killed me and how I handled it definitely shaped who I am today, but it doesn't hold me back, it doesn't affect my life in anyway now. I told you because I thought it might show that I could relate to what you were going through, but it's something I dealt with, worked through and tucked away in a corner of my brain where it can't hurt me anymore. Focusing on it, even discussing it with you now, just feels like it's giving him more power over my life and he doesn't deserve that."

"He doesn't," Spencer agreed. "I'm sorry I made you talk about it. I just couldn't get it out of my head, knowing half the story and worrying that I could have made you feel even a fraction of the pain that he'd caused you."

"You absolutely never ever have," I assured him, stretching over to kiss his cheek and wrap my arms around his neck. His settled around my waist as he pulled my close towards him.

"Do you, uh, happen to know if Garcia was ever successful in her mission to chop of his penis?" He asked, causing me to giggle at the words I never would have expected to come out of his mouth. "Because if she didn't, I wouldn't mind tracking him down and doing it myself."

"As far as I know that was a mission she did not accomplish," I informed him, pulling away to sit back on the couch. "But I never cared enough to look him up after it happened so she very well may have."

"Let's hope so," Spencer smiled. "Now we should probably eat this pizza before it gets too cold and you blame it on my supposed lack of cooking talent."

I smiled and watched him fondly as he picked his plate up off the table and took a bite. It did feel better to get out the full story of what happened to me and the aftermath it caused especially if Spencer had been harbouring any concerns that I could ever compare him to the man who hurt me so many years ago. But I appreciated his willingness to quickly change the subject once it was dealt with. I didn't need or want his pity and we were supposed to be on top of the world with our newfound love for one another, I didn't want my baggage to taint that for even a second longer than it had to.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

I sighed as I got home to my empty apartment, disappointed that my plans to spend my Friday night watching a movie, drinking wine and possibly having some fantastic sex with my boyfriend had been derailed once again by some sadistic murderer. I wasn't selfish enough to expect Spencer to stay and let some psycho kill more people, but sometimes it would be nice if serial killers could be just a tad more respectful of when I had plans.

Not wanting the entire evening to be a waste, I decided to call Penelope. She wouldn't be able to partake in the wine portion of the evening, but we hadn't had a girly night in a while so I figured tonight would be perfect as long as the case wasn't weighing her down too much.

"Hi," She grumbled as she answered the phone. "What do you want, Mickey?"

"Well hello to you too, Miss. Grumpy Pants," I said sarcastically, my plans to invite her over sidetracked by her uncharacteristically unpleasant tone. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," She sighed, pausing before she continued. "Other than everything."

I frowned into the phone, not used to hearing Penelope who was usually such a force of positivity sounding so down.

"What's wrong?" I asked again. "Tough case? Everyone's okay, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, everyone's fine. Well except maybe Derek considering I just chewed his ear off," She groaned as I giggled at the image she'd created in my brain. They had a good friendship, but I knew what it was like being on Penelope's bad side and it wasn't much fun.

"Penny, what's wrong?" I asked for the third time, feeling my suspense increase the more reluctant she was to talk to me.

"I met a guy," She blurted out. "This morning, at the coffee shop. He was smoking hot, Mick, like next level beautiful and I helped him fixed his laptop so he offered to take me out for lunch as a thank you."

"How is this bad news?! That's great, Pen!" I practically squealed at her revelation. "Ooh, was Derek jealous that someone else is interested in his babygirl? Is that why you're upset?"

"No, I've told you before, it's not like that with us," She insisted. "But he caught me when I got to work and could tell something was off so I explained the situation and my concerns about it."

"Concerns?"

"Yes, concerns," She repeated. "As I said to Morgan, I'm not the kind of girl that guys see across a smokey room and write songs about. Random people don't stop me in a coffee shop to ask me out, it just doesn't happen. It's like how every time we go out, guys are practically fighting each other to stand within two feet of you whereas I go relatively unnoticed. It's fine because I get enough attention, but this isn't normal for me."

"Penelope Garcia, that is not true! You do just fine when we go out and all the men fighting each other for me are usually fucked up on cocaine anyway so you don't want that drama," I assured her. "Besides, it sounds to me like he's not just some random stranger who came up to you to ask you out. You, being the wonderful person you are, did him a massive favour and he wants to repay you for that. I don't see why it's strange at all and I'm struggling to see why Derek has an issue with it?"

"He didn't at first. He said that it happens all the time, but when I told him I was unsure he said something about how if I think he's too 'smoking hot' for me then I should go with my gut and give it a miss," She explained. "I don't remember exactly how he phrased it, but it sounded a lot like he was already assuming that this guy was out of my league and that if he really was as hot as I said that he probably wouldn't just be genuinely interested in me."

"Or maybe he understood that if you have reservations about this guy you just met, it could be for a good reason? Sounds like you doubted the situation first, he was just trying to support you whatever decision you made."

"I guess that's true," She groaned. "But anyway, the guy called me just a few minutes ago asking me out. I wasn't sure so I said no, but then Morgan called and when I told him he said how something was definitely wrong with him and I lost it. I really laid into him, but how could he possibly know? He's just assuming that because the guy was hot and interested in me that something was wrong with him! Just because I'm not up to his standard of beautiful stick thin model doesn't mean that no hot man could ever be interested, it's rude!"

"Penny," I smiled to myself, shaking my head at her antics. "It sounds to me like you're nervous and unsure about this guy and you're taking that out on Derek. He wasn't there, he didn't see the guy, he doesn't even know how 'smoking hot' he is. He's just going by what you're saying so any comments supporting your doubts are because he trusts your instincts, not because he doesn't think you could have any guy you wanted."

Penelope stayed quiet on the line for a few moments before she spoke.

"You've been spending too much time with Reid," She mumbled. "Your profiling skills are getting too good."

"Oh please," I laughed. "I've always been able to read you like a book."

"Well you're the one who's all loved up these days. What should I do? Do you think I should go?"

"Absolutely! I think you're just nervous and your insecurities are making you think it's a weird situation when it's not. You're beautiful, Penny and you have a heart of gold which this stunner obviously saw when you helped him out so of course he'd be interested in you!"

"You think so?"

"Definitely!" I insisted. "You deserve to be swept off your feet or at the very least have some cute guy buy you dinner. Call him right now and say you changed your mind."

"Alright, okay, I'll do it!" Penelope relented, sounding much happier than she had when she answered the phone. "But I'm assuming you didn't call just to hear me rant about my love life, so what did you call for?"

"Oh, nothing important. I was going to see if you wanted to come over for a girly night, but why don't we do it tomorrow instead? I'll bring some wine over to your place and help you get ready!"

"Okay, great, that sounds perfect," Penelope agreed. "But I should go call Colby back before he makes other plans."

I said goodbye, once again telling her she had nothing to worry about before I hung up and let her go make her arrangements.

-

I flicked through Penelope's closet the next day, glass of wine in hand, trying to decide what she should wear while she showered. I couldn't help, but smile at the bold choices she had available, subtle was never Penny's strong suit especially when it came to clothing, but it was authentic. She never tried to hide who she was.

I picked a few options and laid them on her bed, checking the time just as she walked out of the bathroom in a towel and her underwear. I sighed at the sight of her. She looked absolutely terrified and the way she was holding herself made her look so small.

"Drink this," I demanded, handing her the glass of wine I'd poured for her. "You look like you're about to be marched off a cliff, not swept off your feet. You need to channel that Penelope confidence!"

"I'm so scared," She practically whimpered, taking a gulp from the glass. "What if it goes badly? What if he realizes how absolutely out of my league he is?"

"No one is out of your league," I insisted. "And if it goes badly then you'll have a good story to tell. I've been on many, many horrendous dates in my life and it might feel awkward at the time, but you just make an excuse to leave and be done with it."

Penelope nodded as she looked over the clothes I'd picked for her.

"I guess there's always the good old 'sneak out the bathroom window' trick."

I laughed and nodded.

"Or text me and I'll call you in full on hysterics about something and you'll have an excuse to leave."

She finally cracked a smile.

"Alright," She agreed. "Now what should I wear?"

I grinned and went over all the options I'd laid out for her. We had very different styles, but I knew what she liked so we eventually managed to pick out an outfit. Moving on to the accessories, we settled on a simple chain with a big, eye catching star (even though Penelope said she wasn't really hoping to draw his eyes down to her chest that much) and a gold headband. I did her makeup, keeping it simple, but a bit fancier than she would normally do it for work and by the time we were done she looked gorgeous.

"You look amazing, Pen!" I squealed as she twirled in front of the mirror.

"I do look good, don't I?"

Her voice was much stronger and confident than it had been at the start of the evening and I was happy for her. She deserved to meet a good guy.

Our phones both buzzed at the same time and we went quiet as we checked them.

"He's outside," She informed me, looking terrified once again.

"Then go meet him!" I grinned. "I'll clean up these dishes then let myself out. I have your spare key so I can lock up. That was Spencer anyway, they just landed so I'm meeting him at his apartment in about an hour."

"Okay," She nodded, smoothing out her dress as she looked at herself one more time.

I smiled and scurried over to give her a big hug before sending her on her way.

-

I got to Spencer's apartment shortly after he did, opening the door to see his go bag tossed aside and him leaning against his kitchen counter. He looked tired from the case and all the travelling, but a smile slid onto his face as he saw me.

"I missed you," I told him, rushing over to wrap my arms around his waist.

"I missed you too," He breathed into my hair. "Sorry I had to bail on our plans last night."

"It's okay," I assured him. "We can do it now."

"Sounds perfect." He smiled. "What do you want to watch?"

I pulled away slightly, looking up at his beautiful brown eyes.

"What do you have?"

"Hmm..." Spencer pondered for a minute before his eyes lit up. "What about Star Wars?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "I've never seen them so that would be interesting."

His jaw dropped and a look of horror crossed his face.

"Well it's a good job I have no work and no plans for tomorrow," He said deadly serious. "You'll need to cancel your Sunday class because no girlfriend of mine can not have seen Star Wars."

I giggled as he laced his fingers with mine and practically dragged me to his living room, dropping me on the couch before he scrambled over to his DVD player.

"Spencer," I smiled. "I can't cancel my class tomorrow."

"That should be fine," He relented. "If we start now and only sleep for, at most, four hours then we should still be able to have you all caught up by tomorrow night even if you go to your class."

I laughed and shook my head at his excitement.

"Okay, we better get started then," I agreed, patting the spot next to me on the couch. "And you have to be patient when I ask a thousand questions."

Spencer frowned at that stipulation, but reluctantly agreed before settling down next to me. I leaned against his chest and he wrapped his arm around me, squeezing me close.  
We'd made it through almost half the first movie and Spencer was already ready to tape my mouth shut to stop all my questions when his phone rang. He grabbed it off the table as I paused the movie, praying he wouldn't be called off on another case. I quickly regretted that wish though as Spencer hung up the phone, his face pale and his eyes swimming with tears.

"Penelope's been shot."

His words were so quiet that I almost couldn't hear them, but at the same time they left my ears ringing. My heart stopped, my blood ran cold and I felt dizzy. Penelope. My Penelope. My best friend. It had to be a joke. It couldn't be true.

Without even waiting for Spencer to tell me anymore details, I leapt off the couch, grabbed my shoes and ran to the door with him trailing close behind.

-

We burst into the hospital waiting room and instantly spotted JJ and Hotch on some couches in a corner. Knowing exactly what we would want to know, JJ stood up to greet us.

"She's still in surgery," She said quietly, her eyes red rimmed from tears I'm sure she'd shed.

"This is crazy," Spencer mumbled as I gripped his hand with all my strength, still not able to find any words.

I sat on the arm of one of the couches, tears silently rolling down my cheeks as a man I hadn't met, but could assume was Dave Rossi, and Emily walked in.

"What do we know?" The man asked.

"Police think it was a botched robbery," Hotch informed them as I sniffled.

It made sense, Penelope would have been getting home around that time and if someone attacked her she wasn't the type to just give them her money and let them get away. She would have fought and maybe her attacker panicked.

"Where's Morgan?" Emily asked, looking around and realizing he wasn't there.

JJ shrugged.

"He's not answering his cell."

Spencer gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before letting it go to pull his phone out of his pocket.

"I'll call him again."

He wandered away to a quieter spot as I watched the rest of the group. The new man turned to Hotch, with a suspicious look on his face.

"What aren't you saying?" He asked and my heart sank as Hotch sighed.

"I spoke to one of the paramedics that brought her in," He said quietly. I knew it was a private conversation and the fact that I had to strain to hear what was being said probably meant that I shouldn't be listening, but I couldn't resist. "It doesn't look good."

His words made my heart shatter into a million pieces and I slowly moved from the arm of the couch to one of it's cushions. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I rested my forehead on top and cried.

I could hear them discussing something as Spencer came back and announced that he still couldn't reach Morgan, but I just stayed in my little ball of comfort until I felt the cushion beside me move. Peering up, I saw Spencer next to me, worry written all over his face.

"Hey," He said softly, reaching out a hand to rub my back gently. "She'll be okay."

"You don't know that," I whimpered causing his frown to deepen.

"Garcia's a fighter," He reminded me. "She'll get through this."

A sob fell from my lips as I unwrapped my arms from around my legs and threw myself into Spencer's lap, wrapping them around him instead. I could feel the eyes of the entire team on us, but I didn't care. I stayed in Spencer's embrace as he held me close to him and whispered sweet assurances in my ear.

-

I'd calmed down by the time Derek came storming in, explaining that he was in church and his phone was off. I was obviously still very upset and emotionally unstable, but my tears had subsided for the time being. Just as Hotch was catching Derek up on what he missed, a doctor came over with a file.

"Penelope Garcia?"

There was a chorus of 'yes' as I sprung up from the couch to join the group.

"The bullet went in her chest and ricocheted into her abdomen. She lost a lot of blood, it was touch and go for a while, but we were able to repair the injuries."

I let out a sigh of relief, reaching for Spencer's hand again as JJ questioned the doctor.

"So what are you saying?"

"One centimetre over and it would've torn right through her heart," He told us, making my own heart clench. "Instead, she could actually walk out of here in a couple of days."

Everyone almost cried with relief at the news as the doctor told us her room number and that she needed her rest for now, but we could see her in the morning.

Hotch got the team organized, saying something about disregarding protocol and the crime scene, but I couldn't focus. I kept repeating the room number in my head to make sure I wouldn't forget it.

Derek, JJ and Emily all moved back to the couches, but I resisted when Spencer tugged on my hand to join them.

"I'm, uh, just gonna find a bathroom," I told him. "I just need to freshen up a bit."

Spencer looked uncertain, probably able to see through my lie, but he let go of my hand and watched me walk off down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Penelope chapters have been getting out of hand! I've been writing and writing and it went from two chapters to three, but I think I'll just split it into two longer ones haha  
> I've been feeling really anxious this week and writing has been helping me escape from the real world for a while so I might even have the next chapter up later today! :)


	16. Chapter Sixteen

I found Penelope's room fairly easily, my heart breaking as I saw her through the window. She looked so small and fragile hooked up to all those machines. It was such a contrast to the huge personality she usually filled rooms with. Checking around quickly to make sure no one was watching, I snuck inside, closing the door behind me, but leaving the curtains open so it wouldn't look too suspicious if anyone glanced over.

Moving to the far side of the bed, I sat in the chair that had been left there and reached out for Penelope's hand.

"Oh, Pen," I said softly. "What have you gotten yourself into now?"

I felt my eyes well up with tears, but I desperately blinked them away.

"I hear you're going to be okay," I continued. "But you scared the shit out of me. I don't think I've ever been that terrified in my life. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. I don't know what I'd do without you. Even when I was in Europe and you were mad at me, I knew in the back of my mind that if I ever needed something, you would be there. You always have been. You've always protected me." 

I took in a shaky breath, the tears now flowing freely down my cheeks.

"It's like when we were kids and I was scared to go to kindergarten and you spent hours telling me about all the fun things I'd get to do at school so that I wouldn't be as scared and then in the middle of my first day you snuck out of class to come check on me or when I was learning how to ride a bike without training wheels and I fell off and scraped my knee, you were right there with a band-aid and an ice pack to save the day. Then of course there's the bigger things as we got older. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for everything you did to me after what happened. I was such a mess and all I ever did was take it out on you when you were the only person who believed me," I choked back a sob as I spoke. "I've been so horrible to you over the years and so thoughtless. You never deserved it. You're the best person I know, Penny and I swear to God if you don't wake up soon there will be serious consequences."

I was rambling and anyone who heard me would probably think I was insane, but I needed to be here. I needed to be close to her, talking to her to get her through like she'd done for me over the years throughout the many struggles I'd faced. 

I reminisced about all the things we'd done and all the trouble we'd caused together, like accidentally setting my dad's backyard on fire or when we thought it would be hilarious to shave her mom's cat to make him look like a lion. I laughed and cried as I spoke, hoping she could hear me and that one of these stories would catch her attention and make her wake up, but after the stress of the day she was out cold. 

I was so engrossed in my tales that I hadn't even noticed Spencer and Derek appear at the window.

"They both just look so small," Spencer observed to his friend as he watched me laugh through my tears at something I was telling Penelope. "I've never seen Mickey this upset before. She seemed so broken when we first arrived."

"They've been through a lot together," Derek pointed out. "They're like sisters, even if they've had their issues they still love each other. I don't know all the details, but from what Garcia's told me, Mickey's been through some tough stuff and with Garcia losing her parents, they've gotten each other through some big things. Losing a support system like that would be a scary thing to face."

Spencer nodded, but still looked apprehensive.

"I just didn't know to help her," He confessed. "She was so distraught, all I could do was give her a hug and hold her until she calmed down. I didn't know what to say."

Derek smiled and put a hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"Sometimes a hug is all you need," He assured him. "You were feeling that pain too, would any words have made you worry any less?"

"No, I suppose you're right," Spencer sighed. "I just worry sometimes. I know I miss a lot of social cues and I find comfort in statistics and facts, but I know that doesn't help everyone. I feel like sometimes I just don't know how to be the boyfriend that she needs me to be."

Derek shook his head, staring at Spencer like he had two heads.

"Have you seen the way that girl looks at you?" He asked, incredulously. "She adores you, statistics and all. It's been a long night for everyone, kid, don't overthink things. We're all angry, sad and scared for Garcia right now."

Spencer nodded again, his eyes trained on me as I reached up to tuck Penelope's hair behind her ear to keep it out of her eyes.

"We should probably get her out of there though before she gets us all kicked out of the hospital," He smiled before carefully opening the door. I didn't notice them so I jumped when I heard his voice. "You're not supposed to be in here, Mickey."

"Sorry!" I mumbled sheepishly, looking over at the two men. "I just had to see her and I lost track of time."

"You just can't resist sneaking into places you're not authorised to be, can you?" Derek teased, but I felt Penelope gently squeeze my hand as he spoke.

"She's fine," She croaked, her eyes slowly blinking open. "As long as she stops crying because if she sets me off, I'm scared I'll come unstapled."

"Oh my god," I whimpered, fighting off a new wave of tears. "It's so good to hear your voice!"

The larger number of people in the room had obviously caught the attention of a few of the nurses as a doctor poked his head in the room.

"Oh good, she's awake!" He smiled at us. "Just give me a few minutes to check her over then you can all come back in and check on her yourselves, alright?"

I was about to protest when Spencer held out his hand for me to take.

"C'mon, Mickey," He insisted. "We can come back in just a few minutes."

I sighed and leaned over to give Penelope a kiss on the cheek before interlacing my finger's with Spencer's and following him and Derek out the room.

-

When we went back in about twenty minutes later, Penelope seemed a bit more awake than she had before.

"How're you feeling?" Derek asked as the entire team surrounded her bed.

"Confused, stupid and in pain."

"Are you up for a few questions?" JJ asked, but Penelope kept talking.

"I never saw it coming," She told us. "He seemed deliciously normal."

"You know him?" Spencer asked with his brow furrowed in an adorable way that usually made my heart flutter, but this time his words made it sink to my stomach.

"You were right," Penelope said to Derek. "I shouldn't have trusted it."

"Your date," I whispered, feeling my stomach clench.

I'd convinced her to go. I'd convinced her that her worries were just insecurity and that she had nothing to worry about. I'd convinced her to ignore the FBI agent who told her to trust her gut. This was my fault. I led her to the shooter like a lamb to slaughter.

My grip on Spencer's hand was so tight I'm surprised I wasn't breaking his fingers as more tears filled my eyes and Penelope nodded.

"That guy I told you about, the one I met at the coffee shop," She explained, her voice strained. "I wanted to believe he was interested in me. I let my guard down."

 _Only because I forced you to_ , I thought to myself, desperately blinking back tears as the guilt ate away at me. The team asked a few more questions, but as Penelope got more upset, they stopped. Emily asked her for his name before we all left the room, except JJ who Penny asked to stay behind.

Once we were out of her sight, everyone seemed to crumble. Derek practically put his fist through the wall and as Spencer went to try to keep him calm, I collapsed onto a chair, letting out more floods of tears. I went unnoticed at first as they discussed some details they'd found out, but moments later I felt someone's hand on my back.

"Whoa, hey, Mickey," Emily said softly. "What's wrong? She's okay, she's going to be fine and we'll catch this guy."

Spencer and Derek watched from the other side of the hallway, Spencer with a particularly pained look on his face.

"It's my fault," I choked out. "I told her to go. She was upset that Derek had warned her not to and I said that he was wrong, that she deserved a date with a hot guy. I told her to ignore whatever her gut was telling her because apparently my instincts are better than the instincts of people who chase serial killers every day!"

My last sentence was dripping with sarcasm, but everyone around me was shaking their heads.

"You were being a good friend," Derek assured me. "There was no way to know what this guy was going to do. I was wrong for how I reacted when she told me."

"But you were right," I whimpered.

"This guy probably would've found another way to get to her if she hadn't agreed to go on the date," Emily insisted, stroking my hair in a very motherly way. "But did she say anything about him? Other than his name?"

I wiped my eyes, trying to get myself under control and shook my head.

"Just that he was 'smoking hot' and they'd met at the coffee shop. His laptop froze and she fixed it for him."

"That's all she told me too," Derek agreed. "I don't think she knew much more about him."

"Alright," Emily sighed. "Well I'm gonna call Hotch."

"And I'm gonna grab a coffee," JJ piped in. "Would anyone like one?"

"I'll come with you," Derek mumbled and soon everyone was gone except Spencer and I.

He held out his arms for me as soon as we were alone and I peeled myself out of the chair to run into his embrace.

"It's not your fault," He mumbled into my hair. "You did the right thing, you were a good friend."

"I don't know why I ever thought I knew what I was talking about," I sniffled into his chest. "I have absolutely horrible instincts when it comes to men."

"Hey now," Spencer chuckled. "You chose me, didn't you?"

"The best decision I ever made," I smiled up at him, squeezing him tightly. "I love you, Spencer, thank you for being here for me. I'm sorry I'm such an emotional mess."

"I love you too," He kissed the tip of my nose. "And you don't have to thank me. I know how you're feeling, you're allowed to be emotional."

"How're you feeling?" I asked. "I know she's your friend too."

"I'm glad she's okay," He sighed. "But I'll feel better when we catch the man responsible."

"If anyone can do it, you guys can," I assured him. "This guy messed with the wrong team."

"Absolutely," Spencer nodded. "Now, do you want to go join JJ and Derek for a coffee? I could use one."

I bit my lip, pondering his offer for a moment before shaking my head.

"I think I'm gonna go sit with her a bit longer," I decided, looking back towards Penelope's room. "You go though. Maybe bring me one back?"

"Alright," Spencer leaned down to place a soft kiss on my lips before we reluctantly pulled away from each other and went our separate ways.

-

Penelope was in hospital for five days and I stayed with her almost the entire time. I didn't leave at all for the first two, cancelling all my classes, but after that Spencer managed to lure me home for a shower with the promise of a cuddle afterwards. He claimed he was feeling neglected with me giving Penelope all my attention, but his mind was one hundred percent focused on the case anyway so I knew Penny must've asked him to take me away and take care of me.

It was a nice break from the stress of what was happening though. We showered together, but it wasn't a sexual affair, we just washed each other and held each other as the water fell over us. After we were clean, we practically collapsed onto Spencer's bed, taking a much needed nap all wrapped up together, but when we woke up it was back to business. 

The team had basically no leads on who had hurt Penny and I could tell it was wearing them all down. As Spencer said, she was always there for them, finding out valuable information that sometimes kept them from walking into a potentially deadly situation so the fact that they couldn't help her now was driving them all a bit mad. I was still riddled with guilt for convincing her to go on the date in the first place despite Penelope's insistence that I was not responsible. I was still determined to stay with her in hospital as much as I could though. I knew she would get bored and lonely if she was by herself all day and I also knew she was still scared that her attacker was still out there

We were all relieved when she was cleared to go home, knowing that she would be more comfortable recovering there, but she was also apprehensive about going back to the place where it all unfolded. Which was why Derek and I insisted we accompany her. She didn't protest too much until she realized we planned to stay the night.

"I've got my goon squad right outside!" She argued, not wanting to inconvenience either of us.

"Goon squad or no goon squad, that couch will be my best friend until we catch this guy," Derek teased.

"And what if you need help with things like showering?" I asked, crossing my arms sternly. "Do you really want Derek to help with that?"

"Well..." She cocked her head to the side with a smirk on her face, but I laughed and shook my head.

"You are in no shape to be a perv, Pen!" I scolded her playfully, pleased she was still able to laugh about things. "You have two couches, there's plenty of space for both of us. Now go and get some rest."

"Alright," She smiled before wandering off to her bedroom until Derek stopped her.

"Hey, silly girl," He started before pausing for a moment. "I love you, you know that right?"

Penny smiled.

"I love you too."

"Awwwwwe," I cooed at the dramatically, ruining what was probably a very touching moment for them. Without missing a beat, Derek grabbed a cushion from the couch and swatted me in the head.

"You be quiet or I'll call pretty boy to come and pick you up," He warned, but I simply stuck out my tongue as Penelope shook her head at us and went to bed.

-

We hadn't been asleep long when a loud sound from outside woke us up.

"Garcia!" Derek shouted as we leapt off the couches. "Stay there, stay right there!"

Penny was standing in the doorway, holding her stomach, pale as a ghost so I rushed to her side as Derek looked out the window. Whatever he saw obviously wasn't good as he ran back to us, grabbing us both by the hand.

"Come with me," He said dragging us into a corner. He pushed Penelope in first then me in front of her. Pulling a second gun from a holster he apparently had on his ankle he  
thrust it towards me. "Take this gun!"

"I don't believe in guns," Penelope protested from behind me, but swallowing hard I took it from him.

"You keep your finger on that trigger, Mickey," He told me firmly. "If someone comes in that door you grab a hold of it and you squeeze, alright?"

I nodded, feeling my hands shake as Derek raced out the door before I could question him.

"We're gonna be okay," I assured Penny as I felt her quivering behind me. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

"I'm scared," She whimpered. "Why is this happening?"

"I don't know, babe," I whispered. "But we'll get through this. We're in it together, right? Just like we've always been."

I felt her head rest on my shoulder and prayed she couldn't hear how fast my heart was racing as the sound of gunshots echoed from the hallway.

"Morgan," She sobbed as he shouted once again for us to stay where we were.

My mind was racing as my stomach turned. I'd never fired a gun before, I was probably a horrible shot and much more likely to hurt myself than whoever I was aiming at, but I was going to do anything I could to keep Penelope safe. She'd always been there for me and I was going to defend her to the death if I had to.

We waited in silence for any sign of the man who'd shot her, but there hadn't been anymore gunshots so I was hopeful that Derek had got him. A few minutes later though the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs had me on edge again. I lifted the gun, my heart pounding in my chest as I saw a shadow in the door frame.

"Hello?" I called out, but when there was no answer I took a deep breath, ready for the worst. "I will shoot you if you come any closer!"

My threat caused another sob from Penelope, but I kept my gaze strong on the door as Derek burst through, gun raised.

"It's me!" He announced, causing me to let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding as I lowered the gun. "Don't shoot, Mickey, it's just me."

I nodded and moved to put down the gun before I could do any damage to myself or anyone else as Penelope rushed into Derek's arms. I watched as he held her, rocking her gently as he sobbed into her chest.

"Call Reid, he should be here for you," He told me quietly as I pulled out my phone, my mind still spinning. "And Mickey? Thank you for protecting her."

I nodded and whispered a 'you're welcome', blinking back the tears that were filling my eyes as the adrenaline wore off and the reality of the situation set in.

-

I managed to keep it together until Spencer walked in the door followed closely by JJ. He looked around frantically until his eyes settled on me and his face flooded with relief.

"Mickey," He breathed out as I ran into his arms so fast I almost tackled him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I assured him despite the tears that were rolling down my cheeks, squeezing him tightly. "We're all fine. Derek gave me his gun, but I didn't need to use it."

"You gave her a gun?" Spencer asked Derek, his eyebrow raised in surprise. "She can barely cook without setting her hair on fire and you trusted her with a gun?"

A quiet chuckle echoed through the group and even I managed a smile, but my heart was still heavy and my hands still shaking.

"It was so scary, Spencer," I sniffled, fighting back more tears as JJ checked on Penelope. "I thought I was going to have to actually kill someone."

"Shhh, it's okay," He assured me, kissing the top of my head. "It's over now, you're safe."

And I did feel safe with his arms around me. I could feel the stress slowly seeping out of me with every kiss he gave me and every word of comfort he whispered in my ear. I stayed there in his arms as they discussed the case and tried to get any more details out of Penelope, but as the rest of the team arrived, I decided to try to make myself useful. Penelope always used to make me tea when I was sad and I was sure the team could all use the caffeine boost so I figured it could be a small way I could help. However, my still shaky hands got in the way and the first mug I picked up went crashing to the floor. 

"Damn it!" I swore as Penelope shrieked and I bent down to pick it up, slicing my hand in the process. "Fuck's sake!"

I felt the tears bubbling up again as the blood sprung from my finger, but I soon felt someone's arm around my waist. I looked up to see Spencer, his eyes full of sympathy as he led me to the bathroom, closing the door behind us. I lost it as soon as we were alone, leaning on the counter as my blood dripped into the sink, sobs wracking my body.

"Hey, hey, hey," Spencer said quietly. "It's okay, Mickey. It's just a little cut, you'll be okay."

I couldn't help, but smile through my tears at Spencer's obvious misinterpretation of my sadness.

"It's not that," I hiccuped. "It's this whole situation. I'm useless, I can't do anything to help, I practically caused this mess by forcing her on that date and now I'm just getting in the way and now, I'm distracting you when you should be out there finding whoever did this to her!"

"You're not distracting me, there's enough other people out there with her for now, I'm right where I need to be," He insisted. "And you're not useless, you just took a gun with no hesitation to defend your friend. That's the opposite of useless."

He opened a cupboard and found some antibacterial wipes before taking my hand in his. I hissed as he wiped at the cut, but took some deep breaths to get myself together.

"I was so scared," I told him. "I don't like this, having my best friend hunted by some maniac. This isn't normal day to day life for me like it is for you guys, I don't know how to handle it."

"It's not normal for me either," He told me as he returned to the cupboard for a bandage. "It's very rare one of the team is in danger like this and even more rare that it's someone I'm in love with. Do you not think I was scared when you called me and told me what happened?"

I wiped my eyes with my not bleeding hand as Spencer wiped the wound again before carefully placing a band-aid over it.

"You were?"

"Of course! I was terrified," He informed me. "Even though I knew you were okay, just thinking about what could've happened scared me to death. I don't know what I would do without you, Mick."

I teared up again, but pulled Spencer into a hug now that my wound was covered.

"Now you know how I feel every time you go into the field," I mumbled against his neck. "So remember that the next time you're chasing after some maniac, okay?"  
"Okay," He chucked, holding me close to him. "And the next time Morgan hands you a gun, don't take it. It's probably safer for everyone that way."

I giggled and swatted him playfully before stretching up to kiss his lips gently. I pulled away a moment later and turned to the mirror, wiping my eyes one last time so I wouldn't look too horrible when we went back out to face the team.

-

The rest of the night was spent grilling poor Penelope for any information she could provide. After I'd gathered myself in the bathroom with Spencer, I went back out determined to be strong for my friend. I sat next to her, holding her hand when things got tough and making sure they didn't push her too hard. They were her friends, but they were also FBI agents who wanted to solve a case and sometimes they seemed to forget what a fragile state she was in.

I sat on the sidelines as the team split up when Hotch, Rossi and JJ went back to their offices, but I did the best I could to provide moral support for everyone who needed it. There wasn't much I could do though so eventually I ended up drifting off on the couch only to be woken up by Spencer, shaking me a tad rougher than necessary.

"We've gotta get back to the BAU," He told me as everyone else was rushing out the door. "You stay here, I'll come get you later, okay?"

"What?!" I protested, leaping off the couch. "I'm not staying here where some man just tried to murder me!"

Spencer opened his mouth to protest, but as Derek called his name he didn't have time to argue.

By the time we got to the BAU, it was all over. JJ had shot the man who tried to kill Penelope and everyone else was okay. The whole night felt like a dream, like I would wake up and still be in the hospital with Penelope waiting for her to be released, but it was my reality now. Being friends with and the lover of FBI agents made life a bit wilder than running a yoga studio in France.

But as I held Spencer's hand while he watched his team discuss the days events, it appeared Penelope and some man who looked like he worked for IT were hitting it off in a corner and it seemed like Penelope's theory that everything happens for a reason was right afterall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it didn't get too boring as it mostly followed the plot of the show which I'm sure we've all seen...I tried to pad it out with some Spencer + Mickey love though! I was going to skip over this part and make it brief, but I feel like with Mickey and Penelope's history, this would have been an important time for them.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

With Penelope's attacker gone for good, things returned to normal fairly quickly. Penelope healed well and like the rest of her workaholic team, took no where near enough time off before she returned to work. It took a while for me to get over the fear and panic I'd felt that night, holding a gun, ready to fire to defend myself and my friend, but while I still tended to be a bit jumpy at night if I was alone, I was slowly getting over it.

Time flew by as the weather got colder and Christmas drew near, but it wasn't until early December that I realized Spencer and I hadn't discussed our plans for the holidays yet. He must've had the same thought as one night, while we were finally watching the last of the Star Wars movies, he brought it up.

"What date are you flying out to see your parents?" He asked as he lazily stroked my legs that were flopped across his lap.

"I'm actually not going this year," I informed him causing surprise to flash on his face. "Last year was just so difficult. Things are so tense between us and I know I should be trying to fix it, but it's hard and exhausting. I don't want to spend Christmas like that again. I'd rather be here with people who make me happy."

"Oh...I, uh, I just assumed you would be," He said, looking much sadder than I would have expected. "I'm going to visit my mom over the holidays this year."

Now I understood his disappointment as my heart deflated a bit as well. It would have been nice to spend Christmas together, but then I got the idea that maybe we still could.

"I don't want to intrude," I started, not sure how he would take what I was about to say. "But I could maybe come with you? No pressure, but I'd love to meet your mom if you'd like some company."

Spencer's jaw tensed at my suggestion, but I waited, ignoring the urge to tell him to forget about it before he could reject me.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," He said quietly after a few moments. "My mom, she's not like other moms."

"She's schizophrenic, Spencer, I know that," I reminded him. "If you don't want me to come, it's fine. I know you don't see her very often, if you want your visit to be private, I understand."

"It's not that," He sighed. "I just want you to know what you're getting into. It's hard to tell what kind of mood she'll be in. Sometimes she's doing really well, but if she's having an off day then it won't be much fun."

I shrugged at his nervous explanation.

"I know that," I assured him. "Obviously I would like to meet her on a good day so I can get a chance to get to know her and be able to really tell if she likes me or not, but I won't take offense if she's having a bad day. In fact, do you stay with her when you visit?"

"No," Spencer shook his head. "Guest aren't allowed to stay with patients."

"Then I wouldn't even mind staying in the hotel until you've assessed what kind of day she's having and only joining you if she's doing well."

"That would be a boring Christmas for you if she's having a bad time."

"I really don't mind," I repeated with a smile, trying to wipe the frown of Spencer's face. "I want to meet her and I know there will never be a guarantee of what kind of mood she'll be in, it'll always be a risk."

"Alright," Spencer nodded. "If you're sure that's how you want to spend your Christmas then you're welcome to join me."

I smiled and sat up, leaning towards him to place a kiss on his cheek.

"I can't think of a better way to spend my Christmas than with you."

A soft smile slid onto his face as he turned his head to capture my lips with his own.

"Did Garcia tell you about the team Christmas dinner next weekend?" He asked as we parted a few minutes later. "I wasn't sure you'd be around for it, but you're welcome to join now you will be."

I shook my head.

"No, she didn't."

"Oh, well Rossi's throwing a big dinner. Friends and family welcome so that includes you if you'd like to join us."

"Of course," I smiled. "I love Christmas parties!"

"Perfect," Spencer chuckled. "Prepare yourself for lots of hearty Italian food and expensive wine."

"I can't wait!"

I snuck one last kiss before leaning back against the couch as we turned our attention back to the movie, my thoughts wandering to how nice it will be to spend Christmas with my boyfriend.

-

"Merry Christmas!" Spencer and I cheered as Rossi opened the door to his home.

"Merry Christmas to you both as well," He smiled, taking the giant poinsettia we'd brought from my hands. "It's lovely to see you again, under much happier circumstances."

I hadn't seen Rossi since the night Penelope was attacked so it was a much better time to meet. He seemed like a very nice man though as he pulled me in to greet me the way I'd grown accustomed to in Europe, a kiss on each cheek.

"Spencer informed me that you already had an extensive selection of wine, but I didn't want to show up empty handed so we settled on the plant instead," I explained as he lead the way to the living room. "I hope that's alright."

"It's beautiful," He assured me.

His house was massive and I was a bit in awe as we walked through to the room where every one else was gathered. It seemed we were the last ones to arrive and were greeted by the entire team when we walked in.

"Spender!" A tiny voice yelled as Rossi put down the plant and moved to take our coats.

I looked around for the unfamiliar sound and my eyes settled on a little boy balanced in Hotch's lap. I guessed he was about two and from what I'd heard, I could only assume it was his son.

"Hi Jack!" Spencer grinned back. "You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!"

"I two now!" He announced, scrambling down from where he was perched and running over to Spencer.

"I know!" Spencer grinned, scooping him into his arms. "Sorry I missed your birthday, but I got you something to make up for it."

"A present?"

"Yeah, buddy, for your birthday AND for Christmas," Spencer explained, my heart warming at the sight of him with the small boy. He flicked his eyes from Jack to me as the rest of the team watched. "This is my girlfriend, Mickey."

"Mickey Mouse?"

I smiled at the connection he'd made and nodded.

"Yeah, just like Mickey Mouse," I told him, holding out my hand for him to shake. He took it reluctantly, probably wondering what this had to do with his present. "It's nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you."

Jack stayed quiet and looked up at Spencer expectantly causing Spencer to chuckle and adjust the little boy on his hip.

"If you ask Mickey really nicely, she has your present in her bag and I'm sure she'd be happy to give it to you."

"Present?" Jack asked me, looking awfully shy. "Please?"

I smiled and reached into my bag to pull out a carefully wrapped box. Jack took it from me eagerly before ripping off the paper before anyone could blink.

"Wow!" He said, his eyes big as he tossed the paper onto the floor earning a scolding from his father that he promptly ignored. 

"It's a puzzle of the solar system," Spencer explained. "That's what's up in space where the astronauts go. Would you like me to help you build it?"

"Yeah!" Jack cheered, squirming desperately to be put down.

Spencer obliged and led him over to a carpeted area where they both sat down and cracked open the box. Smiling at the pair of them, I moved over to the couches where the adults were gathered, accepting a glass of wine from the host.

"He wanted to get him one of the periodic table of elements, but I managed to convince him that might be too advanced," I told the group earning a chuckle. "He's good with him though."

"It's a rarity," Aaron laughed. "There's something called the Reid affect that we've noticed over the years."

"What's that?"

"Babies, dogs, any animal really," Derek began. "Usually they don't take very fondly to Reid. They usually cry or bark or hiss, however they show they're unhappy, they do it when they're around him."

I giggled as Spencer shouted over something about the lack of data to prove that theory.

"He's just misunderstood," I smiled, watching as he helped Jack put a piece in place. "But how is everyone? Big plans for the holidays?"

Everyone pretty much agreed they were just having a quiet Christmas and we fell into easy conversation. They were a great group and really were like a family. I was glad that I'd been so easily accepted and welcomed among them.

-

"Are you nervous to meet Reid's mom?" Jennifer asked as we all settled in around the table later in the evening.

"Terrified," I nodded as Spencer smiled and reached for my hand. "I know Spencer's her only child and how proud she is of him, I'm scared she'll think I'm just some dumb yoga instructor and not good enough or smart enough."

"Don't be ridiculous," Spencer told me for at least the fifth time since we discussed our trip to Vegas the week before. "She'll love you. I've told her all about you in my letters and she knows how happy you make me."

"I remember when I met my first wife's parents," Rossi chimed in. "I was so nervous and desperate to impress her father that I offered to open the Champagne, but the cork popped off and broke a priceless antique vase passed down from her great-great grandmother. Needless to say, they weren't impressed. But as time went on it became something we could all laugh about."

"First meetings are hard," Emily nodded. "My high school boyfriend didn't tell his mother that I'm allergic to shellfish so of course that just had to be what she'd prepared for dinner. I was too shy to tell her and ruin the evening that I ate it anyway and ended up spending most of the evening in the hospital."

"Mrs. Reid is wonderful though," Penelope smiled as everyone laughed at the stories that had been shared. "If I was you, I'd be more worried about introducing Spencer to your parents than meeting his. Your dad is one scary man."

Spencer paled at her words, but I rolled my eyes.

"He's all talk," I insisted. "He's not nearly as intimidating as he wishes he was. Anyway, Spencer is a million times better than any guy I've ever dated so I think he'll just be relieved that you actually have a job that isn't illegal."

Everyone laughed once again before Rossi raised a glass, toasting to everyone's health and success in the coming year. Jack's voice rang out louder than anyone elses as he joined in with the 'cheers' lifting his sippy cup to clink it against everyone's glass.

We all broke up into separate conversations after that as we tucked into the delicious meal that was in front of us and I took the opportunity to speak with Penelope who was sitting beside me.

"So," I started, a smirk on my face. "You didn't want to bring your partner in crime to this lovely dinner?"

Her eyes widened as she looked around to make sure no one had heard me.

"Shhh," She hissed. "I told you before that the team can't know about us. There's rules against fraternising!"

"You can't hide him forever," I pointed out, keeping my voice hushed as well. "And your team won't care, no one will turn you in for 'fraternising'."

"I'll tell them eventually," She assured me. "But it's all still new. There's no point in telling them if it's just gonna fizzle out in a few weeks anyway."

"I dunno, Pen. You seem pretty happy. I wouldn't be so sure it'll fizzle out that fast."

"He is pretty great," She smiled. "I do really like him."

"I'm happy for you," I smiled back. "You deserve it."

She blushed and mumbled out a thank you so I let the issue drop after that and we turned our attention to the other various conversations happening in the group.

Overall it was a wonderful evening. We laughed, shared stories, teased each other, watched a magic show that Spencer put on for Jack and let all the worries and stress of life disappear for a few hours. There was no talk of serial killers or the monsters they face every day, it was just a happy evening with our little found family and I couldn't have been more grateful that my best friend had introduced me to this amazing group of people and to the man that I loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on posting this yesterday, but I had a bit too much fun on Saturday night and spent my entire day yesterday almost dying....Not a great choice haha  
> But anyway, here it is now! My brain still feels a bit fuzzy so please excuse any editing mistakes


	18. Chapter Eighteen

"Just remember, she might not be having a good day," Spencer told me for the millionth time since we'd woken up that day.

It was just a few days before Christmas and we'd arrived in Las Vegas late the night before. Our hotel was amazing, as I'm sure many hotels in such an extravagant city were, and was no doubt picked for my benefit. Spencer was determined that we would have a special holiday even if things didn't go well with his mother, but even though I understood her illness, I was sure he was overreacting. Penelope had nothing, but nice things to say about her and I was hopeful that I would have a similar experience.

I was still much more concerned that she wouldn't think I was good enough for her son than about her illness anyway.

"I know," I assured him, taking his hand in mine as we walked across the parking lot towards the door of the hospital his mom lived in. "But even if she's not, it'll be okay. I'll say a quick hello then leave you to visit with her and try again another day. Just like we discussed."

Spencer nodded before another worried look crossed his face.

"And don't mention my drug problem, alright? Or that I was ever kidnapped." He requested. "I never told her about it, she'd worry unnecessarily. She doesn't know we ever broke up."

"Spencer," I sighed, resisting the urge to roll my eyes as I knew he was just concerned about this day going well. "Why would I bring up one of the worst things that's  
happened to you as a way to bond with your mother? I'm not that clueless."

"I know," He nodded again. "Just making sure."

I smiled, shaking my head and assured him once again that things would be fine as I opened the door to the building.

I could tell this was hard on him. I knew he felt a lot of guilt for sending his mom here even if he knew it was the right decision and I knew it was hard for him to see her struggling on her off days, but it was nice that he felt comfortable letting me in enough to join him and meet her.

"Dr. Reid!" A friendly man greeted us almost as soon as we stepped inside the building. "I heard you were stopping by today. So nice of you to visit us over the holidays."

Spencer smiled, but seemed uncomfortable with the praise and I could tell it bothered him that his visits were such a special occasion.

"Yeah," He cleared his throat. "We have a low case load this Christmas luckily and I figured it was the perfect time to see my mom. I also have someone to introduce to her. Dr. Norman, this is my girlfriend, Mikayla. Mikayla, this is my mother's doctor."

I felt his hand still squeezing mine rather tightly so I held out the other one for the doctor to shake. 

"Nice to meet you," I smiled.

"You too. You picked a good day to stop by," He informed us. "Your mother has been in an excellent mood all morning and I'm sure it'll only get better once she sets her eyes on you two."

I wasn't so sure about that. On Spencer, yes, but I was terrified my presence would ruin their time together. Spencer visibly relaxed at the news though and after saying a quick goodbye to the doctor, we headed into another room. It seemed like some kind of activity or recreation room. There were patients dotted around, some with family and some alone, doing various things whether that was reading, puzzles, writing or watching TV.

It didn't take me long to spot the woman we were here to see though as I recognized her instantly from pictures in Spencer's apartment. She was looking around anxiously, but her eyes lit up the moment she saw us.

I felt Spencer's pace quicken as he dragged me along after him when his mother stood up.

"Spencer," She sighed happily, pulling him into a hug, forcing him to drop my hand before she stepped back to look at him. "You're so thin..."

I smiled at the memory her words brought up of the time when he'd told me his mother's theory so, hoping to get on her good side, I spoke up.

"I think it's because he drinks too much coffee."

I knew that's what she always told him, but as she glanced over at me before flicking her eyes back to Spencer I thought maybe I shouldn't have said anything. A smile slid onto her face though after a few moments and I was relieved.

"Looks like you found a smart girl," She told him before turning her attention to me. "You must be Mikayla."

"I am," I smiled, stepping out a bit so I was as hidden behind Spencer. "It's so nice to finally meet you, Spencer's told me lots of wonderful things."

"He's told me plenty about you as well," She nodded. "But he didn't mention how beautiful you are."

I blushed at the compliment and jokingly shoved Spencer's shoulder gently.

"Thanks for that, Spence," I teased. "That should have been top of the list."

He chuckled softly and rolled his eyes.

"Gee, sorry," He mumbled sarcastically. "I thought it was much more important to inform her of your stunning personality and wonderful sense of humour."

"Well it wouldn't have hurt to mention my dashing good looks as well."

Our words were all said with a smile and a lighthearted tone, but Diana grew instantly anxious, wrapping her arms around herself worriedly. 

"Oh dear," She muttered. "I hope I haven't started an argument..."

The smile dropped from my face as I worried that I'd ruined what seemed like a good start to our meeting, but Spencer's smile persisted and he reached for my hand once again.

"No, mom," He assured her. "We were just teasing. Mickey knows that I think she's beautiful."

I blushed again as Diana nodded, perking back up again when she knew there was no trouble.

"Good," She smiled. "Now come over here, I saved us a spot. Would either of you like tea or coffee? I can ask a nurse for some."

"I think we're alright, thanks," Spencer answered with a smile as she led us over to the couch she was sitting on when we walked in. "But how're you doing, mom?"

"I'm good," She waved him off as if it wasn't an important subject. "I'm just happy you're here and away from that job of yours for a while. I worry about you and all those sad cases you deal with."

"I know, mom," Spencer smiled fondly as they've obviously had this conversation before. "I'm careful though and my team keeps me safe."

"They better," She said sternly. "You have someone else worrying about you now."

I giggled as she nodded towards me.

"You tell him, Mrs. Reid."

"Please, call me Diana," She insisted. "And tell me more about yourself! Spencer tells me you teach yoga?"

"I do!" I smiled. "I studied it while I was living in France."

Her face lit up at my words.

"Oh, I love France! I spent some time there one summer when I was in college!"

"Really? Where abouts? I spent most of my time near Nice, but I did travel around as much as possible while I was there."

"Nice is beautiful," Diana nodded. "I was mostly based in Paris, but I took the train down to Nice and Marsaille a few times."

We continued our discussion as Spencer sat between us, beaming from ear to ear at how easily we'd connected. It turned out neither of us had anything to worry about afterall.

-

Our conversation flowed smoothly once the ice was broken. Diana wanted to know everything about me and of course, hear what adventures her son had been on recently. There were a few moments where something unsettled her and she got a bit overwhelmed, but most of the time she was chatty and delightful and we had an absolutely wonderful day. By the time we decided to leave, almost five hours had passed, but it felt like no time at all.

I sat with Diana as Spencer quickly went to find a bathroom before we headed out, watching her eyes fill with adoration as they followed her son walking away.

"I'm so proud of that boy," She told me. "He does such wonderful things even if he does work for the government."

I smiled as her displeasure at Spencer's job had been a common theme of the day.

"I'm proud of him too," I agreed. "He has such a big brain and with all his degrees, I'm sure he had lots of high paying job offers, but he just wants to help people. You raised him right."

She chuckled at my comment, but waved me off.

"He practically raised himself. I just nudged him in the right direction every now and then," She said, shifting to face me. "But I don't think I've ever seen him so happy as he is with you."

"He makes me happy too," I smiled, my heart warming at her words.

"It's different for Spencer though," She insisted. "He's always been different, always been smarter than everyone, at school with kids much older than him. Connecting with his peers especially romantically has always been an almost impossible challenge for him, but the way he looks at you, that's something special."

"We've both helped each other a lot in that respect," I confessed. "Spencer restored my faith in men when I had none left, he really whisked me off my feet."

A proud grin slid onto her face at that information and she tentatively placed a hand on my knee. Spencer had warned that she wasn't always good with physical contact when it came to people she didn't know so the gesture meant a lot.

"You two have a special kind of love," She informed me. "A mother knows these things. I'm glad he found someone like you, Mikayla."

My cheeks felt like they were going to split from how hard I was smiling as relief that she liked me and approved of our relationship filled me.

"I'm very glad he found me too."

She flashed me a wink and gave my knee a quick squeeze before moving her hand as Spencer was walking back towards us. We said our goodbyes quickly before Diana was rushed off to have dinner, confirming our plans to come back on Christmas Day before we headed out.

"That went so well," Spencer breathed out with relief, a grin on his face as soon as the door to the hospital closed behind us. "She was so happy and present."

"She's absolutely wonderful, Spence," I said, my smile matching his own. "I'm so glad I came with you. I can see why you're such a gentleman now, she's an incredible woman."

"She is," He nodded as we got to the rental car. I was about to pull my hand from his, but he squeezed it tighter before pulling me into his arms. "Thank you. Thank you for coming, thank you for treating her like a normal human being and not getting nervous when she had a bad moment, thank you for being you."

"You don't need to thank me for that," I assured him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "She is a normal human being, the one responsible for creating the man I love so how else would I treat her?"

"A lot of people are put off by her illness," He insisted. "They treat her like she's either insane or super delicate and ready to snap any minute, but you were so natural. You really put her at ease."

I shrugged and stretched up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"I would never treat her differently. She deserves to be treated just like everyone else and you were so good at relaxing her when she got overwhelmed, there was no reason for me to be concerned about her illness at all."

"Well I appreciated it all the same," He smiled, giving me one final kiss before his grip on my waist loosened slightly. "Now, where would you like to go for dinner? Anywhere at all. My treat."

I pondered his offer for a moment before coming to a decision.

"Wherever your favourite place in the entire city is."

Spencer chuckled at my answer, but nodded and let me go so we could get into the car and continue our wonderful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My knowledge of schizophrenia and how people with it behave is fairly limited so I hope I did okay writing Diana Reid.  
> Also a massive thank you for all the love, comments and kudos. It blows my mind that people are actually enjoying this story, but I love writing it so I'm really pleased :)  
> More Christmas time fun to come soon!


	19. Chapter Nineteen

I felt the bed shift next to me as I slowly roused from my sleep one morning, but I refused to open my eyes. It felt far too early to be getting up yet, even if the kisses now being placed on my neck were delightfully tempting. I resisted for a few more minutes until Spencer's voice broke the silence in the room.

"Merry Christmas, Mickey," He mumbled quietly as if he wasn't sure I was awake yet, but the smile that slid onto my face gave me away.

"Merry Christmas, Spencer," I mumbled back before a yawn took over as my hands tangled in his hair.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," He insisted, still placing kisses on my skin.

I giggled slightly, shivering under his touch.

"Liar."

"Alright," He smirked. "Maybe I did, but I have something for you to make up for it."

I opened my eyes and tugged his hair slightly to get him to look up at me.

"I thought we weren't doing presents! We had an agreement."

"I know," He nodded. "We were going to use the money to go on a nice date somewhere instead, but we can still do that. Besides, don't think I didn't notice the wrapped gift in your carry on bag."

"It's just something small," I confessed. "I saw them and couldn't resist."

"Them?" Spencer raised an eyebrow. "You got me more than one something and have the nerve to scold me for breaking the rules?"

Now it was my turn to smirk as I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, you profilers don't miss anything do you?" He shook his head. "Well if you'll untangle yourself from me I will get you your somethings from my bag."

"Mmmm," Spencer sighed as he buried his head back into my neck. "Or we could stay in bed a bit longer, maybe, uh, celebrate in a different way."

I laughed, but pushed him away from me, shaking my head.

"Not now!" I protested. "You've intrigued me with talk of presents, we can celebrate after."

Spencer groaned, but reluctantly climbed out of bed as I rolled off the other side, brushing my hair out of my face as I sleepily dug through my bag. Finding the small wrapped box at the bottom, I tugged it out before sitting back against the pillows as Spencer joined me, a small box of his own in his hands.

"You first!" I smiled, thrusting my present towards him.

It wasn't much really, but I couldn't resist when I saw them in a store near Spencer's house. I was a tad worried he'd already have something like it, but I hadn't seen any so I was hopeful.

In typical Spencer fashion, he carefully and gently unwrapped the box I'd handed to him, almost painstakingly slow. Once the outer layer was discarded he opened the box and pulled out the [first of two ties](https://www.zazzle.co.uk/caffeine_coffee_molecule_chemical_diagram_tie-151284411907497515). On it was the molecule symbol for caffeine.

"You seem to enjoy molecular symbols," Spencer smiled referring to my molecule themed birthday gift as well.

"I know," I giggled. "But whenever I see things like this in gift stores, I think of you. This one was especially fitting because you wear ties at work and you drink too much coffee!"

"It's perfect, thank you," He chuckled as he pulled out the [second tie in the box](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Star-Wars-mens-R2d2-Necktie/dp/B0749ZFVDZ/ref=sr_1_20?s=clothing&ie=UTF8&qid=1532645466&sr=1-20&refinements=p_89%3AStar+Wars).

This one was a tad less work appropriate as it had tiny little R2D2's all over it.

"I know you might not be able to wear that one to work," I explained. "But he was my favourite character when you made me watch the movies so I had to get it for you."

"I might be able to wear it," Spencer assured me. "Depending on the case. From far away it would probably just look like a strange pattern anyway."

"As long as I don't get you in trouble for your fashion choices."

"Never," Spencer smiled, leaning over to kiss me and mumble a thank you against my lips. "Now, would you like your present?"

I nodded eagerly and he handed me the box he'd placed on the bed. Unlike him, I tore the wrapping off and tossed it aside in a way not too different from how Jack had opened his gift. The box underneath gave nothing away so I quickly lifted the lid.

Inside was a [beautiful necklace](https://bza.biz/product/waveform-silver-pendant/), but the pendant on it was strange and I couldn't figure out what it meant. As if he was reading my mind, Spencer explained.

"It's a sound wave," He told me. "Of me saying 'I love you'."

I was blown away. It was such a beautiful gift and such a heartfelt idea. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I stared down at it. Now I would always have his words close to my heart even if he was far away and couldn't tell them to me himself.

"Spencer," I started, not even sure what to say. "That's amazing. What a wonderful gift. Thank you so much. I'm sorry I, uh, didn't get you more."

"Don't be silly!" He scolded me, a soft smile on his face. "Your gift was just as thoughtful. I just know that you can't always reach me if we're somewhere remote on a case so I  
wanted you to be able to feel my love even if you can't hear me say it."

"That's beautiful," I said softly, blinking back tears. "Will you help me put it on?"

Spencer nodded and I handed him the box before turning so my back was facing him. I pulled my hair to one side, draping it over my shoulder as Spencer put the necklace over my head and quickly did up the clasp. I reached up to touch it, feeling Spencer place a soft kiss on the nape of my neck as I did so.

Spinning back to face him, I practically pounced on him as I pressed my lips against his, trying to communicate just how grateful I was for his gift. He smiled against them as the force of my movements pushed him onto his back. I moved so I was straddling his hips as our mouths continued to move with passion and urgency.

"You knocked me over," He murmured, his voice low when our lips finally parted.

I smirked and pulled the hair elastic from my wrist to throw my hair into a quick messy bun as I watched him underneath me.

"That's fine," I purred, leaning down to place a kiss just below his earlobe. "You just lay back and relax, I'll take care of you."

I felt him swallow hard as my lips grazed over his Adam's apple.

"W-what do you mean?"

I ignored his question, knowing he'd get his answer soon enough and continued tracing kisses down his neck towards his chest. As we'd not been out of bed yet this morning, he was still wearing just his boxers which made my journey down his chest and stomach, nipping and licking my way, even easier. He squirmed beneath me, biting back groans as I did my best to draw them out of him. He was unable to resist though as I made it to my target location, running my hand gently over him through his underwear.

I watched him toss his head back against the pillow, his fingers clenching the sheets as I felt the heat grow between my legs at the sight. I was going to enjoy this. It was something I hadn't had the chance to experience and I was ready to soak up every moan and twitch of his hips. Eager to get started, I pulled him out of his boxers, lazily moving my hand up and down his shaft. He was already semi-hard and my actions were quickly getting him all the way ready.

I looked up and saw him staring down at me, his hair wild and his eyes wide with anticipation. I smiled and bit my lip, my hand still stroking him gently before I leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against his tip. He gasped and moved his hand to my head, his hand not forcing me in anyway, but arousing all the same as he gripped my hair.  
Figuring he'd been teased long enough now, I placed my tongue at his base, licking slowly along his vein before taking him in my mouth. I heard him groan again as his grip tightened on my hair. I moaned quietly around him as I slowly slid him into my mouth.

I was a tad nervous, it had been a while since I'd practised these skills, but his noises and whimpers as I continued bobbing my head up and down seemed to be a clear sign I was doing something right. I carefully pulled back until he was no longer in my mouth, returning my hand back to his now impossibly hard erection.

"I love pleasing you like this," I told him, kissing his hip bone as I stroked him. "Are you enjoying it?"

He went to answer, but as my thumb wiped away the bead of moisture that had appeared on his tip, he simply closed his eyes and nodded. Pleased with the response, I went back to work, taking him back in my mouth, sucking gently on the tip before sliding him all the way to the back of my throat. His hips pressed up to meet me as I moved my mouth back up, but I moved my hand to hold them still. Using my other hand, I began stroking his base as my lips stayed more focused on the top.

I sucked, swirling my tongue around his tip, noticing what movements made him groan and twitch and I could soon tell he was getting close. I looked up at him to find him watching me intently with a look on his face that I was growing very familiar with. I picked up my pace just a tad, moaning against him one more time before he gripped my hair and choked out some kind of warning. I stayed focused, continuing my efforts until I felt him release into my mouth.

Once I was sure he was done and his hand fell from my head to the bed as his chest heaved, I pulled away and quickly swallowed, wiping the spit from my chin.

"Did you know," Spencer panted as I crawled back up to lay by his side. "There's actually a decent amount of protein in semen? Zinc too which is great for your skin."

I stared at him blankly for a moment, wondering if he was being serious, but then I remembered who I was dealing with and that of course he was serious.

"We need to work on your pillow talk," I told him, a smile on my face as I shook my head. "A simple thank you would suffice."

Spencer grinned before mustering up the energy to roll on top of me, pressing my back against the bed.

"Well maybe that was my point," He said, his lips hovering above mine. "Maybe you should be the one thanking me."

My jaw dropped at his ridiculous statement, but I could tell from the twinkle in his eyes that he was just messing around. I tried to playfully push him away anyway though as punishment for his rude comment.

"How ungrateful, Dr. Reid," I scolded him with a smile as I squirmed and tried to get away.

He laughed, but kept his body weight against mine to keep me in place.

"I was just kidding," He smirked, leaning down to kiss my collarbone as my movements slowed. "Now stay still and let me thank you properly."

I giggled and did what he said as he slowly kissed his way down my body like I had done to him not that long ago.

-

A few hours later I found myself cooking a very important meal on the tiny stove top in our hotel room.

The original plan for the evening had been for Spencer and I to go over to his mother's hospital to have dinner with her there, something that was open to the families every year. But I felt like that seemed a bit boring for poor Diana who spent every day cooped up in the same place so, after our wonderful morning activities, I pitched an idea to Spencer. If his mother had permission to leave the hospital, perhaps we could take her out somewhere nice for dinner instead. He instantly became anxious at the thought though and explained that even on a good day, Diana found small things very overwhelming and being in a restaurant would definitely not end well.

But it was Christmas and I felt like she deserved something special which is when I got the idea that she could come to our hotel room and I would cook for us all. Our room was massive and came with a tiny kitchen, it wasn't much, but it had a stove top so it was enough to whip something up. The change of scenery would be nice for his mother, but still in a secure area away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

He still seemed apprehensive, but called her doctor to check if it would be alright and once he confirmed that our plan would be just fine, Spencer seemed to get on board. We ran out to the store to gather some supplies and tidied up a bit before I started cooking and Spencer went off to pick up his mother.

I was just about finished chopping and organising all the vegetables when they got back. Due to the limited space and lack of a full stove, I figured a stir fry would be the easiest choice and it would be quick to prepare. I looked over as Spencer held the door open for Diana and my heart sank a bit when I saw her. She looked really anxious and unsettled and I was starting to think maybe it was selfish of me to want to bring her out of her comfortable environment. 

"Hi," I smiled softly, hoping I hadn't bullied Spencer into pushing her too far. "How're you today, Diana?"

"I'm well, thank you," She returned my smile as Spencer closed the door behind her and led her over to the couch. "It's so lovely of you to invite me here."

"Yeah? I hope it wasn't too much hassle. I just thought it might be a nice change."

"It is, absolutely," She nodded. "Those doctors barely even let me outside."

"You get outside time every day, Mom," Spencer reminded her. "But it is nice to have you here."

"It's nice up here," She nodded. "I'm glad to be out of that lobby though, you never know who might be listening."

"No one's listening," Spencer assured her as he sat down with her, a fond smile on his face.

It was nice to see them together outside of the hospital. Diana seemed a tad more on edge, but if she was happy to be here then I was hoping she'd relax soon and Spencer was  
obviously much calmer here than he was when we were in the hospital. Being there seemed to be a reminder that he'd forced her there against her will and we were more than capable of keeping her calm and happy in the quiet room with just the three of us.

"Would anyone like a drink?" I asked, grabbing some glasses from the little cupboard. "We have tea, coffee, orange juice and of course, water."

"Just water will be fine," Diana informed me as Spencer agreed. I nodded and put some oil in the pan to heat up while I poured the drinks. "Do you cook often?"

"Not really," I confessed as I took their drinks to the little living area. "I'm trying to get better at it, but I do get lazy."

"Don't worry though," Spencer shot his mom a wink. "I picked up a few take out menus earlier so we have options if the food isn't edible."

Diana looked momentarily shocked, but as I laughed and rolled my eyes she realized he was just joking.

"Spencer Reid," She scolded, shaking her head with a smile. "You were raised to be politer than that."

"Don't worry," I smirked. "I'm perfectly confident that my cooking abilities are far better than Spencer's so I'm not at all offended."

"You cooked when you were younger," Diana reminded her son, surprised by my words. "You were always trying new things, trying to entice me to eat on the hard days. You always said that cooking was just another type of science."

"Are we talking about the same person?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's always take out and coffee when he's in charge of dinner."

Spencer shot me a sheepish look as I went back to add some veggies to the now hot enough pan.

"I got out of the habit," He admitted. "Work's alway so busy, take out is just faster and easier."

"And not as good for you," Diana pointed out, her voice stern, but motherly. "That job of yours is always getting in the way. It's not good for you."

"Well he doesn't cook on weekends either," I shouted over from the stove. "So I think he's just making excuses for his bad habits."

"No wonder you're so skinny," She murmured, shaking her head.

"I'll try to fatten him up by the next time you see him."

Spencer voiced his protests at my teasing, but it was all good hearted fun and it was so nice to see them both enjoying their time together.

-

Dinner went fairly well. It wasn't restaurant quality, but it was certainly edible and the hotel didn't get burnt down in the process so I took it as a win. Diana was a wonderful guest, raving constantly about how delicious it was through the whole meal and even Spencer admitted he was impressed.

My heart was almost as full as my stomach by the time we finished the cake we'd bought for dessert. Diana had relaxed and no longer seemed anxious about being away from her home and Spencer seemed so bright and happy to be seeing his mother like this. I think the fact that the evening had so far gone well helped reassure him that his mother was getting the treatment she needed and even if she still had the occasional bad day, she was doing well.

I cleared all the dirty dishes from the table, leaving them in the sink to deal with later as Spencer flicked on the television to an oldies station and left it on low in the background. He'd mentioned before that his mother would have oldies on the radio when he was young, before she started getting sick and it was a nice little nostalgic moment for them. Once we'd all settled back on the couches, we decided it was the perfect time to give Diana her present.

Spencer wandered over to grab the wrapped book from his bag as his mother gave him a stern look.

"Oh, you two," She sighed. "You didn't need to get me anything."

"We know that," I smiled. "But we wanted to."

She hesitantly took the gift from Spencer and peeled the paper off just as slowly as he had earlier that day. Inside was a first edition of one of her favourite books that Spencer and I had stumbled across in a second hand bookstore on our second day in Vegas. At first I had thought that a book might not be very interesting for her since she was already so well read, but Spencer pointed out she didn't have much else to do with her days and when we saw the book she was now holding in her hands, I knew it was perfect just from Spencer's reaction.

"Where on earth did you find this?" She asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Just in a little bookstore," Spencer shrugged. "I didn't think you had that one."

"I don't! Oh, Spencer, I love it." She stood up and pulled him into a hug before turning to me as well. "And thank you as well, Mikayla."

I was surprised, but pleased when she pulled me into a hug as well. Spencer's eyes were wide as he looked at me over her shoulder, but I squeezed her back before letting go.

"You're more than welcome," I smiled. "Merry Christmas."

She was about to reply when the song changed and a familiar old tune filled the room. Her eyes lit up and her smile widened even more at the sound.

"This song," She practically whispered. "When you were a boy you loved it. We would dance to it almost every day."

Spencer and I strained to hear it, but a look of recognition slid onto Spencer's face as I turned the volume up a few notches. It was Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons.

I began swaying slightly, singing along as the second verse came on drawing curious glances from both Spencer and Diana, but much to Spencer's surprise his mother nervously began to sing along as well. She stayed quite still at first, but by the time the first musical horn interlude came on she had a good little bop going. I grinned at the sight and skipped over to Spencer, grabbing his hands in mine, making him move with me. He was stiff, almost in shock at what was happening, but just before the interlude ended, he spun me around and pulled me towards him earning a shriek of laughter from his mother.

"I love you, baby," He sang along with us. "And if it's quite alright, I need you, baby..."

I laughed through the words, swaying with him until the next interlude when I pulled myself away from him and nodded towards his mother. Taking the hint, he reached for her hand and pulled her in for a dance.

If I thought my heart was full before, it was practically burst now as I watched them dance together, laughing and singing along without a care in the world.

-

It wasn't long after our little dance break that Spencer had to take his mother back to the hospital. I stayed behind to clean up the dishes and let them have some more time together as we were leaving the next day and wouldn't be seeing her again. Just before they left she pulled me into another hug and told me again how happy she was I'd met Spencer.

"You're a beautiful person inside and out," She told me, squeezing me tight. "Thank you for a wonderful day."

I told her it was no problem before we parted and I leaned in to kiss Spencer on the cheek. He surprised me though by pulling me in for a hug as well.

"I'll be back soon," He mumbled into my hair before leaning down to kiss my cheek, his lips lingering by my ear. "I haven't heard her laugh like that in years. Thank you."

My heart melted at the sincerity in his voice and I stroked his cheek, knowing we would have more time to discuss the day when he got back.

"It was my pleasure," I smiled as they headed out the door.

And it was. It was an absolute joy to see Spencer have such a wonderful, carefree time with his mother. I knew he worried about her and I knew she worried about him so for them to be able to have a good old happy family Christmas and let me be a part of it was the best gift I could've been given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to have this one up on Friday, but I actually had a social life on my days off this week and that got in the way. But don't worry, that's a bit of a rarity so hopefully I'll be back to posting every other day or so this week!  
> [This is the song they were dancing to for anyone who isn't familiar with it by the way!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJm1pOswfM)


	20. Chapter Twenty

As usual January was a busy month for me. All the classes were booked solid and we even put on a few extras to keep up with demand. It seemed like serial killers were also having a busy month though which wasn't so great. It was not only unsettling and sad, but it meant that Spencer was off every few days to some other part of the country. I missed him of course, but it was nice that I was busy as well to keep my mind off my lonliness.

It also gave me time to set up a little 'pre class' practice for the other teachers at the studio and myself. With Spencer away the appeal of laying in bed until I absolutely had to get up was somewhat lessened so about halfway through January I suggested us teachers meet before the first class started at 7:30 and get in some of our own practices. Usually we were able to keep a good balance between teaching and our own yoga time, but with our days being so packed, I knew all of us were neglecting our practices despite having a long list of things we were trying to improve. 

Everyone agreed it was a good idea so we started meeting at about 6:30 every day to have our own time. Towards the end of the hour we would come together to help each other with things we were struggling with or perhaps share some tips we'd picked up and overall it was working wonders for our mental health and our classes.

One of the main things I was working on was handstands. Melissa, another teacher at the studio, had mastered it long ago and watching how she worked them into her flows was something I envied and was determined to do myself. I was able to do a headstand even though they weren't the most stable part of my practice, but I'd always struggled to get up fully onto my hands. With Melissa's help though it was definitely getting easier. I started against a wall, focusing on engaging my core to pull my weight off the wall and fully onto my hands for a few seconds before leaning back against it and eventually built up enough confidence to try independently with no wall for support as long as Melissa was there to spot me.

I was improving quite fast so one day, about mid-February, I decided to try it on my own as Melissa had skipped our little practice session and wouldn't be in until her classes that afternoon. The other women I teach with, Annie, Janae and Rose, were doing their own things around the room as I took a deep breath and kicked up into my handstand.

At first I wobbled slightly, but I engaged my core and managed to steady my legs. I felt a rush of pride as I realized I was doing it before I felt my center of gravity shift and my legs tumbled to the side before I could stop them. I landed in a heap on the ground, the sound of an unsettling pop echoing in my ear. I heard people calling my name, but I was dazed and all I could focus on was the searing pain in my shoulder.

"Mickey? Mikayla? Mikayla, are you okay?" I heard Annie ask me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I instantly felt tears fill my eyes as I realized that I wasn't sure how to answer that.

"Hey, don't cry," Rose cooed, squatting down beside me. "What hurts, Mick? You landed really hard..."

I opened my mouth to answer, but Janae cut me off.

"Look at her shoulder..."

I heard a quiet gasp come from one of them and frantically turned my head to see if I could see. I didn't have a great view, but there was definitely what looked like a bone sticking up under the skin. It hadn't broken through, but it was bulging in a place there hadn't been a bone bulging before.

"Is it broken?" I cried, adrenaline still running through me. "It hurts so bad!"

"No, no, it's not broken," Rose assured me, her voice soothing and calm. "It just looks like you dislocated it."

"Well relocate it!" I practically shrieked earning a giggle from my colleagues. 

"I'm not gonna do that, honey," Rose informed me. "I know that you can do more harm than good trying to do that if you don't know what you're doing, but I don't have any classes until ten so I'll take you to the hospital, alright?"

"But I have my class," I groaned, trying to think clearly despite the extreme amount of pain I was in. "I can't go to the hospital."

"I'll cover it," Janae piped up. "We'll figure it out for a few days while you get yourself fixed up."

I nodded as they helped me to my feet and led me to the door.

-

Four hours later I was finally on the mend. After plenty of waiting and massive amounts of painkillers, x-rays and an excruciating, but also incredibly satisfying resetting of my shoulder, I was ready to go home. However, the nurses were reluctant.

"You need to call someone to pick you up," One of them informed me, her hands on her hips like she was scolding a child. My head felt woozy from the painkillers and muscle relaxants they'd given me, but I mustered up enough strength to roll my eyes. "Don't give me that, young lady. We can't release you until those drugs in your system wear off or you have an escort. It's your choice."

"I'll take the bus," I insisted, hopping off the gurney I was sitting on, the sling on my arm keeping my shoulder in place. "No, wait. We're right by my house. I can walk from here. Easy peasy."

"No," The nurse said firmly. "You either call someone or you rest until the drugs have worn off a bit."

"Fine," I groaned dramatically, pulling out my phone. 

I quickly dialled Penelope's number, still under the watchful eye of the nurse and luckily she answered.

"Hey, gorgeous girl, what's up?"

"I need you to pick me up," I informed her, glaring at the nurse and choosing my next words for her benefit. "I know you have a case and you're probably super busy with your very important job, but I need a ride home."

"A ride? From where?"

"The hospital..."

There was a brief silence and I braced myself for the wrath of Penny.

"The hospital?!" She exclaimed so loud I thought my ear drums might burst. "Why are you in the hospital? Why didn't you start this conversation with that information?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "I dislocated my shoulder, but it's all good now and they won't let me leave without an escort. One of my friends from work drove me here, but she had to go teach and they won't let me walk home because apparently dislocating your shoulder renders your legs unusable."

I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at the nurse who rolled her eyes at my sarcasm and realized that maybe the drugs were affecting me just a tad.

"No, no, stay put, little miss," Penelope instructed. "Text me which hospital you're at and I'll be there ASAP."

I mumbled a thank you before hanging up to text her my location. Satisfied that I'd followed her orders, the nurse asked if I wanted any water or anything to drink before leaving me alone to wait for ride and sulk.

-

Penelope arrived promptly as promised, but much to my disappointment she sided with the nurses.

"You shouldn't be alone right now, Mick," She insisted, loading me into her car. "You're high as a kite, your pupils are almost nonexistent and with your arm in a sling you'll need someone to help you."

"It's in a sling, not amputated," I mumbled. "I can still move it."

"Why're you so eager to get home anyway? Spencer's still on a case and you can't do any yoga for at least a week. You'll be bored in like an hour," She pointed out. "So come to the BAU with me and we can keep each other company while I save Texas from a serial killer."

"Fine, but I'm fine."

Penelope rolled her eyes, but knowing how stubborn I could be, she left it alone and after probably only five minutes of silence, I felt my eyes slowly drift shut.

I woke up just as we pulled into the underground parking at Penelope's office and went to rub my eye before I was reminded that my right, and dominant, arm was currently out of business.

"Hello, sleeping beauty," Penelope smiled. "How're you feeling?"

"Hungover," I admitted. "Maybe those drugs they gave me at the hospital were stronger than I thought."

"I think they were," She nodded. "But there's a big comfy couch in Hotch's office that I'm sure he won't mind you resting on."

"Alright," I yawned as we got out of the car.

As soon as I made it to the office couch she'd mentioned I fell back to sleep almost instantly. When I woke up again I felt more alert than I had the first time, but the pain in my shoulder was definitely more pronounced. I couldn't remember if they'd given me anything for it to take home from the hospital and I couldn't see my bag anywhere nearby so I figured it was time to venture out and find Penelope.

I wandered over to the little kitchen area of their bullpen before knocking on her office door. She was typing frantically as I pushed it open, but as she assured whoever she was on the phone to that she would get them the info they needed momentarily she looked up at me.

"How're you doing?" She asked, hanging up the phone, but still typing with purpose.

"I'm alright," I croaked out. "Do you happen to know if they gave me any pain meds at the hospital? Like ones to take home? Or a prescription for something?"

"They gave you some," She nodded. "Not as strong as what you had earlier, but they should take the edge off. Your bags just on that chair."

"Thanks," I mumbled, digging through it to find the little pill bottle before knocking it to the floor and sitting in it's place. "How's the case going?"

"Not bad," She told me, her focus still on the screen. "I just...need...to...send this address...to...Hotch and I'll be...all yours!"

With one final click, she spun her chair to face me, seeing me struggle to defeat the child lock on the pills with only one fully functional hand.

"Can you help?" I pouted as she giggled at my efforts.

"Of course," She smiled, taking the bottle from me and opening it effortlessly. "What happened to you anyway?"

I quickly popped two pills in my mouth before washing them down with water.

"I fell out of a handstand," I told her with a sigh. "I've been practising it for a while now and I thought I could do it without a spotter, but apparently I was very wrong."

"Silly girl," She shook her head. "Will you be out of commission for long?"

"Completely for at least a week," I nodded. "But after that I should be able to ease back into it. Maybe I'll take the beginner classes for a while, I don't know. I have to be careful though, they warned me I could need surgery if I repeat the injury."

"You better behave and let yourself rest then," She frowned. "Have you told Spencer?"

"No," I shook my head. "I was in so much pain I couldn't do anything. I'll wait until he's done the case so he doesn't worry."

"That's probably wise," Penelope agreed, suddenly avoiding eye contact which instantly gave away that she was hiding something.

"Why?" I asked, feeling my adrenaline kick in again. "He's okay, right?"

"Physically, yes," Penelope nodded, her face giving away how carefully she was choosing her words. "He's having a hard time with this case though. The unsub is a high school student who's taking revenge on people who bullied him. He can relate to what he's going through."

I frowned, my heart sinking at her words. I knew Spencer had a hard time in school, it pretty much went without saying since he was so much younger yet smarter than his classmates, but we'd never really actually talked about it. I was relieved he wasn't in any physical danger, but I also knew that sometimes the cases that hit home emotionally were worse.

"Should I call him?" I asked, but before Penelope could answer her phone rang.

Out of habit, she put the phone on speaker, her fingers poised on the keys waiting for a command.

"Garcia, I need you to get Prentiss on the line," Hotch's voice came through. I stayed quiet knowing that really none of this was something I should be hearing as a civilian. "He's going to return the necklace to Jordan at the station. Reid knew."

"On it," Penelope answered, putting the call on hold before dialling another number. When there was no answer, she went back to Hotch. "She's not picking up."

"Alright, we're almost there," Hotch sighed. "Can you get into the security cameras outside the police station? Get a visual on what's happening?"

"Absolutely," Penelope clicked a few buttons and a video stream appeared on the screen. Peeking over her shoulder I could see Spencer slowly approaching a young man with a massive rifle, his arms in the air. I covered my mouth to stifle my gasp as my heart rate picked up. "Oh god..."

"What?" Hotch asked. "We're two blocks away."

"It's Reid...He's confronting him."

"Damn it," Hotch mumbled as a black FBI SUV pulled up on the screen. 

I watched, my heart still racing as Derek, Rossi and Hotch all poured out of the vehicle. The camera was a bit fuzzy, but I saw Spencer quickly check over his shoulder before adjusting his position. 

"What's he doing?" Rossi asked, the other agents still on the line with Penelope as we sat in silence.

"He's blocking our shot."

I felt a flush of anger at Hotch's answer. I knew that Spencer's heart was in the right place, but he was being reckless. He was unarmed and approaching an unstable teenage boy with a massive gun. It didn't take an FBI agent to know that was a bad idea. He was good at his job and if anyone could talk this kid down it would be him, but it was a massive risk that I wasn't pleased he was taking.

I watched the tense stand off, waiting for the moment where the boy would turn his gun on Spencer and shoot before anyone could stop him, until finally he moved forward and placed the gun on the road between them. Spencer stayed close to him as the rest of the team moved in and I let out the breath I'd been holding. Penelope quickly ended the call and cut the feed before putting her head in her hands.

"I'm gonna kill him," I mumbled, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "I'm glad that boy didn't shoot him because now I can kill him myself when he gets home."

"No, Mickey. You can't," Penelope said firmly. "You shouldn't have been in here, you shouldn't have seen that. I could get in big trouble if anyone finds out that you did."

"What was he thinking?!" I continued, ignoring her words. "He risked his life so thoughtlessly. I mean, did he even think about me and what I would do if anything had happened to him?"

Penelope turned her chair to face me, a sympathetic look on her face.

"I know it's hard, pumpkin," She said, patting my knee. "But they take risks like that every day. Granted, they don't usually leave their guns behind, but every case there is a risk and a unsub who could hurt them."

"I don't know how you do it," I sighed, knowing she was right. "How you sit here and watch them in all these dangerous situations or hear about what danger they're facing while you're too far away to help. That was the most helpless I've probably ever felt."

"It's unfortunately something you get used to," She admitted. "But anyway, why don't we go get our minds off that horrible scene and get some ice cream? It always makes me feel better when I'm sick so I'm sure you could use some."

I smiled at her obvious change of conversation, but raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not sick, Pen," I pointed out. "I'm injured. There's a difference."

She shrugged as she stood up from her chair before holding her hand out to help me up.

"All the same to me!" She smiled. "And I promise we'll be back by the time boy genius is here."

I sighed again, but reluctantly took her hand knowing there was no point in me moping around their empty office all afternoon


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

Penelope and I were relaxing in the bullpen when a rather exhausted team strolled in late that evening. Surprise registered on Spencer's face when he saw me, even more so when he saw my arm.

"Mickey? What happened to you?" He asked, dropping his bag by his desk before rushing over to see me.

"I'm fine," I assured him, resisting the urge to smack him for his recklessness. Penelope had warned me not to, but there would be a conversation later, just not here in front of the entire team. "I fell out of a handstand this morning and dislocated my shoulder."

Concern was written all over his face as his hands moved to my shoulder, poking and prodding until I flinched in pain and pulled away.

"Looks like they set it properly," He nodded, satisfied with his inspection. "Does it hurt?"

"Of course they did, I went to a hospital," I rolled my eyes. "And yes, it does. Not as bad right now, but it fucking killed this morning."

"Dislocations are the worst," Emily shouted up from where she was organizing papers on her desk. "I dislocated my shoulder when I was a teenager. It's agony when they pop it back in, but somehow also the best feeling in the world."

I laughed at her accurate description of what I'd been through that morning.

"It wasn't much fun," I nodded. "And now I won't be able to work properly for ages."

"Who knew yoga could be so dangerous," Derek chuckled. "Maybe it's tougher than I've been giving it credit for."

"That's what I keep telling you," I smirked. "I'll rope you guys into a class one day, you just wait."

"Oh, that would be so fun!" Penelope clapped causing a look of horror to flash across pretty much everyone elses face. I laughed again, not surprised by the lack of enthusiasm.

"You don't know what you're missing," I informed them before turning my attention to Spencer. "Can we get out of here? It's been a long day."

"Of course," He nodded, pulling some files out of his bag and tossing them on his desk before reaching for my hand.

We said our goodbyes and quickly headed home. Luckily he'd driven to work before this case because I was in no mood to tackle the metro. I was in pain, exhausted and annoyed at Spencer's actions, but also sympathetic and sad that he was so torn up over how the boy they'd dealt with was feeling which left me feeling very conflicted and cranky.

Spencer, however, was too exhausted to notice how moody and sulky I was which was why I decided to leave our discussion until the morning. I was still determined to talk about his reckless actions, but he'd had an emotionally draining day and I didn't want to make it worse. It would also probably be a much more productive conversation if we were both well rested and had clear heads.

-

I didn't get much sleep that night. Spencer was out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, but I was finding it much more difficult. I liked to sleep on my stomach, usually curled into Spencer's side when we spent the night together, but with my shoulder that wasn't possible. I tried laying on my back and even on my side with my injured shoulder facing up, but it took forever for me to finally drift off. And when I did, all I could see was Spencer getting shot by the boy he'd confronted earlier that day. I startled myself awake several times until finally, around 7am, I decided to give up and get out of bed.

The pain in my shoulder was intense as soon as I stood up, but after tossing back a few pain killers I decided to take a bath instead of putting my sling on straight away. Spencer was lucky enough to have an old, massive, clawfoot bath tub that was deep enough to easily cover my shoulder and I figured the warm water might do my sore muscles some good.

I carefully snuck out of the bedroom to let Spencer sleep before running the tap and filling the tub. The water was soothing as I climbed in a few minutes later and I could instantly feel the muscles in my shoulder and upper back relaxing from the warmth. I let my eyes slowly drift shut and tried to think about what to say to Spencer.

My initial anger at his actions had dulled a bit, but I was still annoyed that he'd been so reckless and hurt that he had done so without thinking about what he had to lose. I knew Spencer was used to being independent from his younger years, but he had his team to think about now and me. What would we do if anything happened to him?

I'd been pondering life in the bath tub for almost an hour when I finally heard Spencer wake up. I'd left the door of the bathroom cracked open just a tad so he would be able to figure out where I was, but I watched as he walked by, rubbing his eyes sleepily completely oblivious. I listened as he put the coffee maker on, leaving it to percolate while he searched for me. It didn't take him long and a few moments later there was a soft knock on the door before he poked his head in.

"Good morning," He said quietly, his voice hoarse with sleep. "You're up early."

His hair was wild and dishevelled and he had a sleepy smile on his face. He looked adorable and it was hard to be annoyed.

"My shoulder was bothering me," I told him, being at least partially honest. "I thought at bath would help and it did, but I didn't really think about how difficult getting out would be with only one arm."

I shot him a sheepish smile and he chuckled, stepping into the room. He grabbed the big fluffy towel that I'd left on the counter before moving towards me. Luckily my bad arm was towards the wall so Spencer managed to hook his arm under my good shoulder and hoist me out of the tub before helping me step out.

"Thanks," I smiled as he wrapped the towel around me. "I'm not used to being an invalid."

"You're not an invalid," He laughed. "You should have more strength in a few days if you keep using the sling to support it for now."

"I know," I sighed. "I'm just frustrated with myself for letting it happen. It's such a big setback."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Spencer frowned. "Obviously you should have been more careful when you were trying something you're not comfortable with yet, but accidents happen all the time. You shouldn't beat yourself up over it."

"It was just so preventable!" I whined. "And now I can't work for at least a week and who knows after that. I'm hoping that the girls will let me take on more of the beginner classes for a while, but putting all the advanced classes on them might be a strain. Plus, what if I don't heal as well as I'm hoping and can't teach for weeks? How am I going to pay rent?"

These worries had been bouncing around in my head all night and even through my relaxing bath, but I hadn't meant to blurt them all out at Spencer like that especially while he was still half asleep. He seemed unphased though as he leaned back against the counter.

"I'm sure you'll heal just fine. Your muscles and tendons are probably in good shape from all the yoga you do so they should heal faster than the average person's would," He insisted before a look of something I couldn't quite place flashed across his face. Anxiety? Excitement? I couldn't tell. "But to ease your worries about paying rent, you could, uh, you could move in with me?"

My jaw dropped slightly at his suggestion as water dripped onto the floor around my feet. It wasn't that I was against the idea, but I was surprised he'd suggested it.

"What?" I asked. "Are you sure?"

His cheeks twinged pink probably due to my hesitation, but he simply shrugged.

"It's the logical thing to do," He said quietly. "We're together almost every night I'm in town anyway and it would help with your finances if you do have to take a break from teaching."

"I can figure that out," I assured him. "Finances shouldn't be the main reason we move in together."

Spencer ran a hand through his hair nervously and I could tell my reluctance was putting him on edge, but I wanted to be sure. The thought of moving in here and the fact that he'd suggested it made my heart flutter, but I wanted to be sure he was asking for the right reasons.

"It's fine if you don't want to..."

He looked at me like a puppy who'd just been told he couldn't have a cookie and my stomach dropped.

"It's not that I don't want to," I insisted. "I do, I'd love to live with you, but not because it's logical. I want to live with you because it's what we want to do and because we think   
we're ready for it."

"I do think we're ready for it," He said, his voice firm as he met my eyes in a much more confident stare. "I want to be able to come home to you after every case and wake up next to you every morning without one of us rushing home to get ready for work. I want this to be our home, not just mine."

I smiled at his words and the sincerity behind them and stepped forward to stroke his cheek with my hand, placing a soft kiss against his lips before resting my forehead against his.

"I want that too," I agreed. "I would love to move in here. I'll give my landlord my notice today."

"Wonderful," Spencer grinned. "I've been wanting to ask you for a while, but I was nervous."

"You never have to be nervous to ask me anything," I smiled, knowing my words were ironic as I was now even more nervous to bring up the thing I was about to. I stroked his cheek gently as if trying to ease the blow of my next statement. "There is something I would like to discuss though. Can I get dressed and then we can talk?"

The grin dropped off Spencer's face at my words just like I knew it would, but he nodded and watched as I walked out of the room.

-

Once I was dressed and had my sling back on, I wandered back to the kitchen and found Spencer standing by the counter with two coffee cups next to him. I mumbled a thanks as he passed me one and almost wished I hadn't mentioned anything because of the sad look on his face. I sighed and decided to jump right into it.

"I was in Penelope's office yesterday afternoon when you confronted the unsub," I admitted causing his eyes to widen as he probably realized where this was going. "I know I don't have the clearance to see any of that, but she was looking after me and I didn't know Hotch was going to call and it all happened so fast, but what the hell were you thinking, Spencer?"

"You definitely don't have the clearance to see that," He told me, his jaw tight and an unreadable look on his face. "And I wasn't thinking really, it was instinct."

I felt the anger bubbling up inside me again.

"Instinct? It was instinct to confront a suspect with no gun and no vest and to even go so far as to block the rest of your team from shooting him if he tried to hurt you?!"

I tried not to raise my voice, but I could feel my emotions getting the best of me as images I'd seen were playing through my head again.

"I had the situation under control," Spencer told me, his voice calm which only made me more annoyed. "I didn't want them to panic and shoot him unnecessarily."

"He could have killed you before you even realized what was happening," I insisted. "Did you even think about me for a second?"

"I was thinking about you the whole time," Spencer snapped, anger flashing in his eyes at my accusation. "But I know what Owen went through. I was him when I was a kid. I knew what he was thinking and exactly how he was feeling and I wasn't going to let them kill him when he didn't need to die."

"You didn't need to risk your life like that."

Spencer opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again and took a deep breath before explaining himself.

"When I was in school, there was one day when I was in the library," He started, his eyes focused down on a spot on the floor. "Harper Hillman came up to me and told me that Alexa Lisbon, easily the prettiest girl in the whole school, wanted to meet with me. I went with her, but it wasn't just Alexa waiting for me, the entire football team was there as well. They stripped me naked and tied me to a goal post and no one tried to help me or get them to stop. I didn't get home until midnight."

I felt my anger waver as concern crept in, but I still couldn't understand how that sympathy could make him risk his life.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Spence," I told him sincerely, placing my coffee cup down on the counter. "But I still don't think you needed to put yourself in the situation that you did."

"Sometimes I think that it's all just happening again," He confessed, finally lifting his eyes to meet mine. I was confused, but waited for him to continue. "I look at you and see that you're the prettiest girl in all of DC and I'm just waiting for it all to be a big joke, for you to leave me and for everyone to laugh and wonder how I ever thought you'd actually want to be with someone like me."

"Spencer..." I frowned. His actions were becoming more clear, but I couldn't understand where these other thoughts were coming from. "When have I ever done something that would make you think my feelings for you aren't genuine?"

"You haven't," He admitted. "But I can't shake the thought. It's not your fault, it's nothing you've done. It's just...that day is burned into my brain and as stupid as it sounds, I'm scared it will happen again."

I sighed, burying the hurt that I'd felt at his words despite his assurances and moved towards him, awkwardly hugging him with my one un-slinged arm. I waited for him to wrap his arms around my waist as he always did, but when he didn't I pulled back slightly.

"I'm sorry, but this is the best hug I'm able to give you right now so you're going to have to help me out," I said sternly. He got the hint and offered up a small smile as he wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, Spencer. So much. More than I ever could have expected. You're so important to me and I would think the fact that I was ready to fly to Texas and shoot you myself for your moment of insanity would show that."

"It does," He whispered into my hair. "I love you too and I'm sorry you were watching when I confronted him. That must have been hard to see."  

"I was terrified," I said against his neck before pulling back to face him. "I know that's part of the job and I know there will be times when you take risks like that, but _please_ be careful. Don't go out of your way to put yourself in danger."

"I'll try," Spencer agreed, gently rubbing my back.

"Good," I nodded. "Especially if I'm moving in here. This place is way nicer than my apartment, there's no way I could afford it all by myself."

Spencer rolled his eyes with a smile, knowing that was pretty low on the list of reasons I wanted him to stay safe, but I needed something positive to lift up our mood. We stayed like that for a while, tangled together against the counter, fawning over each other with assurances of love and various compliments as I tried to make Spencer see that I wasn't going anywhere and certainly hadn't so much time with him just as a very elaborate joke. I knew it was a tough battle though trying to silence your insecurities and I made a mental note to remind him more often just how smitten with him I was.

Once we finally moved out of each other's arms, Spencer topped up our now lukewarm coffee with what was left in the pot and we headed to the couch where we spent the day resting, cuddling and planning how to make room for my things in his apartment.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

"Freeze! FBI!" Derek Morgan's voice rang out through my apartment making me jump and almost drop the box I was holding. "Put the box down and slowly step away."

I rolled my eyes as I turned to face the group that had appeared in my living room doorway.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "It's been weeks since I dislocated my shoulder, I can lift a few boxes."

"That's not what we've been told," JJ informed me from where she was standing next to a man I didn't recognize, but could assume was her mysterious boyfriend. "Spencer gave us strict instructions not to let you lift anything heavy."

"What does he know?" I mumbled, but did as I was told and put down the box just as Spencer made his way to the front of the crowd which consisted of JJ, her boyfriend, Derek and Penelope.

"Quite a lot actually," He smirked. "I have an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory, plus I'm a doctor so I'm quite well qualified to comment on whether or not you should be lifting heavy boxes so soon."

I stuck out my tongue, but I was nervous about irritating my injury as I'd only just gone back to work a couple weeks earlier so I did as I was told.

"I really appreciate you guys helping," I said to the group still huddled in the doorway. "There isn't very much really, just a few suitcases of clothes and some boxes of things. I haven't really lived here long enough to collect much, but with Spencer insisting I don't lift anything, it would take us ages to move it all ourselves."

"Don't you worry about it," Derek assured me with a smile as he picked up the box I had been holding. "We don't mind at all and Spencer promised us beer and pizza when we're finished."

Spencer looked bewildered at his comment.

"I-I did?"

Derek just laughed and shook his head as he walked out the door leaving Spencer trying to puzzle out what had happened.

"It's okay, hun," I smiled, patting him on the back. "Beer and pizza is the least we can do for these wonderful people giving up their Saturday."

He nodded and we quickly organized the team. There really wasn't that much so it only took one trip for everyone and a second for the men to get everything loaded into a couple of the FBI SUVs that we'd borrowed for the weekend. Once we got to Spencer's, and now my, apartment we figured the best course of action would be for the strong men to do all the lifting while the women focused on organizing. 

We dumped the suitcases in the bedroom for now, Spencer had condensed his clothes to half the closet so there was plenty of space for mine, but I could do that later. Penelope and JJ set to work unloading all my kitchenwares and knick knacks, I planted myself in front of the bookshelves with my box of books and the men, having brought up the last few boxes, cracked open some of the beers Spencers bought for them on the way over.

"Spencer, would you like me to put my books alphabetically with yours or should I put all yours together and try to find a shelf for mine separately?"

The question rolled off my tongue naturally as I was used to Spencer's particular way of doing things, but it earned chuckles from our friends, making his cheeks go pink.

"Just put them wherever you want," Derek suggested with a smirk. "It'll do pretty boy some good to have some disorganization in his life."

"Don't be mean," I scolded with a smile on my face. "Everyone has their thing that they like doing a certain way. I'm not gonna barge into Spencer's apartment and change the way   
he does things."

"It's your apartment now too," Spencer pointed out. "You can put your books in with mine, or just on the shelf I cleared at the bottom, I don't mind."

"Alright," I shrugged. "I'll keep them separate so I know where to find them."

"I know I say this all the time," Penelope started. "But you guys really are so sweet together."

"It's true," JJ agreed. "You're so different, but you work really well together."

I didn't think that me being aware and considerate of my boyfriends mild OCD when it came to how he organized things really made me girlfriend of the year, but I'm sure they'd seen people mistreat him plenty in the past. It was just normal for me though. Spencer had his little quirks, maybe more than most people, and I was usually fairly laid back about things so if he wanted it done a certain way, I was fine with that.

"I do think we balance each other out," I nodded before changing the subject. "But what about you guys? JJ? Will? How long have you two been together?"

"Like a year!" Penelope blurted out, her outrage written all over her face. "Apparently all these profilers had caught on, but no one thought to keep me in the loop."

"A year?"

JJ hadn't mentioned anything about having a boyfriend so I was as confused as Penelope appeared to be.

"About nine months to be exact," JJ clarified, rolling her eyes at Penelope's outrage. "We met on a case about a year ago and kept in touch. We didn't start dating until a few months after that though."

"Took me a while to wear her down," Will piped up with his wonderful New Orleans twang. "She wasn't so keen on the idea of long distance, but I knew we'd be able to make it work."

"She thought she was being so sneaky," Derek chuckled. "But we all figured it out at least two months in."

"Well I didn't, if that's any consolation," I smiled. "But it's hard to keep anything away from this group I've learned."

"I just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while," JJ defended her actions and I could tell from her tone it was a conversation she'd had several times since everyone found out a few weeks ago. "We all know absolutely everything about each others lives, sometimes it's nice to have some secrets and privacy."

"But we're your family," Penelope whined at her. "Besides, it's not very safe to fly off to New Orleans every weekend without telling anyone where you're going. What if something had happened to you? We would never have known!"

"I think all this serial killer chasing has gone to your head, Pen," I giggled. "There isn't as much danger around every corner as you think."

All five of the people in the room with me gave me a look that told me I was probably not right about that even if my heart was in the right place.

"Actually, statistically-"

"Spencer, no," I cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "I've told you before, I don't want to hear any statistics that will scare me or make me not want to go about my day to day life the way I do now."

"Alright, alright," He held up his hands in defense as everyone laughed before Derek turned his attention to Penelope.

"Anyway, baby girl, you can't really talk when it comes to secret relationships," He pointed out. "Where is your tech prince anyway?"

"I kept mine a secret because I thought we'd both get fired!" She defended her actions. "But he had to help his dad with some house repairs. He said he would have loved to help otherwise though."

I raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"I dunno, Pen, I've still not met this man and you've been dating for months," I pointed out. "I'm starting to think he doesn't like me."

"If he's never met you, how would he know if he doesn't like you?" She shot back before shifting the conversation again. "But why don't we talk about your love life, Derek? Since you're the only single one in the room right now..."

"There's nothing to talk about," He shrugged. "I get by, but no one's been willing to stick around and put up with the job so far."

"Well when you find the right woman, she'll stick around," I assured him. "And it'll be worth the wait."

"Awwe, when did you become such a romantic?" Penelope teased.

"Since Spencer swept me off my feet."

I faked a swoon as Spencer's cheeks grew pink and Morgan patted him on the back with a laugh.

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent unpacking, reorganizing and, for Derek at least, mercilessly teasing Spencer. We ordered pizza, drank some beers and just enjoyed our time together, thankful for the chance to hang out without being interrupted by a serial killer for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short and basically just filler. I'm just trying to move time along to get to the big things without skipping massive amounts of time haha  
> The next chapter should be more exciting though!


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

The first time I saw him again was in mid may that year. 

It had been just over a month since I moved in with Spencer, I was back at work even though I was taking it easy so my shoulder wouldn't get reinjured in it's sensitive state and things seemed to be going great. My life felt stable and I was happy and maybe I should've known it was all too good to be true.

Spencer and I had just gotten lunch as the team had come home from a case late the night before and were mostly spending the day doing paperwork so he'd been able to run into the city to meet me. We were heading down into the metro station when I turned a corner and crashed straight into someone.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" I apologized, leaping away from the man I'd almost knocked down.

But when I looked up at the person I'd collided with my blood ran cold.

"Mikayla? Wow, Mikayla Lawson? Is that you?"

"No," I blurted out instantly, feeling my heart rate increase as every cell in my body told me to run. "No, sorry you must have the wrong person."

Without waiting for a response, I pushed past him and walked away as quickly as I could without looking too suspicious, fighting back tears in my eyes with Spencer trailing close behind.

"Hey, Mickey, wait," Spencer called after me, finally catching up as I stopped on the platform. I was looking around in every direction to make sure he wasn't following us, but I couldn't shake the feeling that someone's eyes were on me. "Who was that guy?"

"No one," I lied, my words coming out far too quick to be convincing as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I don't know who he is, I've never seen him before."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "He knew your name...Why did you tell him he had the wrong person?"

I took a deep shaky breath to get my emotions under control and pull myself together, my fingers fiddling with the necklace Spencer had given me that never left my neck. It was something I'd noticed I'd started doing lately, whenever I was nervous I found it comforting.

"Sorry, I'm just surprised to see him, I guess," I lied, my voice much calmer than it had been a moment ago. "I do know him. His name's Nick Richley. He's just a guy I used to hang around with when I lived here before. He's a terrible influence, I think he was a drug dealer. I'm surprised he isn't in prison."

"Why would you lie when I asked you?"

Spencer's words were laced with confusion and disbelief and I knew I had to cover my tracks.

"I was just surprised," I insisted with what I hoped would be a reassuring smile. "He's the first person I've run into that I knew back in my wild days, brings up a lot of weird feelings seeing someone from that time."

"Alright," Spencer nodded slowly, still eyeing me suspiciously.

I knew if I stayed there much longer, he'd keep digging and get the truth out of me and that wasn't something I was ready to face. My heart still felt like it was about to burst out of my chest and I just wanted a drink. A nice, strong, forget your life for a while kind of drink.

Luckily his train pulled in to the station before he could push me any further and after giving him a sweet kiss goodbye, I waited until the train had gone and he was out of sight before going to the platform my train would be coming to. I wasn't going to work like I was supposed to though, I wouldn't be able to focus after what had just happened. I needed to get away, I needed to clear my head. So, once I got off the train near our apartment, I called into the studio with some lie about my shoulder playing up, got my classes covered for the evening and headed to the dirtiest, sleaziest dive bar I could find where I knew no one would come looking for me.

-

Spencer still felt puzzled and uneasy when he got back to work, but decided to talk to Mikayla later that day and tried to push it from his mind. It kept creeping back in though. The look of fear on Mickey's face when she realized who'd she'd run into wasn't a look of shock at seeing a friend from a different time, it was a look of terror and panic. The way she'd lied when he'd asked her about it, changing her story after she had more time to think about what to say.

He had a bad feeling about the whole situation so after a couple of hours of very unproductive work, he decided to ask the one person who would probably be able to help.

"Garcia," He started as he walked into her 'lair'. "I need you to look up a name for me."

"Absolutely," She smiled, spinning her chair to face the computer she wasn't currently using. "Fire away."

"Nick Richley."

Penelope froze before looking towards Spencer, her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Where did you get that name?"

Her usual happy tone was gone and replaced with one that sounded almost as fearful as Mickey's had earlier that day.

"Mikayla told me," He informed her. "We apparently ran into him today and she kind of freaked out. She said he was an old friend though and she was just surprised to see him."

Penelope paled at his words as her eyes widened and Spencer instantly knew he was right about there being more to the story. Turning her attention back to the screen, she typed something quickly into the computer and pulled up an image of the man he'd just seen.

"Is that him?" Penelope asked, her voice still nervous and almost foreboding.

"Yes," Spencer nodded. "Who is he?"

"An absolute monster," Penelope frowned. "He's the man who raped her."

Spencer's heart sank at her words. The thought had crossed his mind when she reacted so strongly to the sight of the man, but it seemed like such an impossibility that he'd pushed the thought out of his head.

"What?" Spencer asked, his brain unable to think of anything else to say as so many thoughts whirled through his head. "But isn't he in California?"

"He was, but they have this handy thing called an airplane that helps people get across the country if they need to," Penelope said, her words dripping with sarcasm. "Where is she now?"

"At work as far as I know," Spencer shrugged. "We saw him in the metro station and I got on my train shortly after, but she was on her way to teach."

"You left her alone even though you knew that she was upset?" An anger flashed in Penelope's eyes that Spencer hadn't seen before. "God, Spencer, for a genius you can be a real idiot sometimes! The next time somethings bothering her, why don't you try talking to her about it instead of coming to me to dig up information?"

"I tried to talk to her!" Spencer defended himself, surprised by his friend's accusatory tone. "She brushed me off, she said she was fine. I could've stood there all day demanding answers and we both know she wouldn't have told me anything if she didn't want to."

"That's true," Penelope sighed, pulling her phone out of her purse. She quickly dialled Mikayla's number before putting it on speaker so Spencer could hear as well as it rang a few times before getting sent to voicemail. "She's not answering..."

"Probably because she's teaching," 

Spencer's voice was confident as he felt himself relax momentarily, but when he saw how anxious Penelope still seemed, his concern reappeared.

"Not true, my technophobic friend," Penelope sighed. "If she's teaching it would ring until it gets automatically sent to voicemail, usually about thirty seconds or eight rings. That only rang three times which means she ignored the call." 

"Why would she do that?"

Spencer's eyebrows pulled together in confusion as he pulled out his own phone and dialled her number, hoping she'd answer if his name popped up on the screen. When she didn't, he looked at Penelope with a look of helplessness that made her heart break. She was used to Mickey's erratic behaviour when she was upset, but this was new to him.

"Oh, Mickey mouse," She mumbled to herself, typing frantically into her computer. "I hate doing this to you..."

With a few more clicks, she'd used her magical FBI system to track down the GPS location of Mikayla's phone before grabbing her coat and Spencer out the door.

-

By the time Penelope and Spencer burst through the door of the bar I was in, I was wasted. Beyond wasted. I could barely keep my head up I was so drunk. So naturally, the tears I'd been holding back all afternoon, burst free at the sight of the one person who could possibly understand what I was feeling. I'd ignored her calls for the last forty-five minutes, but I knew she'd eventually track me down.

"Pen," I sobbed out as she came rushing over to the bar I was slouched over. "I'm sorry. I'm so drunk. But he's here. He found me."

My words were slurred and hard enough to understand without the hysterical tears that accompanied them. But like always, Penelope understood me.

"I know, hun, I know," She assured me, her voice calm as she pulled me into her arms, letting me cry on her shoulder as she got the bartender's attention. "Can we get a coffee for her, please?"

I was aware that Spencer had come in with Penelope, but in my drunken state I had forgotten he was there until he spoke from beside me.

"It just doesn't make sense," He started and I could picture his confused furrowed brow without even looking at him. "I know he hurt you, but you said you were over it. Why is it so upsetting now just running into him?"

I cried even harder into Penelope's shoulder, knowing where his confusion was coming from, but I felt her tense with anger as she wasn't as sure.

"Spencer Reid," She scolded him. "After everything she went through, everything he put her through, how on earth can you not understand---Unless she didn't tell you the whole story..."

Penelope's voice shifted from anger to realization as she gently pushed me off her shoulder to look her in the eye.

"I didn't," I whimpered. "I couldn't, I just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I wanted it to be over and done with."

The room was spinning from the alcohol and the stress I was feeling and I was starting to remember why I stopped drinking to ease my pain. It didn't help at all, it just made me feel worse at the end of the day.

"What didn't she tell me?"

Spencer's voice was much less confused now, it almost sounded more angry than anything and I felt a fresh wave of tears form.

"Are you going to tell him or should I?" I simply shook my head at Penelope's words, wiping my eyes as the bartender brought over my coffee before she explained. "It didn't end with what he did to her at that party. He stalked her and harassed her for years until we moved here. He would send letters, even send pictures he'd taken of her without her knowing. He was never very bright so we just assumed he couldn't track her once she left the state."

"Did you tell the police?"

"No one would believe me!" I cried. "No one believed me when he raped me, why would they believe me about anything?"

"If he took pictures, you could have shown them to police."

I blinked back more tears as I tried to sip the coffee in front of me. I knew Spencer wasn't trying to blame me, his world was just very black and white and if someone came to his team with a story like mine, they would help them so it was hard to understand. Not every branch of law enforcement was as good as the BAU though.

"Spencer, think about that case you worked a few weeks ago," Penelope said gently as she rubbed my back, trying to soothe the hiccups that had appeared. "No one listened to that poor woman until she almost died."

"And I was sixteen," I pointed out through all my sniffles and hiccups. "He was a full adult person. I didn't stand a chance."

"How old was he?" Spencer asked as I glanced over at him. 

He showed no emotion, but I could tell from his eyes how fast his brain was working to process and figure out this new information.

"Twenty-five at the party."

"Age of consent in California is eighteen."

"Well I didn't consent so even if I was eighteen that wouldn't fucking matter much!"

I hadn't realized how much I'd raised my voice until I noticed we'd drawn the attention of the few other patrons of the bar. Penelope shushed me quietly and I burst into tears once again.

"This isn't the place to discuss this," She pointed out. "Let's get her home and sobered up before we even try to figure out what's going on."

"He found me," I whimpered. "That's what's going on. S'all gonna happen again."

"You don't know that, Mickey," Penelope said softly even though I could see in her eyes that she didn't believe it herself. "Let's just sober up and we can talk about it tomorrow."

I nodded and Spencer leaned in to place a soft kiss on my head before clearing his throat.

"I'll go call us a cab, finish your coffee and meet me outside."

Before I could even answer he marched off and disappeared from view.

"He's so mad," I pouted, fighting back more tears. "And I'm so drunk. I can't fix it."

"He's not mad," Penny assured me. "He's confused and probably hurt you didn't tell him the whole story, but he's not mad at you."

"I'm mad at me," I sniffled. "I got so drunk and I know I shouldn't have, but I panicked and just wanted to calm down and it got out of control. I didn't mean to."

"I know, sweetheart. We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay? Just finish your coffee and we'll get you home."

I hiccuped again and nodded. I finished the drink in front of me as fast as I could before Penelope helped me off the stool and practically carried me out the bar as I stumbled along beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist posting this one, but the daily posting I've been doing the last few days will unfortunately stop after today. I'm super inspired so I'll hopefully be writing lots, but I'm going away next Sunday (the 12th) for about a week and a half. I won't be able to post at all while I'm away so I'm going to try to write lots this week, but stockpile a few chapters so I'll have at least one to post as soon as I get home.   
> So please don't lose interest while I'm away and don't post for a week! I will be back, I promise!


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

The cab ride home was silent aside from my sniffling. Spencer sat in the front, his body stiff as he stared out the window, leaving Penelope to comfort me with the occasional squeeze of my hand which she was holding. We dropped her off first, but Spencer made no move to join me in the backseat.

Once we arrived at our apartment, he paid the driver before opening my door and helping me out of the car. I wasn't as drunk as I had been when they found me about an hour ago, but I was still out of it and my coordination was lacking. After he practically carried me to our apartment, I leaned against the wall of the hallway as Spencer fiddled with his keys.

"You're mad at me," I informed him, trying not to tear up again. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad," He assured me, his voice still flat and unemotional as he reached out to help me through the door. "But I don't understand why you didn't tell me before or at least today instead of getting yourself into this state."

"I wanted it to be over," I insisted. "I didn't want to think about what he did, I didn't want to think about it happening again."

Before Spencer could answer I felt my stomach shift and I started salivating in that all too familiar way. Knowing what was about to happened and feeling a sudden burst of adrenaline at the thought, I bolted out of Spencer's arms towards the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet just in time to empty my stomach.

It felt like it was never ending as I retched up everything I'd drank that day. At some point, as tears streamed down my face and my nose ran in what I'm sure was a very unattractive way, Spencer appeared to pull back my hair. By the time I was done, I was exhausted and my stomach hurt from all the heaving. I leaned back against the bathtub, fighting to catch my breath as the tears continued.

"Let's get you in the shower," Spencer suggested as I shook my head earning a sigh from him. "It'll make you feel better."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes, knowing he was right.

"Will you stay?"

"Of course," Spencer nodded, holding out a hand to help me up off the floor.

I accepted it and slowly tried to strip myself of my clothes as he turned the water on to let it get to a good temperature. Once it was running, he turned back to me just in time to see me stuck with my shirt over my head as I struggled to get my arm out. He sighed again before coming over to help me, helping me out of my pants as well. Once I was naked, he helped me climb into the shower and the water did feel good. It was soothing and refreshing, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread from my stomach.

"I don't wanna move," I mumbled more to myself than Spencer. "Don't wanna leave, but I can't go through it again."

"You won't have to move," Spencer said softly, his hand reaching out to steady me as I slipped slightly in the tub. "We're going to figure it out, Mickey. You don't even know if he's here because of you. Maybe it's a horrible coincidence."

"He's a bad guy," I warned him. "S'here for a reason. I know it."

Spencer stayed silent and handed me the soap, his refusal to comment leading me to believe he thought I was over reacting. I showered in silence, Spencer's arm always there and ready to catch me until I needed it to help me step out. My foot caught slightly on the bath tub though and I lurched forward into his arms.

His hands on my naked body felt nice even though the circumstances that led us to this moment were less than pleasant and I suddenly had another idea about how to distract myself from my worries. But when I looked into his eyes there was no hint of arousal despite the fact that he'd watched me shower for the last ten minutes and now had me naked and his in arms. The only emotion on his face was anxiety and concern. 

Deciding that needed to be changed, I slowly stretched up to place a kiss against his lips, but to my surprise, he pulled back.

"C'mon," I said with a smile, letting the towel draped over my shoulders drop to the floor. "Don't you want me?"

I carefully grabbed his hands and moved them to cup my bare chest, causing his eyes drift down towards them, but they snapped back up to meet mine as he pulled his hands   
away.

"Not like this..."

His words were innocent enough and perfectly understandable due to the state I was in, but they still stung. I felt tears fill my eyes once again as I pushed him away, picking up the towel and wrapping it tightly around myself.

"It's because I'm damaged goods, isn't it?"

My words came out harsh and accusingly causing Spencer's eyes to widen.

"No, no, Mickey, of course not!" He protested. "I'd never think of you like that."

He went to pull me back into his arms, but I just shook my head and stormed passed him and into our bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

-

Spencer slept on the couch that night which left me waking up with a feeling of guilt as I vaguely remembered throwing a pillow at him when he came in to bring me a glass of water. There was one on the night stand though which meant he'd risked a second attack and snuck in at some point to put it there.

My head was throbbing as I sat up feeling dazed and confused, but surprisingly not nauseous which meant that I must've thrown up the night before. It was all a blur from about two hours after I got to that bar. 

I was filled with shame when I thought about what I'd done. I'd spent so long trying to convince people I'd changed, but I went back to my old habits at the first sign of trouble. At the time though it was the only thing I could think of. The panic, the fear, the stress of seeing him again shook me to my core and I could feel it creeping back in now that I was awake and sober.

I tried to push it from my mind though as I psyched myself up to face Spencer before taking a few sips of the water, dragging myself out of bed and heading towards the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen.

"Hi," I said quietly when I saw Spencer standing at the stove, frying what appeared to be eggs. "I'm so sorry, Spence."

He turned the heat off on the stove and picked up the pan to slide the eggs onto the plate he had ready before he turned to face me.

"You don't need to be sorry," He insisted, his voice sincere. "I understand why you did what you did yesterday even if I don't agree with it or understand why you never told me."

"I was scared," I confessed, still keeping my voice barely above a whisper as I wrapped my arms around myself. "Telling you what he did for all those years and how scared I was of   
him would make it real. I didn't want to think about him still being out there somewhere, not knowing if he was still looking for me."

"Why did he take such an interest in you?"

The look of concentration on Spencer's face mirrored the one I had a blurry memory of seeing at the bar the night before. It was also the look he had when he was looking over files from a tough case, mumbling questions to himself. He was trying to get all the facts, figure out what he was missing and save the day.

"I used to ask myself that every day," I admitted. "He used to send me long, rambling letters, but they didn't make much sense. I always assumed he was on drugs or drunk when he wrote them."

"What did they say? Word for word."

"Spencer, I don't have an eidetic memory. I can't tell you word for word," I smiled softly. "But he told me that someone had seen me run from his room crying that night and then my friend told her brother what I 'claimed' had happened to me and he was kicked out of his fraternity for it. They'd had sex crime scandals in the past or something and weren't interested in risking another one. He lost all his friends and everyone on campus knew so no one would talk to him and he blamed me."

"How long did he send you letters?"

"Until I moved here with Penny," I informed him, trying not to think about how this felt like an interrogation. "So maybe like five years? It wasn't always consistent. Sometimes he'd go months without sending me anything and I'd almost forget about him, but it would always start up again."

"I wonder what made him so obsessed with you..."

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Maybe because he got a rise out of me? I was young and emotional, I started drinking because of it, I let him control me long after the night we met. I think Penny hacked into his computer a few times too, left warnings so he'd know who he was dealing with, but it only spurred him on."

"Did you ever meet him in person? After the night you met, I mean."

I was getting fed up with the lack of emotion behind these questions, but humoured him nonetheless.

"No," I shook my head. "Well, there were a few times that I thought I saw him in the crowd, but never close enough to speak to."

"Strange..."

"It's not just strange," I glared. "It's creepy, it's terrifying and I'm scared."

The crack in my voice seemed to bring Spencer back to reality and he moved around the counter to pull me into his arms.

"You don't need to be scared," He said firmly. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know," I mumbled into his chest. "But he doesn't actually do anything to me. He just makes me live with the constant threat that he could. I can't live like that again, Spencer, I can't."

"You won't have to," He insisted. "We don't even know if he came here because of you. It really could just be a horrible coincidence, but if you see him again or he sends you anything at all, you need to tell me."

"I will, I promise."

I tried to take myself out of Spencer's arms, but he held me tighter to his chest.

"Don't lie to me again and disappear to some horrible bar, not answering your phone and getting yourself drunk like that."

"I won't," I assured him. "I know it was a bad call."

"I was worried about you," He confessed, his face burrowed in my hair. "I've never seen you like that."

"Now you know what I mean when I say Penelope Garcia is a saint for all she put up with," I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "That wasn't the worst of it, from what I remember last night was pretty mild."

Spencer frowned at that information.

"Well talk to me next time, okay? I come to you when we have a bad case or I'm having a hard day with my cravings. That goes both ways."

"I know," I nodded. "I was just surprised. Like, surprised doesn't even cover it. I didn't know what to do and I panicked. But I'll come to you next time, I don't like drinking like that anymore. I swear I have changed."

"I know you have," He assured me, leaning down to place a soft kiss on my lips. "We all mess up sometimes."

I offered him a weak smile and we stayed in each other's arms until my stomach grumbled loudly enough to disturb us.

"Did I, uh, see you making eggs earlier?" I asked sheepishly.

"You did," Spencer laughed. "But I would assume they're cold by now. I'll make us some more."

I smiled and sat on the bar stool next to the island as Spencer went back over to the stove, stopping momentarily by the sink to hand me another glass of water.

It would be different this time. I wasn't going to let him use fear to control me because I wasn't alone. I had Spencer and an entire team of FBI agents in my corner and no creepy rapist stalker was going to bring me down...or so I thought...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing up a storm! Have a few chapters lined up so I won't post them every day, but should hopefully be able to post at least once more before I go on vacation!
> 
> Enjoy and thanks for the love <3


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

Things went back to normal pretty much instantly. I was on edge for a few weeks, but there was no sign of Nick again. He hadn't tried to contact me and I would have almost started to think I'd imagined the whole thing if it hadn't been for the fact that Spencer hadn't been there with me and seen him too. I let myself believe that it was all an unfortunate coincidence though and pushed him from my mind.

There was enough other stress in our lives anyway with Spencer and his team getting themselves into trouble. They were sent to New York to investigate a series of shootings and I could tell that it wasn't just an ordinary case. Spencer and Penelope both barely had enough time to answer my texts and definitely no time for a phone call and they seemed to be working around the clock, but I'd never imagined just how serious it was. When I saw on the news that an FBI SUV had been blown up just outside where they were working, my heart stopped. I instantly rang Penelope and, as distraught as I was, I wasn't surprised when she didn't answer. I paced around the apartment, almost tearing out my hair until the sweet moment of relief when she sent me a text, but it was short lived when I saw what it said. 

" _I don't know, I don't know anything but I'll tell you as soon as I do._ "

I sat, eyes glued to the television. My heart racing and my eyes straining as I searched for any glimpse of one of the team members, but had no luck. They weren't letting anyone close to the explosion, not even paramedics. Which meant if Spencer was hurt he might not even be able to get the help he needed.

Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days until finally, two hours after the explosion, Penelope texted me to say Spencer was safe. But when I inquired about the rest of the team I was met with more silence.

I was on edge for the rest of the evening, my phone clutched in my hand waiting for Spencer to answer my five messages that all had the same sentiment of " _I love you_ " even if it was written a different way each time.

Finally, after news of a second explosion, Spencer answered my call. They were all safe even though Derek had apparently taken some massive, dangerous risk and they were all mad at him. Hotch had been injured in the first explosion and was being treated in hospital and they'd lost one of the agents they were working with, but Spencer really was completely fine. I felt like I could breathe again, but the tenseness and worry from the stress and adrenaline of the evening wouldn't go away.

So I was relieved when there was a knock at my door about an hour after I'd gotten off the phone with Spencer and I found Penelope on the other side.

"I know this goes against everything I've ever told you," She said, setting a bottle of wine on the counter. "But I need a drink after today or I swear to God, I'll be driving to New York to kill Derek Morgan with my bare hands."

I laughed, glad to not be spending the night alone. I was once again reminded by the days events that the people I love were constantly in danger and it felt good to keep at least one of them close. So Penny and I split a bottle of wine, got a bit tipsy and ranted about the foolish risks our FBI friends took to keep the rest of us safe.

-

It was late June when I saw him again. I felt someone's eyes on me while I rode the metro back from a doctor's appointment to check on my shoulder and when I looked up, there he was facing me, just a few seats down. He smirked and lifted his hand to wave, chills going down my spine.

I got off at the next stop and ran out of the station as fast as I could. I probably looked insane to the rest of the crowd, but I needed to make sure he couldn't follow me if he was trying to. He'd never come that close in person before, but surely it must've been another coincidence. How would he have known where I was going that morning? Unless he'd been following me all day and that thought was too unnerving to think about. 

So again, I pushed it to the back of my mind and pretended the universe was just being cruel. I didn't tell Spencer or anyone about it. I didn't even tell anyone when I got the first letter, just as rambling as his others long ago, telling me how he'd missed me and how nice it is to see me again even if I've aged a bit much. Or when I got a package of pictures, some of me alone and plenty of me with Spencer. I kept it to myself, partially because I was scared of how Spencer and Penelope would react and partially because talking about it would make it real. I didn't even open the second letter, it felt like I was giving him too much by paying any attention to him or his creepy messages. 

I worried that Spencer would find them, but luckily with his nine to five schedule, I could always get home before him to check the mail so again, I tried to put it out of my mind and not let him take over my life like he had all those years ago.

It was like he knew though. The more I tried to ignore him and pretend that nothing was wrong, the more he wrote, the more pictures he sent and the more I was starting to see him in person. At least every other day now, he'd appear in a crowd as if he was waiting for me. Always with the same smirk and little wave.

I was starting to realize I would have to tell someone, but I found myself more angry than scared this time. I mean, I was scared. He was getting bolder and obviously his presence in DC could no longer be called a coincidence, but every time I saw him there was annoyance along side the terror. Why me? What did I ever do that made him take such an interest in my life? Why did he seem to devote his entire life to stalking me just from our one traumatizing, but fleeting interaction? I couldn't understand it.

It was the day before my birthday when he was waiting for me outside the yoga studio as I left from a late evening class. I'd stayed to tidy the place up after the students had left so I was the last one out and when I'd turned around after locking the door, he was there.

"Mikayla Lawson," He smiled. "How have you been, darling?"

I was frozen, I was terrified, I was alone.

We stood there in silence for what felt like minutes, but must have only been seconds while I tried to get my body to listen to the signals my brain was trying to send it. Finally, as he was about to speak again, the shock wore off and I kicked into gear.

"Fuck off," I spat, standing up straight trying to exude a confidence I didn't have ."If you come one step closer to me, I'll scream."

He held his hands up in defence, but took a step back.

"I'm just trying to catch up with an old friend."

That stupid smirk was back on his face as I rolled my eyes and pushed past him, breaking into a run as soon as I got away.

"See you soon, Mikayla!"

To anyone passing by it would have sounded like normal parting words to a friend, but I could hear the taunt behind them, the promise that he'd be back soon and I knew next time I might not get away that easily.

I decided then that I would tell Spencer...but after my birthday. I wanted to be able to celebrate in peace, I didn't want Nick to ruin my day by everyone freaking out and making it about him.

-

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Mikayla, happy birthday to you!"

The sound of Spencer's singing filled my ears as I walked into the living room the next morning causing a big smile to slide onto my face as I walked right into his open arms.

"Thank you, handsome."

I stretched up to give him a kiss before nuzzling into his chest, still half asleep.

"How does it feel to be twenty-seven?"

"Not much different than twenty-six," I giggled. "Except that now I'm older and, of course, much wiser than you."

Spencer's chest moved as he chuckled and I slowly peeled myself out of his embrace.

"Older yes, but only by one hundred and nine days," He informed her. "And I think we'll have to agree to disagree about wiser."

I gasped in fake shock, knowing he was teasing, but also knowing he was definitely wiser than I was.

"How dare you insult me on my birthday, young man!"

Spencer rolled his eyes at my dig at his age, choosing to ignore the comment.

"Would you like some breakfast? I'll cook for you."

I grinned cheekily as I looked around the apartment to see if there were any special gifts lying around before looking back at Spencer.

"Breakfast sounds lovely..." I started. "But could we maybe let me open my present first?"

"Present?" Spencer smirked. "Who said I got you a present?"

"I know you did!" I insisted, smacking his chest playfully. "You've been fishing for ideas for weeks!"

"Maybe I never came up with anything..."

I huffed and put my hands on my hips like a child being told Santa forgot their Christmas gifts and with a laugh Spencer went over to the coffee table, coming back with a perfectly wrapped gift.

"Ooh, a book?" I asked, guessing from the obvious shape of it. "What book did you get me?"

"Why don't you open it and see?" Spencer instructed me as if he was talking to a child, but there was something different about his body language now. He seemed almost nervous, but not in the way you get when you're concerned someone might not like a gift you've given them. "I just, uh, I'll need to explain myself..."

I raised an eyebrow at his curious lead up, but nodded as I unwrapped the book and found myself standing in absolute shock as I held in my hands a copy of the Kamasutra.

"Spencer Reid," I gasped, my jaw practically hitting the floor. "Did you buy me a book of sex positions for my birthday?"

"No! Well yes, I-I did, but I, uh, I meant to get you book of  _yoga_ positions for your birthday," He insisted, his cheeks flushing a deeper red than I'd probably ever seen them. "I found one in the store, but the cover had a tear in it so I put it down and picked one up from the exact same spot and I didn't notice until I got home that it wasn't the same book!'

"But you decided this was just as good?"

Spencer smirked despite his still incredibly red cheeks as he shrugged.

"Well I figured it would be a shame to not at least look through it..."

I giggled, shaking my head as I opened the book. It was illustrated which was quite handy when it came to understanding the positions, but only made Spencer's cheeks blush even darker especially when I looked up at him with a naughty twinkle in my eye.

"Well, Dr. Reid," I smiled, walking towards our bedroom, grabbing his hand on my way. "I guess it's time we find out how flexible you are."

I felt Spencer tense at the thought of what was to come, but he followed me anyway, his intrigue outweighing any nerves or doubts.

-

We spent most of the day wrapped up in each other, keeping the book handy for suggestions and tips. There were a few awkward moments and Spencer spent far too much time fretting about my shoulder dislocating again in certain positions, but overall it was a pretty wonderful birthday present. We had a satisfying sex life, but Spencer got so awkward discussing it out of the bedroom that I hadn't quite managed to get his secret desires out of him and this was a step in the right direction or, at the very least, a conversation starter. 

By the time we crawled out of bed it was late afternoon and we had to start getting ready for the evening we had planned with our friends.

"So who's coming tonight?" Spencer asked as he walked out of the bathroom, drying his hair from his shower while I sat still wrapped in my towel doing my make up.

"Um, Penelope, Kevin, Derek, Emily, a girl I work with called Melissa, you," I paused to think about who I was forgetting. "Oh! And Will and JJ."

Spencer froze at that news.

"But JJ's pregnant," He informed me as if I didn't already know. "She can't drink."

"Doesn't mean she can't still come out and enjoy herself," I shrugged with a smile. He still looked terrified as if JJ would some how be in danger just being near alcoholic beverages and opened his mouth to protest so I cut him off with a smirk. "You know what, you're right, she shouldn't come, but it would be wrong to exclude her so let's cancel the whole thing and stay home. Maybe we could try number one hundred and ninety-five in my new book?"

Spencer's face instantly went bright red once again as he shook his head.

"I think I'll need a few months of yoga before I'll be ready for that," He admitted. "Now stop with your sarcasm and hurry up or we'll be late."

I giggled at how easy it was to fluster him and turned my attention back to the mirror in front of me.

-

We all met at a quiet little bar later that evening for drinks. But in typical Penelope fashion, the night couldn't end there and she dragged us all to some fancy night club. I hadn't been in a club since I was barely legal (and of course well before I was), but I thought it could be a good laugh so off we went. When we got there, it was just after eleven and the place was pretty empty, but it filled up fast. Soon it was packed from wall to wall with sweaty people tossing back drinks and grinding on each other. 

It was about ten minutes after I got back from getting a drink with Melissa when I started to feel it. I'd only had about four drinks over the few hours we'd been out and I'd eaten a decent dinner so I was surprised when I felt the room start to spin a bit, but after taking a few deep breaths it passed so I assumed it was just too hot in the club.

However, when another twenty minutes passed and my drink sat untouched on the table, but I was feeling worse and worse by the minute, I knew something was wrong. I mumbled to Spencer that I was going to go to the bathroom for a minute before I made my way through the crowd. It felt like I was in a fog, I knew I wasn't walking straight, but everything around me was moving and my vision was blurred. It felt like I was moving in slow motion compared to everyone else, but when I finally made it to the bathroom I was relieved to find it empty. I needed some peace and quiet to get myself together.

I leaned on the counter for a minute before running the cold tap and splashing some water on my face. It probably ruined my make up, but as my dizziness and disorientation got worse I was quickly realizing my night was over anyway and increasingly suspicious that someone had slipped me something. 

As if that thought summoned him, I looked up from the sink to see Nick in the mirror as he closed and locked the door behind him.

I spun around to face him, trying my best to pretend the fast movement hadn't made me so dizzy I could barely see and stood tall in front him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying not to let my horror show in my voice despite how badly I was slurring my words.

"You're surprised?" He asked, that stupid smirk still on his face. "I said that I'd see you soon."

"I-I thought that was just another stupid taunt that you'd be too cowardly to follow through with."

I saw a flash of anger in his eyes as I practically clung to the counter to keep myself upright. There was a strange darkness creeping into the edges of my vision that I was fighting as hard as I could, a struggle that didn't escape Nick's notice.

"How're you feeling?"

"What did you give me?" I asked, filling with dread as he moved across the room. "Why are you doing this to me?"

My second question came out much more pitiful than I would have liked, but the situation was becoming dire and I knew that no matter how loud I screamed, no one would hear it over the music.

"You never forget your first time," He told me, a slimy smile still on his face. "It's normal to get attached."

My brain was quickly falling apart and his words added to my confusion.

"There's no way that I was your first," I argued, pressing myself into the counter as hard as I could as if the extra millimetres I was putting between us would make any difference.

"In some senses you are," He grinned. "How could I ever forget that power, that control, the feelings it gave me, that you gave me."

Suddenly I understood what he meant as his body was now right against mine, his hand reaching up to stroke my cheek. I wanted to throw up and not just from the drugs.

"You're a monster," I spat at him. "You're a rapist!"

The anger was back in his eyes and before I could even process what was happening his hand was around my throat. I felt him squeezing and I found myself gasping for air. I reached up with weak hands to try and pull his hand away, scratch him, anything to get him to let go, but my brain was foggy enough before it's air supply was cut off and I didn't have the strength. Just as I thought I was about to pass out, he used the hand around my throat to toss me to floor. I coughed and gasped and luckily had landed on my side since I didn't even have the energy to sit up as I retched up the drinks I'd had so far that evening.

"You're disgusting!" He snarled at me, moving around to give a swift kick to my ribs once I'd emptied my stomach as if I wasn't already suffering enough. "Look at you, laying there helpless in your own vomit. I could do anything I wanted to you and you'd be powerless to stop it." 

A tear slid down my cheeks at his words as I shut my eyes, partially because I could bare to see what would happen next and partially because they were too heavy to keep open anymore.

"You've aged though which is a shame," He continued as I found it harder and harder to breathe. "But lucky for you I suppose. We both know how I prefer my girls to be. Young and virginal, not all used up like you. Does that boyfriend of yours know what a little slut you've been since I helped you discover the wonders of sex?"

I wanted to protest, scream and shout that he hadn't helped me discover anything. He'd hurt me, he'd ruined 'the wonders of sex' for me for years, but all that came out was a groan. He chuckled at the sound and I felt his hand around my throat again, but this time tracing the chain that held the pendant Spencer had given me for Christmas. Even my muddled brain knew that was one thing he couldn't take from me so, finding strength from somewhere, I jerked away. My actions only brought more laughter from him though as he gripped the chain and tugged.

"Can't get very far now, can you?" He teased me as I whimpered, feeling myself slowly slipping out of consciousness. "Such a lovely gift, I'm sure it has lots of sentimental value. Hopefully that boyfriend of yours will take this as a warning that you're not worth the time."

I forced my eyes open just a tad in time to see him place the pendant on the floor almost delicately before stomping on it causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces. My heart ached at the sight, but before I could protest in any fashion I was out cold with one thought running through my head.

_Find me, Spencer. Please, find me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a cliffhanger there! I should be able to post one more chapter tomorrow before I go away because today I'm supposed to pack and I hate packing so writing is a good excuse to procrastinate haha


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

Penelope and Derek came back to the table after they'd finished on the dance floor about fifteen minutes after Mickey had left.

"Where's the birthday girl?" Derek asked, noticing Spencer's eyes were glued across the room.

"The bathroom," He said, sounding worried. "But she's been gone a long time."

"How long?" Penelope asked.

"Almost twenty minutes now."

Everyone agreed it was strange, but Melissa, the only non FBI member of the group, seemed unphased.

"Maybe she left and forgot to say goodbye?"

"She wouldn't leave without her phone," Penelope pointed to where it was still sitting on the table as Spencer nodded.

"Or without me," He insisted. "She would have told me if she was ready to go home."

"I'll go check on her," Penelope offered, but as she walked away Spencer followed.

It didn't take them long to get through the crowds, but just as they were about to turn down the hallway that the bathrooms were in, someone shoved past them as he ran towards the door.

"I swear that was..." Spencer started to tell Penelope who he'd thought he'd just seen, but when he took his eyes off the man to turn back to face her, he found she was already gone, running towards the women's bathroom.

She'd obviously seen him too.

"Spencer!" She cried as she pushed open the door. "Get Morgan! Call an ambulance!"

Spencer's eyes widened at the panic in her voice as he pulled out his phone, running down the hallway towards her. There, in a heap on the floor, was his girlfriend. Unconscious, laying next to her own vomit, bruises around her neck, her chest barely moving with each laboured breath she took.

He quickly dialled 911 as Penelope checked her friends pulse and vital signs to the best of her ability.

"I need an ambulance now!" Spencer barked into the phone, fighting back the tears in his eyes. "I'm at Flash Nightclub on Florida Avenue and my girlfriend's unconscious, I think she's been drugged, she's barely breathing."

He quickly sent a text message to Morgan as well once it was established that an ambulance was on the way before falling to his knees next to Penelope. He called Mickey's name as he stroked her hair, moving it out of the puddle next to her, begging her to wake up. Moments later, Derek and someone who announced he was the manager barged in with the rest of their group behind them.

"What happened to her?" Morgan asked.

"Nick was here," Penelope whimpered. "He did this, I know he did."

"We need to get her outside," The manager insisted. "I can't have paramedics marching through here, it'll kill everyone's buzz."

Spencer spun around to face him with an anger none of his team had ever seen on his face before.

"My girlfriend is dying on the floor of your bathroom and you're worried about killing the buzz?!" He snarled at the man by the door, but Morgan put a hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be easier to get her to the ambulance than have them come through all those people."

Spencer reluctantly nodded, his blood still boiling as he stood up, relieved when Morgan bent down to pull Mickey into his arms. There was no way he'd be able to carry her while her body was just dead weight so he was glad Morgan had spared him the embarrassment of letting him try.

The group headed out, Penelope leading the way to clear a path through the crowds, Spencer staying as close to Mickey as possible while the rest of them followed behind.

The ambulance was just pulling up as they got outside and Morgan quickly loaded her into the back where the paramedics could assess the situation as Spencer climbed in next to her, holding onto her hand for dear life. Morgan gave his shoulder a squeeze before jumping out of the ambulance and turning to face the large number of people waiting to get in the club.

"Listen up folks!" He shouted to get everyone's attention. "My name's Derek Morgan and I'm with the FBI, that woman just got drugged inside this club tonight so make sure you're all very careful and watching your drinks closely!"

Whispers erupted amongst the crowd and Derek smiled to himself as almost half of them left the line immediately. If the manager wasn't going to a medical emergency seriously, especially when it involved his friends, then he would do everything he could to make sure the business didn't succeed.

The sound of quiet sobs drew his attention back to the group that had followed him out of the club and his eyes settled on Penelope as she cried in Kevin's arms.

"Hey, baby girl," He said softly as he approached her. "She's gonna be alright. She's a fighter."

"I told her not to worry about it," She sobbed. "I said it was just a coincidence and not to let him control her life again and he  _attacked_ her. He did God knows what to her and could have  _killed_ her!"

"But he didn't," Derek insisted as the doors to the back of the ambulance closed and it sped away with it's lights and sirens blasting. "You sound exactly like she did when you got shot and would you have wanted her to blame herself for that?"

"No!" Penelope shook her head, horrified by the idea. "That wasn't her fault at all."

"Exactly," Derek smiled. "Now, let's go follow that ambulance to the hospital while you tell me everything you know about this 'Nick' guy."

She nodded weakly as she let go of her boyfriend who she'd been clinging to.

"I'll drive," JJ offered. "Our car's just around the corner."

"The rest of us can get a taxi and meet you there," Emily piped up.

Derek nodded and reached for Penelope's hand before leading her after JJ.

-

I woke up feeling fuzzy and confused to the sound of what I realized was a heart rate monitor. I blinked my eyes open and felt someone grip my hand.

"Mikayla?" Spencer asked softly. "Mickey, are you awake?"

I shifted my head to the side, seeing him there next to my bed, but my vision was still blurry and when I tried to speak, nothing came out so I simply nodded my head.  
Spencer quickly passed my some water, holding it to my chin and lifting it for me to sip.

"What happened?" I managed to croak out afterwards.

"That's what we were hoping you'd be able to tell us," He said, his voice still low and calming. "You overdosed on GHB, I think Nick attacked you."

"Nick? I didn't see Nick..."

I was confused and the more confused I got, the more scared I was. I couldn't remember anything after we got to the club and judging from my surroundings something very bad happened to me and I had no idea what.

"I saw him when I came to find you," He told me, still squeezing my hand. "Sometimes GHB can leave you with retrograde amnesia so it's not surprising that you can't remember anything."

"It's surprising to me!"

My hoarse voice broke as I snapped at Spencer, feeling tears fill my eyes. A look of what could only be described as grief filled Spencer's face as he shook his head.

"No, no, don't cry," He begged. "I'm so sorry, Mikayla. I should have been there for you, I should have checked on you sooner, I should have kept a closer eye on him after we saw him that day."

"Checked on me where?" I asked, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Am I okay? Why is my throat so sore?"

"You're alright," He nodded. "You weren't breathing well when we got to the hospital so they intubated you until you could breathe properly on your own."

"I'm scared," I croaked out. "I want to go home."

Spencer leaned over to place a long, lingering kiss on my forehead. When he pulled back I noticed how exhausted he looked and realized I didn't even know how long I'd been in hospital for.

"I'll go find a doctor and we'll see how long they want to keep you."

I wanted to protest, I didn't want him to leave me for even a second, but I knew a doctor would have to approve it if I had any chance of leaving.

I wasn't alone for long though because Penelope burst in the door with Derek hot on her trail.

"Garcia, Spencer said to wait until the doctor's seen her," He scolded as she threw her arms around me.

"I don't care what Spencer said," She huffed against my ear. "I have to see for myself that she's awake and okay."

"I am," I said, my voice still hoarse. "What happened to me?"

"I don't know, hun," She said sadly before repeating what Spencer had said. "Nick was there though, I saw him when I came to find you."

"Where did I go?"

"You really don't remember any of it?" Derek asked, concern evident on his face as I shook my head. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember us going to the club and having our first drink, but nothing's clear after that..."

"So maybe he drugged you at the first bar and followed us to the club..."

"Not necessarily," Spencer corrected Derek as he came back into the room with a doctor in tow. "One of the effects of GHB is retrograde amnesia which means she might not remember things from before she was drugged as well as after."

"Dr. Reid is correct," The doctor nodded. "How're you feeling, Mikayla?"

"Confused, scared, fuzzy, like I've been run over a few times," I admitted, tearing up again. "I just want to know what happened to me."

"Well what I can tell you for sure is that you were drugged, strangled and two of your ribs were cracked," He told me, explaining why my chest ached so much, but not how it came to be. "I just need to check all your vitals and do some tests, but we will need to keep you in for at least the rest of the day to get your fluids up and make sure the overdose hasn't done too much damage."

"How long have I been here?"

He checked his watch and was about to answer, but Spencer beat him to it.

"Seven hours and thirty-nine minutes."

I frowned at his answer even though I was relieved I hadn't lost days of my life.

"Then why do you look like you've not slept in weeks?" I asked him. "I'm pretty sure you look worse than I do."  
There was a chuckle throughout the group and even Spencer had a weak smile on his face.

"I was so worried," He admitted. "I should've protected you. I let you down."

I shook my head, but instantly regretted it as the muscles in my neck spasmed in pain.

"You didn't let me down," I insisted. "None of you did. I should've told you sooner..."

A tense silence filled the room as suspicions of what I meant filled the room.

"What're you talking about, Mick?" Penelope asked, a very stern look on her face.

Luckily for me, the doctor interrupted.

"I know you have a job to do as well," He told the FBI agents in the room. "But I need to check her over first."

Derek ushered a protesting Penelope out of the room as Spencer nodded and returned to the chair next to my bed. He had an unreadable look on his face, similar to the one he had the night I'd first seen Nick. It was a look of frustration, but also sympathy. I watched him the entire time the doctor did his tests, but he didn't look at me, he just stared off into space and I could practically hear his thoughts spinning around his head.

Once the doctor left the room with ominous parting words of leaving me to decide if I wanted a rape kit done, he was immediately replaced with Penelope, Derek and Emily. JJ and Will had apparently been there up until a few hours ago, but with JJ being pregnant, she was exhausted enough.

"Thanks for coming, guys," I forced a smile, touched that they all cared enough to spend their night here.

"Of course," Emily nodded. "How're you feeling?"

"I've been better."

I shrugged and was about to elaborate, but Penelope cut me off.

"What did you mean when you said you should have told Spencer something sooner?"

I could've lied and said that I just meant about the whole Nick situation so we would've been more prepared for this to happen, but seeing as I had no memory of what had happened to me, there could be a real threat to my life and I didn't want to hide it anymore.

"He started sending me letters and pictures again," I confessed, looking down at my hands. "And I saw him all the time. I didn't just think that I had like last time, I saw him for real. He'd always give me this creepy smirk and wave and then last night or I guess the night before, he cornered me when I left work, said something about catching up and that he'd see me soon. I didn't think he meant anything like this..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Spencer asked, his voice soft as he looked at me like a puppy that had just been kicked. "You promised that you'd tell me if he contacted you again."

"I know," I nodded, tearing up as I cleared my throat to try and get rid of the hoarseness. "I was going to, I swear. I just wanted to enjoy my birthday without making it all about him. And I didn't even read most of the letters he sent me, I hoped if I ignored him then he would just go away."

"Stalkers tend to escalate when they feel like they're being ignored," Derek informed me when Spencer stayed quiet. "They don't back off unless they get the validation that they want."

"Well I learnt that the hard way," I sniffled. "I just want to know what he did to me."

"You guys could do that thing!" Penelope suggested excitedly. "Where you make the victims remember!"

"A cognitive interview?" Emily questioned as Penelope eagerly nodded her head. "It might work..."

"We usually only use it on victims who have suppressed their memories due to the trauma they faced," Derek pointed out. "It might not work as well if your memory loss was caused by a drug."

"Think of your brain like a movie camera," Spencer explained, finally breaking his silence. "The GHB may have switched it off so it's almost like it wasn't recording or the tape was immediately erased."

"But it might work?" I asked hopefully, desperate to try anything.

"It could," Emily nodded. "It's worth a shot."

I looked over at Spencer, wanting his opinion on the situation. He knew from my glance what I was asking, but simply shrugged.

"Your memory may come back over time," He informed me. "But if you want to know sooner, this is probably the best chance you have."

"It might not be things you want to know though, Mickey," Penelope piped up. "Ignorance can some times be bliss..."

"I need to know," I insisted. "I'll do it."

-

It took a while to get everything organized, but it was eventually decided that Emily would be the one to lead me through the interview. They thought it would be easier for me to relax with a woman, depending on what was brought up and even though I wanted Spencer in the room, everyone agreed it would be better for him just to listen. He fussed around anxiously as Emily sat on the side of my bed.

"Okay, so just try to relax," Emily started. "It's as much about the things you sensed as the things you saw. Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath before nodding my head and closing my eyes.

"What's the first thing you remember?"

I thought back before I answered.

"I remember getting to Flash," I told her. "It's not very busy, but people are coming in quite quickly. I remember Derek and Will making fun of how drunk girls get so affectionate with each other and I remember thinking how happy I was to be with you all."

"Good," She told me. "So you're in the club, how're you feeling?"

"A bit tipsy," I admitted. "I can feel the alcohol, but I'm definitely not drunk."

"Who're you sitting next to?" She guided me. "Are there any faces in the crowd that stand out to you?"

"Melissa is next to me," I said confidently. "She's pointing to a man on the dance floor so we decide to join him. I think that dancing will stop me from getting drunk too fast."

"Perfect, Mickey, you're doing great," She praised me. "So you danced with Melissa and then went straight back to the table?"

"No," I shook my head, surprised by what was coming back to me. "We get a drink first. She wanted to buy me one for my birthday, but I can only drink about half of it. I don't feel well."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm dizzy and jittery. I feel hot, I think it's too crowded in the club," I confessed, feeling my heart rate pick up as we started getting to the bad part of the evening. "I tell Spencer I'm going to the bathroom because I need some air."

"Does anyone stop you on your way?" She asked. "Or follow you?"

"No," I shook my head again. "No one stops me and the bathroom is empty."

"So what do you do? Do you use the toilet?"

"I go to the sink," I continued. "I'm dizzy, I have to hold the counter, but I turn the tap on and splash my face. When I look up he's there, closing the door."

"Who's there?"

"Nick," I gasp, tensing at the image of him in my newfound memory. I feel Spencer's hand slip into mine, squeezing it gently as I keep going. "He looks smug and I'm so scared, but I'm trying not to show it."

"Does he say anything to you?"

I nodded and swallowed hard.

"He says he warned me that he would see me soon," I repeated what I'd told them already. "He's moving towards me and I'm backing away, but there's no where to go. I can't escape him and I feel so weak."

A sob fell from my lips as the feeling of helplessness rushed back to me, but Spencer's warm hand comforted me as he brushed his thumb over my knuckles and kept me focused.

"It's okay," Emily assured me. "He can't hurt you here. Did you say anything back to him?"

"I asked him why he was doing this to me, but I'm confused," I explained. "He says I was his first, but I wasn't. I couldn't have been. And he clarifies..."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks as his words now echoed in my head, but Emily calmly urged me to elaborate.

"He's done it again, to other girls," I continued. "I wasn't his first time having sex, I was his first victim. There's other girls. I wasn't strong enough to press charges and now he's hurt other people like he's hurt me."

"How do you react to that information?"

"I'm angry," I tell her. "I called him a rapist and now he's angry too. His hand's moved to my throat and I don't feel well. He's squeezing. I can't breathe, I want him to stop, but I'm not strong enough."

"But he does stop, why?"

"I don't know," I admit as images are flooding back to me faster and faster. "But he throws me to the floor and I'm gasping for air. My stomach is turning and the coughing makes me throw up, but I can't move. I have vomit on my face and it's in my hair, but I can't move away from it. He's laughing at me, he thinks it's funny how helpless I am, but I feel  
relieved because he says I'm too old for him, too used up. He's not gonna rape me...He didn't rape me!"

I opened my eyes as my sobs took over, this time with more relief that he hadn't hurt me like that again. I glanced over at Spencer and saw he was visibly less tense at that news as well as he lifted my hand to press it against his lips.

"Do you remember anything else?" Emily pressed. "Did he tell you if you'd be seeing him again?"

"I don't remember that," I frowned, fighting back more tears as the last thing I saw before I passed out crossed my mind. "But he took my necklace. He smashed it, said he wanted to warn you that I'm not worth it."

"You are. You are worth it," Spencer insisted, kissing my hand again. "We'll get you another one, don't worry about it."

"That's not the point," I cried. "I loved that one and he took it from me."

Emily offered me a sympathetic smile as she patted my leg gently.

"He could have taken a lot more than that," She reminded me. "I'm glad you're okay."

I knew what she meant by those words. She was glad he hadn't hurt me again in the same way that he had all those years ago. Even if it was still a horrible night, it could have been a lot worse. 

Armed with the new information that I'd given her, she went out to tell the others, leaving Spencer and I alone once again.

"You should have told me."

His voice was quiet, but the hurt was clear and I nodded my head, knowing he was right.

"I know," I agreed. "But he never went this far before, I didn't expect it. I thought I could handle it."

"When did you get the first letter?"

"A few weeks after you got back from that case in New York when Hotch got hurt," I told him, cringing as I knew how long ago that was. "I didn't want to add to your stress."

"I would have been stressed," He admitted. "But it would have been worth it because I could have kept you safe. You promised me, don't you trust me?"

"I do," I insisted, squeezing his hand since there wasn't much else I could do in my weak state. "I trust you one hundred percent. I just thought he would go away if I ignored him."

"You should have told me," He repeated and I realized that this was something that would take him a while to get over. "But he'll go away this time. I'll make sure of it."

I lifted his hand to my lips to kiss it like he had with mine moments before and as I saw his team, our friends, huddled together in the hallway, no doubt making a plan of how to take him down, I knew that this would be over soon enough. Nick wasn't a smart man. He was impulsive and foolish and absolutely no match for the BAU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing what procrastination can do! No packing has been accomplished, but I've written quite a bit today so I figured I'll post another chapter now and one again tomorrow before I leave.  
> Enjoy!


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

I declined the rape kit, against the advice of the doctor, because I was confident in my memory of what had happened and I felt fine. The last time I had discomfort for days, but I didn't feel like that this time. They still wanted to keep me in that day anyway though to keep me on the drip and to give me some vitamins that would lessen the 'come down' effects that I could feel creeping in.

I sent the rest of the team home to get some sleep and made Spencer climb into bed with me to take a nap. At first, he resisted, but I insisted and we quickly feel into a deep sleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

I woke up before Spencer did and was pleased to see him getting some much needed rest. I watched him for a few minutes before I couldn't resist any longer and placed a gentle kiss to his lips. His eyes snapped open and his grip on me tightened momentarily before he realized where he was and relaxed.

"I'm sorry," I told him for what felt like the millionth time. "I messed up."

He sighed and kissed the top of my head before he answered.

"You did," He agreed. "But I think you learned your lesson."

"I have," I nodded. "But I know I let you down."

"It's just frustrating," He admitted. "I could have kept you safe, I don't understand why you kept me in the dark."

"I didn't want you to worry..."

"But when I pushed you away to stop you from worrying about my drug problem, you didn't like that very much, did you?"

"No," I shook my head. "So now we're even. We've both hurt each other while trying to protect each other."

"Can't keep score like that in relationships," He pointed out. "It's not about being even. We shouldn't have secrets, Mickey."

"I know, I know. I won't do it again, I promise."

"Well I hope this doesn't happen again," He said, smiling even if it was somewhat half-hearted. "Unless you have more crazy stalkers that you'd like to tell me about?"

"Nope, just the one."

Spencer leaned down and connected our lips again.

"I love you, Mikayla."

"I love you too."

There was a knock at the door and I looked over just in time to see my room filling with FBI agents. The whole team had returned with the addition of Rossi and Hotch.

"Sorry to break up this lovely moment, but we have news," Rossi said as Spencer practically launched out of the bed, his cheeks pink.

"I spent the entire morning tracking this bastard down," Penelope informed me, ignoring my protests that I sent her home to get some rest. "I was under the impression that he had only been in town briefly the first time you saw him because there was no leases or house deeds in his name and there still aren't. But then I remember what kind of guy he is, the typical spoiled rich white frat boy and it turns out that even at the age of thirty-six, daddy still pays his rent. Or at least Daniel Richley pays someone's rent at apartment number seven one-zero-six-three Pennsylvania avenue."

Penelope took a deep breath after he long winded explanation, but I didn't feel any more comforted.

"So what happens now?" I asked. "He didn't leave any evidence on me, you can't just barge in and arrest him..."

"Doesn't mean we can't go and talk to him," Derek shrugged. "Ask him about his whereabouts last night, scare him a bit."

I was sceptical. He'd already attacked me in a club full of FBI agents, but I appreciated their eagerness to help.

"There's one more thing..." Penelope said, looking a bit sheepish all of a sudden. "Your parents are in the waiting room..."

"You called my parents?" I groaned as I saw Spencer pale a bit as well. "Why would you do that?"

"I found you unconscious on the floor of a club bathroom," She reminded me sternly. "Of course I was going to call your parents about that."

"Well now that I'm awake and fine can you tell them to leave?"

"No can do, Mickey Mouse," She informed me. "They're desperate to see you and you need to talk to them."

I groaned again earning a chuckle from the crowd in my room before they said their goodbyes as they went off to face my nemesis.

-

As soon as my parents walked in, my mother burst into tears. It seemed like a bit of an overreaction considering I was in relatively good condition and she'd barely spoken to me for years anyway, but she was always an emotional person. My dad reacted just like I expected him to, stoically and with a scowl. Standing at almost six feet and five inches, he made even Spencer seem short and he seemed to shrink even more at the sight of him.

"How could you let this happen?" He practically growled at Spencer who's jaw dropped slightly at the accusation.

I was ready for that kind of reaction though and jumped to his defense.

"Don't you dare," I snapped back at him. "Don't you dare blame Spencer for any of this when you had no idea that it was happening before, when I was child in your care!"

"You were sixteen, you weren't a child," He argued, rolling his eyes, but softening his tone slightly as he spoke to me. "And you never told us, how were we supposed to know?"

"I was drunk every night," I pointed out. "That's not normal for teenagers and why would I have told you when you didn't even believe me when I told you that he raped me?"

My mom cringed at my words, but my dad was the one who surprised me this time as his tough exterior crumbled. He face soften and he looked down like he was ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Mikayla," He confessed, his voice weak and not at all like the fierce tone he'd come in with. "I let you down, I know I did. I should've been more supportive."

"Then why weren't you?" I asked, lowering my voice to match his. "I never lied about things, I was a pretty good kid. I don't know why you didn't trust me."

"You were a great kid," He nodded. "I just...I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the thought of you being in that situation, someone hurting you in that way. I needed to believe it didn't happen like you said. It was wrong of me and so unfair to you and I'm sorry."

I stared at him for a moment, completely blindsided by his apology. In all the years since it had happened, he'd never even come close to taking responsibility for how he'd treated me that day.

"What?" I asked after a few silent minutes.

"I've known for a long time that I handled it badly," He admitted. "I just didn't know how to tell you, I had too much pride to admit I was wrong, but I thought I had time. When we got the call that you'd been hurt and I thought I might never get to tell you..."

His voice broke as his sentence trailed off and then for the first time in my life, I saw tears in my dad's eyes.

"It's okay," I rushed to assure him. "Dad, it's alright. It was a long time ago."

"It's not, it's not alright," He insisted, wiping his eyes frantically to hide the tears that slipped down his cheeks. "We could have ended this years ago if I'd known what was happening to you. If you felt like you could talk to me."

He was right, if they'd supported me I would have felt more confident in pressing charges about the rape and would definitely have gone to the police when the harassment started. You can't change the past though and one of Penelope's favourite sayings echoed in my head.

"Everything happens for a reason," I informed them. "If things had gone differently back then, maybe I wouldn't have moved here and then I would never have met Spencer. And I would take this stress and pain ten times over to keep him in my life."

"It's nice to meet you," Spencer finally piped up, looking a bit less terrified than when they first walked in. "Even if it's under such horrible circumstances."

"You too," My mother smiled, her tears from the shock at seeing me in hospital seemingly dried up as she eyed him up. "We've heard so much about you! Granted, most of it was from Penelope and not our darling daughter, but she didn't do you justice when she told me how 'cute' you are."

Spencer's cheeks instantly turned bright pink as I smiled at her comment before rolling my eyes.

"Mom, you've been here ten minutes and you're already hitting on my boyfriend?"

She blushed and giggled at the accusation, but nodded her head.

"Well he is rather handsome," She insisted. "I couldn't possible just ignore it."

"I must say, it's obvious where Mickey gets her good looks," Spencer smiled, surprising me with the confidence he made that statement with. My dad, however, shot him a playfully glare.

"Careful now, she's a married woman," He teased, but I was relieved that his tone used to address my boyfriend was a lot less vicious than it had been before. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's been a tough few hours, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I understand, it's been tough here too," He nodded as I gave my dad a confused look, surprised by his second apology of the day. 

"Do you have any sort of plan to catch this monster?" My mom asked Spencer. "Penny wouldn't tell us anything."

"My team have tracked him down and gone to interview him," He informed. "I'm sure they have a plan. They wouldn't confront him if they thought it would be pointless."

"Well I hope they get him soon or I'll track him down myself and we'll get a different kind of justice."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at my dad's declaration. I appreciated his apology, but it didn't make up for the years of disconnect. Why was he now so ready to fight for me? And if I hadn't almost died would he have ever tried to make peace with me?

I tried to push away the resentful thoughts as I saw my parents laughing and bonding with the man I loved, but it was still there in the back of my mind.

-

It was just after we got back to our apartment once I was released that evening when Spencer got the call. Penelope and Kevin had joined us and my parents for dinner and Penelope quickly chased after him when he slipped off to the bedroom to hear how it had gone with Nick.

Penelope hadn't told us anything about their plan so I was waiting anxiously from my spot on the couch for them to come back and explain.

"They got him!" Penelope yelled with glee as she practically ran back to the living room and threw her arms around me.

"Got him? How? There was no evidence..."

"Not for this crime," Spencer agreed. "But that doesn't mean there wasn't for any others."

"What do you mean?"

My confusion was written all over my face as Penelope let me out of her grip.

"My always wonderful chocolate thunder saved the day," Penelope said, describing Derek in a way that made my dad cringe despite him being quite used to her ways. "Spencer called us earlier to point out that even though he may not have left any DNA on you, if he has raped other girls there could be plenty of rape kits with his DNA in them. So when Morgan and Rossi went to the house to talk to him, and they said he is quite a piece of work by the way, they took the cigarette butt that he carelessly flicked to the ground in front of them before he slammed the door in their faces and ran it through the system."

"He's been connected with thirteen other rapes in California," Spencer smiled, rocking on his heels. "They arrested him fifteen minutes ago."

I was relieved at the news as my parents and Kevin all cheered, but I couldn't bring myself to join in the celebrations.

"Thirteen other rapes?" I asked, my heart heavy. "Were they all teenage girls?"

Spencer nodded.

"All between the ages of fifteen and eighteen."

"Oh my god..."

I felt tears well up in my eyes, but Penelope was quick to jump in.

"No, no. Mikayla, no," She scolded me. "You will not blame yourself for this, not for one second."

"How could I not?" I whimpered. "I was his first, he said so himself. If I'd reported him eleven years ago when he raped me, he would've gone to prison and he wouldn't have hurt anyone else!"

"I wouldn't have that much faith in our justice system," Kevin spoke up, offering me a sympathetic smile. "As depressing as it is, not many men accused of rape actually get convicted. Especially if you don't go to the police station immediately for a rape kit or if he uses protection."

"I could have done something," I insisted. "I could've helped those girls, but I just let him take over my life and ruin theirs..."

"Mikayla, you were only sixteen," My mom reminded me. "We let you down, we should've helped you press charges instead of ignoring your cries for help, but you can't blame yourself for any of this when you hadn't even graduated high school when it happened."

"And even if he did get convicted, sentences for rape are shockingly short and usually they get out on good behaviour long before the sentence is complete," Spencer informed me as he lifted my legs to sit on the couch before placing them back in his lap, rubbing my shins reassuringly. "He would have found more people to hurt even if you got justice for what happened to you."

"He should be shot," My dad grumbled from across the room. "I'd happily do it myself."

I rolled my eyes, but the small smile that slid onto my face gave away my feelings that it was nice to hear my dad being protective instead of blaming me like he had all those years ago.

"Helpful, Dad," I said sarcastically. "Then you'd be in prison."

"It would be worth it," He shrugged. "The man's a monster."

"Well luckily there are people like Spencer, Penelope and Kevin who work for the FBI and can catch those monsters without you being needed to go around murdering everyone."

My dad opened his mouth to argue back, but my mom cut him off.

"That's enough, you two," She said sternly. "Can we please just have one evening without bickering?"

My dad flashed me a smile and an eye roll behind her back as I apologized to my mother. 

Things weren't great between us, there were still a lot of conversations to be had and things to be hashed out, but this was a massive improvement. For the first time since I was sixteen I felt like there was some level of understanding and respect between us. And with that accomplishment and the fact that Nick was behind bars and out of my life for good, the future seemed a little bit brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was hectic and I had no time to write so I'm posting this one as promised, but don't have one prewritten to post as soon as I'm home so it will probably be a solid two weeks until I can post again :(  
> I know some people weren't keen on this whole stalker storyline, but I had it planned from the beginning so I'm sorry if people found it off putting...I hope you will all stick with me though and join me after this short hiatus to see what other adventures Spencer and Mickey will have :)


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

Recovery was a slow process. Emotionally I was relieved that Nick was no longer a shadow hanging over my head, but our last confrontation left me with more than just physical scars. It was over, he was in jail and I felt that I had no reason to be upset anymore because of that fact, but my brain just wouldn't let me forget about it. I had nightmares for weeks, I was paranoid about locking the door to the point where it almost reached OCD levels and on the nights when Spencer was at work and I was home alone, I would lock myself in my bedroom and hide under the blankets on our bed until I fell asleep like a child afraid of the monsters in the closet.

And all of that made me angry. With Nick for still having a power over me and with myself for letting him. But through it all I managed to resist the ever present urge to drown my sorrows with alcohol or even just have a drink or two to help me relax and through it all Spencer stayed by my side. Even when I took my frustrations out on him, snapping at him and lashing out when he suggested I see a therapist, even when I kept him up half the night with my nightmares and the crying that followed, he never wavered.

And slowly, but surely I started to get better. Time heals all wounds as they say and the nightmares started to fade and when there was no signs of any more contact from Nick, my paranoia started to dissipate and I began to trust that my ten years of looking over my shoulder had come to an end.

Spencer had a hard time letting go though, he'd stepped up so readily to be my protector and even once I started to regain my confidence, he struggled to trust that I was finding my feet again and wasn't going to break down every few minutes. I secretly loved it though. The 2AM voicemails when he'd just gotten back to his hotel while working on a case and needed to call me just in case I was awake, terrified from a nightmare. Walking me home from work once I went back if I had a late class whenever he was in town. Just generally being the most wonderful, attentive boyfriend that anyone could ask for.

-

By the end of September, things were pretty much back to normal. Nick had been extradited to California to stand trial for his crimes, I was healed and working my normal hours again and Spencer was, as usual, racing to various parts of the country at a moments notice to save the day.

It was quite late one evening when he got home from a case with a strange twinkle in his eye. I was drying my hands after finishing up the dishes as he came rushing over and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"How was the case?" I asked, wondering why there was such a whimsical smile o his face.

"Good, fine, we got the guy," He shrugged. "Have you ever felt a baby kick?"

He blurted out his question before I could even process his answer to mine, but smiled at the look on his face.

"Of course," I nodded. "Loads of times, why?"

"I felt JJ's today," He grinned. "It was really freaky, feeling that there was actually a real human inside her. Of course, I knew that there was, but feeling him move like that was very strange and it got me thinking..."

"About what?"

"Having children," He informed me. "I think that I would like to."

My eyes widened at his confession. It was something I'd pondered on a few times during our relationship, but never focused on too much as I didn't want to get ahead of myself. 

"Right now?" I asked, feeling panic rising inside me at the thought. 

"No! No! Definitely not right now," He rushed to assure me once he realized how his statement had sounded. "Just sometime in the future. I always thought that I never would, but now I know that I want to."

"Why didn't you think that you would? You're great with Jack."

"Jack's the exception. You heard about the 'Reid effect'," He pointed out. "But I always thought the risk of passing them schizophrenia just wouldn't be worth it."

I felt a pang of sympathy for him that he'd pushed the idea of doing something that some people wait their entire life to do out of his head because of how scared he was of his potential illness.

"Spencer," I said softly, moving away from the counter I was leaning on to wrap my arms around his neck. "You still don't have any of the signs. You can't make such major life decisions based on something that might not happen. Besides, I think your mom would say that having you was absolutely worth the risk of passing on her illness."

"I know," He nodded. "But it's something I worry about all the time and I always thought I couldn't put someone through that."

"Well I'm glad you changed your mind," I smiled, playing with his hair as his hands found my waist.

"Do you want kids?"

"One day," I nodded. "When I'm less of a mess..."

"You're not a mess," Spencer said sternly. "You've been through a lot over the last few years, you handled it to the best of your ability. You're strong."

"I guess so," I shrugged. "But I still don't think I'd be a great mom, I just can't see it."

Spencer frowned at my confession and shook his head.

"You'd be a great mom," He insisted. "You take care of me all the time and you're sensitive to all my habits and quirks. You're more instinctively motherly than you think."

"Really? It is something I've always wanted one day," I smiled. "And you'd be a good dad too. I love seeing you with kids."

Spencer smiled, but it was forced and accompanied by a wince.

"You think so?" He asked quietly. "I mean, I never put much thought into, but the only example I had was my father and he's not really anything to aspire to."

"Well my parents didn't exactly give me a shining example of how to parent and support your child either," I pointed out. "But I think we could do it. Maybe knowing what not to do is just as good as knowing what to do."

"I think so," Spencer nodded. "When the time comes, we can do better than they did and I promise, I would never leave you or abandon our child."

I stretched up to kiss him before nodding.

"I know, Spence. We don't even have a child and I know you would never do that."

"Good," He smiled. "I can't wait for JJ to have her baby. Do you think we could babysit him sometime?"

"Of course," I giggled at the childlike look of excitement in his eyes. "I'm sure Will and JJ will be begging us to take him after a few sleepless months."

"It'll be good practice," He smiled causing a smile of a different kind to slide onto my face.

"It will be," I nodded, pressing myself against him just a tad so our bodies were flush against each other. "But I can think of another good way to practice for when we decide to have a baby..."

He gave me a confused look so I leaned up slowly until our lips connected as his body relaxed as he realized what I was referring to and he let me lead him to our bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this one at all...I had it all planned out in my head before I went on holiday, but I forgot it all while I was away :( :(  
> This is my best attempt at trying to salvage it, but it's not how I wanted it to be. I've written it out about four times since I got home though and I can't get it right so I figured I'd post it so I'm not keeping you hanging any longer.  
> It will get better again soon though, I promise!!! :)


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

" **Something came up, won't be home for a few more days. Love you.** "

My heart sank as I read the message from Spencer on my phone that was waiting for me as I finished my class. The team had been in Las Vegas for the last few days and I could tell something was off with Spencer. He'd barely been in touch with me while they were away and whenever he was it was short and rushed and something inside me was telling me that something was wrong.

" **Oh no, did something happen with the case? I thought you guys had saved the day already? Love you too.** "

My message went unanswered which I half expected, but I still felt uneasy so I did what I always did in this situation and called Penelope for the dirt. She didn't answer which added to my frustrations, but when she texted me a few minutes later and said just to come over for dinner with her and Kevin so we could chat, my concern grew. She knew why I was calling and obviously my instincts were right. Something was going on with Spencer.

I rushed over to her house as soon as I was done tidying up after my class and was greeted by Kevin.

"Hey, Mickey," He smiled. "How're you?"

"I'm not sure yet," I admitted. "I'll get back to you after I talk with Penny."

"I guess that's understandable."

I eyed him up, trying to see if he knew what was going on, but as usual with these FBI agents, he was hard to read. I followed him into the kitchen and resisted the urge to bombard Penelope with questions.

"Hey, Pen," I started off slow. "How'd the case go?"

"It was fine," She nodded as she poured three glasses of wine. "Messed up as always, but we saved the little boy and reunited his family so that was nice."

"Good," I nodded before thanking her as she passed me a glass. "Why is Spencer staying behind?"

She sighed and shifted awkwardly.

"I really wish he would just tell you," She informed me. "I'm tired of being the middle man in your relationship when you guys refuse to talk to each other."

"I wish he would talk to me too," I agreed. "But all I got was a text telling me he won't be back right away. I would have just assumed he was going to visit his mom, but he's been so off lately and now with your reaction, I know something's up."

"It started with some nightmares," She informed me. "The case seemed to be getting to him and he was dreaming about finding a little boy behind a dryer in a basement, he even woke up screaming for Morgan to help him one night while they were staying at the family's house. Derek did some digging and discovered a boy named Riley Jenkins was found behind a dryer in a basement when Reid was little and in the same part of town that he grew up in."

"Oh my god," I cringed, knowing Spencer's eidetic memory could some times be a curse as much as a blessing. "Did Spencer know him?"

"His mom said it was just his imaginary friend, but that would be a hell of a coincidence. He must've known him, but he doesn't know for sure," She continued. "Then he had another dream and this time it was his dad who was hiding the body."

"No way," My eyes widened. "So Spencer thinks his dad killed that little boy when he was a kid?"

"That's the theory," She nodded. "Morgan and Rossi stayed with him to help him figure it out and of course, we'll do everything we can from up here."

"That's heavy..." I sighed before taking a sip of my wine. "I guess I understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it."

Penelope gave me a look that said she clearly disagreed.

"Not true, Mickey mouse," She insisted. "He should've talked to you before anyone else."

"Communication is key," Kevin piped up. "Leaving people in the dark just leads to unnecessary arguments."

"Trust me, we've learned that one the hard way over and over again," I reminded them as I put my bag on the counter and pulled out my phone to see there had been no message from Spencer since I last checked. "I just feel sometimes like all we do is worry about each other."

"That's what being in a relationship is all about," Penelope shrugged. "When you love someone, you're always going to worry about them especially with Spencer's job and what you went through."

"I know," I nodded. "But sometimes it feels like that's our entire relationship, you know? We bounce from what bad thing to the next, we never talk about it properly and it just seems like one of us is always being traumatized and the other one's being shut out and floundering to help."

"You've both been through a lot in your lives," Penelope said with a sympathetic smile. "And Spencer's job just makes things even more complicated. Dating an FBI agent unfortunately comes with a lot of worry and stress."

"I'm just disappointed," I admitted quietly, looking down at my wine. "I know I messed up when I didn't tell him about Nick, but we promised for the millionth time that we'd start being more open with each other and I hoped we'd stick to it this time."

"Maybe he just needs some time," Kevin said, trying to be positive. "With his dad being involved, he probably doesn't want to start spreading rumours before he knows what really happened."

I nodded, still feeling a bit wounded that he would share with his team and not with me even if they'd forced him into it with their all-knowing profiler ways.

"Can I get Derek's phone number?" I asked. "I just want to check in, see if he'll tell me how Spencer is."

Penelope rattled it off as fast as I could type it into my phone and I slipped off to her bedroom to have some privacy, assuring her I would be back by the time the lasagna was done in fifteen minutes.

"Morgan," He answered bluntly almost as soon as the phone started ringing.

"Hi," I said quietly, suddenly feeling nervous. "It's Mickey, I got your number from Penny."

"Oh hey, Mick," Derek chuckled. "I'm not surprised you're calling."

"Is he okay?" I asked, nervously picking at my nails. "Penelope told me what was going on and I'm worried about him. He won't answer my texts or calls."

"He's struggling," He admitted with a sigh. "We saw his dad today and it was the first time he'd seen him in seventeen years, it was rough. He's still holding a lot of anger towards him."

"I know. We don't talk about it because he gets so tense if I ever bring him up," I confessed. "Do you think he did it? Do you think Spencer will be okay if that's what you find?"

"I don't know, little miss," He sighed again, stealing one of Penelope's nicknames for me. "Honestly? I don't think he did it, but there's definitely something weird going on down here and I don't know how he'll react if he doesn't like what we find."

I was silent for a minute as my heart ached. Hearing Derek's concern for his friend only made me feel worse. I wanted to help him, I wanted to be there, I wanted to hug him and protect him from what could be such a horrible thing to discover about his parent. But he didn't want me to do any of those things and that was hard to accept.

"Don't tell him I called, alright?" I requested as Derek assured me it would be our little secret. "And Derek? Take care of him for me, please."

"I will, Mick. Hopefully we can wrap this up soon and I'll have him home with you by tomorrow night."

"Thank you," I said softly, wrapping my free arm around myself for comfort. "And can you maybe try to get him to call me? Or at least text me back?"

Derek agreed to try, but warned me not to get my hopes up. Spencer was obviously consumed by this case and I knew snapping him out of it would be difficult. We said our goodbyes and I hung up, feeling almost worse than I had before I called. But I took comfort in the fact that Derek and Rossi were with him and would take care of him to the absolute best of their abilities.

-

I didn't get much sleep that night. I stayed at Penelope's for a few hours after dinner, watching movies with her and Kevin and I was exhausted by the time I got home, but the apartment felt too big and empty without Spencer. Sure, he was gone a lot and I was used to sleeping alone in our bed, but it was different this time. Knowing he was upset and scared and worried and not answering my calls made the distance between us seem much larger than two thousand miles.

He called me that morning just as I was walking to work, but he hung up before I could even answer it and when I called back, it went straight to voicemail. My frustrations were growing quickly. I understood how stressful the situation he was in must be, but how could I not be offended when he had his whole team on it and wouldn't even answer my calls?

I was looking up flights later that day just to see if I could even afford to go and see him when a message popped up on my screen.

" **It's time! JJ's having her baby! I know you have no classes on Tuesday afternoons so please come!** "

A genuine smile burst onto my face and I momentarily forgot about everything that was going on. I quickly text her back to find out which hospital they were at and raced home to change.

Penelope was a bouncing ball of excitement when I got to the hospital. They'd already been there for a few hours and no real progress had been made, but Will was in the room with her now and apparently she was taking it all in stride. Not that anything else would be expected from JJ, she was always very strong and poised. 

"Have you heard from Spencer?" Penelope asked once I'd settled in next to her.

"No," I admitted, shaking my head. "He called me this morning, but hung up before I could answer. How's the case going?"

"There's still a few holes in the story, but we're on the right track," Hotch piped up. "Depending how well the interrogations go, they should be home in a few hours."

I nodded, resisting the urge to sulk that everyone was more in the loop than me and tried to focus on the happy event that was happening instead.

-

Hotch was right and a few hours later Spencer was on his way home, due to arrive at the hospital any minute, apparently eager to meet JJ's new arrival, not that I would know as he still hadn't reached out to me. I pushed those grumpy thoughts from my mind though as we were finally allowed in to meet the little guy.

"How do you look so beautiful after everything you just did?" I asked JJ as I leaned over the bundle of joy in her arms to kiss her on the cheek. 

She laughed, but shook her head.

"Not a chance, I can only imagine the state I'm in," She said, but the grin still stayed on her face.

"You look wonderful," I insisted. "And he's gorgeous. What's his name?"

"Henry," She smiled. "We've already asked Garcia, but we're going to ask Spencer to be his Godfather."

"He's going to love that, he's been so excited for him to arrive."

My heart melted at the thought and I was so happy for him to be given that opportunity, knowing how much he already loved the little guy.

"He's in great hands with Reid and I in charge," Penelope grinned. "But gosh, Will, he looks just like you."

"Well let's hope he grows out of that," Will joked, a proud smile on his face.

"Just as long as he doesn't inherit the accent," Emily piped up as there was a knock on the door.

I looked over and felt my heart pang at the sight of a very tired Spencer. He shot me a smile which I forced myself to match, not wanting to put a damper on this moment.

"Do you guys have room for one more in here?" He asked, slipping into the room before waiting for an answer.

"Spence, hi," JJ smiled as he moved closer to the bed.

"Wow," He smiled looking down at the tiny baby in his friend's arms as he reached out to shake Will's hand. "Congratulations."

Will thanked him, but JJ looked up at him, shaking her head.

"How is it that I just went through fifteen hours of labour and you look worse than I do?"

It was a question I was also ready to ask, but Spencer brushed it off.

"Don't be ridiculous," He told her as he stood next to me and brushed his hand against mine. I simply crossed my arms though, a move that Penelope noticed, flashing me a sympathetic smile. "You look beautiful, JJ."

JJ shot Will a look and he nodded slightly.

"Well I could sure use some coffee," He announced, obviously our cue to leave the old friends alone for a moment. "Anyone else?"

Spencer's eyes were so locked on the little baby that I doubt he even noticed us all slowly slip away, leaving JJ to have an important conversation with him.

I stood with everyone as they talked with Will about how it feels to be a father, but my eyes were locked on the door to JJ's room.

"Are you okay, Mick?" Penelope asked, appearing at my side.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I'm just hurt that he kept me out of something that was obviously huge for him, but we'll talk it over. It'll be fine."

My words came out much more half-hearted than I'd meant for them to and Penelope's eyes clouded with concern, but before she could question me, Spencer was strolling towards us. He went to Will first before coming over to us.

"Ready to go home?" He asked me. "I'm exhausted."

Penelope put a reassuring hand on my shoulder as she could no doubt see the rage bubbling inside me. Because of course he was exhausted, he'd just been through massively traumatic, emotionally draining experience, but I wouldn't know anything about that, would I? I wouldn't know if his dad was actually a child molester and murderer, I wouldn't know that he'd confronted the man who abandoned him and his mother when he was ten, I wouldn't know any of it because he wouldn't answer my fucking calls!

I took a deep breath, knowing the hospital was not the place to discuss this and simply nodded. He smiled and held out his hand for me to take, but I simply walked past him knowing that he would follow.

We made it all the way down to the parking garage before he stopped.

"Mickey, wait," He said, causing me to turn around and face him. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"I'm not mad," I sighed. "But I'm not going to stand here and pretend that my feelings aren't hurt."

Spencer frowned.

"I should've called."

"Yes, you should've," I insisted. "I was worried about you and it hurts that your whole team knew what was going on, but you kept me in the dark."

"I figured Garcia would tell you," He shrugged. "It was just a lot for me to process, I didn't know what was going on, my memories were fuzzy and I didn't want to worry you if it turned out to be nothing."

"And did it?"

I knew that wasn't the point of this conversation, but I did really need to know if his suspicions were true.

"In a way," He nodded. "My dad didn't sexually assault and then murder a child in my neighbourhood so I was wrong about that, but it was still a complicated situation."

"Well I'm glad it wasn't exactly what you thought," I said, relaxing a bit at that knowledge. "But I still don't understand why you cut me out."

"Everything just happened so fast," Spencer argued. "I didn't mean to, but there was no need to worry you anyway."

I stared at him for a moment, realizing that despite the situation being flipped just a few months ago, Spencer couldn't see how hurt I was.

"We can't do this anymore," I said after a minute of silence. "We can't keep insisting that we're going to do better with talking about our problems, but then push each other away  
and distance ourselves when something comes up. It's not healthy and it's not working."

"You did it to me when Nick resurfaced," He pointed out, his jaw clenched with annoyance.

"I did," I nodded. "Which is why I said 'we'. I know I do it too, but aren't you tired of it? Aren't you tired of us always holding back from each other? Having this same conversation over and over again? I don't know why we always feel like we have to protect each other when time and time again, it's proven that it doesn't work."

Spencer took a minute to process what I'd said before giving me an answer.

"Maybe we're both just too used to solving our own problems," He suggested. "I had to fend for myself since I was ten, my mom was always there, but she had so much going on that I could never burden her with my issues and you were let down by the people you loved when they didn't believe you about what happened with Nick so from then on when something came up, you had to deal with it yourself."

For once, Spencer profiling our relationship came in handy. What he said made perfect sense. We weren't used to running to someone when things got heavy, we were used to dealing with it ourselves.

"You're right," I admitted. "But that doesn't make it healthy. It's going to drive us apart one day."

"It's not healthy," Spencer agreed as he moved towards me. "And I don't want to drive us apart. Really, I really don't want that. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was pushing you away, I just knew there was no way you could help so it seemed unnecessary to involve you. I thought about you a lot though, I even got you something."

"You did?" I asked, surprised.

I'd worked myself up so much I just assumed he was so tunnel vision focused on the case that I wasn't on his mind at all so I certainly wasn't expecting any souvenirs.

"I did," He nodded, fumbling with something in the pocket of his cardigan. He suddenly seemed a bit nervous as he swallowed hard. "I wasn't going to give it to you just yet, but after everything that happened these last few days and now, seeing Henry and how happy JJ and Will are. I think maybe it could be the right time."

With that, he pulled a little square box out of his pocket and opened it to show me an absolutely beautiful engagement ring.

"W-wha-um-wow-spen-" I stumbled over my words, completely floored by this unexpected twist. "Are you proposing?"

"I guess I am," He smiled softly. "I've just realized lately the importance of family. Having people that you love unconditionally and would do anything for even if sometimes the things you do for them don't make logical sense. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and even with all the uncertainty and confusion of the last few days, I haven't been able to shake that thought from my mind."

"You're really serious about this?" I asked, still in shock. "You really want to marry me?"

"Of course I do," He chuckled. "I mean, I was planning on picking a nicer location than a hospital parking lot, but it just felt right. And we don't have to get married right away, we obviously have a few things we need to work on, but I want to be with you for the rest of my life. So, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" I smiled, throwing my arms around him. "Of course I'll marry you!"

A grin burst onto Spencer's face as he pressed his lips against mine. I was still hurt by how the last few days had been, but I'd also been so worried about him and having him here safe in my arms, as my fiancé, made all my anger fade away. Spencer pulled away a moment later and grabbed my hand in his to slowly slide the ring onto my finger. It fit perfectly and seeing it there made my heart soar.

"We do still need to work on our problems though," I insisted. "This can't be a band-aid to cover our issues. We need to learn to lean on each other more."

"I know," Spencer nodded. "I'll try to be better. I'm sorry for not being in touch while I was in Vegas."

"It's okay," I smiled, placing another soft kiss on his lips. "Now, let's get you home. You really do look exhausted and we have celebrating to do."

I shot him a quick wink after my last comment and he chuckled before lacing his fingers with mine and leading me towards his car.


	30. Chapter Thirty

Waking up the next morning, it took a few moments for the events of the previous evening to come back to me. JJ's little baby boy came into the world, Spencer and I argued in the parking lot of the hospital and we got engaged. There was a ring on my finger and one day we would get married.

There were still issues we needed to working on, but this felt like a fresh start. We'd made a new commitment to each other, that we wanted to be together forever and we were willing to work on ourselves to make that possible. I was determined to make it work and I could tell that Spencer was as well. We loved each other and we would be so stupid to let anything come between that.

I felt Spencer stirring beside me as I admired my ring so I gently rolled over to face him. He hummed softly as he pulled me towards him, sliding his leg between mine.

"What time is it?" He asked, his voice rough from sleep.

"Almost eight o'clock," I informed him, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"Darn," He sighed. "I should've been up for work half an hour ago."

"I know," I nodded, leaning in to kiss him softly. "But you needed your sleep."

Spencer scoffed, a smirk on his face.

"That didn't stop you from waking me up in the middle of the night for some  _attention_."

I blushed slightly at his words, knowing he was right. When we'd gotten home the night before, he looked so exhausted that I made him go straight to bed despite the fact that I'd been in the mood for some physical celebrations. So when I'd woken up around three am, still in the mood, I decided Spencer should have been at least a bit rested by that point and gently woke him up for a bit of fun.

"Well we didn't get to celebrate last night," I giggled. "In fact, maybe we should celebrate again right now..."

I brushed my lips gently over his and he smiled for a moment, but then pulled back.

"I have to get ready for work," He said reluctantly. "I already inconvenienced the team enough the last few days."

"None of them saw it as an inconvenience," I assured him. "You guys are a family, they wanted to help you, they care about you."

"I know, but still. I owe them, I can't be late," He insisted. "What times your first class today?"

"Not until one," I informed him. "Melissa asked me to switch schedules so I have the morning off."

Spencer rolled out of bed before turning back to face me with a twinkle in his eye.

"Well...I didn't tell anyone I was planning to propose because I wasn't going to for at least a few months," He explained. "Why don't you help me do a coffee run for the team and we can put their profiling skills to the test, see how long it takes them to notice the ring on your finger?"

I smiled at his devious little plan and nodded.

"Sounds like fun, but I can guarantee that it won't be a profiler who notices first. Penelope will be able to smell it before we're even in the door."

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Smell what? Your ring doesn't smell."

"It's just a saying, Spence," I rolled my eyes. "I just meant that she'll know before I'm even there."

"I don't think you're using that saying right," Spencer smirked. "But I would have to agree. I bet it'll be either Garcia or Morgan that notices first. They're the most nosey about our relationship."

I giggled at the displeased tone that came with his observation.

"It's true, but it's just because they care."

"And because Morgan thought I had no experience or interest in women," Spencer pointed out. "He finds our relationship fascinating because of that."

"Or," I smiled, climbing off the bed so I was standing in front of him. "He finds us fascinating because we're both so smart, talented and incredibly attractive that seeing us together is awe-inspiring."

Spencer chuckled as I stretched up to kiss him, but shook his head once I pulled away.

"I don't think your theory is correct," He told me. "As much as I do agree with all of your evidence."

I giggled and kissed him again before letting him run off to take a quick shower.

-

Considering Spencer had slept in, he was late on his way to work and we knew everyone else would already be there. So he called ahead to get everyone's coffee orders, claiming he wanted to make it up to them. When we walked in, each of us carrying a tray, everyone was surprised to see me, but we just shrugged it off explaining that I had no classes that morning so I decided to drive him to shave a few minutes off his commute.

It wasn't until I was handing Derek his coffee that he noticed what was on my finger.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," He shouted, grabbing my hand and almost making me spill his drink. "What do we have here?"

He took his coffee from my hand before lifting it up for everyone to see.

"I don't remember seeing that at the hospital last night," Emily smiled. "Looks like an engagement ring to me..."

"Is it? Are you two engaged?" Penelope asked, staring at me like a child who'd just been told they were going to Disneyland, but wanted absolute confirmation before they got their hopes up. I nodded and a grin burst onto her face as she flew across the bullpen and pulled me into her arms. "Congratulations! Oh my gosh, this is so exciting!"

I laughed as she squeezed the life out of me before jumping up and down, pulling me with her. I could see Spencer getting handshakes from various members of the team as Penelope let me go.

"A baby and an engagement all in twenty four hours," Rossi mused. "The BAU is growing up."

"When's the wedding?" Penelope piped up again before gasping as her eyes lit up. "Reid loves Halloween! You should do it then!"

"Halloween is in like two days, Pen," I reminded her. "I think we'll need more time than that."

"Well next Halloween then," She rolled her eyes. "It would be so spooky and beautiful."

I laughed at her enthusiasm as Spencer looked rather overwhelmed by the whole situation and shook my head.

"We might take longer than that," I informed her. "We're going to take it slow, work on our relationship a bit more first. It's just like a new commitment at the moment, a reminder that we want to be together for the rest of our lives and need to work hard to make that happen."

"That sounds like a very mature way to handle it," Hotch smiled as Penelope visibly deflated from the news.

"I guess it is," She pouted. "As long as you let me help whenever you decide to finally go through with it."

"Of course you can help," I promised her. "I wouldn't be able to plan a wedding without my maid of honour..."

It took her a minute to understand what I was saying, but once it clicked, her face lit up again.

"Seriously?!" She squealed, reaching a frequency that I was sure was close to what only dogs could hear. "You want me to be your maid of honour?"

"Absolutely," I nodded as she looked like she was about to cry. "You've been by my side through everything else, I wouldn't be able to do this without you."

"And we wouldn't have met if it wasn't for you," Spencer pointed out.

Penelope looked like she'd just won the lottery as she spun around to face Hotch.

"Sir, I know there's lots of paperwork to be done," She started. "But can we please have permission to start late today? I feel like this news calls for a celebratory brunch!"

"Unfortunately not," An agent announced as she walked down the stairs from the offices above the bullpen. I hadn't seen her before, but could assume she was JJ's replacement while she was on maternity leave. "We have a case. A nasty one too. We'll be flying out within the hour."

Penelope pouted again, but I simply nodded, knowing it was my cue to head out.

"I'll leave you guys to it then," I smiled, pulling Penny in for another hug before walking over to Spencer and stretching up to kiss his cheek. "Stay safe and please call me later if you get a chance."

Spencer nodded with a smile and squeezed my hand before I said my goodbyes and slipped away, leaving them to their hectic job.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

After Henry was born and Spencer and I got engaged, life went back to normal. Spencer and I were making a lot more effort to be open with each other instead of hiding away when we had bad days, but luckily nothing too major had come up. My life was fairly drama free and Spencer's cases had all been fairly tame, well at least tame by serial killer standards. Things were nice and calm which was refreshing after the last few months we'd had.

Spencer was on his way home from a case in Atlanta one Sunday when I had no classes so I decided to make use of the time and roll out my mat. I didn't usually practice at home since I spent most of my days in an actual yoga studio, but I'd slept funny the night before and had spent the day cleaning the apartment so I was feeling a bit tight and figured I could use a stretch.

I was halfway through the practice I'd planned when Spencer came home. He startled slightly as he found in the middle of downward dog, but relaxed when he realized what I was doing.

"Hey, Spence," I smiled, peering at him from between my legs.

I lowered my knees to the mat then pressed back into child's pose for a moment to stretch out my back before turning to the side to face Spencer.

"You can't even give your poor muscles one day off?" He asked, an amused smiled on his face.

"I was feeling tight," I shrugged. "I was mostly just stretching things out a bit."

"That looked like more than stretching to me."

"Downward dog can be a resting pose once you get used to it," I smiled as an idea hit me. "Why don't you join me for the rest of my practice?"

"No, I don't think so," Spencer shook his head looking horrified at the thought. "I'm fine, not tight at all."

"That's such a lie!" I insisted, shaking my head at his obvious mistruth. "You're always tight! Especially after a case and a long flight home."

"Then I'll buy a neck massager."

The smile on Spencer's face made it clear he was joking, but I frowned anyway.

"You never want to do yoga with me..."

The pout on my face showed my displeasure at his answer and he sighed.

"We've talked about this before, Mick," He reminded me. "It's just not my thing."

"But if you've never tried it, how do you know that?" I asked. "Just give me ten minutes then you never have to do it again even if you do love it. I won't mention it again."

Spencer looked torn, but after a moment of hesitation, he nodded.

"Alright, just let me change and I'll give it a try."

"Yay!" I grinned, clapping my hands. "You won't regret it, I promise."

He didn't look convinced, but reluctantly went to get changed.

-

A few minutes later, Spencer reappeared wearing loose sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Alright, let's get this over with," He sighed, sitting next to me.

"The first step is a positive attitude so paste a smile on, please," I teased him earning myself a big, fake cheesy grin from Spencer. "Okay, so, we'll start on our hands and knees and do some simple movements to stretch out your back."

I guided Spencer through cat cow pose, an easy stretch where you slowly alternate between arching and rounding your back. Spencer followed my instructions perfectly and I could see him relax slightly as we repeated the movement a few times. Next I made him tuck under his toes and press up into downward dog and that's where the complaining started.

"My shoulders are aching," Spencer whined after holding the pose for barely five seconds.

"That's because you're weak," I teased, rolling my eyes.

"Hey! That's not very nice," He protested indignantly. "I hope this isn't how you speak to all your students."

"No, the ones that pay me get things a bit more sugarcoated," I assured him. "Now gently lift your right leg up high behind you and step it through between your hands."

I executed the move perfectly and watch with a giggle as Spencer awkwardly thudded his way through it. I then instructed him to lift up into warrior pose and could see him shaking as he concentrating on holding it properly. Knowing that he wasn't exactly known for his muscle strength, I moved him on quickly, guiding him back down to a low lunge before telling him to step his leg back into a plank. That's when he gave up, letting himself fall to the carpet onto his chest.

"I can't do it," He groaned. "My arms are already killing me."

I giggled from my plank position and rolled my eyes.

"You didn't even make it five minutes," I teased. "But alright, I guess you gave it a shot."

I lowered my elbows slightly so I could press up into upward dog before moving back into downward dog. With Spencer watching from the cross legged position he'd moved into, I repeated what I'd shown him on the other side to even it out before stretching back into child's pose for a moment.

"It's amazing watching you do that," Spencer informed me as I crawled over to sit in his lap, my legs wrapping around his waist and my arms around his shoulders. "You're really strong."

"That's pretty basic stuff, Spence," I giggled. "Even my beginners can do that. I think we need to work on your strength a bit, maybe Derek will take you to the gym with him."

"I don't think so," Spencer quickly dismissed the idea, a look of horror on his face as his hands cupped my bum to keep me supported. "Besides, what I lack in muscle I make up for in charm, a woman even asked for my number at work today."

"Oh, did she now?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at the little smirk on his face. "And why are you charming women while you're out of town on cases?"

"I told you, Morgan thinks I have no experience with 'the ladies' as he calls it," Spencer explained. "We were handing out flyers with pictures of the unsub so the women in one of the clubs he frequents would be on the look out and I went about it the proper, professional way whereas Morgan charmed his way into four phone numbers. He saw my lack of success and decided to 'school' me in how to win them over and made me talk to the bartender, give her the profile and ask questions."

"Sounds like I need to have a word with Derek Morgan," I glared playfully. "Engaged men should not be flirting with or winning over any women that they are not engaged to."

"I just did it to prove to him that I could," Spencer assured me. "Even though he still assumes it was all because of his coaching despite the fact that I'm the one who's happily engaged and he's the one who's alone."

I smiled at Spencer's comment, but had more questions to ask.

"So how did you do it?" I asked. "How did you win her over?"

Spencer's cheeks grew slightly pink as he answered me.

"Magic..." I tried not to laugh, knowing how proud Spencer was of his magic tricks, but the smirk on my face gave away my amusement. "What? I like magic and I'm good at it. It impresses some people."

"I know! It's cute, I could see why it would win her over," I insisted, feeling bad for the pout that was on his face. "I'm just glad that I did most of the charming when we started dating."

"That's not true," Spencer protested. "I pulled out all the stops for you. I set up a table on top of the library of congress and bought you desserts from your favourite bakery. I was incredibly romantic."

"Awe, that's true. You were such a gentleman," I smiled at the memory. "Seems like such a long time ago now..."

"Two years," Spencer nodded. "Feels like I've known you for a lifetime, but it's gone by so fast."

"Time flies when you're having fun," I smiled, playing with his hair. "Or, I guess, time also flies when you're constantly stressing each other out by being kidnapped or attacked by crazy stalkers."

Spencer laughed, but nodded, his nose rubbing against mine as he did so.

"There's been more fun than stress though," He insisted. "At least for me, I know it's hard on you when I go away."

"I'm getting used to it," I shrugged. "I miss you and I worry, but the good still definitely outweighs the bad."

"Good," Spencer smiled as our lips hovered just barely apart. I could feel the tension building as I shifted my hips gently against his, but I resisted the urge to kiss him as he   
started to speak again. "You know, I could think of one magic trick that might impress you..."

"Go on..."

"Well I have an excellent track record of making your clothes disappear."

I stared at him for a moment before tossing my head back laughing.

"Oh my god," I wheezed as I fought to control my giggles. "That was so cheesy, you've killed the moment."

"I'm sure I can revive it," Spencer smirked before attaching his lips to my neck.

I continued to giggle as he traced kisses up my jaw until he finally captured my lips with his. I instantly felt a flush of heat run through my body, tightening my grip on his neck to keep him close. It didn't take long before I could feel how much Spencer was enjoying it. The position we were in, his loose sweatpants and my tiny yoga shorts didn't put much between us and his bulge became obvious. Instinctively I rolled my hips against his and a soft moan fell from his lips.

"Watching you move like that, doing your yoga," Spencer started, his breathing heavy and his voice low. "It was really entrancing."

I smiled, moving my hands down over his chest until my hands were at the hem of his shirt.

"Entrancing?" I asked, sliding my hands upwards again, taking his shirt with them. "Do you mean arousing? Was it sexy?"

"Mhmm," Spencer groaned in agreement as I pulled his shirt over his head.

"I was hoping you'd catch me," I admitted. "That's why I wore this outfit."

I saw Spencer's eyes drift down to my sports bra that I was almost bursting out of with each deep breath, enjoying the view for a moment before looking back to my eyes.

"Naughty girl..."

Before I could respond, he captured my lips again, his hands roaming over my back, sending shivers down my spine. I arched my back towards him, pressing my chest against his, rubbing our hips together once again. He practically growled against my lips at the sensation and slid his hands under the back of my bra. He pushed it up frantically, but with it being a sports bra, it resisted. After he struggled to move it much, I reached down and lifted it from the front, wiggling in a much less sexy way to get it over my head.

"Why is it so tight?" He grumbled, annoyed by the delay.

"That's how it holds things in place," I giggled. "Plus it's a bit small for me, but it makes my boobs look nicer than my other ones."

Spencer smiled, shaking his head.

"You really did want me tonight, huh?"

I nodded before pulling him in for another kiss, but he had other ideas. He dodged my lips and attached his mouth back to my neck, trailing kisses down to my chest. Before he'd even made any contact with my nipple, I was moaning and squirming on top of him. He chuckled at my enthusiasm before sucking it into his mouth as his hand teased the other. I moved my hands back to his hair, gripping it tightly as he continued to lick, bite and tease my nipples until I couldn't take it anymore.

I moaned, pulling his hair just hard enough to get him to stop what he was doing and as he looked up at me, he instantly knew what I wanted. With a nod, he tapped my bum with his hand, urging me to move. I quickly pushed myself off his lap, just long enough for me to slip out of my shorts and underwear and for him to slide down his sweatpants and kick them away.

Spencer watched as I squatted back down, pressing his chest slightly.

"Lean back," I instructed.

He nodded and leaned back on his palms as I hovered over him before finally sinking down and taking him inside me. Both of our heads tipped back as pleasurable sounds fell from our lips. I took a minute to enjoy the sensation before I hooked my arms around his shoulders again for stability and began slowly moving up and down. I watched him for a minute, his head still hanging back, his eyes closed, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard and soft groans steadily came from his mouth with every move I made. The sight alone had a familiar sensation building inside me.

I leaned forward slightly to press a kiss to Spencer's neck, but the shift in angle made me gasp. Spencer noticed and moved a hand to my back, holding me in the same position, almost chest to chest with him. 

"Does that-" He groaned as I nipped at his neck. "Does that feel good?"

"Mhmm," I moaned, moving my hips just a little bit faster. "So good, Spence. S'the perfect spot."

And it was. The angle I'd moved to let Spencer slide deep inside me, while my nipples and my clit caught friction against his body. I could feel my legs start to tremble as my orgasm grew closer, but I powered through, bouncing harder against him. He mumbled words of encouragement in my ear as I felt his muscles begin to tense as well until, after a few more thrusts of my hips, I saw stars. I gasped and moaned, desperately trying to keep my hips moving as my muscles clenched around Spencer until I felt his orgasm follow mine.

I rested my head on his chest as he lowered his arms down to lay on his back.

"I should go on top more often," I mused as his hand came up to play with my hair.

"No complaints from me," He smiled, his chest moving as he talked. "Especially since we just discovered which of us is by far the stronger one."

"Hmm, then maybe I should stay on the bottom," I teased. "So you can at least get some kind of strength building exercise in your life."

Spencer moved his hand down to gentle swat my bum in protest as I giggled and rolled off of him to get away, but staying close enough to curl up at his side. 

We probably would have looked ridiculous if anyone could see, with our clothes thrown around the living room, laying naked together between our coffee table and a yoga mat, but it felt good. 

It felt good to be spontaneous, passionate, loving, goofy and all the other things that came out when we had sex. It felt good to lay next to the love of my life without a care in the world for once.

It felt good to be happy.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

Christmas is always a stressful time. As happy and joyful as it is, it gets a bit chaotic and usually comes with some family drama. That was the problem that popped up for me and led to the first real test for Spencer and I since our engagement.

I'd proposed the idea to my parents at the beginning of December that they come back to DC and spend Christmas with Spencer and I and at first, the response seemed positive, but the more I pushed them for dates and times and firm plans, the more they resisted. Finally, just a week before Christmas they finally confessed that they wouldn't be coming for the holidays. Spencer and I were more than welcome to visit them, but they weren't willing to travel.

I felt defeated. Things had been going so well with us the last few months. I'd been calling more, including them in my life, my dad and I managed to have full conversations without arguing and they seemed genuinely excited about the engagement. So I couldn't grasp why they wouldn't want to try spending the holidays together and possibly have a nice, happy family Christmas for the first time in years.

I went through the rest of the day, wrapped up in my own mind. I taught my classes completely on auto-pilot and barely even remember the walk home as my mind couldn't have been farther away. I poured myself a glass of wine and curled up on the window seat as I tried to figure out why they'd be so opposed to coming to visit and what else I could do to repair our apparently still broken relationship. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice when Spencer came home until he was standing in front of me.

"Oh! Hi!" I gasped, jumping at the sight of him. "I didn't hear you come in."

His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

"I called out for you when I came in the door," He informed me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course," I forced a smile. "I must've been lost in my thoughts. How was your day?"

He eyed me suspiciously, but let it drop for how.

"It was good, just a paperwork day. Not the most exciting, but I find it relaxing."

A more genuine smile slid onto my face.

"Only you would find paperwork relaxing, Spence," I teased. "But I'm glad you had a good day."

I reached out for him, wrapping my arm around his neck to pull him close when he moved towards me before pressing my lips against his. I sighed softly as we parted a moment later and Spencer's hand reached up to stroke my hair, the concern back on his face.

"What's wrong, Mickey?" He asked again. "You're very subdued."

"Nothing," I insisted again, not in the mood to discuss it. "Just tired, I had a long day today. I took over an advanced class for Annie today so my body worked harder than usual."

His eyes narrowed as he scanned my face, no doubt profiling me to see if I was being honest with him.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" He pressed, but when I nodded my head it was his turn to sigh as he sat down beside me on the window seat, pulling my legs into his lap to keep me close. "Mikayla, tell me what's going on. This is exactly the kind of thing we promised we'd work on.You're obviously upset, but you won't talk to me."

"I'm just overreacting, I think," I assured him. "It's not a big deal, I promise."

"What's not a big deal?" He asked, reaching for my hand and mindlessly playing with my ring.

The sight of it reminded me that he was right. We'd promised each other that we'd work on being open and here was the first opportunity I had to do so and I was blocking him out. So, with a sigh, I went against my instincts and opened up.

"My parents won't come for Christmas," I informed him. "They said that we could go and see them, but they don't want to travel again."

"That's disappointing," Spencer nodded. "But we could go there. I'm sure Hotch wouldn't mind me having a few days off, I rarely use my vacation time anyway."

I shook my head frantically at the suggestion.

"No," I said firmly. "I'm not going to California. I'm not ready to be in the same state as Nick Richley."

"But you went back to California for Christmas the first year you were home," Spencer pointed out. "And besides, this is probably the safest time to go back. He's safely locked away in prison at the moment, but depending on his sentencing and behaviour, he'll probably be released in the not too distant future."

"You're not helping, Spencer!" I snapped, pulling my hand out of his and trying to move my legs out of his lap, but his grip stayed firm.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," He apologized quickly, realizing that his facts weren't as comforting as he had expected. "We don't have to go to California if you don't want to. I understand that it would be difficult for you."

"It would be," I nodded. "Even if I went before, even if I know he's in jail. It makes me anxious even thinking about going there, but when I explained that to my parents they didn't understand."

"What did they say?"

"My dad said that I was overreacting and couldn't let Nick control my life anymore," I explained. "And basically that I was being selfish and lazy for expecting them to fly out for the second time this year and then possibly again later in the new year if we decide to get married sooner instead of later."

"That's a bit harsh," Spencer frowned. "They could have just said no."

"They could've," I agreed. "But that's how things have been with my dad since everything fell apart between us. He gets defensive and turns everything around on me whenever we have a disagreement."

"Probably because of his unresolved guilt over how he reacted when you told him you'd been raped," Spencer mused. "He knows he let you down so he has to turn it around and put that blame on you."

"Probably," I nodded, feeling tears start to well up in my eyes. "I can see why he does it when you explain it like that, but I thought we were getting past this, you know? I thought that we were doing okay and moving on, but this still feels like they're angry with me."

"They had no reason to be angry with you in the first place," Spencer informed me, bristling slightly at the thought. "If they'd handled the situation appropriately when you came to them then everything after that would have been very different."

"I know," I sniffled. "But I still put them through hell. Even if it was a cry for help, I would go out binge drinking and disappear for days, they'd have to pick me up regularly from the drunk tank in the police station, I'd throw parties at their house if they ever went away for the weekend. I know I burnt the bridge between us even if I only did it because they let me down, but I thought we were making progress."

"It definitely seemed like you were," Spencer nodded. "I know your dad may have said some things that were hurtful, but maybe the reason they aren't coming has nothing to do with you. Maybe they can't afford it or maybe the thought of travelling during the busiest time of the year is just too much for them."

"I know," I sighed, leaning back against the wall as I wiped my eyes. "I just don't know how else to fix things with them or how to get rid of the resentment on both sides."

"I think it's just something that will come with time," Spencer said offering me a sympathetic smile. "But we can still have a great Christmas here. JJ's having a Christmas Eve party at her place to celebrate Henry's first Christmas and we could invite Kevin and Garcia over for dinner on Christmas Day."

I smiled at his back up plans and had to admit, it sounded like more fun than a potentially awkward Christmas with my folks.

"That sounds wonderful," I told him, reaching for his hand once again. "As long as you cook the turkey because I would probably burn the whole building down."

Spencer laughed and lifted my hand up to gently kiss the back of it and I had to admit that talking about our problems definitely made things easier than sulking about it, struggling alone and feeling sorry for myself.

And Spencer was right about us having a great Christmas anyway. We decorated our apartment, got ourselves a nice tree, baked cookies and did all the typical festive things in the week leading up to it. 

On Christmas Eve, we went over to JJ's with the rest of the team, armed with an entire mountain of presents and educational gifts for Henry. Spencer took his godfather job very seriously and intended to spoil Henry every time the opportunity arose. JJ was not super impressed with his over the top number of gifts, but she knew his heart was in the right place and let it slide. Spencer had Henry in his arms for almost the entire night, talking away to him quietly as Henry stared up at him, listening intently the whole time, occasionally interrupting by sticking his fingers in Spencer's mouth or pulling on his hair a bit too hard. They had a bond already despite the few times Spencer had managed to visit him in his short two months of life and it was heartwarming to see. It also spurred on the interrogations about when we would be having 'baby genuises' of our own, but I laughed off his team's questions, assuring them it would be a while before we got there yet.

On Christmas day, we woke up late, opened our presents and spent the day relaxing. In the late afternoon, Spencer started cooking the turkey for Garcia, Kevin and Emily who all had accepted our invitation to come over for Christmas dinner and I called my parents. Spencer had insisted that I did so and I was pleasantly pleased with the response. They were happy to hear from me and we had a good conversation, leading me to believe that Spencer had been right. Before my dad's defensive nature got in the way, they probably did have a perfectly good reason for not wanting to fly out for the holidays that had nothing to do with me being selfish.

Overall, it was a wonderful holiday season that left me refreshed and filled with love for all the people I was lucky to have in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being incredibly broke after a vacation is the key to productivity! I wrote so much yesterday because I had no money to do anything else. I'll still be spacing out the chapters and posting every other day or so because I have a busy work week ahead, but big things on the horizon! ;)


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three

We fell back into our usual patterns again after Christmas. We were busy and tired, but things were normal and that was all I could ask for. No one was being stalked, no one got kidnapped, Spencer's schedule wasn't too crazy which allowed for us to have plenty of 'family' dinners with his team and even have a shot at babysitting little Henry to give his parents a break. It went fairly well. He screamed and cried for a good half an hour after they left, but Spencer eventually managed to calm him down and it was pretty much smooth sailing after that. He fell asleep as I rocked him shortly after his evening bottle and overall the experience left us feeling confident that we would survive when we decided to have kids.

Spencer and I were in a really good place as well. Luckily nothing horrible had happened to force us to work on our internalizing vs sharing our issues problem, but we worked at it every day by being more open with the general frustrations we had in life. Even if they seemed trivial, I would tell him if I had a snotty student who got on my nerves or couldn't master a certain pose like I was trying to and he would tell me if he was annoyed by how things went down when they were solving a case or if he was struggling with any of the numerous horrible things they see every day.

We felt solid and strong and ready for anything. Which is why the little ring I had on my finger was starting to drift into my mind more often than not. I was the one who had pushed for a long engagement so we could work on our issues, but it wasn't my fault if no issues had popped up for us to really work on. I was ready to start planning a wedding. I was ready to begin the long and stressful process that ended with me being married to the love of my life.

I didn't want Spencer to think I was rushing into things though so I kept it to myself for the time being. I wasn't necessarily hiding it because I wasn't doing all that much. I just started looking up places that maybe would be nice for a wedding and doing a bit of research into what dress style I would like the most.

I was doing some of that research one day in late April, watching the show Say Yes to the Dress. It made my heart rush with excitement to see all the brides-to-be picking out their dresses and I was so wrapped up in it that I lost track of time. Usually, I turned it off and pulled out a book when I knew Spencer would be coming home, but this time I'd forgotten. I quickly reached for the remote when I heard the door open, but couldn't find it in my panic so I leapt of the couch, turning the TV off with the power button just in time for Spencer to walk in the room.

"What're you doing?" He asked, eyeing me suspiciously as I played with my hair, trying to act nonchalant.

"Nothing," I shrugged. "Just watching some TV, but the shows over now."

"So you had to launch yourself across the room to turn the TV off immediately?"

"You know how it is," I smiled. "It's easy to get sucked in when the next episode starts, I didn't want to risk it."

"It's five thirty-eight," Spencer observed, looking at his watch. "The next episode would have already started eight minutes ago or it would be thirty eight minutes in."

"I recorded it earlier," I lied, not breaking eye contact and trying to avoid all the signs that someone was lying that Spencer had taught me. "So I sped through all the commercials   
and it didn't take as long to watch."

He stared at me for moment, his disbelief written all over his face.

"Were you watching porn?" He asked after a minute of silence.

A laugh burst from my lips as I shook my head frantically, shocked that porn would be his first assumption.

"Porn? No, Spence, I wasn't watching porn," I giggled. "Why would you think that?"

"Because in a recent survey they found that 88 percent of people lie about watching pornography and only 8 percent of women will admit to watching it," He explained. "You're obviously embarrassed and trying to hide what you were watching so that would be my first guess."

"I watch porn sometimes if you're away for a long time," I shrugged. "I'm not embarrassed about it. We can watch it together some time if you'd like?"

I smiled as his cheeks grew pink at the suggestion.

"You do?" He asked. "Do you...do you... you know..."

"Masturbate?" I filled in the blank for him, watching his cheeks grow even pinker as my plan was working. I moved across the room, wrapping my arms around his neck as I nodded. "I do indeed, Dr. Reid. Don't you? You must get worked up sometimes when you're away for almost a week. I always wanted to suggest we use our phones to help each other out, but I never want to distract you when you're working."

Spencer swallowed hard as he took in this new information, which I'd honestly expected that he would have assumed was happening when we were apart for long periods of time, but he quickly regained his composure. Leaning down to the couch, he grabbed the remote an ease that infuriated me as my struggle to find it caused this whole mess in the first place.

"Speaking of distractions, I know exactly what you're doing right now," He informed me as he pressed the button and the TV came back to life. I buried my head in his chest as I heard the sounds of happy brides finding their prefect dress fill the room. "A wedding show? Why would you be embarrassed about this?"

I pulled away and peered up at Spencer again, biting my lip nervously.

"Because I want to get married."

I expected the confession to evoke several possible responses, but not the chuckle that fell from Spencer's lips with a look of confusion on his face.

"Of course you do, so do I," He informed me. "That's why we're engaged."

"I know, but I want to get married in the near future, not have a long engagement like we planned," I confessed before rushing to explain myself. "I know I said all that stuff about us working on our relationship and I still believe that it's important that we do, but I love you and I want to be your wife and I feel like we're really happy right now and being really honest with each other about our problems and I just don't want to wait anymore. I want to start planning our wedding."

Spencer stared at me for a moment before a smile slid onto his face.

"That's fine with me," He assured me causing me to relax in his arms now I knew he wouldn't be stressed or overwhelmed by the thought. "I never cared how long we were engaged really. I know we're not perfect and have things we need to improve, but the only reason I said I didn't care if we waited to actually get married was so you wouldn't think I was proposing to try and stop an argument."

"Really?" I asked, feeling a hopeful excitement rise inside me as Spencer nodded.

"I want to be with you for the rest of my life, there is no one else that I want to or will ever want to be with the way I want to be with you," He insisted, making my heart swell. "It doesn't matter to me whether we get married tomorrow or in fifteen years, that fact won't change."

I stared up at him, surprised to find that my eyes were welling up at his words. I loved him just the same as he loved me, but hearing him profess it in such a way was always lovely to hear.

"That's so sweet, Spence and I definitely feel the same," I assured him, stretching up to kiss him. "But could we maybe start planning it? And maybe get married in the fall if we can organize it in time?"

"If that's what you want, then of course," He smiled. "I have a feeling you've been planning it already?"

"Not really," I half-lied as my cheeks grew pink once again. "I just looked up some potential venues that we could check out and I've been looking online at a few dresses, but I haven't done any serious planning."

"Well I should be off this weekend provided no one decides to go on a murder spree in the next few days. Maybe we could go see some of these venues?"

I resisted the urge to squeal with joy as I pulled Spencer in for another kiss before running off to find my phone and call up the venues I'd found.

-

We set off early Sunday morning to look at the venues, Spencer driving while I rambled excitedly about the places we were going.

The first one wasn't my favourite. It was an old house in the middle of the city and I had low expectations from the start and ended up being right. It wasn't what I pictured for our big day and Spencer seemed thoroughly underwhelmed as well. My spirits stayed high though as we moved on to the next of the three places I'd picked out so far. 

The Meridian House. It was an old house, built in the 1920s for some ambassador, but from the pictures I'd seen online it seemed like a strong contender. The building it's self was beautiful and it had an old grove of linden trees outside that could potentially be a nice setting if the weather held up. We were debating taking Penelope's advice and having a Halloween wedding though so the option to have the wedding inside was a necessity as the weather at the end of October was fairly unpredictable.

As soon as we walked in, I was impressed. The style of the building was beautiful and right along the lines of what I had in mind. A lady walked across the room to greet us and I smiled and swooped in to shake her hand to save Spencer the awkwardness of avoiding her touch.

"Well first off, congratulations!" She grinned. "And welcome to the Meridian House, my name's Melanie."

"Thank you," I said as I watched Spencer look around. He already seemed more impressed than he had with the last place. "I'm Mikayla and this is Spencer."

"Nice to meet you. So, have you done any research into the property?" Our guide asked. "Are there any rooms in particular you were hoping to look at?"

"I did some research," I nodded. "The library looked really promising and the grove outside. Spencer loves to read and I do as well so I thought that would be quite fitting, but we were thinking of a Halloween time wedding so the trees outside might create a nice atmosphere."

Spencer's eyebrows rose as he listened to my thoughts, having no idea how much I'd already been looking into things. I shot him a sheepish smile and hoped he wouldn't be too annoyed that I had started so much without him.

"Alright," Melanie nodded. "Those are probably the two most popular locations we have available so we can start there."

She led us down a hallway, both of our eyes roaming all around, scoping out the vibe of the place as we walked. It seemed like a lovely building. I could feel the excitement bubbling and as we turned into the library, a grin burst onto my face.

"It's beautiful," I said softly, looking around the room to take it all in. "It's almost exactly what I had in mind. Simple and classy, but with character."

"It would make a great backdrop," Spencer nodded in agreement. "And it's not too big so the room won't look empty with the small number of friends we have to invite."

I laughed at his very true statement as Melanie smiled.

"Well if I'm being honest, the smaller weddings we host are always the nicest," She told us. "When people start inviting everyone they know and all their extended family whether they care about them or not it doesn't end well."

"I can imagine," I wrinkled my nose in distaste. "We only have a small circle of friends and both of us are from small families so the guest list won't be big and it'll only be people who really want to be there."

"Wise choice," Melanie smiled as Spencer moved to look out the window. "Out there you can see the linden grove. A popular choice is to have the ceremony out there before moving in here for the reception."

"What if we did it the other way?" Spencer suggested. "We could have the ceremony in here and have the reception outside."

"That would be so nice," I agreed, my cheeks hurting from the smile I couldn't wipe of my face as I went to look out the window with him. "We could put lights in the trees or little decorations."

"It might get a bit chilly in October out there though," Melanie warned us. "But we might be able to organize heaters around the tables or we could leave the doors open to the sunroom that leads outside so people can go inside if they get cold."

"That would be perfect," I exclaimed, feeling my heart swell at it all coming together. "I can really see us getting married here, Spence. Can you?"

He nodded eagerly, smiling at my excitement as he reached for my hand.

"It does seem perfect," He agreed. "Would it be available on Halloween this year?"

"It would be," Melanie assured us. "Mikayla gave me a heads up about the date and I checked the calendar. Spring and Summer are our busiest times, we're pretty much booked solid every weekend after next week until the end of September, but after that things are pretty open."

"Yay!" I cheered, resisting the urge to jump for joy. "Can we go look outside?"

Melanie nodded and led us outside even though both of us were pretty certain already that we'd found the perfect place.

-

We left the Meridian House with a pep in our step. I couldn't stop gushing about everything we could do with the space and even Spencer seemed excited about it, piping in with his suggestions every now and then, but still reigning me in when my ideas got a bit too out of control. 

The next and last place I'd booked for us to look at that day was a bit out of the way. It was in Baltimore, but it looked like it could be an absolutely stunning location. The George Peabody library. Spencer was already put off by the distance and time it would take to get there, but he reluctantly quieted his complaints when I insisted that it could be worth it and be the best place we'd seen all day.

And to be fair, it probably was. It was an absolutely gorgeous place and would be amazing for a wedding. I could tell by the look on Spencer's face when we walked in that he was in love, but in the end it had more negative than positive traits. 

It was far away which means either our guests would have to make sure they had a designated driver or stay in hotels in Baltimore. We wanted everyone to be able to relax and enjoy the night without dreading the long trek home, but we also didn't want everyone to have to spend money on accommodation so that definitely didn't go in it's favour.

It was also a very large space. Considering our current guest list sat at about twenty not including the plus ones, it would look a bit sad in the massive room. It also wouldn't really be worth the money. Even with our small guest list, we'd have to pay the same price as someone who had two hundred guests so it would mean spending a lot of unnecessary money.

If we hadn't seen the other place first and been so smitten with it, the library probably would have been our top choice. But having another option that checked even more of our boxes for a lower price and better location, the choice was clear.

So that evening, I called up the Meridian House and booked Spencer and I to get married on October 31st 2009 and our wedding planning officially began.


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

When Penelope called me one day in early May to say that Spencer was in the hospital, it felt like the entire world had come to a halt. Anthrax poisoning. Apparently, my lovable, but clumsy genius had been careless enough to knock over a tube of it while he was searching a lab for information about a potential unsub and exposed himself to the spores. I didn't know much about Anthrax other than what I'd seen in movies and on TV shows, but even if that was dramatized, I knew it was dangerous and deadly, but I prayed with everything in me that it was curable.

Luckily, I was at the clinic attached to the hospital myself, just coming out of a check up, when Penelope called me so it was just a short sprint down the street to get to the entrance of the hospital. She'd texted me the room number and which wing he was in when we got off the phone so, slowing my speed just enough that I didn't knock down any other patients or worried family members, I headed straight there.

I burst into the room to find Spencer sitting up, awake, but groggy as Derek sat at his bedside with a half eaten cup of jello in his hand. Seeing Spencer looking so rough, covered in tubes and wires brought tears to my eyes as I stood in the doorway, gasping and covering my mouth at the sight.

"Looks like you're engaged to superwoman, Reid," Derek told his friend as he noticed me watching them. "I swear Penelope only called her about ten minutes ago."

"I had a doctor's appointment in the clinic at the other end of the hospital so I was nearby," I explained. "But why was I only called ten minutes ago when he's obviously been here for a while?"

"We didn't want to worry you until we knew what his condition was."

Derek shrugged like it was no big deal, but I had to fight back the urge to storm across the room and smack him.

"Well next time tell me as soon as my fiance is hospitalized, please," I huffed, moving into the room and to the side of Spencer's bed. "And why were you even messing around with anthrax, Spencer? It doesn't take a genius to know that stuff is dangerous!"

"I wasn't messing around with it," He croaked out, exchanging a suspicious look with Derek. "I was at a lab trying to find information about an unsub and I accidentally knocked over some test tube samples that they had out."

"Why would they even have those out?!" I questioned, amazed by the carelessness. "It's a very dangerous substance, surely scientists would know to be more careful!"

"Don't think the scientists were expecting the FBI to show up and start digging through their lab," Derek pointed out. "Even though it would have been nice for them to give us a heads up."

"You don't say," I rolled my eyes, my words dripping with sarcasm.

My attitude drew a chuckle from Spencer, but it was quickly followed by a cough.

"It's fine, Mickey," He assured me. "It was a bad situation, but I'm fine now. It's okay."

"It's not fine," I choked out, my tears back in full force. "It's not fine that you were exposed to anthrax, it's not fine that you're in the hospital, it's not fine that you almost sacrificed your life to save the country from some stupid serial killer, none of this is fine, Spencer!"

Spencer reached out for my hand as tears streamed down my cheeks and my chest heaved as I fought back sobs, his eyes widening at my reaction.

"Mikayla, I'm fine. I'm going to be perfectly okay in just a few days. Yes, it shouldn't have happened, but it's over now and I'm going to be fine. Why are you so-" Spencer stopped himself as his eyes narrowed like he was trying to figure something out. "What's the date?"

"May 10th," Derek answered, his confusion written all over his face.

But I knew where Spencer's thoughts were heading. He was figuring it out because, of course, Spencer Reid with his eidetic memory would keep track of my menstrual cycle.

"Mikayla, why were you at the doctor today?"

Derek was looking between us, still completely dumbfounded by the shift in our conversation, but I kept my eyes on Spencer as I sniffled quietly.

"Because I'm pregnant," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt Spencer's grip tighten on my hand as Derek let out a low whistle, but when Spencer didn't comment, I started to ramble. "I just found out today, that's why I was at the clinic. I know it's not great timing with the wedding coming up and we were going to wait a while before we even thought about trying. I didn't plan it, I swear!"

I was crying again by the time I was done explaining myself and I heard Derek chuckle from the other side of the bed.

"Well it looks like the hormones have already kicked in," He teased. "I'll let you two have some alone time to talk this through."

I smiled through my tears at his very true comment as he walked out of the room.

"I don't think you planned it," Spencer assured me. "I'm just surprised. I thought you were on the pill."

"I was," I insisted, wiping my eyes. "I must've messed it up and forgotten a day or taken it late. I don't know, I'm surprised too."

"How far along are you?"

"I don't know," I confessed. "I made another appointment to get all the information next week. I was in shock and just wanted to leave and talk to you, but then Penny called as I was walking out."

"I see," Spencer nodded, obviously deep in his thoughts. "Are you...are you happy?"

I paused for a minute to think it over. I hadn't really had a chance to take any of it in since I rushed off to see Spencer as soon as I got the news, but after a moment of thought, I nodded my head.

"I am," I told him, smiling slightly as my hand that wasn't in Spencer's drifted to my stomach. "The more we talked about it, the more I've found myself wanting a baby, especially after we babysat Henry. Ideally, I would've waited until after the wedding, but it's still exciting to think about, having a little person of our own that we made together."

A grin slid onto Spencer's face as I spoke and relief flooded through me as I took it as a sign that he was pleased with the situation as well.

"We're going to have a baby," He said to me as if I hadn't just been the one to give him that information. "I'm going to be a dad."

He tugged on my hand to pull me down towards him so he could wrap his arms around me. I was tense as I felt the wires and tubes against my chest as I hugged him back which reminded me again why I was so upset by the situation I'd walked into.

"You are," I smiled, pulling away from him carefully. "That's why it's so important that you don't get hurt in the field. I know you didn't mean to poison yourself with anthrax and I know you do your best not to take unnecessary risks, but it's not just yourself or me that you have to think about now. There's going to be someone else waiting for you to come home soon and I can't do this by myself, Spencer. I only just finished being a train wreck, if you think I can raise a human being by myself then you're insane. It'll end up being one of those psychos you chase around the country if you get yourself killed and make me raise it by myself."

I was rambling again as I spiralled into the fear that was building in my chest at the thought of how close I came to losing Spencer without even being aware of it, but Spencer's chuckles pulled my out of my thoughts.

"I have no doubt that you would do just fine raising a baby by yourself," Spencer insisted. "But studies do show that having a positively involved father figure leads to a lower chance of smoking and reckless behaviour and leads to a better education and the ability to develop better friendships so I'll do my best to stick around."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," I smiled before leaning down to place a kiss on his lips. "Let's just hope this kid is a genius like it's dad and will practically raise it's self."

Spencer chuckled again, but was overcome by coughs this time so I reached for the water on the side table. He sipped it gratefully and as his coughs subsided, I could hear the familiar sound of the six inch heels Penelope loved to wear clicking on the floor of the hospital. The sound disappeared for just a moment before we heard her shriek.

"Mikayla is what?!?"

"I think Derek spilled our secret," Spencer smiled as I cringed at the sound.

"That didn't take him long," I sighed. "Does the door to your room lock by any chance?"

"I'm not sure," He smirked. "But maybe if you hide under the bed she won't see you."

"I don't think it's possible to hide from Penelope Garcia at times like this," I pointed out earning another cough inducing laugh from Spencer.

I frowned with worry and helped him sip his water once again while we waited for the chaos that was sure to come when Penny got passed Derek and into our room. Moments later, it arrived.

"Is Derek pulling my leg?" Penelope asked, staring me down. "Are you actually pregnant or is this some strange joke to try to and lighten the mood?"

"I am actually pregnant," I confirmed. "I just found out today."

"Oh my god!" Penelope gasped, a grin on her face. "And how do we feel about this? Was it planned?"

"It wasn't planned," Spencer assured her before looking up at me with a soft smile on his face. "And I think the best way to describe how we feel would be cautiously optimistic."

"That sounds about right," I smiled back at him. "With a touch of scared shitless as well of course."

"I think everyone feels that on some level, but oh my god!" She repeated, her tone much more what I was expecting. High pitched and almost beyond human hearing capabilities. "This is so exciting!"

"It is," I agreed as she hurried around the bed to pull me into a hug.

"How far along are you? When are you due? How did it happen? What are you going to do about the wedding? When are you going to tell your parents?!"

The questions came out of her mouth so fast that my head was spinning by the time she paused to take a breath, but luckily Derek stepped in.

"Baby girl, give them some time," He laughed. "Mickey only just found out and Spencer's barely recovered from almost dying. I don't think they'll have the answer to any of those questions just yet."

"We don't," I agreed. "Honestly, I'm too exhausted to think about anything else at the moment. There's been too much drama for me to handle today."

Penelope leapt into action, pushing me around the bed towards the chair Derek had been sitting in when I first came in the room.

"Sit, sit," She insisted. "Do you need anything? Water? Juice? A snack?"

"This place has some wicked jello," Derek piped up. "I could track down a nurse to get you some."

I was about to open my mouth and protest that I was fine and did not need jello, but Spencer beat me to it.

"I want jello," He whined, glaring at Derek. "You ate all mine before I was even awake."

I laughed as Penelope spun around to glare at Derek as well.

"You ate a dying man's jello?" She scolded him as I cringed at the word dying and Spencer was quick to assure everyone that he was no where near death at any point, but we were both ignored. "That's low, you scoundrel. Go find enough jello for both of them before I smack that fine booty of yours for misbehaving."

Derek held his hands up in defence, but the smile stayed on his face.

"That wouldn't be much of a punishment, baby girl."

He shot her a quick wink before backing out of the room and heading off to find the promised jello, leaving me to deal with Penelope's questions and pestering as I wondered if I would make it through the next nine months without her driving me absolutely insane with her well intentioned fussing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware Spencer and Derek wouldn't have been able to tell Mickey what really happened and how Spencer was exposed to anthrax which is why they were vague and misleading about it. I know that's not how it really went down haha  
> But anyway, enjoy the little plot twist. Let me know your thoughts! I love all the comments, I appreciate it so much when you guys take a sec to give me some feedback or just let me know you're still reading :)


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five

Spencer luckily recovered quickly from his anthrax poisoning and was released from hospital the following day. I tried desperately to convince him to take more time off work, but he refused as I assumed he would. Luckily, they had a bit of a slow week and it was mostly paperwork so he was close to home and I could make sure he wasn't pushing himself too hard. 

We were still both a bit in shock about me being pregnant. I found myself staring at my stomach in the mirror every time I was near one as it just seemed so hard to believe that there was an actually tiny little human growing inside it. I caught Spencer looking at me quite often as well and whenever we were cuddling or curled up together in bed, his hand always rested on my lower stomach so I could tell he was trying to imagine it as well.

He left work early the following Wednesday to come to my appointment with me and we were both a mess of nervous excitement as we waited. We were going to find out how far along I was, but other than that I had no idea what to expect. Spencer practically leapt out of the chair as soon as they called my name and I smiled as I followed him down the   
hallway. 

The doctor went over the basics first, checking my heart rate and blood pressure, asking when my last period was and how I was feeling overall before leaving the room for me to change into a gown. Since I was probably quite early in the pregnancy they had to do a trans vaginal ultrasound to give a proper estimate of how far along I was and make sure things were going smoothly so far. 

I was laying on the little bed with Spencer next to me, my hand in his when the doctor came back, smiling at the eager look on our faces.

"Alright, ready to see what's going on in there?" She asked. We both nodded as she helped guide my feet into the stirrups and prepared the ultrasound wand. It was fairly uncomfortable as she slid it inside me and I was fairly underwhelmed by what popped up on the screen. "Well there it is, there's your baby!"

She seemed very confident about that fact, but I couldn't see it. The screen was mostly white with a black spot in the middle, but there didn't seem to be any baby floating around. Thankfully, when I looked over at Spencer, the look on his face led me to believe that I wasn't the only one confused.

"I don't see it," I admitted with a sigh earning a chuckle from the doctor.

"Don't worry, that's very common at this stage," She assured us before leaning in to point to a tiny little white bump on the side of the black spot. "It's just that little lump right there. You're about seven weeks along so it's still very tiny."

Spencer perked up at this news.

"It should be about 4-7 millimetres big then," He informed us. "It should already have a circulatory system, it's nervous system is developing and there's the potential that we could be able to hear it's heartbeat, but it's not alarming if we can't just yet."

He rattled off his facts to the surprise of the doctor, but I just smiled and squeezed his hand.

"He's a genius with an eidetic memory," I explained as Spencer's cheeks grew a tad pink. "I'd be more surprised if he couldn't tell us everything about how it should be developing."

"Can we hear it's heartbeat?"

The eagerness in Spencer's voice made my own heart skip a beat as the doctor nodded.

"It's registering on the ultrasound so if I just..." She trailed off while she adjusted some things and pressed a few buttons before the little thud of it's heartbeat filled the room. "It's faint because it's still weak, but it's there and it's healthy."

I felt tears spring to my eyes at the sound and suddenly it felt real. There was a baby growing inside me. A baby that was half of me and half of Spencer all mixed up together. A baby that would be so smart and cute and so loved. I was overwhelmed with emotion, but didn't realize I was crying until I felt Spencer wiping away a tear from my cheek. As I looked over I could tell his eyes were glossy too and I squeezed his hand.

After letting us listen to the heartbeat for a few more moments, the doctor printed us a picture of the ultrasound before removing it and letting my put my legs back down. She confirmed once again that everything looked fine and gave me a list of vitamins to look into before leaving us so I could change and we could leave.

It wasn't until we got outside that Spencer stopped walking and pulled me into his arms.

"We have a baby," He mumbled into my hair. "We're actually going to have a baby."

"We are," I grinned into his chest. "It's gonna be the best, most loved little person in the world."

"It will be," He agreed, pulling away to place a soft kiss on my lips before grabbing my hand and moving to walk beside me again. "So what are we going to do about the wedding?"

I thought about it for a minute before shrugging.

"Still have it?"

"But you'll be about seven months pregnant by then," He reminded me. "Does that not bother you?"

"Not really," I shook my head. "I'm sure I can find a dress that'll look nice with a baby bump. Would it bother you?"

"No, absolutely not," Spencer rushed to assure me. "You'll look beautiful no matter what, as long as you're comfortable with it then I don't care."

"Perfect," I smiled. "Then we'll go ahead as planned."

"As long as you don't let yourself stress about it," Spencer warned me. "Stress increases the risk of premature birth and the risk of the baby having a low birth weight which can   
cause major health problems."

"I promise I won't stress."

He nodded at my assurance and I couldn't help, but smile, knowing I would have to get used to his random facts every step of the way throughout my pregnancy.

"Have you told your parents yet?"

"No," I cringed at his question. "I'm not sure how they'll feel about it yet. I'm assuming they'll just be happy since we're already engaged, but it can be hard to tell with them these days. Have you told your mom?"

"No," He shook his head. "I'll write to her once you're past the three month mark and the risk of miscarriage drops significantly. I know nothing will happen, but if she gets excited and something does happen, I don't know if she would be able to handle that."

He had a very good point. The risk for miscarriage is far higher in the first three months than it is for the rest of the pregnancy and if we told everyone now and something happened, telling them the bad news would make the whole situation a lot worse.

"Have you told the rest of your team?" I asked, relieved when he shook his head. "Maybe we shouldn't? And we can tell Derek and Penelope to keep it to themselves just for a bit longer."

"If that's what you want," Spencer nodded. "It might kill Penelope, but it would be the safest choice."

"If she spills the beans, it's not the end of the world," I smiled. "It just might be nice to keep it quiet for a while."

Spencer agreed and once we got home, we called Derek and Penny and swore them to secrecy.

-

You would think that keeping a pregnancy secret for two more months wouldn't be a super difficult task, but as with everything in our lives, it didn't go to plan. Less than a week after we'd been to the doctors, I got another call from my lovely best friend informing me that my fiance was in the hospital.

I instantly flew into a panic, but my worry turned to anger when Penelope informed me that Spencer was not in grave danger this time, but had been shot in the leg. I quickly organized for one of the other teachers to cover my classes for the afternoon before making my way to the hospital and storming into his room. I paused for a moment, taking in the sight of him once again in a hospital bed. There were less tubes and wires this time, but his leg was propped up on a pillow and bandaged. He seemed to be in good spirit's though so I didn't feel nearly as much pity as I did for him the first time.

"What were you thinking?!" I snapped, drawing the attention of the four team members that were in the room. "Two weeks ago, you assured me you wouldn't take any unnecessary risks at work yet here we are again, in a hospital, because you've been shot!"

"Hey, hey, whoa, Mikayla, calm down," Derek said, coming over to put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, but I instantly pulled away.

"I'm not going to calm down!" I informed him. "What if the guy had better aim, Spencer? He could have killed you!"

"He wasn't even aiming at me," Spencer said, the pain he was in obviously preventing him from thinking clearly as he wasn't making things any better for himself. "He was aiming at someone we were protecting and I pushed him out of the way."

My jaw clenched as I fought back angry tears.

"Seriously?! Are you fucking insane?!"

"It's my job, Mickey," He reminded me. "And once again, I'm fine."

"I know it's your job, but it's also going to be your job to-" I was going to say 'be a father', but I stopped myself as three of the four other people in the room didn't know our news. "You just have other jobs too, okay? Jobs you need to be around to do!"

"I know," Spencer nodded, staying calm despite my hysteria and aggressive tone. "I'm sorry. I should've been more careful, but I'll be on crutches for a while now so that should keep me out of trouble."

"Good," I sighed, crossing my arms. I was still annoyed even if I could feel my concern creeping back in. "Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"Yes it hurts," He nodded. "But yes, I'm okay. The bullet went straight through so it did minimal damage."

I opened my mouth to protest his definition of 'minimal damage', but Emily cut me off.

"Now that you're here to keep Spencer company, we're just going to go see how Hotch is doing."

I nodded my head to let them know that was fine until I realized that I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Hotch? Where's Hotch? Why would he not be doing just fine?"

They all shared a look before Derek explained the situation to me.

"He was attacked by an unsub who got away from us a few months ago," He explained. "He was stabbed multiple times and we think he's targeting Haley and Jack so they're going to be put in protective custody."

His voice stayed calm like what he was saying was no big deal, but I felt my heart rate skyrocket with every word he said.

"Oh my god," I gasped, bringing my hands up to rub my temples. "That's so horrible. Poor Hotch and Haley and, oh god, Jack must be so confused. I can't...I can't..."

I trailed off as I suddenly found it incredibly difficult to breathe. I felt dizzy and disoriented and like the room was closing in on me and there was no oxygen left. The harder I fought it, the worst the feeling got. I vaguely heard Spencer snap at Derek for upsetting me, but couldn't focus on anything until I realized JJ was leading me to a chair.

"Take slow, deep breaths," She advised me. "You're having a panic attack, Mickey, but you're going to be fine. Just follow me."

She held my hands as she took a deep breath in before slowly letting it out and I fought to control my breathing until everything started to settle back to normal.

"Everyone's going to be fine," Rossi assured me, looking shocked by my reaction as JJ continued to help me focus on my breathing and Emily rubbed my back. "It's not the ideal situation, but everyone is alive and recovering and that's what's important."

"I know," I nodded, feeling Spencer's eyes boring into me from across the room. "It's just all very overwhelming."

And then I was crying. Not just a few tears, cute and sweet. No, I was full on sobbing out of no where. I saw JJ and Emily exchange a look through my tears and I could feel the judgement even as they were trying to calm me down and assure me it was okay. Spencer could obviously sense it as well as his voice cut through my sobs.

"She's pregnant," He told them all. "That's why her reaction is so irrational right now, her hormones are completely out of whack."

"I'm not being irrational," I whined, wiping my eyes. "You got shot, your boss almost got killed and his family have to go into protective custody so they don't get killed. The fact that you're not all crying too is irrational!"

"Congratulations!" The team cheered as JJ popped up from where she was crouched in front of me to give me a hug and Emily squeezed my shoulders.

"It's nice to get some good news on a day like today," Rossi smiled. "When did you find out?"

"About a week and a half ago," I sniffled. "The day Spencer almost died from anthrax poisoning and promised me he'd try to be more careful."

"I didn't almost die," He rolled his eyes. "And I did try, it just didn't work out."

I glared at him half-heartedly as more questions came our way.

"How far along are you?" Emily asked. "And, wait a minute, why were you not surprised, Morgan?"

"I was present for her first hormonal break down," Derek smirked. "When she practically screamed the news at poor, dying Reid."

"I didn't scream it at him," I insisted as Spencer protested once again that he hadn't been anywhere close to death. "And I wouldn't have so many breakdowns if my fiance wasn't in hospital every other week!"

"Well good news for you then," A doctor announced, walking into the room. "Dr. Reid won't be able to fly for at least a few months and he'll be on crutches so that should limit the danger he can get into."

"Have you met this team?" I asked, sceptically. "They could get themselves into dangerous situations if you locked them all up in padded rooms.

There were chuckles throughout the room, but no one denied it.

"We really should go check on Hotch," JJ reminded everyone as the doctor moved over to check out Spencer's knee. "But congratulations, you two. We'll have to get dinner soon to celebrate."

I nodded and forced a smile before the team left us with the doctor. He finished checking him over and assured me that he would be completely fine before offering Spencer some painkillers which he firmly refused and leaving us alone.

I sat in the chair, staring Spencer down with my arms crossed over my chest in a huff. He watched me for a minute, a pout on his face, before he spoke.

"Why're you sitting all the way over there?"

"Because I had a panic attack and this is where JJ put me," I said plainly as if he hadn't seen the whole thing.

He sighed and moved over slightly, groaning in pain as he did so before patting the bed next to him.

"Come up here, please," He requested, his eyes looking too sad for me to refuse. "I could use a cuddle."

"And I could use a baby daddy that doesn't get himself shot," I grumbled as I reluctantly did as he asked. He put his arm around my shoulders as soon as I was on the bed and pulled me in tight. "Are you alright? For real? Why are you refusing painkillers?"

"I don't want to touch any narcotics," He informed me. "It's too soon, too much of a risk. I have too much to lose if I go down that path again."

"But you must be in a lot of pain," I frowned. "Surely a little bit wouldn't be too risky..."

"Anything is risky," He insisted. "Even the tiniest amount will kickstart the cravings and the pain isn't too bad. It's manageable if I don't think about it too much."

"Well we can discuss how I'm still mad at you to take your mind off it," I offered, resting my head on his shoulder. "Because I am still annoyed even if I love you too much to be mean to you when you're in this state."

"Being mad at me is bad for the baby," Spencer lied. "It knows that I'm it's father and wants us to get along."

I rolled my eyes at his false information, but a smile slid onto my face.

"That's so not true," I argued. "It's mad at you too because you're stressing me out."

"I don't think so," Spencer insisted. "I'm the doctor here, I know what I'm talking about."

Despite my general grumpy attitude, I couldn't help the giggle that fell from my lips.

"Shut up," I mumbled, swatting his chest playfully. "You're not that kind of doctor, you can't fool me."

"I read every book available about pregnancy when JJ was pregnant in case anything happened when we were out in the field," He reminded me. "So I know what I'm talking about."

"Of course you do," I rolled my eyes again before stretching up to kiss him softly. "Just try to be careful, _please_. It scares me so badly getting phone calls that you're in the hospital and seeing you like this, it makes me think of what could happen to you and it terrifies me."

"I know," He frowned, squeezing me close to him again. "I'm sorry. I promise I will be more careful from now on."

"You better be," I sighed. "I love you, Spencer. I can't stand the thought of you being hurt."

"I love you too," He said, kissing the side of my head. "And at least you're stuck with me for the next few months while I can't travel. No more weeks apart for a bit."

"That's true," I hummed. "But I'd still prefer if you didn't get shot."

Spencer chuckled at my comment before reaching over to rub my stomach with his hand that wasn't around my shoulders.

"How're you feeling?" He asked. "I'm sorry for stressing you out. I know you're supposed to avoid that as much as possible."

"I'm fine," I assured him. "Don't know where that panic attack came from though, I haven't had one in a long time. But I'm doing okay, we're doing okay. I haven't had any morning   
sickness so far and my energy levels are still up so I can't complain too much."

"You can complain whenever you need to," He assured me. "But I'm glad you're feeling okay."

I smiled and curled into Spencer's side, feeling emotionally drained from everything that happened in the last hour. We stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon, talking and planning and dozing together. His team floated in and out, but I stayed curled up by his side until they discharged him late that evening with strict instructions for him to stay off his leg completely and keep it elevated constantly for at least the next week. He groaned in protest at their rules, but with a stern look from me and a reminder about how bad stress was for me at the moment, he reluctantly agreed to do as he was told and we were sent on our way. 


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six

Things weren't so easy after that. Almost as if I'd tempted fate by saying it hadn't started yet, my morning sickness began the day after Spencer was released from hospital. And I finally understood why mothers would always joke about how it should be called 'all day sickness' because it popped up with no consistency at any time of day. I could barely keep any food down. Either I had no appetite and was nauseous or I was staving and ready for a feast just for it all to come back up shortly after I ate it. I was miserable and uncomfortable and I wasn't the only one.

Spencer was having his own issues too. His leg was painful, but healing. His frustrations mostly stemmed from his lack of mobility on crutches and from being benched and unable to travel with his team. Of course, he helped as much as he could from the office, but he wanted to be in the action and helping to his full potential.

We were both moody and fed up, but we leaned on each other. Whereas not too long ago we would've been sulky and withdrawn, we didn't do that this time. When I was feeling unwell and frustrated that I couldn't eat even though I knew how important it was, I vented to Spencer about it and he would listen and comfort me usually before making a big pot of mint tea to help soothe my stomach. And when Spencer was cut out of the action and left hanging while his team saved the day, he would rant and rave about how he should be there with them and I would assure him that he'd be back out there soon and offered to show him some yoga exercises to speed up the healing process and help him build strength in his knee again.

We were finally acting like a team. There were no secrets being held in until it burst out in the form of an argument. We aired our frustrations when they popped up like responsible adults and received nothing, but love and support in response.

Which was why I was surprised to find Spencer up late one night, sitting alone in the living room in the dark, staring at his laptop. I'd woken up feeling horribly nauseous and spotted him on the way to get some water.

"Hey," I said softly, trying not to startle him. "What're you looking at?"

"Just doing some research," He informed me, his voice rough from tiredness. "Are you okay?"

"Just feeling sick again as usual," I sighed. "But it'll pass. What are you researching?"

He tensed up slightly, but reluctantly angled the screen towards me. I blinked as my eyes tried to adjust to the sudden bright light, but I could see the title clearly enough.  **Is schizophrenia a genetic disorder?**

****

"I know the answer," He informed me. "I know that it is, but I can't stop thinking about it, worrying about it. I don't want to be responsible for giving that to our child."

"But you don't have it to give," I reminded him. "I'd maybe be a bit worried if you were showing any signs, but you're not."

"I know," He nodded, but he didn't look convinced. "I just know that it's a possibility and it scares me."

I glanced at the screen, skimming the article in my half asleep state until something popped out at me.

"Well look, it says right here that the chance of developing it just because a grandparent has it is only 3%," I pointed out. "That's so low. Our baby probably has a higher chance of being kidnapped or murdered or getting cancer than getting schizophrenia because of you."

Spencer cracked a small smile at my words.

"That's a dark way to comfort me," He chuckled, pulling me closer to him. "But you are right. 3% is a pretty low risk. I just know how horrible it can be. I don't want that for them."

"And I don't want them to get raped and stalked, but we can't let our life experiences sway how we raise it," I said, reaching up to play with his hair. "Every parent must have the same problem, but we can't project our fears on to it or it'll be like a self fulfilling prophecy or whatever it's called."

"When did you get so wise?" Spencer smiled, leaning into my touch for a moment before shutting the laptop. "We should go to bed, do you need anything for your stomach?"

I pondered his offer for a minute before shaking my head.

"No, I think it's passed now."

Spencer nodded and placed a soft kiss on my lips before standing with his weight on his good leg and holding out a hand to help me off the couch.

-

Thankfully, my morning sickness stopped after a few weeks. I was warned it could continue until the end of the firs trimester, but it seemed to hit me hard, but was out of my system fast. It did leave me with some catching up to do though. I was very underweight for what I should have been, but with my appetite back in full force, I was happy to stuff my face until the weight was back.

Spencer was not as pleased about my food choices though. McDonalds was high on the menu, followed by Dominoes and I had a carton of ice cream in my hand almost every moment of the day. He rattled of facts about the importance of healthy eating during pregnancy and I responded with facts about food cravings and the importance of low stress levels. I did keep his words in mind though as I knew that I did get to get our baby some nutrients and vitamins so as soon as my weight was back to where it should be and my excuse for eating four hamburgers a day was gone, I tried to eat better. I still indulged more than I had when I was not pregnant, but I did make an effort to include some veggies and fruits more often than not.

Time was flying by though and before we even knew it, it was the end of July and I was 16 weeks and heading into my fourth month. Our baby was the size of an avocado, according to Spencer and perfectly healthy, according to our doctor. I was doing well for the most part. My back was starting to ache a bit more than usual and I'd definitely noticed a change in the size of my boobs, but there was no sign of a bump or any signs of movement.

Now that I was past the first trimester and everything was healthy and how it should be, we decided it was time to tell our parents.

I called mine first and told them the news and they were fairly relaxed about it. I'd half expecting them to freak out and scold me for getting knocked up, but they were actually excited. It was a relief not to have yet another argument about my life with them and it was actually nice to have a real conversation with my mother as she asked about how I was feeling and gave me some advice on how to minimize the discomfort that comes with carrying a baby for nine months.  
Just as I got off the phone, Spencer was folding up a letter and putting it in an envelope.

"What's that?" I asked with a feeling that I already knew the answer.

"My letter to my mom, telling her about the baby," He confirmed my suspicions. "Would you like to read it first?"

"Spence, I don't think news like this is something that should be shared in a letter," I said gently, not wanting to offend him. "It's a big deal, maybe she'd like to hear it from you directly."

"I always tell her my news in letters," Spencer informed me, his confusion written on his face. "I'm still not cleared to fly so I can't go and see her in person."

"We could call her?"

"She doesn't like talking on the phone," Spencer protested. "She thinks people are listening."

"I know," I nodded. "But maybe if she's having a good day, it would be okay? I just think this is something she might want to hear you tell her."

Spencer sighed, still very unsure of my idea.

"I'll call her doctor and see what he says."

I waited patiently as Spencer sat next to me, tapping his leg anxiously as he spoke to his mother's doctor, but when visibly relaxed after a few minutes, I knew he'd been given permission.

"Spencer? Is everything okay?"

He put the phone on speaker so his mother's worried voice filled the room.

"Yes, mom," He assured her, smiling softly at the sound of her voice. "I just have some news I wanted to share with you."

"News? You couldn't have written me a letter like you usually do? You know I don't like talking on the phone, Spencer," Her tone was harsh and her anxiety was clear as Spencer gave me a look that screamed 'I told you so'. "You never know who's listening..."

"No one's listening," He assured her. "Well, except Mikayla. She's here too."

"Oh, hello Mikayla," Diana greeted me, her tone softening slightly. "How are you, dear?"

"I'm doing well, thanks," I smiled. "How're you?"

"I'm as good as expected," She informed us. "But anyway, what's this news that's too important to put in a letter?"

"Mikayla's pregnant," Spencer blurted out. "We're having a baby. You're going to be a grandmother."

"Oh!" She gasped, her anxiety seemingly forgotten. "Oh, Spencer, that's wonderful!"

"It is," Spencer agreed, a soft smile on his face. "We're very excited."

"Do you know the gender?" She asked. "How far along are you, Mikayla? When are you due?" 

"I'm about 16 weeks," I answered. "I'm due just after New Years so we don't know the gender yet, but we will in a few weeks."

"What do you think it is?" Diana asked, her excitement clear in her voice. "A mother always knows."

I glanced at Spencer quickly and saw curiosity in his eyes. We hadn't talked about it yet, what we thought it might be or what we hoped it might be, but I had a gut feeling that I couldn't ignore.

"I think it's a girl," I confessed. "I have no evidence to support that theory, but I think it's a girl."

"A mother always knows," Diana repeated. "A girl would be lovely!"

Spencer looked terrified by the thought causing me to giggle as Diana asked more questions about my health before a doctor must've told her it was time to get off the phone. She asked for a few more minutes before turning her attention back to us, her tone more anxious than before.

"Is everything still the same for the wedding?" She asked. "Are you still going to pick me up?"

"Of course," Spencer nodded. "I'll drive down and get you a few days before so you don't have to fly and you'll stay with us that weekend before I drive you home again afterwards."

"Perfect," She sighed with relief. "I know it's a hassle, but you know I'm just terrified of flying."

"It's not a hassle, mom," Spencer assured her. "It's a happy occasion, we want everyone to be able to enjoy themselves, including you."

"I can't wait," She told us before quickly saying her goodbyes and hanging up.

"She's really happy," Spencer smiled, leaning back against the couch and putting his arm around my shoulders as I absentmindedly rubbed my still fairly flat belly. "You were right to make me call her."

"I just thought it would be nice for you to hear her reaction," I told him, snuggling into his side. "But why did you look so terrified when I said I think we're having a girl."

"Women are statistically more likely to be killed by a serial killer or just murdered in general," He informed me before sighing. "And I also just wouldn't have any idea how to raise a little girl."

I smiled at that information, my mind suddenly filled with images of Spencer with a little girl, our little girl, in his arms.

"Well I have no idea how to raise a little girl or boy so I'll think you'll do just fine," I assured him. "A little girl would be nice though. She'd keep you on your toes."

"As long as it's healthy and happy then I don't care what gender it is," He said, reaching over to put his hand on top of mine. "I'm just glad I get to raise it with you."

"Awwwe," I cooed before stretching up to kiss his cheek. "I'm glad about that too. We'll be a good team."

Spencer nodded in agreement as we spent the rest of the evening curled up together, thinking about our future and all the exciting changes that were coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry folks. I've had this chapter written for a week, but my life stress levels are through the roof right now. Got bad news after bad news this week and I'm feeling super lost and sad so I don't think I'll be posting again for a while. Hopefully things will turn around soon and I can be back with more. I still have loads of ideas and I do love this story very much.


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